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AIBU?

AIBU for not wanting to talk on the phone all day?

66 replies

LauraJade0308 · 19/02/2019 21:14

I will try to give a good idea of what’s happening, without writing an essay, but no promises...

AIBU?
I am heavily pregnant (38 weeks,4 days) and am really struggling to keep up with things, around the house, taking my 3 year old to nursery, making dinner, seeing friends etc.
My partner works 50-60 hours a week so he really can’t help much, but does what he can.
We have arranged for MIL to look after DD when we have to rush off to give birth. We really appreciate this, even though there are other people that we would prefer to play this role, but we offered her this to make her feel a bit more included.
Since my partner and I have been together, she has always been one to call a lot, mainly to waste some time in my opinion. (Never really asks how we are)
Anyway... The past 2 days she has called me various times a day, each call lasting around an hour or so, totalling about 3 or 4 hours a day. (She doesn’t work)
I would understand if she was calling to check up on the pregnancy, although she has been told that she will be first point of call when anything does happen, but it’s not. All she talks about is how wonderful her DD’s children are, never considers our daughter.
I honestly don’t want to hear it, and even if I did, I have got too much to do and keep up on before DC arrives. Today was the final straw.
MIL FaceTime called this morning which I did not answer as I was getting DD dressed. Within 2 minutes she tried again, this time normal call.
Once I got a spare moment, I did reply to her, saying it would ‘only be a quick call as I’m getting on’
40 minutes later, still on the phone, my shopping was delivered. I had to raise my voice over hers and say that I needed to answer the door and that ‘I will call you back LATER’.
She gave me 7 minutes. 7 MINUTES!! Before she was calling me back. I was barely able to unpack the shopping, let alone put it away.
Talked about the same stuff as in the first phone call, for about another 15 minutes or so, and only finished because she had another call to answer.
I just had a good cry to my partner.
I asked him to text her and ask her nicely if she wouldn’t mind not calling so much. I asked him to do it as I suffer with anxiety and find it hard to do things like that. Plus seeing as it’s his mother, she may have taken it better.
How wrong we were...

Basically what has happened is she has taken it the wrong way. Partner’s text simply said ‘Could you please not call as much’
AS MUCH!!
Her reply was that our numbers have now been deleted, we can all F* Off, she is not looking after DD while we go to the hospital, and basically doesn’t care about seeing the new grandchild.
Has this request been blown out of proportion? Or are we being too harsh?

OP posts:
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blackteasplease · 19/02/2019 21:17

To be honest you are better off having to find someone else to mind dd than to be held to ransom by someone like her!

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blackteasplease · 19/02/2019 21:17

But I think your dh would ideally have couched his message in more sensitive terms of better still phoned her to explain.

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Russell19 · 19/02/2019 21:18

I don't get this....why didn't you just not answer or politely say, sorry can't talk gotta go bye....Then hang up? She would soon get the message. She keeps calling because you keep facilitating it. Xx

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Maelstrop · 19/02/2019 21:18

I'm sorry, OP, she sounds batshit. Let her have her tantrum. Who calls 3/4 times a day for an hour a time to rant on about someone else's kids?! It's not normal. Let her go NC, sounds like fuck all loss to you.

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CoffeeRunner · 19/02/2019 21:23

I wouldn’t have sent a text asking her not to call so much.

I would have gone more along the route of saying “I really have to go now, I have XYZ to do” and putting down the phone. Also, I would not answer her calls if I was busy. Unless I knew there may be a specific reason for her call (e.g. she’d been to a medical appointment & said she’d let me know how it went etc).

My view would be that she could phone as much as she likes. But I don’t have to answer. Or if I do, I am free to end the call if I need to.

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AhNowTed · 19/02/2019 21:24

Very blunt text and I'm not surprised she's taken offence.

I would read it as 'stop calling'

Ffs all you had to do was not answer.

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coconutpie · 19/02/2019 21:48

Why do you answer her calls? Is she holding a gun to your head? Don't answer, if you do, then only stay on the phone for a few min.

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Scienceforthewin · 19/02/2019 22:01

I would have also found this hard. Easy to say "don't answer" but if she was persistently calling I'd feel I'd have to answer. Also MILs can be tricky (I love mine but we definitely had communication problems!). So no good advice (sorry) but you have my sympathy.

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hammeringinmyhead · 19/02/2019 22:09

This is your partner's fault. Who interprets "Please can you speak to your mum about all these phone calls" as a request to send a blunt one-line text? If you wanted the jackhammer approach you could have sent that yourself!

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bundesdelboy · 19/02/2019 22:16

She sounds suffocating BUT did you really expect someone who doesn't give a crap about what you've got on your plate to respond rationally here?

The only thing you can control is your reaction and accommodation of her. You're unable to do that and expected her to listen to your needs. She cannot or will not.

You need to focus on changing YOUR behaviour here (don't answer her calls, just mute it - if she asks the next day explain you were rushed off your feet and the battery was dead). Or mix it in with what others have said: "have shopping arriving, gotta go, bye" and STOP indulging in her calls back.

You need to set boundaries here OP - no one else will.

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LauraJade0308 · 19/02/2019 22:18

Honestly, its hard to get a word in! She talks so much! Like I said, I had to literally shout over her to tell her I needed to go... And as for not answering, she would just keep trying and trying until finally I’d get a stroppy text anyway. Oh and to top it off, currently have police on route as DH’s father has decided to walk into my home, assault DH and throw my sofa across the lounge. All with my 3 year old in the next room. Still think we are being unreasonable?

OP posts:
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RoboticSealpup · 19/02/2019 22:21

So she's a childish, emotionally unstable weirdo. You probably won't want her to look after your DD anyway... Could one of the staff at nursery help out? Our nursery does this.

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LauraJade0308 · 19/02/2019 22:21

And also the text wasn’t literally ‘can you please not call as much’. He did give an explanation, I was just trying to get to the point.

OP posts:
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AhNowTed · 19/02/2019 22:22

You lit the touch paper by sending that ridiculous text.

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ThanosSavedMe · 19/02/2019 22:22

Time to go nc. Enjoy the peace and quiet and definitely ask someone else to have your dd when you go into labour.

Hope your dh is ok as well as you and dd

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ineedaholidaynow · 19/02/2019 22:26

Ahnow does that give FIL the right to assault DH?

Personally OP you would be well rid of them. Wouldn’t want people like that looking after my DC Flowers

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Hohofortherobbers · 19/02/2019 22:32

It was an insensitive text but thinking practically, who's looking after dd now? even if this blows over I'd make arrangements with someone else. She's not to be relied upon

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AhNowTed · 19/02/2019 22:33

@ineedaholidaynow no it doesn't, but in the PILs shoes I would be very hurt by that text. I'm merely pointing out that the OP started this chain of events. Now they've called the police there will be no coming back from this anyway.

Ridiculous carry on, on both sides.

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Cheerybigbottom · 19/02/2019 22:33

I understand your situation very well op, and I actually think the best thing has happened. My dad went through a period of depression where he would call me many times a day for hours at a time and I got to the point I could hear the phone ringing when it wasn't.

I was neglecting my child as my attention was on the phone and I started ignoring calls from other friends and family as I was just sick of being tied to the phone. I also had to arrange times where I would be available if I said oh I'm busy just now...

In the end my husband smashed our house phone in the garden (in case I was tempted to plug it back in) and I had to withdraw completely from my father for my own mental healths sake. You don't want to end up like I did, so the argument may be mistimed as you wanted her help with kids when you are in labour but ultimately you will feel relief soon.

You are no longer a prisoner to the phones ring!

(Btw my father finally has come through things, we've found healthy hard won boundaries. But it makes me cross to think he stole over a year of my little child's life as I was at his beck and call and not my baby's!)

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Cheerybigbottom · 19/02/2019 22:35

Oh I didn't see your father in law has assaulted your DH! There are obviously real problems with them and I hope this is the end of your trouble with them Sad

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Chloemol · 19/02/2019 22:38

Call the other people who you wanted to use when giving the role to your mil and don’t contact them again. And if the police do come make sure you don’t drop the charges. You don’t need them

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Sunkist12 · 19/02/2019 22:39

That's absolutely insane , OP. Why would your FIL do that? Was that in defence of dhs mum?

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ilikemethewayiam · 19/02/2019 22:40

WTAF! Your FIL walked into your house and physically attacked his son? Does he have form for this? What was his problem! Your outlaws are cuckoo! Stay away from them! There would be no coming back from this. You are too soft to keep giving in to her demands to dominate your time. They have learned they can bully you. End it here.

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Whereareyouspot · 19/02/2019 22:44

Yes the text sounds a bit insensitive but good grief that doesn’t excuse her reaction!
And the follow up about your FIL is just awful- seriously OP they sound terrible.

You have to stay away from them now.
I wouldn’t want her near my kids tbh if a slightly blunt text has her declaring she doesn’t want to see them ever again- what kind of grandparent does that?

Hope the police go and see him and point out to him the ridiculousness of his reaction

Stay away from them

And get someone else lined up to have DD quickly as all this stress might bring on your labour!

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ohfourfoxache · 19/02/2019 22:45

You can’t reason with batshit. And after FIL’s actions I’d have no hesitation in keeping them well away.

How is dh?

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