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I feel judged for living in a flat

(24 Posts)
user00000 Thu 21-Feb-19 17:05:06

Not sure if AIBU and just plain paranoid.

I'm constantly conscious of the fact I live in a flat and have a child. I feel this social expectation to be living in a proper family home (always a house) and feel a bit inferior for having a child in a flat. Feel like sometimes I get looked at like I'm bottom of the barrel of parents. Sometimes when in conversation I'll instinctively try and avoid mentioning I live in a flat and use words like 'home' or even just say house.

This sounds so unreasonable when I write it back but I just feel like people would see me as more of a good mum if I was able to get a house for my child to grow up in rather than having a toddler in a flat, IYSWIM?

AIBU To be conscious of this? Do I need to just chill out? blush

PookieDo Thu 21-Feb-19 17:12:39

Loads of people live in flats but I totally get where you are coming from!
I lived in a flat for years and felt the same although I know in reality people don’t really judge you, it’s hard not to worry about it
I hated things like having a jungle of laundry indoors all the time as no garden but you can make anywhere a lovely home, even a flat!

SlackerMum1 Thu 21-Feb-19 17:16:47

I do know what you mean. It’s a bit of a strange British thing I reckon - everyone assumes you have a flat when you’re young but then move to the suburbs and buy a house when you get married/ have kids and generally become a proper grown up. I’ve got an apartment - no intention of moving... except to a bigger apartment if we needed more space. I like it. It’s great to have all the convenience of a managed building - no worrying about the boiler/roof/ deliveries. Makes me very strange in the UK but totally normal attitude and way to live in much of the rest of the world.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Thu 21-Feb-19 17:20:57

I have a house but it’s smaller than some flats- I don’t think you should be self conscious. I do think the only positive of a house to some flats is outside space, having said that I still take my LO to the park as my garden is a slope

WarpedGalaxy Thu 21-Feb-19 17:35:25

It's very much a weird British thing, OP, never have understood the stigma. Families live in flats and condos all over Europe and the USA and no one bats an eye. The most important thing is you have provided a roof over your child's head and, as pps point out, regular trips to the park or playground gives access to the outdoors.

Tohaveandtohold Thu 21-Feb-19 17:36:52

I understand what you’re saying. We lived in a flat with our daughter till she was 5, we completed on our house the day after she turned 5 but when we were living in a flat, I was always so conscious of it. It didn’t help that we lived on the top floor and we had no outside space so whenever people visited us, they always made us feel like our daughter was missing out a lot by not having a garden. We were happy living in a flat then so was our daughter and that’s all that matters.

TeachesOfPeaches Thu 21-Feb-19 17:40:04

I live in a one bedroom flat with my 3 year old son and I'm very self-conscious he doesn't have his own bedroom. Will be worse when he starts school and will want people round.

Ithinkmycatisevil Thu 21-Feb-19 17:40:31

When my kids were small I lived in a very very pokey house. I would rather have had a well proportioned flat. The only bonus was the garden, but some flats have gardens.

I wouldn't worry about what others think so long as you're happy.

stevie69 Thu 21-Feb-19 17:45:12

Feel like sometimes I get looked at like I'm bottom of the barrel of parents

By whom?

stevie69 Thu 21-Feb-19 17:46:08

everyone assumes you have a flat when you’re young but then move to the suburbs and buy a house when you get married/ have kids and generally become a proper grown up

Not everyone. Promise.

BillThePony Thu 21-Feb-19 17:46:45

Dd was brought up in a flat (larger than a lot of houses with the same number of rooms) I never felt this way. I don't think anyone batted an eyelid tbh.

Dd now lives in a house for uni and says she feels much more secure in a flat.

WorraLiberty Thu 21-Feb-19 17:47:21

Call it an 'apartment'. They're all the rage here in London wink

BillThePony Thu 21-Feb-19 17:47:45

I still live in said flat btw, I doubt I'll ever leave as I feel so at home here

HunterHearstHelmsley Thu 21-Feb-19 17:48:00

I was always jealous of my friends that lived in flats when I was a child grin

I've never known anyone be judged for that. Could it be your own subconscious bias rather than that of others?

Singlenotsingle Thu 21-Feb-19 17:49:07

Most of the year the kids don't use the garden anyway due to the weather. Only for a few weeks in the summer.

BetsyBigNose Thu 21-Feb-19 17:50:27

I live in a 3 bedroom flat with DH, DD10 and DD11 - we love it! It's about £250 a month cheaper than any 3 bedroom houses in the area, we have a park 5 minutes walk away and a decent size balcony for all 4 of us to lie out in the sun, should we feel so inclined!

We moved here from a detached house in the middle of nowhere, so it was a big change, but judged? Nope, not a bit of it! We've had lots of friends over and no one has mentioned anything negative - I honestly wouldn't worry about it!

NorthernBirdAtHeart Thu 21-Feb-19 17:50:28

We’re a family of 4 in a large-ish garden flat in London. Even though we own it, we haven’t a hope in hell of buying a house without adding 300k on the mortgage. I’d rather stay in the flat (and ignore the smugs in houses with huge mortgages) and not be in huge debt.

NorthernBirdAtHeart Thu 21-Feb-19 17:51:02

I meant to add, don’t worry about it! x

Lyricallie Thu 21-Feb-19 17:57:17

There’s a building in the city I’m from that has gorgeous flats it’s a big old building and I love it. I’m currently living in a 2 bed house because I’m in the middle of nowhere and it’s super cheap. However if I moved back down south I’d love to get a flat (in that building lol).

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Thu 21-Feb-19 18:00:20

I live in a flat in a posh village.
I am not posh btw
Some people definitely look down on us, but most don't. Either way I don't really care.
You shouldn't care what people think.
Providing a safe home and being a loving parent are far more important than whether that home is a flat or a house.

GregoryPeckingDuck Thu 21-Feb-19 18:03:31

We live in a flat. It’s twice the size of a lot of houses (2000sqf) and a thousand times more suitable to our needs. The only shame I feel isattatched to how hopelessly messy it is blush

saxatablesalt Thu 21-Feb-19 18:03:42

Yeah I get this. DH and I in a two bed gardenless flat with our nearly three year old. The in laws in particular are shock

Cornettoninja Thu 21-Feb-19 18:06:48

All in the marketing I reckon, refer to it as your apartment smile

I’ve only lived in one flat - above shops too. It was gorgeous and massive as well as no neighbours to worry about which was a bonus! If I didn’t have pets I’d consider it now because of the money. We’ve never lived anywhere since with that kind of space...

I think this might be one of those things you’re really conscious of and no one else even thinks about it. Well maybe a few dicks might but think of that as alarm system for weeding out wankers who will only ever bore on about their new kitchen/extension/bathroom/skirting boards and aren’t happy unless their house is been ripped up to one up someone.

Stopwoofing Thu 21-Feb-19 18:07:00

Hahahaha. I moved from a house with a garden to a flat with no garden and I love it - no more guilt about the f**king gardening not being done!

You’ll find plenty to judge you, for almost any inconsequential reason if you let it.

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