If you owe strangers money you pay if back as soon as you can?!(26 Posts)
I'm not BU but I wanted a rant.
My friend is having an important party in a few weeks. It's a surprise, organised by her friends, she doesn't know. The guest list is small/medium (about 15 people) I don't know any of them. There are 5 of us main organisers, everyone else is just a guest.
I offered to find and book the accommodation. I asked if I paid the overall cost (over 1.5k!) total upfront, would people please pay me back their share within 2 weeks as this was a lot of money, obviously. No issues, everyone agreed. Individual shares worked out to £150 which everyone knew in advance and had agreed to.
Predictably, once I had paid, a small minority of these people paid me back within a day or so, everyone else had to be nudged. Now we're a week or so away from the party and there's just one person who hasn't paid me back - one of the other 5 organisers. He owes me the full £150, so not like he's going to have it in his walllet when we meet in a week. I've sent him messages as part of the group, private messages and tagged him thinking it will shame him if others see he's the only one not to have paid me back. It's like he's a ghost, never responds.
This man is an adult professional and someone who I and the others will be seeing in a week. He is a good friend of our mutual friend who I trust completely, which is why I offered. I can get by without the 150 so it's not like I've made a mistake I can't afford, but I'm angry at his lack of communication. I have been polite in all my messages and given plenty of notice and waited between each message. If he had contacted me beforehand to say he was having a tight month and could he pay later then I would have been fine. Now I'm going to a party where I have a very negative impression of him, will struggle not to say something to his face if he hasn't paid by then, and will be outnumbered as he knows more people than I do there.
Potentially what was meant to be a lovely surprise party for my friend where we could all relax and have fun will be slightly soured for me by this man! I have messaged again today, but as he hasn't even read the message I left a few days ago I'm not holding out hope.
Argh! I'm so annoyed as I know if it was me and I owed a stranger this money I'd have paid it straight away! Certainly wouldn't have ignored 2 group posts and 2 individual messages for weeks and weeks.
Talk to the other organisers and agree between you he's no longer invited. Let him know this, and why, with everyone CC'd in so everyone's on the same page. You won't get your £150 back but you (a) won't have the party soured or (b) risk him waltzing away with some of the organising credit on the night.
Next time when something's that much money get the contributions up front, then book, not the other way around!
Totally agree with getting the payment upfront next time. I allowed time pressure and the number of people relying on me to go against my better judgement. Next time I won't be so naive.
Unfortunately I don't think him not coming is an option. He is a very good friend of my friends, he knows all of the other people, and is clearly a popular member of the group. It would be me being the nasty outsider who was penny pinching and hounding him for money and banning him if he didn't come. Not an ideal situation either! I think either he'll randomly pay before hand, or not. If not I'll have to hold my tongue for the sake of my friend at the party but then continue to push him after where I won't mind publically telling people he's not paid etc as I won't be seeing them again. 50/50 that I'll get my money back then.
Paypal has a function that helps you avoid this. This often happens unfortunately.
OP, I would send him a message saying "Hi CF, I have to confirm final numbers with the venue, but I'm having trouble getting hold of you. I am presuming that as I haven't had any response to any of my messages, nor have you paid, that you are no longer able to attend. Will you please confirm by Thursday. If I don't hear from you, I'll cancel your place, and forward your details to the venue to discuss how you wish to pay the cancellation charges."
The only way that things like this work is cash upfront because some cf will always try to get away with it. Even amongst family and friends.
houses message is good.
I know it’s a surprise party but I would consider telling him that if he doesn’t pay up, you’ll have to ask your friend to chase. Or I would cancel his place. Perhaps put it to the group how they’d like you to proceed?
Contact the other organisers and explain that he hasn’t paid and isn’t returning your messages. Ask them if the know for certain that he’s coming and if you don’t hear from him or get your money then you will have to assume that he isn’t coming. He may well not be going and you will be stuck with his bill. £150 is quite a bit of money to be stiffed for.
Why would you be considered petty? He is obviously being a cf and the others should see that. Maybe he’s known for being laid back with money 🤨
Hire a bouncer to meet him at the entrance. If he won't cough up, he don't get in.
£150 is not “penny pinching”. I socialise with some very rich people and they will think nothing of messaging people with their bank account details to recover their share of a shared taxi (an extreme example was £5!). So these people - London professionals with salaries in the £hundreds thousands to m range - would totally ostracise someone bring so cavalier about £150!
HouseOfGoldandBones’ message is a great template, and copied to the other organisers
I would contact all the other organisers and advise them that due to one non payment you will have to also split that amount across all the organisers as you are unable to pay it all.
^ good idea to say it needs to be split. One of the others may be friends with him.
I agree with @HouseOfGoldandBones & @Kazplus2 - he's totally out of order & you're not penny pinching at all.
Thank you for the wording @houseofgoldandbones I'll use it tomorrow when I next ask!
These people are doctors, lawyers etc and earn a lot more than I do, I would imagine. I think I was concerned that in their circles 150 would be seen as an amount that doesn't warrant chasing and is sort of a flimsy 'I'll pay it when I remember' type amount, whereas for me I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it until I had paid it, especially if I didn't know the person. I am under no illusion that I've been invited to this party because I'm the old school friend, everyone else going is a friend from work or uni and from conversations in the group it's already crystal clear that my friend has two different personalities depending on which group she's with! Fun times ahead
dont give him his room key until he coughs up
Some of the wealthiest people I know are the absolute worst at parting with money. Agree with sending that message, it's perfect.
You say you've contacted him I'm assuming by message . Do you actually have his phone number? If not can you get it off someone and ring him ?
Yes! But it might be a disappointing one for aibu because I wrote out the message that was suggested and then thought I'd just double check on the off chance he hasn't sent it before sending the message and then having to back down...and he had! There was no apology for it being late and no message from him to say he'd done it (like others who had needed a nudge had done) so I can only assume he was either too ashamed to mention it or totally oblivious to the fact he had been a massive CF and therefore didn't think it warranted a message. Anyway, my opinion of him is very low, but at least I can get on and enjoy the weekend now without feeling all prickly about it
Well you'll get to meet him and the other strangers at the party.
"Ah, good to see that you were able to make it Mr Tight Wallet. I assumed that you'd fled the country since you were ignoring all my messages about outstanding payment"
I’d be fairly certain it was the latter OP, sounds like he’s the type of CF who was mystified as to the “fuss”... steer well clear at the party
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