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Unprofessional behaviour, how to address

(19 Posts)
Rainsunwindhail Wed 20-Feb-19 13:24:41

I occasionally interact with a colleague who hasn't been with the biz long but has a reputation for rudeness. My role is collaborative, as should hers be but she's combative, patronising, sarcastic and extremely rude. On a call today I was explaining a piece of work I needed from her team and she kept cutting across me and putting words into my mouth in an attempt to make out that my request was excessive and needless. Absolutely no reason for this, the piece of work relates to a simple uncontroversial and widely known business change and I was describing it succinctly. As I was clarifying my requirements, she said "ok sweetie, I understand, I will come back to you sweetheart. And I didn't even know you were joining this call, I'm so glad you did". I would not have embarrassed my other colleagues by calling this out on the call.

She's since sent an email to other colleagues setting out exactly what I've asked for (as I asked for it, not as she incorrectly repeated back on the call) with a completely professional tone. I don't have her contact details so can't call her to raise how she spoke to me and it will be a number of weeks before I'm likely to bump into her. Would you send an email in response to her follow up email to say "thanks for this, I didn't find our call helpful but this email will help take things forward. Can I ask you to not call me sweetie or sweetheart again in a work environment?"

Another colleague who's been at the receiving end of her rudeness has said they would only put that in an email if they intended to take it further. If the woman is ever rude to me again, I will take it further so feel the need to address this instance.

I'm sure people come across this level of rudeness in the work place all the time but it's really not common in the business I work in.

Thanks!

HollowTalk Wed 20-Feb-19 13:28:36

I would definitely take this further. Her calls should be monitored, tbh, and she should be told they are, too.

HavelockVetinari Wed 20-Feb-19 13:31:38

I think you ought to send her the email.

YouTheCat Wed 20-Feb-19 13:34:13

Definitely send the email. She sounds patronising. I work with someone similar. I am not the only person to have a problem with her attitude, by far. I have raised my concerns with senior colleagues, as have at least 7 other people. I have many, many more years of experience than her and I refuse to be spoken to like I am 6 and I am most definitely not her 'hun'. ffs

wowfudge Wed 20-Feb-19 13:34:16

Definitely - and just say, "Please don't call me... as it is inappropriate."

Rainsunwindhail Wed 20-Feb-19 13:35:05

Thanks all, I will send.

HavelockVetinari Thu 21-Feb-19 20:17:54

Did you get a response?

oldowlgirl Thu 21-Feb-19 20:59:21

Definitely call her out on it - don't let her get away with it.

KMSpico Fri 22-Feb-19 04:14:52

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

justilou1 Fri 22-Feb-19 04:42:17

Can't.... STAND.... people like this!!! You possibly should have asked her to not speak to you like that during that phone call. A simple "Could you please stop interrupting me, and do me the courtesy of calling me by my name, which is xxxx, instead of patronising terms of endearment which is neither professional or respectful? Thank you. Now, as I was saying....."

ittakes2 Fri 22-Feb-19 04:46:00

Don't send an email - call her. She is a colleague - you MUST be able to find a way to speak to her on the phone. Emails are rubbish for dealing with criticism - you don't have that immediate feedback from the person about how they feel about what you just said and you can't adjust the conversation to leave things on a positive note. A negative email will just come across like you are telling her off...and while you in theory have a right to - its terrible for relations and a working relationship. I think an email will make things worse. She then also has something in writing to show people - sending an email rather than having the confidence to speak to someone in person also makes you look weak because it implies you don't feel confident enough to do this in person and are hiding behind an email.

woopdewoop Fri 22-Feb-19 05:07:54

@ittakes2 this with knobs on. Call her asap - you will give her the message that you'll take swift appropriate action openly with people if there's an issue and in an appropriate manner. Her behaviour says more about her to other people, You could also discuss with your manager if you have confidential one to ones about your work and felt safe to do so, so that you've shared your actions with someone else in authority.

Feelinguilty77 Fri 22-Feb-19 05:13:47

No - you need a paper trail for if/when you take it further. Email, don't call.

Monty27 Fri 22-Feb-19 05:14:13

She sounds like a patronising sarcastic piece of work. Probably showing off to an audience as well.
I'd deal with her electronically in future stun gun and copy in appropriate colleagues.

Decormad38 Fri 22-Feb-19 05:17:40

No don’t put this in an email is my advice.

Santaclarita Fri 22-Feb-19 05:26:55

To be honest I would go above her and speak to her manager. They are in charge of her, so need to tell her how to do her job. It's unlikely she will listen to you, and you're likely to receive a call from hr saying you are bullying her. Her manager however can say it's an anonymous complaint and she'll never know who said it, but still have to change her behaviour.

redexpat Fri 22-Feb-19 05:33:10

Im not your sweetie, dont call me that. My name is Rainsun.

Nanna50 Fri 22-Feb-19 05:40:35

Email and ask for her contact details so that you can talk to her. Emails have a habit of being read in a different tone and misunderstandings can escalate quickly.

swingofthings Fri 22-Feb-19 05:52:45

She shouldn't have spoken that way, ut it sounds as if you went about it with an order as to what her team was supposed to do when you say you are supposed to work collaboratively. She tried to explain why she didn't think what you were asking needed doing and it seems you refused to listen to her views and just expected her to do as you said. She got exasperated with your commanding attitude and responded childishly although picked herself up to act professionally in writing.

It sounds like you might both have strong personalities and more of a commanding way of working than collaborative. It sounds like your managers might need to step in before you both end up tearing each other's heads off!

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