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Sister not coming to my 40th

(169 Posts)
EC22 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:35:21

I’m pretty devastated. She lives abroad but is usually over 3/4 times per year, she was here for a friends engagement in November, back at Christmas and is back in the summer for a friends wedding.
My party is on Saturday, has been booked since last April and she told me on Monday she can’t afford to come. I am so upset and angry. I think I’m probably unreasonably angry as my sister is generally very selfish but I just think I’ll find this hard to forgive.

themoomoo Wed 20-Feb-19 13:36:32

yes YABU.
You're a grown up. It's a birthday. You'll have another one next year, and the year after

GruciusMalfoy Wed 20-Feb-19 13:38:29

I'd say yabu, but I don't really get why adults make a big deal about birthdays. Engagements and weddings are (hopefully) a one time thing.

Do you go abroad to see her often?

EC22 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:38:59

I won’t have another 40th though, will I? I have family coming from all over, it’s a one off and she won’t be there.

RoryLeighGilmore Wed 20-Feb-19 13:40:03

I also find it weird when adults make such a fuss over birthdays. Booking a party 10 months in advance seems crazy. I'd travel overseas for a wedding but certainly not for someone's birthday!!!

katykins85 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:40:25

40 or 4?! hmm

WendyCope Wed 20-Feb-19 13:40:46

YABVU and silly IMO.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:41:06

I can see why you’d be upset if she’d said she was coming but try not to let this ruin your birthday. You say she’s selfish so it can’t come as that much of a surprise she’s ducking?

SillyMoomin Wed 20-Feb-19 13:42:04

So... you’d like her to get into debt just because of a party?
This has got to be a reverse.

You cannot be that selfish in real life seriously?! And yes I mean you, not your sister

StitchingMoss Wed 20-Feb-19 13:42:28

I love birthdays and celebrate all mine - big ones with a party! However I wouldn’t expect people to travel from overseas to it! YABU - take it on the chin and enjoy your party with those who can make it smile.

LoveB Wed 20-Feb-19 13:42:48

Yabu

GruciusMalfoy Wed 20-Feb-19 13:43:48

Well obviously you'll only have one 40th. But there will be plenty more birthdays she may be able to afford to attend. Maybe your 50th, if you've got over this by then.

Birdie6 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:44:02

I'm in the "no big deal" camp. You're an adult - birthdays are not a big deal once you are over 18 in my book. If she can't afford to come, move on and enjoy your day with those who can come.

Geminijes Wed 20-Feb-19 13:44:22

I can understand why you're upset. To you, it's a milestone birthday and you would like your sister there to celebrate it with you. Unfortunately, your sister obviously doesn't regard it as important.

I would try not to see it as a 'snub' and enjoy your birthday and your party. Happy birthday for Saturday flowers

WendyCope Wed 20-Feb-19 13:44:40

I also think this is a reverse.

If not, you are the one that is selfish, not your sister.

CrispbuttyNo1 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:45:25

Its my 50th this weekend. A few people cant make it due to finances/childcare etc. Im not crying and devastated about it. Yabu to be so upset and thinking of not forgiving her.

seven201 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:45:59

Yabu sorry.

SpanielEars070 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:46:02

Pay for her to come then.

PristineCondition Wed 20-Feb-19 13:46:10

Well if it means so such to you pay for her flights.

GreenTulips Wed 20-Feb-19 13:46:54

Have you booked to visit her?

TopBitchoftheWitches Wed 20-Feb-19 13:47:11

Op you are being vvur.

For my 40th I had nothing except gift cards for the usual amount. No party or anything because I am a grown up.

I really doesn't matter to anyone else but you.

ErickBroch Wed 20-Feb-19 13:48:00

YABU. Financial circumstances change, and it is just a birthday really (coming from someone who always make a huge event of birthdays)

chillpizza Wed 20-Feb-19 13:50:27

It’s your birthday. It happens every year. I don’t get massive parties for adults once you’ve hit 21 it’s done with unless you hit 100 then you deserve a huge party. Your moaning like a 4yr old rather than a nearly
40yr old.

EC22 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:50:35

She stayed with me at Christmas for a week, there was not even a hint that she wouldn’t be here. I assumed her flights were booked and she was staying with me again.

I visit her every year, I have kids, she doesn’t.

EC22 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:51:45

I would have paid for her flights had she not left it so late to tell me.

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