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To be irritated by people adjusting my DDs name

(273 Posts)
Blackcelebration73 Wed 20-Feb-19 04:12:20

My DD is called Megan. We call her Megan at home.
Other people seem to think it’s ok to change it to other versions:
Meg
Meggy
Megs
Her name is Megan and that is what we call her at home.
Aibu to think people should just call her by the name her parents use & not make names up?! It really bloody irritates me

TallulahBetty Wed 20-Feb-19 19:38:20

You'd hate me OP. I shorten everyone's name.

Ems, Holls, Polls, Haz, Loz.

ludothedog Wed 20-Feb-19 19:39:01

Could be worse. My Dad's name is Bethany. Her friends have shortened it to Fanny. Meg is quite nice in comparison. Anyway it's your Dd's choice not yours.

KlutzyDraconequus Wed 20-Feb-19 19:49:47

ludothedog

My Dad's name is Bethany

This really is a modern world isn't it? grin

Shitonthebloodything Wed 20-Feb-19 19:57:44

I can never understand this I shorten everyone's names and deliberately chose names that sound nice shortened. It makes me feel weird and uncomfortable when people full-name me. The only people who don't shorten my name are those who I don't know very well.

Wrongdissection Wed 20-Feb-19 20:01:55

If I ever call my kids by the names on their birth certificates they know they’re in trouble. I call them all sorts. They’re currently answering to Mary and Scooby (not even close to their given names but nicknames derived from nicknames derived from nicknames!) I think you’re being a bit precious.

areyoureallysaying Wed 20-Feb-19 20:15:03

Wrongdissection
We do the whole nickname from a nickname from a nickname thing too!
I currently Have a Scoobs and a Squash !!! My Mum calls my oldest something completely different that she just made up herself

I think I mentioned it before but I have a terrible tendency to lengthen/shorten/make up names. Its a habit that is common to my group of friends.
The kids in my class love it and are often very offended if they havent been given a new moniker !
I called one of the kids Rebecca last week (not sure where it came from we dont even have one in the class ) she now has the nickname Rebecca ??

BlueSlipperSocks Wed 20-Feb-19 20:16:36

My parents get so annoyed if anyone shortens my name (double barrelled name). They get a stern "her name is ....-.....). It's never bothered me and I prefer to be called by the shorter version, and I am when my parents are not around

My 8 year old dd has lots of friends with double barrelled first names. At nursery their parents used to always make a big thing of it whenever anyone used their first name. Now most of them go as the first name only. How many Amelias can you have in one class? 😂 There are 10 Amelias in DD's class, and 7 Lilys! Thank God I called her anything but Amelia or Lily!

I will always associate the names Amelia and Lily with my childhood friends grandparents, and that's going back a few years. I'm not getting the Amelia- Rose, Amelia-lily, Amelia-rae, Lily-Rose, Lily-Mae, Lily- whatever old fashioned name you can think of....trend.

So far nobody has shortened DD's name...but there's time. I'm sure they will use the first 3 letters
And add a z at the teenage years and once school is done she will be back using the name she was given. It's no biggie 🤷‍♀️

lotusbell Wed 20-Feb-19 21:28:54

@LoniceraJaponica, calm down Loni

WeMarchOn Wed 20-Feb-19 21:36:16

My son is Oliver but is known by everyone as Olly

Hanumantelpiece Wed 20-Feb-19 21:36:30

If the person being called by the diminutive/nickname has asked to be called that, then fine. But you can't just call someone by a nickname because you like it
I had a relative called Elspeth, and always introduced herself as such, but people, on first meeting her would shorten it to 'Else' which she hated.

newnameforthis7 Wed 20-Feb-19 21:46:59

@ludothedog

My Dad's name is Bethany...

@KlutzyDraconequus

This really is a modern world isn't it? grin

Ha ha ha ha ha!!! grin Made me LOL that did!!!

(I know the OP prob meant DD, not dad , but LOL!) grin

OP is not being unreasonable to be annoyed (about her kid's name being shortened,) but there is shag-all she can do about it.

JustOneShadeOfGrey Wed 20-Feb-19 22:36:32

If that's your worst irritation, then you really are blessed. Stop being so uptight.

My DS1 has a very unusual name (given to him by birth mum) and he just loves the normalisation of nicknames or it being shortened.

Namechange170518 Wed 20-Feb-19 22:37:50

I have a relative called Amy. Chosen because it couldn't be shortened. Her school friends called her Ames or even just A.

LeonoraFlorence Wed 20-Feb-19 22:45:06

One of my DDs is called Florence. We call her Florence or Florrie at home but at nursery it seems to be Flossie. I’m not keen but she likes it so that’s the main thing!

MorganKitten Wed 20-Feb-19 22:49:37

Does she mind? It’s her name after all.

IOnWednesdaysWeWearPinkI Wed 20-Feb-19 22:52:15

I know what you mean at day care the teachers call my child "Meals" instead of Amelia 🙄

MitziK Wed 20-Feb-19 22:53:38

you haven't experienced the full list of variants yet - prepare yourself for

Smegs
Smeggles
Meggymoo
Mig
Midge
Mugs
Emm (plus whatever her surname.middle name is, so it could be Emem, Eminem - with the internal logic of Shady for that one - EmBee, EmCee, or EmBAH, etc)

And mispronunciations, such as Meegarn, etc.

Or she could do what a lot of girls do as they reach their teens and decide they want a completely different nickname, such as Bunny, Kitten, Harley (if Harley Quinn is back in fashion by then) or use her middle name/something based upon her surname.

Just chill. She'll always know her birth name, whatever she ends up being known as to other people.

(Caveat: I was given a name which is spelled differently if it's pronounced the way my father - Scots - said it. So, if my name's spelled 'correctly', it's not my name when spoken, if it's pronounced 'correctly', it's not my name when written down - as soon as I was old enough, I stopped using the fucking thing and went for a diminutive. Which then got lengthened by some. I don't care, as long as nobody uses my registered name, as I don't recognise that as meaning me.)

mrsglowglow Wed 20-Feb-19 22:54:32

Reminds me of my school friend called Sue. If I rang and asked to speak to Sue there would be silence on the other end until I asked for Susan! It just seemed so strange saying Susan as no-one in school ever called her it.

iolaus Wed 20-Feb-19 22:56:20

How old is she? What does she want

My daughter is always called her full name by us, her friends often use the short version (which her dad hates ) - she did at around 12 when a teacher called her the shortened version point out she chooses who can call her by that version and her name is full version.

I asked her if she wanted us to use short form and she doesn't - she likes the full thing off us as 'it'd be weird otherwise' - by her facebook she's the short version 90% of the time (but uses the full version as ehr user name)

AlecTrevelyan006 Wed 20-Feb-19 23:02:56

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

Cornettoninja Wed 20-Feb-19 23:12:25

Ha! My dd has three letters in her name and people still shorten it grin there’s an odd compulsion to lengthen it as well.

I don’t really care, she will go by whatever she likes when she’s old enough to have a preference and that’s fine by me. I gave her a name, I don’t own it. I just hope she likes it tbh, it wasn’t a name on our short list but when she arrived it just suited her that’s who she was. I have a long name with many nn and I liked the idea of her having the same but there you go.

NitrousOxide Wed 20-Feb-19 23:21:16

I can never understand this I shorten everyone's names

Even when they don’t want you to, @shitonthebloodything?

I feel weird and uncomfortable when people full-name me too (it’s like I’m in trouble! grin), but I’ll always call people by the name they want.

Goldenbear Wed 20-Feb-19 23:30:26

My DD has a long name something like Petranella, everyone calls her Petra. We have a nickname that we have called her since she was a baby and it's completely unrelated to her name. I think people can't be bothered with the long name, even we can't anymore!

My BIL is Joseph and my MIL always wanted it to be shortened to Jos, he didn't want the unusual abbreviation so went to school and called himself Joe!

Cobmum Wed 20-Feb-19 23:35:41

Oh relax!
I have a 1 syllable name that cannot be shortened yet my friends add ‘y’ on the end actually lengthening it. Absolute madness but I know it’s meant as a term of endearment. Roll with it!!

BackforGood Wed 20-Feb-19 23:46:33

Calling her by a clear diminutive of her actual name, eg Meg, is just people being friendly, and could be a term of endearment. So yes, chill for goodness sake.

As others have said, if you have a 1 syllable name, people will add bits to it. It's just a way people have of expressing they are being friendly.

Suchas2019 Thu 21-Feb-19 00:04:34

Yes, and so it goes on....and on.....
First time on mumsnet, last time probably too.
What a bunch of clowns.
I liked your post ‘though.

Pinkbells Thu 21-Feb-19 00:15:52

To be honest I never understand why people go ape over the use of classic diminutives of certain names. Don’t use those names if you don’t like the shorter version hmm we thought about this when name choosing and made sure we chose names that were great short or long. Not rocket science!

burntdinner Thu 21-Feb-19 02:19:47

My 'proper ' name is longer than the shortened slightly different name that I go by , I've been called my nick name since I was born and used to not always realise when people were using my proper name that they were indeed talking to or about me
Now I'm much better at interchanging them as I need to use my proper name on documents

LikeDolphinsCanSwim Thu 21-Feb-19 03:45:23

I don’t think you can police this. And it is largely done affectionately.

My parents died yonks ago, and I still really miss that no-one calls me by the mangled version of my name that my Dad used. These days I’m just ‘proper’ name to everyone, and it makes me a bit sad tbh

I would just relax about and leave it to DD when she is old enough to make her opinion known. It’s her name after all, not your’s.

JasperKarat Thu 21-Feb-19 04:47:57

I picked a name without an obvious diminutive to avoid this, you've picked one that is commonly shortened , I don't think you can stop it.

Seahorseshoe Thu 21-Feb-19 05:06:42

Yanbu but her mates will, more than likely, call her Meg at some point.

Having said this, I do do this with a family where, both adults, have easily shortened names and they use the long version talking to each other. I try and try not to do it, but every now and again.... 😶

MissLanesAmericanCousin Thu 21-Feb-19 05:30:46

I have a pretty long name and most people call me by the shortened version except DH which is nice. However, I see it as a term of endearment. I only shorten names when I like the person a lot. You really should taken it as a compliment. Except a few times in my life when they had shortened names and I called them by their full name but that was because I truly liked them too. smile

Piglet89 Thu 21-Feb-19 08:34:45

thegreylady I’m also a Joanna. People regularly call me “Joanne” and this really bothers me because it is a completely different name. I am not “of course” a Jo: when people take the liberty of shortening my name that way, I always correct them. Neither of these “versions” is my actual name.

For the many, many posters saying that name shortening is a “sign endearment”, that is an assumption you have made. It really depends on how the person in question feels about the shortening of their name. I personally do not think it is endearing: I think it shows laziness and a lack of attention to detail. A person’s name is one of the most important pieces of information about them. Take time to listen to what they themselves wish to be called and follow that.

FWIW, in my experience, many English people constitutionally incapable of saying a name longer than a syllable. It’s not so much of a problem where I am from in Northern Ireland.

SayNoToCarrots Thu 21-Feb-19 16:48:52

Although I have no issue with a diminutive, I do think it's a bit weird that there are so many people swanning about changing people's names on first meeting them.

Imagine: "can I introduce you to my friend Robert?"
"Nice to meetcha Bobby!"

Odd.

I've also been reminded of a couple I know - Roz and Jim, who insist all of their children are called by their full names (despite having obvious diminutives) but don't respond to James and Rosamund.

Walnutwhipster Thu 21-Feb-19 16:54:29

I know a mother who gave all three sons one syllable names so they couldn't be shortened. Not of of those men are known by those names now. One, Paul, is commonly referred to as Fish. I think you need to chill out.

dragonsfire Thu 21-Feb-19 17:28:03

This is one of my massive pet hates! Unless I have introduced my name as a shorter version then use my full name!

I like my name and you do not have permission to shorten it!

If your DD grows up and doesn’t mind that’s down to her but right now her name is Megan and unless she has introduced herself as anything else to anyone they shouldn’t be shortening it!

I am with you on this- I once called rage against the answering machine on Radio one about spelling and shortening names 😂

mozart12 Thu 21-Feb-19 17:31:29

Ha this made me laugh! I do see where you are coming from though!!!

People always shorten my name or use different varients but it doesn’t both me!

EllenMP Thu 21-Feb-19 17:55:36

People are trying to be friendly and warm. Try to appreciate the intention. Your child is a person and other people will have their own relationships with her, more and more as she grows. She is not your property, I'm afraid. Two of my kids have names they are known by outside the house that we never use at home. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Brian9600 Thu 21-Feb-19 17:56:56

My son’s name is John. I find that his teachers often call him Jonathan which really irritates me because it’s a completely different name. I corrected someone on this the other day and she looked at me as I imagine people look at the OP grin

But honestly, how hard is it to get the name John right? It’s not exactly uncommon.

Coyoacan Thu 21-Feb-19 17:57:29

My daughter's got a name that you couldn't even imagine how to shorten, but my in-laws still managed to invent a shortened version.

artisticpiles Thu 21-Feb-19 18:20:38

My dd1 has a single-syllable name that doesn't have a diminutive and really can't be shortened or lengthened in any way.

She currently answers to either Sausage or Chuchie-face.

ShadyLady53 Thu 21-Feb-19 18:38:27

I agree with that SayNoToCarrots, that has been my exact experience with some people I barely know.

When posters are saying it’s an affectionate thing to do etc, my experience has often been with people who I’ve only just met or who aren’t particularly nice to me anyway and who shorten my name to not give me the respect of using my actual name. People shortening my name to be affectionate or friendly are in the minority in my experience.

Having someone introduced as Kathryn to you and you responding “Hi Katie!” is just downright rude and disrespectful. Not friendly. Not a bit of fun. Not your right to decide what someone else is called.

Teachers and staff giving nicknames to children off their own backs is also really unprofessional and I say this as a teacher myself. There’s a power imbalance with little children and authority figures and they often can’t say “I don’t like being called MeggyMoo, please call me Megan.”

And so we begin a lifetime of having to put up with other people enforcing their idea of what our name should be onto us. Those of us that object because we genuinely cannot stand the nickname we are being saddled with are accused of being uptight or rude or frilly because we just want to be called by our fucking name!

If you are one of these people who for whatever reason decide it’s up to you to call people whatever the hell you like, would you consider at least having the manners to say “Ashley, do you mind if I call you Ash?”, then at least the other person has the option of politely declining rather than having to endure a nickname you don’t like.

Motherontheedge1 Thu 21-Feb-19 18:50:45

I called my son Rory. No obvious diminutive. He got Roar and Rozzer once he began playing sport. Once even got Albert when he had a team mate with a similar name. I just accepted it. Pointless to do otherwise unless he objects too. Had he been a girl I liked Phillipa but as I hated Pip and Pippa decided not to use it. An adult friend of mine wouldn’t allow anyone to shorten his name. That’s the key. Unless the person themselves insists on their full name it’s not going to happen. As a teacher I never shorten names without checking that the parents do too and don’t object.

CauliflowerBalti Thu 21-Feb-19 19:00:55

This is why I chose a name for my son that couldn't be shortened. So you have my sympathy. And I have friends with children called eg Thomas that never call them Tom or Tommy - you are not alone.

You can't stop them though.

NataliaOsipova Thu 21-Feb-19 19:04:11

If you’re irritated by this you’re going to spend the rest of your life feeling irritated.

This is it in a nutshell. It’s something that a lot of people do, like it or not. It’s the same with people calling you “dear” or “love”. If they don’t mean any harm or offence by it then I wouldn’t seek to take it (although I do agree it’s polite to call someone by the name by which they introduce themselves to you or refer to themselves).

loz85 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:06:18

My sons called Daniel we call him daniel at home, if I talk about him to school it’s Daniel yet since he was in nursery people have shortened it to dan and I hate it yet my eldest is Joseph we shorten to joe and my daughter Shannon is shortened to shan it’s just the shortening of Daniel I hate 😂

Hairyporker Thu 21-Feb-19 19:11:29

Why on earth would you name your kid Daniel if you hate the name Dan?

notacooldad Thu 21-Feb-19 19:24:14

My friend picked names for her sons that wouldn't be shortened, Ian and Paul.
Their mares call them Paz and E.

dragonsfire Thu 21-Feb-19 19:28:07

I have two friends called Danielle- one of them was introduced to me as Danni, I called her Danni for years then she said she actually doesn’t like it and prefers Danielle so I started calling her Danielle.

My other Danielle friend absolutely detests being called Danni so she is always known as Danni.

I don’t see how the concept of someone not being allowed to say how they prefer their name pronounced is up for discussion!

It’s personal choice you can’t dictate being able to shorten or change someone’s name.

dragonsfire Thu 21-Feb-19 19:29:02

Other friend hates Danielle not Danni!!!

user1467536289 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:31:17

I think you are NBU
My DD is Libby - plain and simple
My sister thinks she should be called Liberty and calls her "Liberty-Belle"
Other people call her "Lib" or "Libs"
Now she's older she doesn't mind - but she used to feel like people didn't know her 'proper name'
There's no way of stopping this though - people just do it and you can't waste time feeling upset. It's endearment at the end of the day and it's never meant to deliberately upset you or your child.

BackforGood Thu 21-Feb-19 20:01:27

Why on earth would you name your kid Daniel if you hate the name Dan ?

Quite.
We ruled out a few names that we liked because we didn't like the obvious shortenings.

If you’re irritated by this you’re going to spend the rest of your life feeling irritated.

This is it in a nutshell. It’s something that a lot of people do, like it or not. It’s the same with people calling you “dear” or “love”. If they don’t mean any harm or offence by it then I wouldn’t seek to take it (although I do agree it’s polite to call someone by the name by which they introduce themselves to you or refer to themselves).

Quite.

MummyofTw0 Thu 21-Feb-19 20:59:58

My daughter is only 3 and people shorten her name. I hate it so I always correct people

The reason being, I love her name and the shortened name just feels like a completely
Different name

I do appreciate when she's older though, people will shorten it, especially when she is at school,
And if she chooses to, that's fine

But whilst she's young enough, I'm happy to continue with her true and proper name and ensure that others do too

manicmij Thu 21-Feb-19 21:11:31

YANBU, To me it is laziness and disrespectful to assume it to be okay to shorten or change your DDs name. Hate to hear all the abbreviations given to names, latest I just cannot hack is Em for Emma. For goodness sake how hard is it to say Emma.

masktaster Thu 21-Feb-19 21:17:06

Curious about people who say that, as teachers/etc, they defer to a parent - what do you do when the child states a clear preference that goes against parental wishes?

Eg, when I did my teacher training, I was in a Year One class. There was a child in this class called Isobel (name changed). The teacher, and therefore I, referred to her as Isobel. I noticed over time that she was consistently writing "Bella" as her name on her work. When I asked the teacher, he said that that was the child's preferred name ( to the extent that she was Bella at home, at least to her sisters ) but her parents insisted she be called Isobel at school. I still feel sad about this sometimes, as her own preference was being disregarded by her family, and then, because of this, by school.

goose1964 Thu 21-Feb-19 21:24:58

I'm always known by my full name rather than a diminutive. I just introduce myself by my name, if any one calls me by the accepted diminutive I ignore them because that's DH's name. Let your daughter decide what she wants to do

Motherontheedge1 Thu 21-Feb-19 22:38:34

Have to say as a teacher I’ve only once been in a position where the child and parents were at odds over the child’s name. On that occasion it was a name that was impossible to shorten and the little boy said it was a girls name and hated it. I often wonder what he calls himself now and whether he’s changed it by deed poll.

Proseccoagain Thu 21-Feb-19 23:08:23

I had a friend at school called Doreen.
We always used to pronounce it as Dooreen.
Her mother used to say, no, it's D'reeen.
She still got called Dooreen.

Sb74 Thu 21-Feb-19 23:44:49

My daughter is Megan. We call her Moo moo, Meggy moo, Meggy boo boo, Meg Mog, Boo, Meg- never really Megan unless she’s being naughty. She’s nearly 12. Her friends call her meggy etc too. I don’t mind at all. My son is Thomas so he gets a load of different names too. It’s nice. Relax!!!!!

blueskiesovertheforest Fri 22-Feb-19 06:43:10

masktaster I used to teach secondary and always started with the register name but if the child asked me to use a conventional shortened form I'd always do so without any reference to the parents. I think this has to be right for children of 11 and over.
Calling them an entirely different name or a really whacky or overly casual nickname (like surname based nicknames) would step too far, but Tom for Thomas, Izzy or Bella for Isabel, or whatever is utterly fair if the child prefers it and any parent who chooses a name they object to the conventional/ traditional diminutive forms of is extremely short sighted!

StarlightLady Fri 22-Feb-19 06:56:20

Is the issue not what does your daughter like to be called?

PurplePenguins Fri 22-Feb-19 18:52:12

Everyone's name gets shortened, lengthened or altered. I deliberately chose names that can't or are hard to shorten but people lengthened them instead (similar to Rose altered to Rosie). I dont like but they don't mind so I accept it. People call me by my surname mostly. It is a surname that can be used as a first name. Some people don't actually know what my first name is unless I've introduced myself to them 😂

Louise2092 Fri 22-Feb-19 19:36:09

You'd hate me then. My sister is Meaghan (pronounced Megan) and I only ever really call her that when talking to people outside of family. To me she's either meagzy, meags or Morgana (started calling her this as a child when she was into Disney as it's the sea witch from little mermaids uglier sister's name... she was 22 before she caught on). She's also often referred to as precious as she's had/has a lot of health issues and to us she is precious as we could have lost hee a few times.

I think it depends on the nickname, the reason behind it and whether or not she likes it. If my sister ever asked me not to call her one of my many names for her then I'd make the effort not to but it's her choice as it's her name.

CountFosco Fri 22-Feb-19 20:39:27

Is the issue not what does your daughter like to be called?

The OP has repeatedly said her daughter gets annoyed when people don't call her Megan.

Antonin Sat 23-Feb-19 11:11:30

Don’t move to NZ then OP because Megan ( other spellings are available) is almost invariably pronounced as Mee- gan with the emphasis on the EE sound

Antonin Sat 23-Feb-19 11:21:03

No idea why but no-one in my immediate or (small) extended family has ever had their name shortened even though the names have an obvious short form. Wish I knew what the secret was as I could then sell it on eBay to MN people who hate nn. Guess never being called a diminutive in childhood by family meant we didn’t label ourselves with one. Do think that there appears to be a greater tendency to use nn now? Certainly the use of S or Z is relatively new. Showing my age, but it seemed to start to become common in the 1960.

Nat6999 Sat 23-Feb-19 11:34:00

My DS is called Thomas, both pupils & staff at school all him Tom, he hates it, he says to anyone calling him Tom, my name is Thomas. He is called Thomas by family & we wouldn't dream of calling him anything else because Thomas is his name.

Quintella Sat 23-Feb-19 11:41:43

Meggers

Quintella Sat 23-Feb-19 11:45:05

I'm a bit bewildered by someone having one son called Joseph that they refer to as Joe and another son called Daniel that they never refer to as Dan but get annoyed if anyone else does! grin

Quintella Sat 23-Feb-19 11:45:34

*who they refer to. (apols Joe and Dan!)

pinkstripeycat Sun 24-Feb-19 16:11:22

I know someone called Abbie. When she was at school teachers would call her Abigail. She got told off for correcting them. Her name is not Abigail shortened to Abbie - it is just Abbie

flowersaremyfave Mon 25-Feb-19 18:21:11

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8498143/mum-blasts-pals-making-up-names-for-baby/?utmcampaign=sunmainfacebook&utmm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1551100942

Piglet89 Mon 25-Feb-19 21:24:11

Wow, slow news day over at the Sun, was it?

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