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AIBU?

To 'fib' to my friend to excuse my not drinking at her Hen Do?

107 replies

blackcoffeeinbed · 21/02/2019 00:49

So, it's my best friends hen do in 4 weeks, by which time I will be 12 weeks pregnant. Due to numerous miscarriages, the last I lost my daughter at 21 weeks, I'm wanting to keep this pregnancy to myself for as long as I possibly can.

I'm thinking of excuses I can use to avoid drinking at her Hen Do, I feel bad for lieing and ultimately when she eventually does find out she will probably click I'd made whatever I said up. I don't know yet what I'm going to say. Though I'm sure she will understand.

OP posts:

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GrumpyInsomniac · 21/02/2019 00:52

Develop a UTI just before that requires antibiotics. Tell her you'd rather go and not drink because UTIs are horrible and booze would stop them working, but it won't stop you having a good time and being there to celebrate with her.

hoge · 21/02/2019 00:52

I stopped drinking a few years back. I just told people I had stopped drinking. Could you not do that?

PikaPikaTink · 21/02/2019 00:52

I think she'll probably guess if you're a big drinker and good friends but she won't press it if she has any tact.

I really hate the way people need an excuse not to dribk. I don't want to should be enough.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/02/2019 00:54

You can claim to be on antibiotics, Google the name, that categorically cannot be taken anywhere near alcohol. I think it's for moist infections like bellybuttons and tonsils.

However... Will you be showing at all? Wl you likely have morning sickness or like me be utterly exhausted? A bit panicky about being in a busy club with all those drunk people near your stomach (OK I might have been ab it paranoid but the nightclub nearly tipped my sanity and I went home early where no drunk people were near my womb). God forbid anything did happen, would you want your friend to know to offer support? If you td her, would she keep her mouth shut?

JasperKarat · 21/02/2019 00:55

I said I was on antibiotics for a kidney infection, I'd booked to go to a cider/music festival and then find it I was pregnant. No one believed me, apparently it's the most common excuse to use, to the extent when a colleague genuinely had a kidney infection and couldn't drink because she was on anti several people asked her if she was pregnant. If she's your best friend can you not tell her, I'm sure she'll understand why you don't want it to be common knowledge.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/02/2019 00:56

Do not drink alcohol or consume foods or medicines that contain propylene glycol while you are taking metronidazole and for at least 3 days after you stop taking it.

What is metronidazole?
Metronidazole is an antibiotic that fights bacteria.

Metronidazole is used to treat bacterial infections of the vagina, stomach, liver, skin, joints, brain, and respiratory tract. Metronidazole will not treat a vaginal yeast infection.

TrixieFranklin · 21/02/2019 00:58

No one will believe you if you use the antibiotic excuse, it's too well used!
Just nurse the same drink for ages and pretend to drink it and fake top it up. Go to the bar alone and order a lemonade 'and vodka' or a coke 'and vodka' without the vodka..
Don't make a big deal about it and no one will notice.

TC07 · 21/02/2019 00:59

If she's that good of a friend why not tell her? I told my closest friends when I got pregnant with the caveat "anything could go wrong". You haven't got to tell everyone and she may help you conceal it.

I hope you have a smooth pregnancy but if she's your best friend she will be there for you no matter what.

If my best friend hid her pregnancy from me I'd be really upset as no matter what happened I'd be there for her.

Redglitter · 21/02/2019 01:01

Seriously the anti biotics excuse fools absolutely noone. A colleague of mine got married last year and a former colleague used the anti biotics excuse. Everyone played along with her but everyone knew the reason. Sure enough a few weeks later she announced she was pregnant.

If she's your best friend could you not confide in her & then she can back you up with whatever excuse you decide on.

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 21/02/2019 01:01

I tried the "I'm on anti-biotic" thing. The friends saw through me in about 30 seconds.

What I realized quite quickly afterwards was that if I wanted help or support if it all went tits up was from these people. So why was I bothering to keep it a secret from them?

I know there's a big thing about 12 weeks. And worse if you've already suffered a MC. But, actually, if you question the social norm and think abut what works for YOU.....

SleepingStandingUp · 21/02/2019 01:03

What do you normally drink? Rum and come or gin and tonic is easier to "replicate" that wine - could you just claim to be drinking but stick to soft drinks?

Redglitter · 21/02/2019 01:03

With the best will in the world finding an anti biotic which you cant mix with alcohol is pointless. All people will hear is anti biotic. Noone cares what kind it is

blackcoffeeinbed · 21/02/2019 01:07

Thanks everyone. Tbh it's not a personal thing to her not wanting to be honest, I just don't want to. I've had 4 miscarriages and every time it just gets harder to deal with and tell people, it's getting to a point where even my friend has said she doesn't understand why I keep putting myself through it, with that in mind I'd just rather keep it to myself cause I'm sure it's what most people think.

I am normally a drinker and until finding out I'm pregnant have been looking forward to having a night out and drinks. I doubt Il be showing much and can just disguise it if i need to.

I had thought of the anti biotics 'excuse' and will probably say something along those lines. She works with pharmaceuticals so would agree if I shouldn't be drinking on something.

OP posts:

blackcoffeeinbed · 21/02/2019 01:09

Sounds like the anti biotics thing may not be convincing then haha. Tbf I'm a rum and coke drinker, hadn't even thought of just drinking coke and making out I'm actually drinking?!! I could do that, il just have to say from the start I'm not in on shots cause I'm driving the next day or something...

OP posts:

Redglitter · 21/02/2019 01:15

I think the rum & coke without the rum is a much better idea. If you go with the driving next day option it also allows you to move onto soft drinks atva reasonable time too

blackcoffeeinbed · 21/02/2019 01:19

Yeah I totally agree, I'm quite excitable anyway and I'm sure once they've all had a few they won't notice that I'm not actually tipsy! Fingers crossed anyway, thank you

OP posts:

EhlanaOfElenia · 21/02/2019 01:23

If you drink rum and coke normally, just bribe the bartender to make your 'rum and cokes' plain cokes, but to serve them in the rum and coke glass. Tell him he can keep the price difference as a tip! Then if someone else gets a round, it will still be plain coke.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/02/2019 01:25

Ooh check out the virgin cocktail menu too if you go to the bar alone, some of them you really can't tell.

And alternate your alcohol with water or soft drinks so you don't get too drunk

WarpedGalaxy · 21/02/2019 01:26

Tonic without the gin, coke without the rum, if anyone buys you alcohol feign taking a sip, wander away to circulate with glass in hand, ‘accidentally’ leave it on a table or the bar. Get yourself another coke. If she’s likely to be hurt you didn’t confide in her or later asks why you didn’t tell her you were pregnant, simple, you wanted the focus to be on her and her hen party/wedding not your pregnancy.

Rtmhwales · 21/02/2019 02:12

Agree that nobody would believe the antibiotics excuse. I don't drink but when pressured I just order a coke and people assume it's rum and coke. I don't correct them.

Bombalarino · 21/02/2019 04:09

I reckon if you do go down the metronidazole route make your problem as in unglamorous as possible so as to make it more believable. So no tooth abscess, tell them you have gonorrhea...

rosablue · 21/02/2019 06:45

Could you turn it around and say that you’ve taken ‘some advice’ about getting pregnant again after all the hell you’ve been through previously and they have said no alcohol for 6 months before trying to conceive (plus throw in a few other snippets before and after like taking a vitamin tonic daily, lying with your feet raised for 30 minutes a day, spending time being mindful*, and whatever is current good advice that you follow...

Say that you’ve been talking to people that have been through similar and it worked for them, so you are determined to give it a go while you have the impetus to do so.

Waffle on about needing a long term detox of your body. Then say it’s too upsetting/painful to talk about when you’re all supposed to be there celebrating the impending nuptials and that you can discuss it all at another more appropriate time...

She doesn’t have to know that you’ve been talking to strangers on mumsnet for an excuse - and at least it’s a bit different from antibiotics.

these are all random ideas plucked from the air - have no idea how good or bad they are for trying to get pg or indeed being pg. but they’re just examples, I’m sure you have much better more current ones you could use to make it sound believable!

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Perty01234 · 21/02/2019 06:50

I’d through it out there a few days before the hen do, oh god I feel dreadful... must get myself to the docs.... then wait to see if she asks how you are etc. Then do they oh so much better thank goodness for antibiotics, blooming life saver! Means I can still come to hen do, just no drinking!! Gutted!!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/02/2019 06:51

Yeah just say TTC and told NO alcohol
Good luck

CalmdownJanet · 21/02/2019 06:52

I got through a full wedding (a small one of 30 people so everyone at the one table) and went to nightclub after and then spent the weekend with these people when I was pregnant and nobody copped I wasn't drinking, I did the coke with no vodka thing but also 7up in a wine glass and just said it was a spritzer as I loved wine but I got very drunk when I drank too much so I was spritzering to pace myself, people believe anything in a wine/cocktail glass. I couldn't believe I pulled it off, no way would that have believed antibiotics

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