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About this work birthday collection.....

(56 Posts)
maddiemookins16mum Mon 18-Feb-19 19:18:50

I work in an office of about 65 people.
There are various teams who sit together (6 teams in total) and there is me and another lady who are our own team but we work very closely with the other teams in a support role. Without us, their roles would be much harder but we are all on the same level, just different aspects of our business.
When it’s someones birthday, the team that the birthday person is on do a collection for them, decorate their desk and get some gifts. The average collection is £30/£40.
It’s the first birthday of my colleague (let’s call her L) on our ‘team of two’ since I’ve been there and she mentioned last week she was going out on this Saturday night just gone for her birthday (this was yesterday btw).
So last week I put the feelers out about ‘what is done’ re collections and nobody really seemed interested. For full disclosure, I tolerate my colleague and we’ll never be good friends but we work ok together.
Our Line Manager also mentioned it was L’s birthday and I said I’d got a card and had passed it to the teams for those who wanted to sign it.
The card made it’s way back with about 16 signatures. No money was forthcoming whatsoever from a single person.
So I had two choices, get L decent presents (like everyone else gets) or stick the card and a £2 bar of Galaxy on her desk.

I’ve ended up spending about £25 on presents, mentioned it to those who signed the card and was met with ‘oh lovely, she’ll like that’ etc etc.

I just feel a bit hard done by and really don’t want to have to repeat this next year.

I didn’t even spend £25 on my own DP’s birthday last year!

caughtinanet Tue 19-Feb-19 18:35:04

That's crazy, stop contributing now, if anyone asks explain you can't afford it, there's no way for misunderstandings or need for elaborate excuses

JenniferJareau Tue 19-Feb-19 18:17:27

Current place of work, no one gives team gifts but often the birthday boy / girl brings in treats for the office.

JasperKarat Tue 19-Feb-19 09:02:52

Don't contribute to other team birthdays too!

JasperKarat Tue 19-Feb-19 09:00:50

Thing is you have one person in your team so didn't £25 at once, if you had 5 people in your team you'd still spend £25 just over a longer period when you cup in £5 or so which they must be to be buying £30 presents

M4J4 Tue 19-Feb-19 08:52:09

Yes, if they don't celebrate your birthday then stop contributing to their collections!

downcasteyes Tue 19-Feb-19 08:15:40

Oh, aren't you lovely! I understand completely that you feel hard done by here (I think most of us would), but the fact that you did this not to upset your colleague comes from a really kind and sweet place.

I would send the email to colleagues that OfftoBed mentions above. If nothing is forthcoming, when your birthday comes around, set a precedent by mentioning the collection issue and saying that it's fine just to get you a very small gift. At least that way you aren't locked in next year!

Charley50 Tue 19-Feb-19 08:08:10

Blimey! You could have got her a £5 bunch of tulips from Tesco and she would have been chuffed. Can't understand why you spent £25 tbh.

Janethevirgo Tue 19-Feb-19 08:07:38

I’m not saying it’s not unfair but you choose to spend £25 on a gift for something you tolerate and you didn’t have to.

greendale17 Tue 19-Feb-19 08:07:01

*I personally buy the whole office an Easter egg, but that is one of my quirks smile, and is £30 once a year.*

^Love that smile

JingsMahBucket Tue 19-Feb-19 08:05:50

YANBU. That was rather mean and stingy of your colleagues. What has happened on your birthday before? If it’s been a similar treatment, I would feel underappreciated. Definitely ask your manager to contribute maybe £15 from the office kitty, if one exists, to balance out your spend.

Janethevirgo Tue 19-Feb-19 08:05:50

Please do not speak to your manager about this.
The workplace collection is optional, no one needs to put in. The op put the feelers out and no one seemed interested . Just stop putting in for other people’s and if asked why be honest

Pinkyyy Tue 19-Feb-19 08:05:22

I completely agree with @OffToBedhampton 's suggestion

OffToBedhampton Tue 19-Feb-19 07:59:53

And if anyone asks about what you said you'd bought, just be honest.
"Well I had to buy it out of my money as no one out of 65 people in this office even contributed 10p. And I realised I couldn't afford it.
... as well as spend £60 a year contributing to all your collections. So I took it back."

OffToBedhampton Tue 19-Feb-19 07:56:45

Send an email round "hi guys, L's birthday card has come back with no money in. I know people normally contribute just to their teams and sign others cards. But we are different as a small support team of 2 to all your team's so we have been contributing to all your collections. "

Then send card round again.

Voila. Either way only use money collected for L's birthday present. Return your gift if need be or you will resent it when you get a cupcake yourself.

You're in it together as a team of 2, it's not for you to subsidize 60 other thoughtless colleagues who could see 16 names and feel envelope was empty. Maybe you'll bond over it.

DerelictWreck Tue 19-Feb-19 07:45:26


Do the other team know that you've both been contributing to theirs? Or perhaps your colleague hasn't been, and so they've decided to give nothing.

Solina Tue 19-Feb-19 07:45:24

Did you put any money in to start the collection? I would have put in few pounds in to get others to add in. Might have worked.

I dont like collections though. We have similar set up, big team with smaller teams in it. The collections are never ending for babies and leaving gifts and big birthdays across all the teams. I usually dont carry money with me so dont add in any unless its someone I really like. Never have collection for normal birthdays though but I have bought gifts for my colleagues that I consider to be my friends and they for me but its not an collection.

Margot33 Tue 19-Feb-19 07:40:12

See what happens when it's your birthday. If you get nothing then you know noone donated. If you get a bar of chocolate then its probably just from your collegue. When this happens you stop chipping in money to other teams collections.

CalmdownJanet Tue 19-Feb-19 07:37:20

So you contribute to everyone else's gift in the team? If that's the case I would have said outright that you wanted the same money everyone else puts in, why wait for them to offer it up? You should have been more direct. They wouldn't get a penny next collection that's for sure.

I think you should have decorated the desk and bought the large bar and a cupcake with a candle, just signed a card from yourself and "Happy birthday Linda" then jokingly "sorry a team of two means smaller pressies" or similar

Cuttingthegrass Tue 19-Feb-19 07:36:10

I think you need to have a word with manager and point out how unequal it is for your team of two and that you paid £25 yourself as didn’t want her to feel left out. The current system is bias and needs to change.

maddiemookins16mum Tue 19-Feb-19 07:32:09

The way it’s done is the card goes round in an A4 envelope with writing on the front ‘it’s L’s birthday on Sunday, any contributions welcome etc, please return to Maddiemoo in ourteamoftwo by Thursday 14 Feb’. When the other teams envelopes have come round, I’ve stuck a £2 coin in, it’s usually already got money in etc. L’s envelope came back empty.

Janethevirgo Tue 19-Feb-19 07:30:54

You put the feelers out and no one seemed interested. I’m not sure why you are now surprised.
I’d have just done a private gift from myself

Hollanda Tue 19-Feb-19 07:30:27

We do collections for:

New babies
Milestone birthdays

I don't mind any of these things. Happy to give when I can. smile Normal birthdays get card only and birthday person brings cakes in. Works for us.

Bananasarenottheonlyfruit Tue 19-Feb-19 07:28:25

What has been done for her birthday in previous years?
You do know that when your birthday comes around, no one is going to reciprocate? And then you will feel mightily pissed off!

It sounds like you tried to change a dynamic here. They collect and do gifts within each team and you tried to do it for someone outside their teams. I get that you support them, great, but you have your own team to do gifts within. They will just be smaller for a smaller team.

DerelictWreck Tue 19-Feb-19 07:26:18

Did you actually ask the other team you support to add to a collection? Seems like you sent a card and hoped they would send it back with cash?

Margot33 Tue 19-Feb-19 07:24:46

Most places I've worked at, the birthday person brings in cakes. I wouldn't have spent £25 of my own money on a workmates birthday gift. A box of chocolates would have been nice. But you did a very nice thing, I do think that you should have said that the gift was just from you though. Cannot believe noone chipped in?!

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