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To find this habit utterly infuriating?

(58 Posts)
Lipsticktraces Thu 21-Feb-19 16:33:35

Please give me your opinions as apparently I’m BU!

DH has a habit of pretending he’s going to do the opposite of what I want/ask him to do. For example I might say “shall we get the babies ready to go out?” (We have six month old twins) and he’ll reply “No, we’ll stay in” He’ll then repeat himself a few times when I say we have to do as I’ve suggested. Or I’ll ask him if he’s getting up and he’ll say “no I’ll stay in bed” even though he knows he’s getting up.

I’ve just hit the roof after he’s done it for the sixth time today when I asked if he’s taking dog a walk (his response was “No, I’ll stay here”) He’s told me he’s only joking and I have no sense of humour. Am I wrong in thinking there’s nothing funny about what he’s doing and it’s actually incredibly passive agressive?

C1rrus Thu 21-Feb-19 16:35:07

I wonder if he finds your questioning annoying?

dudsville Thu 21-Feb-19 16:36:01

It's boring but small fry, I'd let it go and focus my efforts on more important matters.

ILoveBray Thu 21-Feb-19 16:37:45

It would get old very quickly for sure.

My husband has a habit of repeating a particular word in a strange way EVERYTIME I say it. It was funny the first time, now after the thousandth time I want to smack him.

No advice really, but I empathise. They think they're being funny. They're not.

AbbieDabbieDoo Thu 21-Feb-19 16:38:32

That would be really annoying but yeah, maybe it's the questioning that's annoying him so he's purposefully annoying you back? I have a colleague who always says, "can I ask you a question" in situations where it's really not necessary and she could just ask the bloody question. So I always say, "nah" or "don't know - can you?" instead of just asking why she's asking. I know I'm being childish and annoying...but so's she!

PomBearWithAnOFRS Thu 21-Feb-19 16:41:13

Start taking him at his word. So "do you want X for dinner?" He says no, you make dinner for you.
If he says "no we'll stay in" settle down comfortably and start reading or put a film on.
If he asks why, or what you're doing, say "ohhhhh, you were lying to me. Ok." and wait expectantly until he says what he's actually doing.

Lipsticktraces Thu 21-Feb-19 16:41:42

C1rrus Perhaps he does but the alternative would be nothing ever getting doneconfused

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Thu 21-Feb-19 16:41:48

I get you.

My husband has a habit of answering any question I ask with a yes or no but...and then basically telling me the opposite confused. So then I have to say, do you mean yes or no then?!

I have no idea why he does this. It’s very irritating though.

Lifecraft Thu 21-Feb-19 16:42:18

Just ask him to do the opposite of what you want.

"You are staying in bed?"

"You aren't taking the dog out for a walk?"

"We are going to have sex?

"You aren't doing all the housework today"

"You aren't going to let me disappear for the day whilst you have the kids?"

Holidayblues31 Thu 21-Feb-19 16:43:20

It’s like that awful sarcastic priest who assists bishop Brennan in father ted. Would drive me crackers

Lipsticktraces Thu 21-Feb-19 16:43:38

@Pombear @Lifecraft brilliant suggestionsgrin

Funkyslippers Thu 21-Feb-19 16:44:34

OP, my OH does something like that. It's very infuriating but I try not to let it get to me. Infact my OH just winds people up probably without realising he's doing it, it's his default setting.

Lipsticktraces Thu 21-Feb-19 16:44:46

@Holidayblues Oh god it is! Perhaps I need to lock DH in Father Jacks underwear hamper?

Strugglingtodomybest Thu 21-Feb-19 16:45:12

Six times already today? Yep, totally infuriating OP.

I like Lifecraft's idea!

sheldonstwin Thu 21-Feb-19 16:45:52

I think it might be a power thing, OP. My ex used to do a similar thing a lot. He would pretend that he had changed his mind about a plan we had made, or pretend that the shop was out of stock of what I wanted, or stuff like that but he would do this all the time.

In my case, I think my ex did it so then he could watch my face fall, and then watch me sigh with relief when he says he is only joking - it's a kind of mild but rubbish form of control.

TowelNumber42 Thu 21-Feb-19 16:48:03

It is annoying when people dress up a request or command as a question.

Taking the babies out. You asked him a question. He gave the "wrong" answer. You kept on about it until finally you told him that he has to do it. What have you gained? Don't do passive aggressive fake questions. Start with "We need to take the babies out now. Let's get our coats on."

Same with getting up. You were worried he would be a lazy arse and leave all the work to you. Your question was a fake question. Say "You have to get up now. I'm not doing it all on my own."

The fact that he is a lazy annoying arse is a different problem. A bigger one most likely. Still, stop with the fake/trick questions. Say what you actually want.

Lipsticktraces Thu 21-Feb-19 16:48:54

I’ve wondered if it’s a power thing but it just infuriates me and makes us argue. Where’s the pleasure for him in that?

If I wasn’t a seriously sleep deprived mother of two babies I might laugh it off more, but I am so I can’t.

ralphfromlordoftheflies Thu 21-Feb-19 16:49:32

I hate these 'jokes' which are, usually, perpetrated by a certain type of Middle Ages man. If there's an audience they glance around to make sure that everybody is suitably amused by their wit. I make sure that I stare back with cold, dead eyes.

ralphfromlordoftheflies Thu 21-Feb-19 16:49:50


cricketballs3 Thu 21-Feb-19 16:49:53

Are the questions you are asking obvious? For example DH might ask me if I'm going bed to which my answer is "no, I'm going to dig the garden over" as the answer is far too obvious to the question

ButterflyBitch Thu 21-Feb-19 16:51:37

My husband declared at the beginning of the year he would stop doing all the things that annoyed me. None of them big things. ‘Jokes’ ‘winding me up’ ‘saying something funny’ he was quite surprised by how many things I found annoying. Honestly the amount of times a joke has been repeated again and again. It’s like if I didn’t find it funny they first time then I won’t find it funny the 6th time will I?!
Anyway it quite a bit more peaceful now I dont have to constantly grit my teeth and restrain myself from knocking him out (joke)
Quite like the idea of turning it around on him,
You could try that

Lipsticktraces Thu 21-Feb-19 16:52:34

I don’t think so cricketballs. We’ll usually have discussed it earlier and agreed we’ll be doing it. So when I’m asking shall we get the babies ready it’s because we earlier agreed to take them out iyswim?

Tinty Thu 21-Feb-19 16:55:06

I hate these 'jokes' which are, usually, perpetrated by a certain type of Middle Ages man. If there's an audience they glance around to make sure that everybody is suitably amused by their wit. I make sure that I stare back with cold, dead eyes.

^ ^

And it gets old really quickly, I can assure you of that.

winsinbin Thu 21-Feb-19 16:55:46

My DH asks me blindingly obvious, unnecessary questions which drive me mad. It irritates me that he feels the need to question me about basic stuff so I often respond to as your DH does to you. If I am feeling more mature and reasonable I simply ignore them. I wonder if that’s the case here? That he’s finding your questions as irritating as you find his responses?

viccat Thu 21-Feb-19 16:56:56

I get you, my mother is like this! She used to cause so many embarrassing situations with it as well, for example she'd go up to a member of staff in a small shop and say "I wanted to make a complaint about the item I bought last week..." and as the staff member would look worried she would continue "it was simply too good, now I want to buy the same every week". Followed by fake laughter. confused

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