Advanced search

AIBU to feel so angry about EVERYONE being pregnant?

(111 Posts)
jemimafuddleduck Thu 21-Feb-19 06:57:01

Disclosure - I know IABU, but I just need a rant.

I have low ovarian reserve and have been told the chances of conceiving naturally are slim to none.

Our only option really is IVF using donor eggs.

We have had one round of IVF which failed recently and no embryos to freeze. We are now paying to go abroad which is going to cost at least £11k, possibly more if it doesn't work first time.

Aside from the financial burden, our emotions are everywhere. The only positive thing is that it's made us realise how strong we are as a couple!

And yet, it seems like every day people I know are getting pregnant at the drop of a hat.

All of my friends got pregnant on their first month off contraception. One even had 2 by accident.

One girl I know is 12 weeks. She's been on a city break recently and has been posting about "baby's first holiday" and any naughty food is "the baby wanted it".

Yesterday I found out a family member is 7 weeks. She's already put it all over social media with pictures of her "bump". SHE'S 7 WEEKS!!! This is her third. She's a benefits cheat, an anti vaxxer and is planning to refuse to engage with medical professionals as "her body knows best". 😡😡😡

How is that fair?! It feels so unjust 😭 Sorry for the rant - I just needed to put it out there.

Lottapianos Thu 21-Feb-19 07:00:40

Rant away. I hear you and feel your pain. You do feel like you hate everyone who is pregnant when you're longing for a baby yourself. And yes it seems bloody unfair when some women seem to get pregnant so easily. It hurts and it's totally shit. You're grieving and these feelings are totally normal. Cry as much as you need to and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up x

jemimafuddleduck Thu 21-Feb-19 07:13:55

Thank you @Lottapianos. I'm kind of past crying, I cried most of January 😂🤦‍♀️ I'm just into the angry stage now!

I literally know about 6 people who have all announced their pregnancies since NYE.

Everything about it's so unfair. Even silly things. Like I'm supposed to be going on a mini break with my girlfriends soon. I'll be in the IVF process at the time and won't want to drink (if I'm paying £11k I'm not letting a few drinks let it down!!). But they don't know we're trying, so yet again I'm going to have to come up with an excuse as to why I'm not drinking... 😭

Lottapianos Thu 21-Feb-19 07:16:26

'I'm just into the angry stage now! '

Again - normal and totally understandable. Rather exhausting though! It's extra gutting when people are having babies but are going to do a crappy, or downright dangerous, job of it

jemimafuddleduck Thu 21-Feb-19 07:20:49

Exactly! Clearly it's not for me to say who "deserves" to be pregnant. But most people I can deal with and be (sort of) happy for. People who post stupid things on social media, or who should really have their kids taken off them (the anti vaxxers 2 existing children have been close to being removed by SS on a number or occasions) - they're the ones I can't deal with.

AlmostAJillSandwich Thu 21-Feb-19 07:21:16

Totally normal to be sad and angry, my sympathies and best wishes the IVF works.

WonderTweek Thu 21-Feb-19 07:21:40

I know how you feel! I got pregnant quite easily but had to TFMR and after that it felt like literally everyone was getting pregnant around me and breezing through their pregnancies with perfect scans. I left social media at this point which really helped, although my sister in law still thought it was appropriate to send me her scan pictures on Whatsapp so I wouldn't "miss out". It sucks but there's not much you can do about it unfortunately. I just avoided people which probably wasn't very big or clever but I hibernated for my sanity. I really hope you get there eventually OP. Good luck! flowers

Gandalfsring Thu 21-Feb-19 07:23:08

It sucks. It took me almost 2 years ttc with a mc along the way, and I remember that gut retching feeling every time I heard a pregnancy announcement, including my best friend who was due a week after I would have been, But as hard as it is you’ve got to try and not let the bitterness consume you. I wouldn’t wish the struggle on anyone, even my worst enemy, or begrudge anyone their own pregnancy. Those ‘straight off the pill’ pregnancies are deserved just as much as your much tried for pregnancy will be, and picking apart people’s character as to whether they’re worthy or not isn’t a healthy way for you to think.

I really hope your next round of ivf works out for you x

Ohrobin Thu 21-Feb-19 07:23:49

@jemima YNBU!
I agree it's those idiots who can concieve at the drop of a hat and then not care for their child that make me most angry! And i work in that field with children who are in care or in that process. Each day I get angrier that i can't concieve! Think anger is one of the stages your entitled too!

KatnissMellark Thu 21-Feb-19 07:26:07

Gosh, it's so hard. I've been in fertility treatment in and off for 7 years. Lucky to have one live birth so far but did lose that child's twin which made the pregnancy incredibly fragile and difficult emotionally. Now newly pregnant again after round 6 of IVF and absolutely shitting it having miscarried 8 weeks ago. No one seems to understand why I'm not jumping for joy. Unless you've been through it, you just don't get it flowers

I hope everything works out for you in the end OP brewcake

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 21-Feb-19 07:33:32

I did ivf. Dd was success on the 3rd attempt. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I really think you should get off social media as it’s damaging your mental health. flowers.

I hope your pregnancy works and totally understand your reticence. flowers

BGDino Thu 21-Feb-19 07:35:29

I know what you mean. I miscarried my baby boy who I conceived with ovulation induction just before 18 weeks. Returned to work last week to be told within the first 30 minutes that 4 of my colleagues are pregnant. Sat down at my counselling session yesterday and my phone goes off with a message from a friend I haven't seen for awhile with a picture of her newborn who has the same name as my lost baby. I'm living in fear of never being able to have a baby of my own.

KatnissMellark Thu 21-Feb-19 07:35:39

Thanks @Mummyofalittledragon, love your username

Gandalfsring Thu 21-Feb-19 07:42:12

katniss wishing you all the luck in the world.
I completely understand- I never announced my pregnancy at all. Just waited for people to mention it. I mc at 12 weeks previously, and I Couldn’t say the words ‘I’m pregnant’ out loud, and even struggled writing them in case it was all taken away from me. Luckily most people understood (my mum was a bit put out but she got the reasons why I didn’t tell her)

loopylou1984 Thu 21-Feb-19 07:48:18

Completely normal, and not UR at all.

Infertility was the single most awful thing I ever went through, and, like you, everyone around me was pregnant. The overweight colleague, the friend with two beautiful girls already, the couple who only got married 3 months ago.... it's so hard to be happy for anyone, let alone people who are not doing the best for their children like the ones you mention.

Do what you need to to protect yourself.

I never told anyone when we were cycling either so had many a night where I wasn't drinking but couldn't explain. I tended to order 'vodka' and lemonade 😉

Wishing you all the luck in he world for this coming cycle.

Karigan195 Thu 21-Feb-19 07:52:11

Rant away OP. This time of year is particularly bad with all the new year drunkenness having led to ‘accidents’. I’m sorry you’re going through this and think it’s healthy to scream and rant a little 💐

Crazyeyes3 Thu 21-Feb-19 07:53:28

Infertility is really shit and unfair. I am pregnant following IVF and it’s been a tough journey but I am so so grateful that it has worked. I don’t think it’s something someone who has easily conceived can ever understand.
I really wish you the best of luck with your treatment and try and take care of yourself. Maybe better for your head to come off social media for a bit xxx

sweetsaltypopcorn Thu 21-Feb-19 07:54:25

I feel you, OP.
I'm having IVF (egg collection yesterday; waiting for call re fertilisation news.) Everyone I know or meet is pregnant, it seems.
Treated myself to a spa day a few weeks ago to help relieve my stress. Even the fucking massage therapist I was put with was pregnant.

Harveyrabbit76 Thu 21-Feb-19 07:58:48

Totally entitled to feel this way. It took me 7 years to have a baby, i was also told i had pretty much no chance as hardly any eggs. I then saw someone like kerry katona was pregnant again and i was incensed!! There is no fairness at all to fertility.

Best of luck for your next ivf. Meditation really helped me keep calm xx

maggienolia Thu 21-Feb-19 07:58:54

I feel your pain OP.
I lost my DS at 17 weeks and it was crushing to see the three women who were pregnant with me go off on maternity leave.
No way could I go to their farewell do's.
The (lovely) woman I went swimming with started complaining about her morning sickness and heartburn and couldn't understand why I nearly bit her head off.
It sucks, allow yourself to feel it as often as you need to.
(I went on to have two Dds but it was emotionally hard )

ItsBloodyFreezingg Thu 21-Feb-19 08:02:13

I'm slightly different to you OP in that I conceive okay but then miscarry at varying stages every time. Its happened over 10 times now.

I totally get the anger and upset when people are announcing pregnancies left right and centre.

It makes me think though, if the day ever comes where I get to announce that I am pregnant, there may be someone like me now looking and thinking 'shes got it so easy, why can't I' because I don't talk to anyone but DH and my family about our struggles. No one would look at me and know what we've been through to get there.

Be kind to yourself and keep posting, it helped me massively talking to others going through similar and knowing I wasn't alone when I knew of no one in real life in my situation flowers

Readytogogogo Thu 21-Feb-19 08:24:04

It's not fair at all. So sorry flowers. Would a break from social media help at all?

Shootfirstaskquestionslater Thu 21-Feb-19 08:27:35

Totally get where your coming from OP am in the same boat been trying for a year after deciding I should come off my mini pill my periods are still not right and am still not pregnant but everyone around me seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat a friend has just announced on social media that she is pregnant with her 3rd I was so devastated I just don’t understand where am going wrong.

MissB83 Thu 21-Feb-19 08:28:39

OP can you get any counselling? I'm sure your feelings are natural but it sounds like you need some help through them particularly if you still have a long way to go through the IVF process thanks

MissB83 Thu 21-Feb-19 08:29:21

Also agree with taking a break from social media, you need to find other things to focus on that won't upset you.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »