To think if you're kind, people take advantage?

[ElektraLOL]

I'm a spa therapist and of course the nature of the job is that we have to do a lot of massage.

One day, one of the other therapists had a very busy day with no chances to catch up so she asked me if I could take one of her massages as I had a gap and of course I said yes.

Since then she's got into a pattern of coming into work, looking at my day and hers and then trying to swap my treatments with hers so that she ends up with an 'easier' day. She now doesn't even ask me. And this has happened about 4 times since.

Last Saturday she was whining about not feeling well and an hour of her massage time was put into my column which meant that i was over my massage limit for that day and by the end of the day I had a really bad back because I've reactivated an old injury.

The GP has now had to give me a note to limit my massage time to 3 hours a day to allow my back to heal.

It just annoys me that you agree to help someone out and they start taking advantage 😡 is this common at work?

[Lightofday]

Its common from freeloading jerks yeah. You gotta start putting your foot down with her asap. These sorts don't stop taking advantage until you let them know you won't tolerate it.

[Aquamarine1029]

You can be kind without being a mug. Tell this cheeky cow to never alter your schedule again without your express permission. Problem solved.

[gamerchick]

You HAVE to put your foot down OP. People take the piss if you let them.

Move her shit back into her column and tell her it doesn't work for you. I've found people don't really know how to bat that back at you.

[Parthenope]

I don't think so, in general, not unless you let it. There's a line between collegial helping out and your colleague taking advantage -- the first time she tried to pass on her work to you, you need to say 'I helped you out as a one-off favour the other day, not as an open-ended thing.' Presumably someone else has oversight of your massage schedules?

[GregoryPeckingDuck]

Don’t be a push over anymore.

[Janethevirgo]

Yes , I agree. I think kind people have a gentler nature and find it difficult to say no or stand up for themselves.
I used to be kind, now I’m dead inside so cf no longer get away with taking advantage of my good nature

[Margot33]

You 'll have to nip it in the bud. Take your note to your manager and explain what she keeps doing. Ask the manager to speak to her. Stick a note in the book to say "not to swap any treatments with yourself, any concerns please see management".

[Luglio]

That’s not ‘kind’. That’s ‘wet’.
Big difference.

[ZenNudist]

No more swapping treatments. Tell manager. Stand firm.

[ElektraLOL]

I don't think it's fair to say I'm 'wet'. This is a new job for me and I'm trying to get on with everyone. I'm also autistic but certainly I won't be putting up with it any more.

I just feel that most reasonable people would have helped out so why did she then assume she could keep on taking advantage? I have such a busy day that I don't even have time to speak to her about it.

[mrcharlie]

Both me and my partner used to bend over backwards for everybody....The penny dropped that they were all taking the proverbial.

So we stopped and treated everybody as they treated us...unsurprisingly we've all grown apart.

Bliss

[ElektraLOL]

Clearly I need to be more assertive I guess.

[xsquared]

I agree but now that you have spotted this, just say no next time. You can be assertive and kind. People do try to exploit kindness.

[xsquared]

X post with op.

[ElektraLOL]

You live and learn I guess. This is the first time I've had a full time job since my (disabled) dd went into residential school.

[ElektraLOL]

Oh, and there isn't a book - it's a screen with booking system. I suspect that she's been going behind my back to senior therapist and telling her I agreed to this.

[ASauvignonADay]

You can be kind and assertive ☺️

[JRMisOdious]

Wouldn’t know 👹

[user1493413286]

I don’t think everyone takes advantage when you’re kind but unfortunately every so often someone does and that puts people off trying to be helpful and we end up in a circle of no one wanting to help each other

[Emeraldshamrock]

Unfortunately there are greedy selfish shits always ready to take advantage.
I like to be kind, give people the benefit, most are lovely and appreciate it. I like to be treated similar, I am always willing to help, but I won't help someone again if they take advantage.
Don't give up being kind, just be selective with it, if she changes your list again say it to her, she will be no loss to you.

[Troels]

Yes they do think you are a pushover.
I've had similar. I have no problem swapping a shift or doing an extra once in a while, but when someone mistakes my kindness for weakness I will dig in my heels.
Shocked the heck out of a few staff when I cut someone off from talking over me (gave her 3 or 4 chances to let me have my say) I spoke firmly, no shouting (my voice carries apparently) I had staff poking heads round the corner and mouths dropped. Since then the staff are well impressed with my firmness I'm told.
So dig your heels in Elektra, take a pic of your next days scheduled treatments each evening and tell her no. CF she is.

[Nothinglefttochoose]

Tell the senior therapist about it and ask the person who did it not to do it again. She’s a lazy cow.

[MorningsEleven]

She's taking the piss because you're new and she's mistaken kindness for stupidity.

[cleanasawhistle]

Sorry to hear you are being taken advantage of....shame this happens when you were being nice.

Story of my life....but have you noticed when you put a stop to things like this then you are the funny bugger.

[SandAndSea]

As it's an online system, you might be able to block out your free time so it can't be swiped. Just a thought.