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Am I too demanding

(188 Posts)
Cozynightin Wed 20-Feb-19 20:30:24

Boyf of six months . We meet once/ twice a week . We live near eachother . I would like more but he wants to take things slow . He is going away for the weekend on Friday . We met last night, Tuesday. I will not see him until next Tuesday as he said he won’t be recovered until then . Is this good enough or am I too demanding ? We are in our early thirties . He is home alone tonight and tomorrow night relaxing and will do the same
Next Sunday and Monday . Should I be concerned that he isn’t really into me ?

Imperfectsusan Thu 21-Feb-19 04:20:27

He's away for the weekend, as in not in town. He realises the weekend will be full on, and he'll be tired at the end of it. He wants Monday evening to rest and recover. Or he's an introvert and needs one evening people free.

Perfectly reasonable and rational request.

purplepears Thu 21-Feb-19 05:53:45

Honestly I think he's just not that interested in you. He should be wanting to spend time with you, take you away on the weekend, celebrate special occasions with you, etc. As well as wanting to relax and chill with you.
You are not his priority.
I really feel for you as I've been there.
My advice is either end it and keep your dignity or stop giving him options to see you. Let him contact you and ask to see you. If that fits in with your plans then see him, if not let him suggest another date.
He's hurtful in his actions towards you and you definitely deserve better. And I promise you there is someone out there who will prioritize spending time with you and be excited to see you.

swingofthings Thu 21-Feb-19 06:03:06

He either likes you enough to spend some time together but doesn't love you and want to make you the centre of his life or he considers himself too young to take a relationship into a commitment he is not ready to make.

Santaclarita Thu 21-Feb-19 06:03:33

Yeah he's not that into you or he wouldn't be happy with going weeks between seeing you. Possibly got someone else as well as a partner.

Belenus Thu 21-Feb-19 06:36:07

We're back to Maya Angelou - never make someone a priority if for them you're only an option. It sounds as if to him you're an option. I don't mean he's cheating, but he has other things he wants to do. You're not the priority, the weekend away is.

So, you need to be clear. Will this change? If not, is it what you want? If not, split up. If you're 30s, think seriously about whether you want a family, because if so it is highly unlikely to happen with this man.

Once you've really worked out what you want, talk to him. If this doesn't align, you need to move on. Agree with PP - it's not about being too demanding. It's whether or not the two of you are too different in your expectations of each other.

stayathomer Thu 21-Feb-19 06:41:27

A lot of people honestly are just content with a meet up or so during the week, from past conversation with guys this doesn't mean they're not into you, they just like space, but you do need to figure it out with him because if he likes space and you don't then it's not going to work. By the way, maybe it's a big weekend away and he does just need some him time before it

Dimsumlosesum Thu 21-Feb-19 06:43:14

He's really not all that into you op. Sorry.

Loopytiles Thu 21-Feb-19 06:44:05

Not that into you.

EmmaJR1 Thu 21-Feb-19 09:22:27

After 6 months dh and I were living together. We were in our 30s and knew we wanted a proper relationship so got on with it.

Thing is he's not wrong to want what he wants, neither are you but your wants aren't compatible are they?

Renster Thu 21-Feb-19 09:33:06

Think he sees you as a friend with benefits, rather than a gf. Sorry.
Find someone who deserves you! He doesn't.

JacquesHammer Thu 21-Feb-19 09:36:36

Neither of you are being unreasonable.

But I don't think you're compatible.

Grannypants123 Thu 21-Feb-19 09:38:50

Yea, I’d be wanting a bit more than this at the 6 month stage. I don’t think you’re being too demanding but it does sound that you both have different views of what a relationship to be like - which is fine but may be an indication that you’re not right for each other.

Does he actually see you both as being ‘boyfriend & Girlfriend’

lifebegins50 Thu 21-Feb-19 09:39:04

You are not that important to him, other people, interests are a higher priority. I would not settle for this as you are supposed to be in the honeymoon phase. I doubt you will move up his list of priorities.

Grannypants123 Thu 21-Feb-19 09:39:30

*what you want a relationship to be like

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Thu 21-Feb-19 09:41:20

I think after 6 months a relationship should be getting more serious and he should be wanting to see you more and more. It sounds like these are just excuses not to see you. If he was really into you, he'd make seeing you the priority and make the effort.

Damntheman Thu 21-Feb-19 09:42:48

He might be into you. My best friend was this way with his now wife until she put her foot down and he was VERY into her, just very used to having been single for years and having his own space.

The question is if you can cope with it or not. You're not being at all unreasonable to want more!

Grannypants123 Thu 21-Feb-19 09:43:14

@BertrandRussell

I completely agree with this. My DP (Male in his late 30’s) actually said the same thing to me when we started dating 3 years ago.

He said any guy who’s really into a girl will be desperate to see her and will always make time. If they don’t then they’re really not that interested

PBo83 Thu 21-Feb-19 10:08:42

You're not being unreasonable to want to see him more often (and to tell him so) but he's not being unreasonable either.

I have a friend who's 40(ish), he's been with his partner for around 7 years. After a year he moved in and after another year he moved back out. They're still together and he sees her a couple of days a week (normally at the weekend). They're both very happy with how it works for them.

There are no set rules on how relationships have to work but they do need to work for both of you and it sounds like you may want different things.

JacquesHammer Thu 21-Feb-19 10:15:32

He said any guy who’s really into a girl will be desperate to see her and will always make time. If they don’t then they’re really not that interested

I'm not sure about that. I think far better advice is "find someone who wants the same things you do".

I wouldn't have found anything worse at 18, 19, 20 etc (and still now infact!) to be with someone desperate to see me every waking moment. I remember going on holiday with a boyfriend aged 20, by the end of the week I was beyond over him; he on the other hand wanted to drop out of uni and proposed. Extreme, but his level of "I'm desperate to see you every day" would have been fine for some people and not for others.

BasinHaircut Thu 21-Feb-19 10:19:26

Sorry OP but this reminds me of the guy I was seeing right before I met DH. He used to keep me waiting around for him to decide when and whether he had time for me.

At the time I liked him a lot and if I’m honest was probably a bit desperate so I kept clinging on until the penny finally dropped. I waitied for him to contact me to arrange the next time we would see each other and that call just never came.

In hindsight I was just a shag and now I’m older and wiser that ‘relationship’ wouldn’t have lasted several weeks let alone several months. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit, especially if what you want is a serious relationship, as he clearly doesn’t.

My advice would be to be unavailable next Tuesday and put the ball in his court to arrange the next time you see each other. If it’s not Wednesday or Thursday then you probably have your answer.

PBo83 Thu 21-Feb-19 10:22:55

@JaquesHammer

I wouldn't have found anything worse at 18, 19, 20 etc (and still now infact!) to be with someone desperate to see me every waking moment. I remember going on holiday with a boyfriend aged 20, by the end of the week I was beyond over him

Very true, I could have been that guy you described as I was desperately 'clingy' when I was (a lot) younger and it drove some women/girls away. Luckily I chilled a bit and found a woman who wanted to see me but also appreciated time apart.

It's purely about compatibility and what you both want and not a mathematical equation (i.e. You've been together 'x' amount of time so you should see each other for 'y'% of your waking hours).

As a side note Jacques I believe we may have agreed on something twice today...I'll make a note in my diary smile

JacquesHammer Thu 21-Feb-19 10:32:23

It's purely about compatibility and what you both want and not a mathematical equation

Yup this.

I'll make a note in my diary

Steady on, it's only early smile

Parthenope Thu 21-Feb-19 10:37:51

It's purely about compatibility and what you both want and not a mathematical equation (i.e. You've been together 'x' amount of time so you should see each other for 'y'% of your waking hours).

This. Neither of you is unreasonable, but it's not working for you. Move on.

ImNotKitten Thu 21-Feb-19 10:41:11

Are you sure he sees you as boyfriend/ girlfriend? Sounds more casual than that. At 6 months you should both be really keen to see each other. I say that as an introvert who needs her own space too.

Grannypants123 Thu 21-Feb-19 10:43:33

@JacquesHammer

I wasn’t meaning that they spend every dying moment together confused not was I suggesting they see each other every day. God, that would be too much for me and my DP too! We’ve been together 3 years and still don’t see each other every day.

BUT...

We do however, see each other more than twice a week and always look forward to seeing each other when we haven’t for a day or so. We also don’t make excuses not to see each other.

My point was, if this guy was really into the OP, he would WANT to see her if he hadn’t for a few days, especially after being away, as he would have missed her. But then that’s just my opinion. I know anytime myself or DP have been away with friends we’re desperate to see each other when we return.

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