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To keep a baby conceived during a short fling?

(157 Posts)
cabalenica Thu 21-Feb-19 17:34:24

Namechanged for obvious reasons, although I've only posted a few times before anyway.

I'm 36 and very much want to have children, but have been single for several years.

A few months ago I met someone while visiting friends abroad (in the US) and he recently came over to the UK to visit me. We'd been texting/skyping and at the time I genuinely thought it might go somewhere. However, after 5 days in close quarters it's clear we're not very compatible - nothing major wrong with him, we just didn't click really. We did have a lot of sex over the 5 days though and I've just taken a pregnancy test and got a positive result.

In the last couple of years I've considered whether I might eventually look at sperm donors and having a baby by myself, if I didn't meet anyone; plus I don't really want to be 40 and trying to conceive my first child. On the other hand it's a huge thing to attempt by yourself. My family are lovely but live in another part of the country. I have very kind caring friends nearby but most of them don't have kids yet either, and obviously a bit of help from friends is not the same as having a partner.

He is also in his 30s and already has a daughter, who lives near him with her mum and the mum's new partner. He pays child support for her. I don't think I would want to ask him for any money if I did have the baby. (And no idea whether you can make someone pay child support if they're outside of the UK anyway)

I've actually never had so much as a pregnancy scare before so never had to think about this seriously. I don't have any moral objection to terminations, and would quickly have had an abortion if I was much much younger, but I don't want to end a pregnancy when I really want a baby, and then not have this chance again. Obviously I'd rather have a baby with someone I loved, but I'd rather have one alone than not at all... I think?

I have a pretty decent job (small company though so not great maternity benefits) and I own my flat. However, I am intimidated by the costs of childcare if I had to work and take care of a baby. Haven't got to the point of figuring out how it would work financially, yet.

I'm just looking for any thoughts, esp from anyone who has been in a similar position. Is there anything I should consider that I might not have thought of yet?

Girlsnightin Sat 23-Feb-19 08:58:58

In your shoes I'd keep it, as you'd genuinely considered a sperm doner. I can't see the logic in having a termination if you think you'd consider that route further along the line.

MissB83 Sat 23-Feb-19 08:59:17

AlaskanOilBaron it's not mythology, other people just had different experiences to you, strange as that may seem.

PalmTree101 Sat 23-Feb-19 09:04:56

@MissB83 exactly. People have different experiences so it’s completely not true to go around saying terminations are always awful and always unhappy.

This thread is bonkers. People put more thoight into getting a dog - and then get vilified if they don’t live in a house with a garden, have lots of money, work from home and have lots of support to provide good care for the dog.

Oh, but a baby? Yeah just pop one of those out. All babies need is love right???

Smotheroffive Sat 23-Feb-19 17:07:42

I don't think there are similarities between routinely leaving a dog at and a baby, that's making the thread bonkers.

There are many cruel people out there who do selfishly buy a ddog and then get all pissy when it rips their home up after they've left it home alone all day.

IM0GEN Sat 23-Feb-19 17:39:38


Have you missed the fact that the OP is already pregnant ? She’s not thinking about TTC.

LuvSmallDogs Sat 23-Feb-19 17:48:45

Keep it OP, where there’s a will there’s a way.

Even if the home you own is “unsuitable” on paper (a third floor one bed or whatever) it’s yours so you can do all the child proofing needed (which you won’t need to worry about for a while). Then you can have baby in with you, and if needs be have a sofa bed in the lounge while kiddo has the bedroom.

Lots of things like cots toys and clothes can be found cheap or even free on FB groups etc. Kids can cost a lot over the years, but it’s not like you have to pay it all in one lump sum. I’ve known settled families who had far worse starts than what you describe.

Smotheroffive Sat 23-Feb-19 17:57:31

If there's any issue over buying stuff, there are now brilliant toy lending libraries and equipment.

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