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To want a picture of my bio children

(458 Posts)
Fairydustsprinkled Wed 20-Feb-19 00:03:24

Had a photoshoot of my bio children 3 months ago and I really want a canvas printing for my back wall, AIBU that my stepchild is not on this?

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 02:25:50

@Nanny0gg I have read the full thread. I don't need you shouting or ranting at me. Why are you still responding?

caringcarer Fri 22-Feb-19 01:15:39

If stepchild not allowed in photo it is kind of telling her you are not good enough to be in this photo with my children. Put it in your bedroom or room step child will not go in. Put up photo of all children in lounge. If i was step child i and saw large photo up without me in I would conclude you don't really like me much.

YourSarcasmIsDripping Fri 22-Feb-19 00:36:34

That's ok , about a dozen more people haven't. Ain't nobody got time for that.hmm

Vynalbob Fri 22-Feb-19 00:23:04

Didnt read all your posts op.
Appologise for being harsh

Vynalbob Fri 22-Feb-19 00:17:37

A canvas is not a photo, it makes a statement and I feel it is a statement that you want to make. These are the most important. At least put it in your bedroom. Surprised that your DH is happy.

BertrandRussell Fri 22-Feb-19 00:02:55

The OP is long gone, having decided not to hang the picture. Foe people still not sure. Imagine having two children, both biological, no issues, just two kids. Imagine having a flash, canvas picture of one of them up on the wall, and a snap of the other leaning on the mantlepiece. How would the second child feel?

Rita2u Thu 21-Feb-19 23:43:48

Please don’t do that. You will make her feel completely ostracised from the family. Does her mother have another family too? She will soon be a teenager and you don’t want her self esteem being affected purely because of one picture. Maybe not a big deal to you, but could make a massive difference in her life! I was that step child!!!

AtrociousCircumstance Thu 21-Feb-19 23:28:45

Dippy maybe your aunt and uncle have spent all these years being privately hurt you didn’t send them a photo?

Babybrainbazerk Thu 21-Feb-19 22:58:42

OP I have been in the same position your SC will be in and it feels incredibly shitty

There’s a 4 and 6 year age gap between me and my dsis and db respectively and I can specifically recall time I was around 7 or 8 that I went to my DF house and saw on top of the fireplace 2 new photos (not huge or anywhere near as big as a canvas) from a wedding on my DSM side of the family I hadn’t gone too. One of my DF, DSM, DSis and DB and one of my Dsis and DB together. I remember thinking why hadn’t I gone, or why wasn’t there pictures of me there. For a few years and I suppose even into my teens it then made me question everything about my DF and his new family, how crappy I felt when they would tell stories of going to the cinema and I wasn’t with them, or jokes DF had played on my siblings and how everyone laughed so and it was so funny etc etc.

Basically, there will always be times your step child can’t be there and that’s natural with them not living with you, but putting a canvas up and showing them ‘look at our family and the special photo shoot we went especially to have as a family’ is mean, regardless if you have the standard 6x8 photos of them elsewhere in the house.

Dippypippy1980 Thu 21-Feb-19 22:43:07

I can totally relate. My aunt and uncle have no children, and have photographs of all my cousins graduations up - apart from mine - which they did attend!! I am in my thirties but it still hurts me when I visit,p.

We probably didn’t send them a copy - but even so.

Nanny0gg Thu 21-Feb-19 22:40:33

Oh Dear God!!

Do you not any of you, read the OP's posts????

She isn't putting the canvas up, she is putting a small one up on the mantelpiece. She will asap, get photos of all three children.

She is fed up with being picked at since she acknowledged she was unreasonable and has left.

WILL YOU PLEASE RTFT!!

Dohee Thu 21-Feb-19 22:17:13

I am an adult, but I'm also a stepchild and have a step child. So I know, how this picture would come across to your step child.

I am not proud of how idiotic this wee tale will make me out, but it is what it is.

When visiting my late grandmother, she had photos up of all her great grand children. She also had a photo up of her NDN's grandchild. For a minute, I was properly affronted! Then I realised that I had never sent her a photo of my dc to put up! Now, if I can 'feel' that as an adult, imagine what a child would think? She also had a newspaper article framed about my brother and that peeved me too. There was nothing of me nor my dc. With my rational adult brain I could conclude, eh duh, you didn't send her any, but at the same time I was a little miffed.

A stepchild can feel displaced. I know a PP has said that they know they have two homes, but from my experience, you can feel like you have no home at all. You don't properly belong anywhere. In the interests of her mental health in the future, you really need to embrace her as part of your family or you risk damaging her long-term.

Bloodyhilariousthatis Thu 21-Feb-19 22:04:43

Selfish rant alert.

As a child I really resented my older half brothers. They had to be included in everything - to the detriment of me.
I couldn’t celebrate my birthday on my actual birthday if it wasn’t their contact day with dad. One year we didn’t celebrate Christmas until the day after Boxing Day as that’s when they were coming - they got 2 christmasses, I didn’t even get a proper one.
If I wanted to go swimming or to the cinema I had to wait until they were there.
If I needed shoes or a coat I had to wait until my parents had the money to buy them for us all in case my half brothers felt ‘left out’ so I was walking round in tatty stuff half the time.
Dad spent quality 1-1 time with them - he took my half brothers golf with him or to the greyhounds, but my 1-1 time was just your general day to day stuff - no special effort was made.
(And I didn’t get dad ‘all the time’ - I might have lived in the same house but he worked shifts, and was mostly asleep or at work when I was at home)

They got 2 holidays a year, I got one. And no, there’s not one single picture I have from my childhood of just me, my mum and my dad. I don’t even think I have one of me and my dad together. Just us two.

We’re all the best of friends now, they’re even my child’s godfathers, but it’s those feelings of not measuring up to them as a child that I can still remember.

Get your canvas OP.

Twowilldo50 Thu 21-Feb-19 21:43:43

All I can say is it caused a huge amount of pain to my dd when she was left off a family calendar in similar circumstances. By all means have a small picture of your own two kids but please don’t cut your dsc out.

importantkath Thu 21-Feb-19 21:29:44

@YourSarcasmIsDripping it's the nature of the beast. Cancel the chèque etc etc etc.

parentin Thu 21-Feb-19 21:24:38

I have large pic with my babies only. I also have pic of step children, i personally see nothing wrong with that. The step child dose not live with you full time. There will be other photo opportunities in the future. Besides your hubby dont mind, so no problem. People just being over sensitive and a lil ridiculous. Put your canvas up and enjoy it

angelfacecuti75 Thu 21-Feb-19 21:23:24

Or do a nice picture or all 4 of u on phone and just put that up on the wall too?

angelfacecuti75 Thu 21-Feb-19 21:22:04

Put picture up on wall and get nice canvas of ss/sd and put it up next to it ?

manicmij Thu 21-Feb-19 21:04:09

The fact you are querying whether stepchild should or should not have been in picture you seem to know the answer and only you will know what that is.

BenjiB Thu 21-Feb-19 20:57:05

No you are not being unreasonable. My SD is 27 now and my eldest is 20. I also have two younger ones. They all have the same dad but i don’t have any photos of all of them.

NorthbyNorthwest22 Thu 21-Feb-19 20:05:21

This exact thing happened to my son.
Split with his dad when he was 8, I met my current partner when he was 10 and his dad met his then partner around the same time.
Son had a weekend over with his dad until he unexpectedly arrived home on foot (over an hour walk) in floods of tears.
His dad, partner and her daughter had a family photo shoot that was proudly displayed in a huge frame over the fireplace. When my son asked why he hadn’t been included he was told it wasn’t on a weekend when they had him. He was devastated. He was 13 at the time and never went back to his dads again and their relationship has been strained ever since. He is now 19.
You might think it was a massive over reaction but to my son it was displaying in pride of place in his dads house that he was not a member of their family.
I know you said it will be in another room but it will be seen at some point and your step child will view the picture very differently to how you do. I totally get that there is no malice behind the picture but for children unexpected things can cut deeply.
Maybe next time your all together get the camera out and take loads of pictures of the children together. Choose 1 or 2 and get them up in frames first then introduce your canvas in the bedroom. Just a suggestion

wLuytgNx Thu 21-Feb-19 19:50:13

I agree with OP - Have a canvas of your children, they are your flesh and blood and you can't compare the feelings to a child who doesn't even live with you.

Those saying child will suffer - OP has other pics of her around the house.

I'm with you OP x

pictish Thu 21-Feb-19 19:37:11

Yes...repeat repeat repeat, snipe at ‘bubbas’ and refuse to be cheated out of sticking the boot in through OP’s reasonableness and willingness to take advice on board like a grown up. No wonder she has taken off.
Leave us to it eh?

YourSarcasmIsDripping Thu 21-Feb-19 19:29:50

@importantkath and do you blame her after admitting she was unreasonable ,that she won't do it and she will follow advice and get a smaller one for mantle piece next to the picture of her SD but people still piled on to tell her what a selfish,heartless person she is, that canvases suck and "bubbas" is unreasonable?
I mean we're at comment 400 and something and people are still repeating the same stuff..

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit Thu 21-Feb-19 19:28:58

YABU regarding wanting a canvas on your wall 🤮
YABU refering to your children as bubbas
YANBU to want photographs of just your children in your home.

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