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To not want to be contacted by PIL about this whilst on holiday?

(265 Posts)
Holidayrage Mon 18-Feb-19 21:16:44

We (me, DH, 3DC) are currently abroad on holiday and have been since Friday. To avoid drip feeding, DH and I both work, DH is full time and I work 4 days per week. I am 21 weeks into a stressful pregnancy, having suffered a partial placental abruption at 19 weeks. As a result I am having to take things very easy. Plus, this is the only chance we will get for a family break until the end of May.

PIL called this evening and apparently want to talk to me about liability insurance. This has nothing to do with my area of work at all, but apparently as I am a solicitor they want to ask me. This has now caused a row with DH as apparently I am being very unreasonable in not wanting to deal with this whilst on holiday. Honestly when I saw the number come up I thought they must be calling with bad news...since we saw them only 3 days ago (the day we left) and are back on Friday anyway.

So, mumsnet jury, AIBU not to want to be bothered on holiday about this?!

Nothingunpleasant Fri 22-Feb-19 10:28:05

I would stop with any advice at all. He’s pushy and has no respect. He’ll blame you if he tells you half a story and you advise badly. Tell DH to do his own research for them.

I speak from experience. MIL tells half a medical story and then can’t wait to tell you that she do the treatment you suggest because if the other previously unmentioned pills she is on 🙄. I refuse to say anything other than “go to the doctor” now, this DH spends his time googling symptoms so he can be ridiculed by her instead.

MrsPeel Fri 22-Feb-19 10:18:25

Totally agree Uptheapplesandpears quite apart from anything else it reinforces the notion that OP is on call 24/7 for any kind of legally related issue. Tell them your advice is to see a solicitor who specialises in liability and then have some stern words with your husband.

Uptheapplesandpears Thu 21-Feb-19 14:30:36

Googling liability insurance and reading it to people? Fucksakes! This is a terrible idea as a solicitor.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Thu 21-Feb-19 14:25:50

The OP sorted it days ago!

caringcarer Thu 21-Feb-19 14:14:32

Text to say nothing you can do form holiday will call them when back in UK. Switch off phone.

MsTSwift Thu 21-Feb-19 14:09:35

Absolutely downcast which is why these “it’s just a moment “ “but it’s faaaaaamily” virtue signallers making out op is a selfish meanie are annoying me

downcasteyes Thu 21-Feb-19 10:35:14

I think the issue people aren't understanding is one of headspace.

It can be very hard to turn your mind off when you work a busy job that involves a lot of thought. The work tends to enclose parts of your day when you're not at your desk - so you find yourself thinking about a difficult, complicated or stressful situation while you're brushing your teeth, or watching TV. You can end up waking up in the middle of the night, thinking about something - or going round and round something in your head in a half-sleeping, half-awake way. It's not good or healthy, but if you asked a selection of people in senior roles how they manage, I bet you'd find a good proportion of them would recognise this.

Holidays become a really important time to switch off from this. And not being dragged back into work thinking is essential for that to work. And particularly important if someone is also facing a difficult life situation, like a pregnancy that is not going smoothly.

MsTSwift Thu 21-Feb-19 10:24:26

Scarriff why the hell should op do that in her holiday? She is a solicitor that is work to her.

I don’t know what your job is but if you were sitting on a sun lounger on holiday having a difficult pregnancy and your mil walked up to you demanded you put your book down and do 40 minutes of whatever your job is how would you feel?

Adversecamber22 Thu 21-Feb-19 09:32:45

I’m with the poster way up thread who laments the passing of times gone by when there were no mobiles or email or it was so basic that people only contacted you in a genuine emergency. I went on a cruise last year and being all at sea meant we were out of range some days, which I loved.

PenelopeFlintstone Thu 21-Feb-19 08:48:42

Hey OP, Bertrand Russel can shove it. Troll someone else.
confused Disagreeing isn't trolling.

Scarriff Thu 21-Feb-19 07:42:48

Different take I think. Spend 5 minutes googling liability insurance and read out a para in a soothing voice. Make sure they have a pen. At the end say its not your area of expertise but this is to help them get a start. When you get home you will look for recommendations for proper experts for them. In other words, speak to their anxiety rather than the question they seem to be asking.

MsTSwift Thu 21-Feb-19 07:04:57

Pretty sure anyone who is a solicitor is totally on your side op. It’s rarely “just a quick chat”. I have a lovely kind gentle aunt who dh agreed to assist with a legal matter as her issue was his field and she was a truly nightmare client worse than all his hard arse corporate clients! Fortunately he was conflicted out so able to quite properly dump her as a client.

Ringdonna Thu 21-Feb-19 06:31:46

Do it and send them a large bill.

Doesntlooklikeanythingtome Thu 21-Feb-19 05:45:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mimmi78 Wed 20-Feb-19 22:08:18

I'm a London Lloyd's based insurance expert, I can answer it for you if it's in my field of expertise? At least that would take pressure if you ? Sorry you have to deal with stress on holidaythanks

Supermum29 Wed 20-Feb-19 21:06:23

If it’s not urgent it can wait until you’re back. You’re supposed to be on holiday!

Liverpool52 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:56:59

My ILs are like this - criticised me for studying too much and not calling my MIL at least once a week as they expected of a good little DIL and then when I qualified calling up and demanding urgent legal advice on a range of topics and then getting arsey with me when I said it wasn't my specialism.

LouH1981 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:50:13

YANBU - firstly, as a solicitor, it’s drives me insane that people think you can offer advice in EVERY single area of law and secondly, you should be relaxing. They should respect this and should your husband. It can wait. Make the most of the time you are away while you are there. Plenty of time to sort it later xxx Be kind to you and LO and relax xx

ToftyAC Wed 20-Feb-19 19:39:03

I don’t think you were being unreasonable at all OP. Your PILs were being a bit thoughtless, but not malicious at least. However, your DHs outburst was, quite frankly, ridiculous! He himself knows how you need to kick back and take it easy so I can’t understand why he’d stress you out even more. Glad it’s all sorted though. Best of luck with your pregnancy 🤰

SuspiciouslyMinded Wed 20-Feb-19 19:04:59

OP, the first time I read your post I thought your DH had a big argument with his parents for disturbing you while on holiday! I thought what a lovely caring husband you have!

Alas I now see that’s not the case - just yet another bloody man who is completely unable to respect and offer support to his pregnant partner!

You are definitely not BU - I hope the rest of the holidays will be more bearable. 💐💐💐

Pilgit Wed 20-Feb-19 18:40:24

It is incredibly rude to call anyone when they are on holiday except when there is some news that has to be shared - I.e. granny Only has 3 days to live so if you want to say goodbye... or granny has died and we wanted you to know so you didn't find out another way. Anything else can wait. It's called observing boundaries.

IHateUncleJamie Wed 20-Feb-19 18:40:12

@Mikulkin Not wanting to be disturbed on holiday is not just a MN thing. 🙄 I’m as close as can be with my SIL and the only contact we have when either of us is on holiday abroad is the odd text to share a nice photo. I would NEVER ask her a work related question when she’s on holiday and that’s reciprocated. She’s not on MN by the way.

It’s being thoughtful and respecting people’s boundaries is all; asking yourself “Can this wait until x is back?”

Jaxhog Wed 20-Feb-19 18:14:33

I work in IT and get this too. Why anyone would think I want to resolve their non-urgent technical query while on holiday, I have no idea. They usually get ignored until I get back. Woe betide anyone who tried to do a side run to my DH. They'd get very short shrift - from him.

Jaxhog Wed 20-Feb-19 18:10:05

Let me join you in your outrage Op. You are unwell (or at least delicate right now) and on holiday. NO-ONE should get to interrupt your holiday unless it is life theatening to you (or a very close family member) or you are the MD of a large company about to go bankrupt. This was not. So what if they're family? It was an enquiry that could wait until after you got back.

Hope the baby keeps going.

MiniEggAddiction Wed 20-Feb-19 18:07:50

Meh I don't think I'd be that bothered by this. I'd just say "it's not my field sorry can't help" (If it was my field I'd probably just say, I'd talk to them when I got back). I can totally understand OP not wanting to think about work or tedious issue like this but it's quite possible IL's didn't realise how disruptive one question would be.

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