DP spends his days off undoing all of my work

[sophhhxo]

I may be being unreasonable m.. but over the past week I have spent my days off work sorting and decluttering 3/4 rooms in our home.
My next day off (maybe more) was going to be spent doing room 4/4!

I have done all of this on my own whilst DP has been working or out at football etc. He hasn't contributed at all.

He knows how hard I have worked and how much I have done. Yet when I was working yesterday he decided to move things I had put to one side for the tip and charity shop, and put them into 2/3 of the already sorted rooms! Messing them up completely!!

And I had a pile of clothes ready to sort in the last room which he decided to mix up and just throw behind the sofa out of the way.

When I asked him why he said he was going to have a couple of friends round, but then decided it was too much of a long winded job to make to room presentable.

So I now have 3/4 rooms to sort again! Whilst he spends his days off sat in his pants watching tv surrounding himself in the pots he uses throughout the day.

*we have the same job, so I know what it's like, and no, I don't expect him to never chill out etc. Just a little help, or him not adding to my workload would be great!

AIBU? 🤦🏼‍♀️

[Floofboopsnootandbork]

YA obviously NBU. Tell him seeing as you sorted it once and he messed it all up again he can sort it all out whilst you just sit back and do fuck all on your day off.

[Aquamarine1029]

So how much more of your life are you willing to waste on this useless manchild, exactly?

[Northernparent68]

Did he want the house de cluttered ? Did you tell him the significance of the piles

[MrsTerryPratcett]

Whilst he spends his days off sat in his pants watching tv surrounding himself in the pots he uses throughout the day.

LTB (Leave The Baby).

[femidom12]

Kill him.

[sophhhxo]

@Northernparent68 I explained everything to him, I was showing him everything I had done as he knew how down the clutter was making me! I was proud of the work I did and made sure he knew it!

He always went on about how we 'need to sort it all' and kept planning days to sort it with me.. and then changing plans on the day (convenient)

He knows I'm pissed off with him and he just says 'stop being mardy, we will sort it' but I know that means 'you will sort it'

GAAAHHHHH!! 🤦🏼‍♀️😫

[WorkingItOutAsIGo]

Seriously don’t have kids with him. You will be setting yourself up for a life of unequal work. I would genuinely leave him at this point.

[BreakfastAtSquiffanys]

No, WE will sort it!
Don't let this go

[WorkingItOutAsIGo]

To be clear - my DH would have been doing this job with me, not leaving me to it. Which is why he’s a DH and we’ve been together for decades.

[sophhhxo]

@WorkingItOutAsIGo we have been together for 6 years.. he's only been like this for a year or so!

[coconutpie]

Ok well then no football, no tv or anything else until he fixes the mess he made. I would be fuming. He is not pulling his weight.

[Stayawayfromitsmouth]

He sounds like an arsehole from the little you've posted. He must be fucking awesome in the sack but make sure you double up on birth control.

[MitziK]

The first rule of decluttering is Get The Shit Out Of The House. Seriously, it does not pass Go, does not collect two hundred pounds and lets you see the progress far quicker. You pick it up once, it goes in a bin bag, the bag is tied up and it's gone before you move onto the next bit.

That stops it being 'rescued', moved around, shoved down the back of something, forgotten about and generally kept under your feet for another day/week/month/year by the Hoarder.


It's how we have a largely pristine house. And how, when I was unable to get it down the stairs and into the front garden without help/had to go to work, we now have a chest of drawers making a pretty good job of being a sideboard in the living room.

[AcrossthePond55]

I would take every ounce of 'stuff' that he's moved and dump it right between his sorry arse and the telly (whilst he's watching). Then I would stand there and start sorting it again and loudly state which pile it goes back into.

[PoliticalBiscuit]

Totally agree with Mitzik. I do not sell items etc any more - it does not pass Go, collect £200. IT gets. the. fuck. out. of. my. house.

Literally the only way I can declutter. Straight into the bin or the car. I will often drive to tip/charity shop etc that day so I don't end up driving round with it for weeks, which does happen, and when it does it inevitably comes back in the house when I need to load the car up with something else....

[SaturdayNext]

He knows I'm pissed off with him and he just says 'stop being mardy, we will sort it' but I know that means 'you will sort it'

So tell him that no, he will sort it, and will do so without delay if he wants you to stop being mardy. And indeed if he wants food or sex ever again.

[maggienolia]

Put him in the bin bag and straight off to the tip.
Much more satisfying.
The heavy duty bags would be quite a good idea.

[wineandroses1]

Is he just an idiot or a spiteful idiot? Really, Op, I hope you don't have/are planning to have any kids with him.

[WH1SPERS]

He sounds like an arsehole from the little you've posted. He must be fucking awesome in the sack but make sure you double up on birth control

Exactly this.

[CurbsideProphet]

I'm sorry for you OP, but I can't see how there are any positives to being in a relationship with an immature and lazy manchild like this.

[TonTonMacoute]

The first rule of decluttering is Get The Shit Out Of The House

This includes your DP by the sound of it!

[MotherWol]

If he's recluttered, you make him sort it out with you tonight. No making dinner, no sitting on the sofa watching telly - you clear up the mess with me, now. Just like you would with a child. Anything that's leaving the house goes in the bin/straight to the charity shop or in the car boot if you can't get there today. It gets sorted out today and you make him be part of the clear up.

[SleepingStandingUp]

If he's only been a lazy arse for the last year, is they anything else going on?

Ruling out illness, physical or mental, I wouldn't be enabling his behaviour though

[Grace212]

"Whilst he spends his days off sat in his pants watching tv surrounding himself in the pots he uses throughout the day."

in the pots? What does that mean please?

[thecatsthecats]

The first rule of decluttering is Get The Shit Out Of The House.

I'm failing at this bit - but only because my lovely new car is one of my pristine zones, and I am still treating it like a precious delicate baby that will get a bump if I take it near the nasty mean High Street. So it's all in a lump near the door.

OP - I'd be wanting to get rid. My husband and I are very different when it comes to household sorting. I get a huge amount of nerdy enjoyment from organising things, and like the physical labour of sorting the garden etc, so there is a disparity in how much we sort the house out... however, he would never dream of being so disrespectful, makes an effort to obey my weird rules about storage, and makes appreciative noises of my storage lists. And he does great sorting out for other areas of our life that I find tedious.

What is your 'but' for staying with him? It had better be a good one!