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Am I too demanding

(188 Posts)
Cozynightin Wed 20-Feb-19 20:30:24

Boyf of six months . We meet once/ twice a week . We live near eachother . I would like more but he wants to take things slow . He is going away for the weekend on Friday . We met last night, Tuesday. I will not see him until next Tuesday as he said he won’t be recovered until then . Is this good enough or am I too demanding ? We are in our early thirties . He is home alone tonight and tomorrow night relaxing and will do the same
Next Sunday and Monday . Should I be concerned that he isn’t really into me ?

Michaelbaubles Wed 20-Feb-19 20:32:39

Not too demanding, if that’s what you want from a relationship, but too demanding for him. Maybe he’s not into you, maybe he’s not really wanting a relationship at all but likes having you around, maybe he really does want to take things slowly...hard to tell without knowing his other behaviour.

I’d think though 6 months in you’d be making an effort to see the most of each other you could.

Tennesseewhiskey Wed 20-Feb-19 20:33:02

It's impossible say.

I am sure loads of people will say he isn't into you. But some people just like plenty of their own space.

However, if it's not working for you, it's not working you and you may want to think about not taking the relationship any further if you wants aren't aligned.

Jackyjill6 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:33:35

I wouldn't say you are too demanding, but your expectations are different. He certainly likes his own space.

Karigan195 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:34:48

Er I doubt he’s relaxing for both nights if he’s going away. At least one will be spent sorting overnight bags etc.....

Wearywithteens Wed 20-Feb-19 20:34:53

From what you’ve written I would assume he’s not that into you. Sorry.

Michaelbaubles Wed 20-Feb-19 20:35:39

I’ve never known a man spend more than I’ve minutes sorting out an overnight bag!

2birds1stone Wed 20-Feb-19 20:36:29

This probably won't help but when I got to my 30s I knew I wanted a proper relationship. Met my now dh. After 6 months I had moved in. However he was in the same headspace that we had been in relationships and knew what we wanted.

If you want things to go faster, see him more etc and you speak to him about it and his response is the opposite then perhaps the relationship isn't for you

Tennesseewhiskey Wed 20-Feb-19 20:38:14

Michaelbaubles wish that was true. My Dp is already planning on what to pack for our holiday in AUGUST!!!!!!!

He has started buy t-shirts and putting them in the case. Lots of conversations around wether I think this top or that top is good for abroad.

I am the one that will throw everything in last minute. Lol

Averysmallcasserole Wed 20-Feb-19 20:39:04

I’d still hope to be mad about someone at 6 months and wanting to be together. I’d ditch him

TheSandman Wed 20-Feb-19 20:42:58

Are you sure he's not married?

Cozynightin Wed 20-Feb-19 20:43:53

I would have liked to have met him tonight or tomorrow night or even when he got back on either the Sunday or Monday but he didn’t want to meet me as he would be too tired afterwards and before hand , he wanted to chill . We met last night for a few hours . He seems
Committed to us but on his terms . I’m frustrated

Cozynightin Wed 20-Feb-19 20:45:30

He’s not married . Our relationship has only really developed pace in the last month or two

Aquamarine1029 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:46:44

I would dump this one, op. Why waste more time on someone who will never change?

MsVestibule Wed 20-Feb-19 21:04:21

It's not my idea of a good relationship. I like my own space too but would expect to see a boyfriend at least 3 or 4 times, including quite a bit of the weekend.

You say it's only picked up pace in the last couple of months - what was it like before?!!

Cozynightin Wed 20-Feb-19 21:08:30

When we started to see eachother, it was summer and he was away on holidays a lot . He had a full summer socially so we rarely met .. sometimes going weeks between meeting . We have only met each others families and friends in the last number of weeks .. over Christmas . I hardly saw him over Christmas save for a few evenings for a few hours while with his family and friends. Since then, we see eachother once you bet the weekend of he is free and then once or maybe twice per week . Its a really slow burn!

smartipants Wed 20-Feb-19 21:51:23

Sounds like you want to be more of a priority to him, but he is clearly just fitting you in when he has nothing else on/can be bothered. That's all fine if you're happy with a casual relationship, but sounds like you want to move it forward. I'd be having an exploratory chat to discover if you are both anywhere near the same page!.

Nothinglefttochoose Thu 21-Feb-19 00:53:49

He’s not that into you. Sorry.

BertrandRussell Thu 21-Feb-19 00:57:44

What I say to my dd is that any man worth being with should be desperate to see you and spend time with you. At least for the first couple of years!

Justagirlwholovesaboy Thu 21-Feb-19 01:00:33

Sorry it sounds like you like him more than he likes you, you deserve better sad

SleepingStandingUp Thu 21-Feb-19 01:11:28

My friend sees her partner weekends only, so Sat to Sun and they're getting engaged and buying a house. It just works for them, they're both busy in the week, but it's been enough over theast 18 months to decide they want to get married. So it can be perfectly fine.

HOWEVER a relationship is meant to make you both happy. You aren't happy. Therefore you need to talk to him and discuss how you feel.

NunoGoncalves Thu 21-Feb-19 01:25:15

Er I doubt he’s relaxing for both nights if he’s going away. At least one will be spent sorting overnight bags etc.....

hahaha! Sorry, I'm with Michaelbauble on this one. Who spends an entire night packing a bag for a weekend away?? It would take me about 15 minutes!

OP, it's really dependent on the individual. I personally would, like you, want something more serious after 6 months in early 30s. It definitely seems like he wants a more relaxed relationship, and that's his prerogative! The two of you need to either compromise somehow, or move on to someone who wants the same things as you.

Butterymuffin Thu 21-Feb-19 01:27:51

He really isn't stretching himself to see you, is he? I would back way off on this and treat him like a very casual relationship, which is most likely what he's thinking anyway.

ReanimatedSGB Thu 21-Feb-19 01:35:40

You're keener than him. Whether he's not that fussed about you or just doesn't think that A Close Relationship is a big deal, he's not going to change, because he doesn't want to.

If this isn't what you want, move on. Otherwise, it's a matter of getting some hobbies and making sure that your life involves more than just hanging about waiting for Your Man to be free. (A mistake too many women make is thinking that having a relationship is all you need... life has so much more to offer.) But don't whine, cling, pester, lecture him about how he needs to 'grow up' or 'commitment' . He doesn't want to.

starshollow1 Thu 21-Feb-19 04:14:27

Yanbu and not too demanding at all. If it's not there by 6 months then it never will be.

By 6 months me and DH had moved into a new flat together. I figured if it wasn't going to work I'd rather know sooner than later.

Sounds like he's either not that into you or he has another partner that fills his other days. You deserve to be someone's priority, not their backup plan. Sorry OP thanks

Imperfectsusan Thu 21-Feb-19 04:20:27

He's away for the weekend, as in not in town. He realises the weekend will be full on, and he'll be tired at the end of it. He wants Monday evening to rest and recover. Or he's an introvert and needs one evening people free.

Perfectly reasonable and rational request.

purplepears Thu 21-Feb-19 05:53:45

Honestly I think he's just not that interested in you. He should be wanting to spend time with you, take you away on the weekend, celebrate special occasions with you, etc. As well as wanting to relax and chill with you.
You are not his priority.
I really feel for you as I've been there.
My advice is either end it and keep your dignity or stop giving him options to see you. Let him contact you and ask to see you. If that fits in with your plans then see him, if not let him suggest another date.
He's hurtful in his actions towards you and you definitely deserve better. And I promise you there is someone out there who will prioritize spending time with you and be excited to see you.

swingofthings Thu 21-Feb-19 06:03:06

He either likes you enough to spend some time together but doesn't love you and want to make you the centre of his life or he considers himself too young to take a relationship into a commitment he is not ready to make.

Santaclarita Thu 21-Feb-19 06:03:33

Yeah he's not that into you or he wouldn't be happy with going weeks between seeing you. Possibly got someone else as well as a partner.

Belenus Thu 21-Feb-19 06:36:07

We're back to Maya Angelou - never make someone a priority if for them you're only an option. It sounds as if to him you're an option. I don't mean he's cheating, but he has other things he wants to do. You're not the priority, the weekend away is.

So, you need to be clear. Will this change? If not, is it what you want? If not, split up. If you're 30s, think seriously about whether you want a family, because if so it is highly unlikely to happen with this man.

Once you've really worked out what you want, talk to him. If this doesn't align, you need to move on. Agree with PP - it's not about being too demanding. It's whether or not the two of you are too different in your expectations of each other.

stayathomer Thu 21-Feb-19 06:41:27

A lot of people honestly are just content with a meet up or so during the week, from past conversation with guys this doesn't mean they're not into you, they just like space, but you do need to figure it out with him because if he likes space and you don't then it's not going to work. By the way, maybe it's a big weekend away and he does just need some him time before it

Dimsumlosesum Thu 21-Feb-19 06:43:14

He's really not all that into you op. Sorry.

Loopytiles Thu 21-Feb-19 06:44:05

Not that into you.

EmmaJR1 Thu 21-Feb-19 09:22:27

After 6 months dh and I were living together. We were in our 30s and knew we wanted a proper relationship so got on with it.

Thing is he's not wrong to want what he wants, neither are you but your wants aren't compatible are they?

Renster Thu 21-Feb-19 09:33:06

Think he sees you as a friend with benefits, rather than a gf. Sorry.
Find someone who deserves you! He doesn't.

JacquesHammer Thu 21-Feb-19 09:36:36

Neither of you are being unreasonable.

But I don't think you're compatible.

Grannypants123 Thu 21-Feb-19 09:38:50

Yea, I’d be wanting a bit more than this at the 6 month stage. I don’t think you’re being too demanding but it does sound that you both have different views of what a relationship to be like - which is fine but may be an indication that you’re not right for each other.

Does he actually see you both as being ‘boyfriend & Girlfriend’

lifebegins50 Thu 21-Feb-19 09:39:04

You are not that important to him, other people, interests are a higher priority. I would not settle for this as you are supposed to be in the honeymoon phase. I doubt you will move up his list of priorities.

Grannypants123 Thu 21-Feb-19 09:39:30

*what you want a relationship to be like

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Thu 21-Feb-19 09:41:20

I think after 6 months a relationship should be getting more serious and he should be wanting to see you more and more. It sounds like these are just excuses not to see you. If he was really into you, he'd make seeing you the priority and make the effort.

Damntheman Thu 21-Feb-19 09:42:48

He might be into you. My best friend was this way with his now wife until she put her foot down and he was VERY into her, just very used to having been single for years and having his own space.

The question is if you can cope with it or not. You're not being at all unreasonable to want more!

Grannypants123 Thu 21-Feb-19 09:43:14

@BertrandRussell

I completely agree with this. My DP (Male in his late 30’s) actually said the same thing to me when we started dating 3 years ago.

He said any guy who’s really into a girl will be desperate to see her and will always make time. If they don’t then they’re really not that interested

PBo83 Thu 21-Feb-19 10:08:42

You're not being unreasonable to want to see him more often (and to tell him so) but he's not being unreasonable either.

I have a friend who's 40(ish), he's been with his partner for around 7 years. After a year he moved in and after another year he moved back out. They're still together and he sees her a couple of days a week (normally at the weekend). They're both very happy with how it works for them.

There are no set rules on how relationships have to work but they do need to work for both of you and it sounds like you may want different things.

JacquesHammer Thu 21-Feb-19 10:15:32

He said any guy who’s really into a girl will be desperate to see her and will always make time. If they don’t then they’re really not that interested

I'm not sure about that. I think far better advice is "find someone who wants the same things you do".

I wouldn't have found anything worse at 18, 19, 20 etc (and still now infact!) to be with someone desperate to see me every waking moment. I remember going on holiday with a boyfriend aged 20, by the end of the week I was beyond over him; he on the other hand wanted to drop out of uni and proposed. Extreme, but his level of "I'm desperate to see you every day" would have been fine for some people and not for others.

BasinHaircut Thu 21-Feb-19 10:19:26

Sorry OP but this reminds me of the guy I was seeing right before I met DH. He used to keep me waiting around for him to decide when and whether he had time for me.

At the time I liked him a lot and if I’m honest was probably a bit desperate so I kept clinging on until the penny finally dropped. I waitied for him to contact me to arrange the next time we would see each other and that call just never came.

In hindsight I was just a shag and now I’m older and wiser that ‘relationship’ wouldn’t have lasted several weeks let alone several months. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit, especially if what you want is a serious relationship, as he clearly doesn’t.

My advice would be to be unavailable next Tuesday and put the ball in his court to arrange the next time you see each other. If it’s not Wednesday or Thursday then you probably have your answer.

PBo83 Thu 21-Feb-19 10:22:55

@JaquesHammer

I wouldn't have found anything worse at 18, 19, 20 etc (and still now infact!) to be with someone desperate to see me every waking moment. I remember going on holiday with a boyfriend aged 20, by the end of the week I was beyond over him

Very true, I could have been that guy you described as I was desperately 'clingy' when I was (a lot) younger and it drove some women/girls away. Luckily I chilled a bit and found a woman who wanted to see me but also appreciated time apart.

It's purely about compatibility and what you both want and not a mathematical equation (i.e. You've been together 'x' amount of time so you should see each other for 'y'% of your waking hours).

As a side note Jacques I believe we may have agreed on something twice today...I'll make a note in my diary smile

JacquesHammer Thu 21-Feb-19 10:32:23

It's purely about compatibility and what you both want and not a mathematical equation

Yup this.

I'll make a note in my diary

Steady on, it's only early smile

Parthenope Thu 21-Feb-19 10:37:51

It's purely about compatibility and what you both want and not a mathematical equation (i.e. You've been together 'x' amount of time so you should see each other for 'y'% of your waking hours).

This. Neither of you is unreasonable, but it's not working for you. Move on.

ImNotKitten Thu 21-Feb-19 10:41:11

Are you sure he sees you as boyfriend/ girlfriend? Sounds more casual than that. At 6 months you should both be really keen to see each other. I say that as an introvert who needs her own space too.

Grannypants123 Thu 21-Feb-19 10:43:33

@JacquesHammer

I wasn’t meaning that they spend every dying moment together confused not was I suggesting they see each other every day. God, that would be too much for me and my DP too! We’ve been together 3 years and still don’t see each other every day.

BUT...

We do however, see each other more than twice a week and always look forward to seeing each other when we haven’t for a day or so. We also don’t make excuses not to see each other.

My point was, if this guy was really into the OP, he would WANT to see her if he hadn’t for a few days, especially after being away, as he would have missed her. But then that’s just my opinion. I know anytime myself or DP have been away with friends we’re desperate to see each other when we return.

missbattenburg Thu 21-Feb-19 10:50:21

Surely it doesn't matter if he's into you are not, if you're demanding or not?

You want a relationship where you spend more time together.

He wants a relationship where you spend this amount of time together.

Stuff like this won't change so put up or ship out. Only you can decide if it's a dealbreaker or not.

ToeToToe Thu 21-Feb-19 10:51:00

I'm afraid I think he's just not that into you.

I mean, it's fine if what you both want is a casual thing - but I remember when DH and I first got together, and we were desperate to spend as much time together as we could.

RiverTam Thu 21-Feb-19 10:52:01

I don't think it means he's not into you, just that there's a mismatch with how much time you'd like to spend together. And if you would like more then you need to say so and if he's not on for that, then knock it on the head.

Juells Thu 21-Feb-19 10:53:47

Sounds like it's fizzling out, and was never that full-on for him in the first place. I wouldn't waste any more time on him TBH.

RedFeltHeart Thu 21-Feb-19 10:55:15

It sounds reasonable to me. I like a lot of time to myself. It isn't a reflection on how I might feel about someone, but once or twice a week sounds about right to me.

Otherwise, when you are you going to see your other friends? Do hobbies? Just chill/relax?

RedFeltHeart Thu 21-Feb-19 10:59:24

He said any guy who’s really into a girl will be desperate to see her and will always make time. If they don’t then they’re really not that interested

If someone is 'desperate' to see me and will 'always make time', I wonder why they don't have more going on in their life and why they are do desperate for me to fill that gap for them.

NutElla5x Thu 21-Feb-19 11:02:17

He is either not really into you or he just really really likes his own space op. Either way this relationship is never going to work,so I would just end it now if I were you .......you never know that might even make him buck up his ideas,don't finish things hoping for that though.

JacquesHammer Thu 21-Feb-19 11:03:09

My point was, if this guy was really into the OP, he would WANT to see her if he hadn’t for a few days, especially after being away, as he would have missed her

And my point was you can’t know that.

He might be very into her, but also value and need time to himself.

As I said in my very first post, neither OP or the bloke are wrong but they may be wrong for each other.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff Thu 21-Feb-19 11:05:18

His behaviour has clearly given you pause for thought. Perhaps you need to take a step back and reconsider the relationship. Maybe he has just been really busy and the next month will give you time to see how you feel about this . If you want a quicker answer, you could always try the brutally honest "It feels like I want to spend time with you, more than you want to spend time with me? Discuss." and you if you could do this in the form of dicussing how he feels and without any ultimatiums, you both might move forward with a clearer idea of what you both want from your friendship. But you'd have to be prepared for the fact that the answer may be the start of break up proceedings. I guess without asking, its all just speculation. Not an easy decision. I wish you all the best

AryaStarkWolf Thu 21-Feb-19 11:05:42

Well he's either not that keen or he's not looking for the same thing you are (and tbf most people would like to spend more time than that with a relatively new partner)

pictish Thu 21-Feb-19 11:05:59

I agree with Redfelt there.

It could be that he’s not feeling it....OR it could be just as it says, he wants to take it slow. You’re only six months in. I’ve always been a slow burner myself.
What does your instinct say?

Cozynightin Thu 21-Feb-19 11:07:04

But he will have had a full seven days to himself!! Out of which , he could possibly see me for any amount of time during and or all of four of those days and he chose not to !

AryaStarkWolf Thu 21-Feb-19 11:07:30

Oh and to answer your question, wanting to see your BF more than once or twice a week isn't demanding imo

Cozynightin Thu 21-Feb-19 11:07:43

If he wanted to he would, it’s that simple really isn’t it 😥

JacquesHammer Thu 21-Feb-19 11:08:14

But he will have had a full seven days to himself!!

Who is he going away with?

JacquesHammer Thu 21-Feb-19 11:08:41

If he wanted to he would, it’s that simple really isn’t it

No. Why not stop making assumptions and ask him?

downcasteyes Thu 21-Feb-19 11:09:15

There's no right or wrong answer to this. Or, to put it another way, neither of you is being unreasonable. You just have different ideas about the pace of this and the amount of time you want to spend together. Personally, that level of contact would not be enough for me, and I'd be looking for someone who was prepared to invest a bit more intensively in the relationship. But that doesn't make your guy wrong - just wrong for you.

Cozynightin Thu 21-Feb-19 11:10:26

Going away on a boys weekend from friday to Sunday . I don’t feel I can say anything as he is made himself clear about his need for space and rest

user1471426142 Thu 21-Feb-19 11:10:54

It feels very slow to be honest. I’d be a bit sad that he didn’t feel like he could ‘chill’ with you 6 months in. That for me would be more of a warning sign than the number of days per week. I wouldn’t understand why you couldn’t go round and just watch tv and have a takeaway for example.

JacquesHammer Thu 21-Feb-19 11:12:20

Going away on a boys weekend from friday to Sunday

But that’s not time to himself.

Are you maybe interpreting “I need time to myself” as “I want time away from you”?

RedFeltHeart Thu 21-Feb-19 11:16:03

He might be very into her, but also value and need time to himself.

There's no way I'd want to see someone the day after a weekend a way or the night I got back. Tuesday sounds reasonable to me. I'd want time to 'recover'.

Some people don't need as much 'contact' as others for their social/emotional needs to be met.

If he wanted to he would, it’s that simple really isn’t it

Well, yes, it is. But the fact he doesn't want to isn't necessarily a reflection on how he feels about you.

I'm in a LDR. The last time I tried dating someone who lived closer to me, I was completely overwhelmed by how much time they wanted to spend with me (3 - 4 times a week). It was utterly exhausting and caused huge problems because the more he pressed to see me, the more I resisted and felt that I needed time to myself. I really liked him but it was just too much and I realised that there were things I could have been doing on that extra night or two but that weren't getting done - friends I hadn't seen; music I hadn't learnt to play; books I wasn't reading; life admin I hadn't got done...

I very much enjoy and value the time I spend with someone else but there has to be balance with the rest of your life. Now, I spend the whole weekend with the man I'm seeing every 3 weeks or so. It's perfect for both of us.

So it's not necessarily that this man isn't into you but he certainly isn't meeting your relationship needs any more than you seeing each other more often would meet his.

crimsonlake Thu 21-Feb-19 11:18:15

I agree, he does not seem that in to you and you are not high on his list of priorities. Your post seems somewhat familiar? Personally I would not be hanging around for the dregs of a relationship he is offering you, you need to value yourself more.

RedFeltHeart Thu 21-Feb-19 11:18:15

Are you maybe interpreting “I need time to myself” as “I want time away from you”?

I think a lot of people mistake the former for the latter.

pictish Thu 21-Feb-19 11:26:58

Then I’d say he has laid the ground rules for your relationship...and seeing as they don’t suit you, you might have to think about whether it’s a goer or not.

amusedbush Thu 21-Feb-19 11:27:32

If he wanted to he would, it’s that simple really isn’t it

Yes. It sounds to me like he's keeping you around for convenience/sex/until he finds something better. He is keeping his options open and he sounds quite cold.

Dump.

NameChangeNugget Thu 21-Feb-19 11:33:12

In think you need to chill out. You obviously want different things. If I were single, I’d like his approach.

Intohellbutstayingstrong Thu 21-Feb-19 11:39:08

Are you always available to him when he wants to see you? Who suggests meeting up?

Juells Thu 21-Feb-19 11:40:37

I think you'll either become accepting of hanging around waiting for the times when it suits him to see you, or you'll start feeling very needy. Neither is good, and neither is fair to you.

You want different things from the relationship, so it doesn't suit you. It's perectly OK to feel that you want more from a relationship than you're being given, we're allowed to want our needs met as well as the man's.

AryaStarkWolf Thu 21-Feb-19 11:43:05

Going away on a boys weekend from friday to Sunday . I don’t feel I can say anything as he is made himself clear about his need for space and rest

Maybe that's just the kind of guy he is. It sounds like that doesn't suit you though and that's perfectly understandable, you're not needy to want him to want to spend more time with you, I think most would especially in the early stages like you're in. I think you need to think about your own needs for a bit and not his and your needs aren't being met. So maybe you two just aren't compatible in that way?

RedFeltHeart Thu 21-Feb-19 11:49:01

This is interesting and curious to me.

For those saying he should want to see her more often, why?

What about friends and hobbies? What about personal downtime and just doing stuff for yourself?

Surely people don't meet someone and then give up all their previously important pursuits to spend all their time with someone else?

Intohellbutstayingstrong Thu 21-Feb-19 11:50:47

Surely people don't meet someone and then give up all their previously important pursuits to spend all their time with someone else?

Absolutely nobody has stated this

Intohellbutstayingstrong Thu 21-Feb-19 11:51:12

.....or implied it

RedFEltHeart Thu 21-Feb-19 11:51:28

I always wonder why people who want to spend all their time together when they first meet must be giving up on an awful lot of themselves!

How do you still maintain yourself and your own life if you suddenly spend most of your time with someone else?

RedFeltHeart Thu 21-Feb-19 11:53:24

Absolutely nobody has stated this

No, but the extra time has to come from somewhere?

My weeknights are already allocated generally. There are a couple of things I could shift around but that would still only allow me 1 or 2 nights to spend with someone else.

WH1SPERS Thu 21-Feb-19 11:58:02

You are just not compatible, this isn’t going to work for you, I’d end it.

BTW, when you say you only see him for a few hours - do you go out for a drink / meal ? Or does he just pop round to your place ?

Juells Thu 21-Feb-19 12:01:45

For those saying he should want to see her more often, why?

Because most people, early in a relationship, can't keep their hands off each other 😂

Arowana Thu 21-Feb-19 12:05:14

I'm in a relationship that started slowly. DH and I didn't see each other very frequently to begin with, and we had been together five years when we moved in together. We've been happily married for 15 years now.

So I don't agree that things have to move quickly to prove you're both keen.

However, I guess the difference was that we were in our 20s. I think if I'd been 10 years older I might have been more impatient.

AryaStarkWolf Thu 21-Feb-19 12:06:06

Because most people, early in a relationship, can't keep their hands off each other

Pretty much my logic, such a great time in a relationship too!

Arowana Thu 21-Feb-19 12:09:02

But it doesn't have to be that way. All relationship are different!

pictish Thu 21-Feb-19 12:09:27

Same here Redfelt.

I’m not single but if I was, I wouldn’t be wasting my free time waiting for a bloke to fill it. I have been single and I was fine pursuing my own interests and being busy. I’m never bored and I always have something I can do...even if it’s just reading a book. Redfelt is right...where does all this extra time and space come from if you’re not sacrificing something else?

I’m not saying OP is in the wrong here btw...I can also see her POV and I don’t think she’s being demanding, she just has different expectations from a relationship imo.

But all this stuff about making time and prioritising...maybe twice a week IS making time and prioritising to him? It was to me when I was single.

Intohellbutstayingstrong Thu 21-Feb-19 12:09:43

I always wonder why people who want to spend all their time together when they first meet must be giving up on an awful lot of themselves! How do you still maintain yourself and your own life if you suddenly spend most of your time with someone else?

Because as a r'ship develops then more of a balance develops. I would have thought that was fairly obvious.

AryaStarkWolf Thu 21-Feb-19 12:11:07

But it doesn't have to be that way. All relationship are different!

of course but clearly the OP and the B/f are on different pages here, neither is wrong but one is unhappy with the set up

Intohellbutstayingstrong Thu 21-Feb-19 12:11:45

I have been single and I was fine pursuing my own interests and being busy. I’m never bored and I always have something I can do...even if it’s just reading a book

Well good for you. hmm

chuttypicks Thu 21-Feb-19 12:15:20

He's just not that into you by the sounds of it op.

pictish Thu 21-Feb-19 12:16:09

It was. Sorry to offend you by being self-sufficient. confused

Mitzimaybe Thu 21-Feb-19 12:31:41

It sounds like you want completely different things from a relationship and that he's not likely to change. Six months in you should both be all loved up and it just doesn't sound like that.

My advice would be to be unavailable next Tuesday and put the ball in his court to arrange the next time you see each other. If it’s not Wednesday or Thursday then you probably have your answer.

This is not a bad idea. If you always jump when he says "I can manage next Tuesday" start saying "I have other plans for Tuesday" and see what happens. Don't be a doormat.

RedFeltHeart Thu 21-Feb-19 13:03:35

Because as a r'ship develops then more of a balance develops. I would have thought that was fairly obvious

Except that by then, your position in band has been filled because were busy with a man instead of making rehearsals/gigs; and you haven't seen your friends for ages and they're pissed off because you put seeing a man before your regular Wednesday night out with them; and you've got out of the habit of going to yoga and it's frustrating having to get yourself back up to speed...

Wanting to spend all your time with one person? Prioritisting them over everything else that makes you you? I just don't really get this way of thinking at all! confused

RedFeltHeart Thu 21-Feb-19 13:04:26

Sorry to offend you by being self-sufficient. confused

grin

Badcat666 Thu 21-Feb-19 13:17:48

Why do people think being in a "relationship" means spending every minute with someone?

Mr BC and I were like this for years only seeing each other at weekends or once a week as we were busy people and we need our own space but it didn't mean we loved each other any less. I would hate having to spend every moment with someone.

Even now, years down the road he goes off most weekends to do his hobbies and I do mine and we can each chill out happily by ourselves.

It works because we are very similar. It wouldn't work if Mr BC wanted to spend all his time with me because I would have snapped and had to dig a "new pond" to hide the dead body in it.

OP - If you are someone who wants to spend most of your time with someone from the get go then it isn't going to work out. Find someone who will spend all their time with you.

Intohellbutstayingstrong Thu 21-Feb-19 13:41:48

It was. Sorry to offend you by being self-sufficient

Er..... offended? Nope.

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