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AIBU?

My brother hit me with a shoe

106 replies

Pepip · 19/02/2019 20:58

This goes back to when we were younger, we were always very close and rarely argued. That was until we were around 13 and 14 (he's a year older), he became very aggressive, would shout at me when we had silly arguments and usually hit me too. I was much shorter and a lot weaker and he would use that against me and often threaten me into doing what he wanted because he knew I was scared. During that time I avoided him as much as possible but he would always find something to be angry with me about. Our parents never really did much about it and would let him get away with it. Eventually he grew up, our relationship never really got better though, he just stopped being so aggressive towards me but we don't really talk nowadays. He's been working away for the past couple years but has come back recently and is staying with our parents whilst he finds a place close by. I popped in earlier with DD, was just talking to my mum when he came through the front door, clearly in a mood and decided to have a go at me for where I had put my shoes, by the door, they weren't in the way of the door though so I don't understand what the problem was. Walked into the livingroom with one of my shoes and threw it at me, hit me right in the head, i started crying immidiatley and I don't cry often but this really hurt. Our mum barely reacted, told him quietly to calm down and then asked if either of us wanted a drink. I left after that but I've never understood why she's always ignored the way he treats me, always put it down to just being siblings. I thought he had changed but clearly not. It brought me back to when we were kids and how scared I was of him, I still flinch when I walk past him sometimes

OP posts:

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Sonicknuckles · 19/02/2019 21:01

That's not on and not acceptable. You need to stand up for yourself and say this to him and I agree your mum should be pulling him up on it too.

ShawshanksRedemption · 19/02/2019 21:03

No, that's not OK. He's an adult and should be able to control his temper, and throwing a shoe at you is completely unacceptable.

I would stay away from your parents whilst he is staying there, and tell them why, and that you are scared of him. I'm so sorry OP.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 19/02/2019 21:05

I never say this, but do you have a male partner? One that can go round and pin him to the wall nose to nose and tell him his fortune? Bullies don't like that sort of thing.

How old is he now, BTW ?

TBH your mother is also afraid on him, and that's sad too.

ohfourfoxache · 19/02/2019 21:05

It would be a cold day in hell before I saw him again tbh

Boom45 · 19/02/2019 21:05

What the fuck? A grown man flung a shoe at your head? Yeah, that's weird and completely unacceptable.

FromDespairToHere · 19/02/2019 21:06

I would be making it very clear to your DM that neither you nor your DC will be visiting whilst he's living there. What he did is assault.

BrilliantDarling · 19/02/2019 21:06

Wow that's disgusting
My natural reaction would have been to pick it up and throw it right back at him!

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 19/02/2019 21:07

Fuck that pepip!

Your not kids anymore (although it was never ok) would it be ok for him to throw a shoe at his gp, or a shop worker or his bus driver etc? No? Then why is it ok to do it to you?

Don't ever allow him to get away with anything like that again!

He won't like you standing up for yourself but if only for your dd's sake she needs to see that noone no matter their relationship has the right to put their hand (or shoe!) on another

Happygolucky009 · 19/02/2019 21:14

I am sorry this happened, you haven't mentioned your dad. Is your brother mentally stable and does your mum live alone with your brother, is she safe?

Pepip · 19/02/2019 21:15

He's 21 now, seems like he he wouldn't do this just anyone but because I'm his sister it's not a big deal to him. I know I should stand up for myself but it never worked in the past, only made him treat me worse so I just stopped

OP posts:

Pepip · 19/02/2019 21:16

My step dad lives there aswell

OP posts:

Bambamber · 19/02/2019 21:18

At his age I would report him to the police. He assaulted you, being your brother doesn't mean he is allowed to assault you

blackteasplease · 19/02/2019 21:20

That's assault. It's a police matter. Plain and simple. How dare he?

woolduvet · 19/02/2019 21:23

There's a thread at the moment where a teenager threw a bottle of water at another boy, it hit him.
He's being interviewed this week.
You need to stand your ground in one way or another.

SadOtter · 19/02/2019 21:27

Maybe your mum is scared of him too? I would report him to the police, partly so he might learn not to do it but also so your DD learns its not ok and so he doesn't progress on to having a go at her.

Is your head ok?

coconutpie · 19/02/2019 21:27

Report him to the police, he assaulted you. He might start on your DD next.

Bobbycat121 · 19/02/2019 21:30

Wow definitely not normal!! I wouldnt report it to the police but I wouldnt see him again either.

Ontheboardwalk · 19/02/2019 21:30

WTF my brother and I used to fight like cat and dog but never crossed the line where the other one would grass you up to mum (and deep deep deep down we - -loved- - well liked each other really

Your parents saw him attacking you as a child and then your mum did nothing as he attacked you now in front of your DD.

Fuck that, don’t let your DD see this behaviour and be around these people. As other people have said, report him for assault

HennyPennyHorror · 19/02/2019 21:32

This is horrible. My DH's sister treated him similarly until we made a stand. She's in her 40s! She spoke to him TERRIBLY and it wasn't until DH saw my shock, that he realised what a disgusting "normality" it had become.
He stood up to her and his Mother went into meltdown....asking me had I heard what he'd said to his sister and all this...I stood up for him to his Mother and said "Yes but did you hear how SHE spoke to him!""

LizzieSiddal · 19/02/2019 21:34

did your DD see this?

I’d tell him that if he ever does anything like this again, you will call the police. Do it by text if you want to.

I’d also speak to your my and ask her why she stood there and did nothing after you’d be assaulted and were in pain.

nocoolnamesleft · 19/02/2019 21:35

Absolutely agree that he assaulted you.

category12 · 19/02/2019 21:38

Wow.

You need to drop contact with him.

Changedmynametoolikeyou · 19/02/2019 21:38

My brother would do stuff like this to me. He was much older and bigger than me. I haven’t spoken to him for about 20 years. He was recently arrested for assaulting his wife. My parents are still standing up for him. I’m low contact with them too.

AdoraBell · 19/02/2019 21:41

Agree, it’s a Police matter. He assaulted you. Report the assault tomorrow. And keep your child away from him, if that means your mum doesn’t see your child then she can decide if she prefers to have your bullying sibling there or not.

I have five siblings and none of us have been violent to each other. My 2 DC are not violent to each other, and DH has 3 siblings. Only one of them has got away with being a bully.

Maelstrop · 19/02/2019 21:42

I would a) ask your mum why the fuck she didn't bollock his arse and b) tell her you will not be going round while he is there ever again and c) call the cops. You've been assaulted. Don't tolerate that shit.

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