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IATotallyU - come and kick me into touch.

(59 Posts)
SandunesAndRainclouds Mon 18-Feb-19 18:12:23

I’ve been in training for 3 weeks part time for a new job and today was the first day of being on the ‘shop floor’ as it were.

I’m completely overwhelmed at the task I’ve set myself, even though I know I’m capable. The last couple of years have been dominated by anxiety - I’ve been loads better recently and have felt ready to go back to work.

And yet here I am, hiding in a dark corner at home trying to compose myself away from DCs. I am so, so scared about going back tomorrow. Anxiety is winning, I feel like shit and I want to give up before I’ve even started.

Clearly this is completely unreasonable - so in the best AIBU form give it to me and tell me to stop being such a bloody idiot, pull myself together and get on with it.

<Braced for AIBU truthfulness>

Readytogogogo Mon 18-Feb-19 18:13:59

flowers You can do it. Take it day by day.

FadedRed Mon 18-Feb-19 18:17:35

Tell anxiety to fuck off. As loud as you can, as often as you can.
You are perfectly capable of doing this.

OurChristmasMiracle Mon 18-Feb-19 18:17:35

YANBU it’s a big scary step! Rather than focusing on tomorrow, look at how far you’ve already come!! You have done 3 weeks of training. You are step by step overcoming this anxiety. It will not win

Be gentle with yourself. flowers

PS - I’m not gonna kick you but I will gently nudge you in the direction of confidence

Floralhousecoat Mon 18-Feb-19 18:17:53

I find breathing exercises really helpful in these cases where my mind goes into overdrive.

Just remember your training. You know more than you think you do. You got this. Xx

GinUnicorn Mon 18-Feb-19 18:18:43

I think you are being crazy hard on yourself.

It’s scary and new. Take a few breaths and remember you are human and it will take you a little time to adjust. That doesn’t make you a failure.

Good luck OP. You can do

Aquamarine1029 Mon 18-Feb-19 18:22:03

Your anxiety is nothing more than an annoying rush of cortisol that only tricks you into believing you're not capable. Move around, shake your arms, bounce up and down, keep yourself busy. It will pass. The very WORST things you can do is cower away and let them overwhelm you. Tell your anxiety to give it all it's got and then tell it to fuck right off. YOU are in control, not some stupid anxiety.

SandunesAndRainclouds Mon 18-Feb-19 18:26:29

Well they’re all very nice replies thank you (vipers, where are you?!!!!)

I have learnt how to manage it so well, and I know I’ve just got to push through and beat it. Sometimes it’s hard to find the energy to do that... it’s hard to keep fighting all the time.

LongWalkShortPlank Mon 18-Feb-19 18:29:44

I had this in September after being an unemployed single mum. I was over the moon to find a job in a school that fit around my dc after being unemployed for a few years. I felt completely useless, I was hard on myself and I dreaded going back every day because I had convinced myself that I must have been awful and everyone must hate me. An ex had recently knocked my confidence and its just starting to come back, but one thing I am quietly confident with now is my job. You just need a little time to settle in, I bet you're doing fantastic. And you should be so proud of yourself for getting this far. But the pp are right, don't hide away. You've got this.

sequinafortune Mon 18-Feb-19 18:39:57

Nah, gentle nudge in the right direction flowers
Your anxiety can fuck right off, because you've got shit to do!
Breathe. Keep breathing. It's the first thing to go when feeling anxious.
You've done your training, and you're 3 weeks in. If you have questions, or aren't sure, then ask. There's never any shame in asking for help or clarification.
Make sure you're feeling your best tomorrow. If you wear make up, make sure it's gorgeous, with a bright lippy.
If not, make sure your hair is as you like it/your clothes are smart/your shoes are shiny/hell, your perfume is awesome! It doesn't matter what, or how you do it, but leave the house feeling your best.
Head up high, and remember the nest here who are all rooting for you. You've got this! flowers

sequinafortune Mon 18-Feb-19 18:42:46

OP, I'm 2 months in to a new job, and there are days I feel completely overwhelmed. I can't let that feeling win though, because if I wasn't capable I wouldn't be there. It's hard, and it's stressful, but I get it done. We can do it together. wine

BrizzleMint Mon 18-Feb-19 18:44:39

You've done so well to get the job, give yourself a massive pat on the back and a large glass of wine and tell yourself you can do it. Anxiety can fuck off.

FascinatingCarrot Mon 18-Feb-19 18:46:03

Keep going my lovely. Deep breaths, treat yourself to something you want with those well earned wages and please pat yourself on the back.
You've got this far! Well done

SandunesAndRainclouds Mon 18-Feb-19 18:48:17

Thank you all. Weird isn’t it how a load of words on a screen can help. I’m out of hiding and cuddling littlest DCs. Biggest DC has just sent me an ‘you got this meme’ and given me a hug so she’s sussed me out. She’s pretty awesome.

Ok. No more crying. Bag is also packed and ready to go. I’ll face tomorrow with vipers in my pocket.

FascinatingCarrot Mon 18-Feb-19 18:50:17

Your daughter sounds fab

SandunesAndRainclouds Mon 18-Feb-19 18:52:38

She really is amazing. When DD2 was unwell (the trigger of the worst anxiety) she was completely incredible. I feel incredibly guilty that she’s seen me at my weakest and most vulnerable and yet so grateful that she’s in my corner.

FascinatingCarrot Mon 18-Feb-19 19:03:57

Dont feel guilty. Shell be so proud of seeing you fighting through

UnderMajorDomoMinor Mon 18-Feb-19 19:10:31

Op everyone feels scared and anxious in a new job. They might not feel it as badly as you but it is a rare person who strides out with no shred of doubt.

Anxiety is tenacious but you’re doing fab and if you have a wobble people will understand.

MzHz Mon 18-Feb-19 19:16:30

Fellow anxiety sufferer here, it’s just utterly crap

You absolutely have got this, have you tried Rescue remedy? That really gives me a bit of a boost and helps me cope

Can you also imagine that we’re all there with you, we know you can do this (((Hug)))

SandunesAndRainclouds Mon 18-Feb-19 19:24:14

I’d actually forgotten about RR, I have some stashed somewhere. Oh, and some Kalms they might help with sleep tonight. I’ll dig them out now.

MzHz Mon 18-Feb-19 22:01:44

Brilliant! It helped me with agoraphobia and right now it helps me with general anxiety ensuing from a bloody awful work situation

Just having it in my bag makes me feel just that little bit better

SandunesAndRainclouds Tue 19-Feb-19 06:23:21


Anxiety ramped up late last night. I’ve been awake since 4am. Now feel like I’m looking down a shotgun.... paralysed by fear. I can’t do it. I just can’t.

Tillygetsit Tue 19-Feb-19 06:31:18

You can you know. Deep breath. You're going to be fantastic.

NeverHadANickname Tue 19-Feb-19 06:38:16

You can do this. You got through yesterday and you can get through today. I believe in you.

Shinyletsbebadguys Tue 19-Feb-19 06:43:29

Things are always worse at that time of night....nothing is real in your head between 3am and 6 am I promise

And now that bit is over leave it in the night where it belongs

You have got this you really have

Break this morning into smaller steps aren't going into work yet , you are just getting up , then when you are done you are just getting in the shower.....see what I mean ?

Break this morning into very small tasks one at a time

SandunesAndRainclouds Tue 19-Feb-19 06:44:39

I’m showered and dressed.


Going to try and eat.

chipshopElvis Tue 19-Feb-19 06:50:28

You can do it! In a few hours it will all be over and you can have a treat for pushing through. One foot in front of the other, fake it till you make it!

Nishky Tue 19-Feb-19 06:51:06

Good Luck - not that you need it - you have got this.

Someone said to me decades ago ‘ this is one day out of your life’ - even now I find myself saying ‘one day’ in my head at times of anxiety

flumpybear Tue 19-Feb-19 06:51:29

There's four stages to new jobs

Unconsciously incompetent
Consciously incompetent (you today)
Unconsciously competent
Consciously competent

EVERYONE goes through this, please don't worry, yes it's scary but people who are new go through a period of learning, it's fine, allow yourself this and before you know it you'll b doing it well without realising - good luck

Purplecatshopaholic Tue 19-Feb-19 06:56:16

You WILL be ok. I have terrible anxiety (started last year and really hit me for six), so I know how you feel. Breathing exercises can help, and Mindfulness approaches. And I hope you are getting support from your GP and appropriate medication. A new job is always challenging for anyone so you are not alone.

Mummadeeze Tue 19-Feb-19 06:58:04

Hey, just wanted to say that I have a good career and have lots of experience and am very used to working in my field. But when starting a new job, I have also felt very overwhelmed in the first few weeks. It can be really scary. What I have done, is used the toilets to go and sit in for a few minutes every few hours to take some time out, breathe, think, give myself a pep talk. I also made sure I took my full lunch break and went and did something relaxing and nice like take a book and read in a cafe or go and sit in the jacuzzi/steam room at the local gym, or just walk in the park nearby. Taking breaks and time out of the day when you are being bombarded with new information is so important. I also confided in a few people that I was feeling the effects of being a newbie and would they mind if I asked them lots of questions or asked them for help on certain things as ‘we did things slightly differently in my old work’. I put in catch ups with people of my own bat just to get tips on how things were done, documents they used that I might not know about etc etc. People tend to be really nice when you are asking to learn from them. And if people ask you a question you are not sure of the answer to, even if you should know, don’t be afraid to say you are still getting your head round everything and will get back to them. Don’t beat yourself up, take things at your own pace. You can do it. And as others have said, once you are settled in your confidence will soar and you will look back and wonder what you were worrying about.

SandunesAndRainclouds Tue 19-Feb-19 06:58:12

Thanks for all the support.

Meds - I manage without. GP refused beta blockers and I had a drug reaction to two SSRIs.

AstralTraveller Tue 19-Feb-19 06:59:08

You are me today OP. I have a days work as a freelance. I am there on Thursday too. I have done a few days there already but it makes me ill with anxiety. I need the money for now though and it's that that is keeping me going there.

Loseitandkeepitlost Tue 19-Feb-19 07:03:08

You can do this. The anticipation of going will feel worse than actually being there.

One day at a time. One hour at a time if it’s better for you. You’re up, dressed and ready, at 4am you probably felt you couldn’t achieve that but you did it!

Have a good day today!

Icepinkeskimo Tue 19-Feb-19 07:03:43

Just wanted to send you good luck this morning, walk in with a smile on your face and chin up. The anxiety is overwhelming I know, but deep breaths and focus on the weekend and plan something nice.

You can do this, I just know you can 👍🏻

PeterPiperPickedWrong Tue 19-Feb-19 07:04:33

You can do it!
The anticipation of it is worse than doing it. Once you get there you will be fine.
Come and tell us how you got on later flowers

Cuttingthegrass Tue 19-Feb-19 07:04:58

Focus on what you’ve learned in your training once you get to work. Don’t try and think before you get there.

You’ve got this. You will do it.

SandunesAndRainclouds Tue 19-Feb-19 07:12:01

I’m on my way. DH driving, kids in pyjamas.

DailyBaileys Tue 19-Feb-19 07:26:33

I'm a little late, but, remember:

Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway!

The anxiety will dissipate after you get there...

OffToBedhampton Tue 19-Feb-19 08:13:50

Sandunes will walk around at work today thinking of you every now and then. So remember that you'll have a few MNers doing same to give you a boost.

You can do it!

And if you think 'i dont know what to do, it's all scary;" at any point - tell yourself " So bloody what?! It's my first day(/week/month/year)!!! They expect this! " 😁

TheDarkPassenger Tue 19-Feb-19 08:29:44

I was the exact same I fully changed career and it set off this anxiety deep inside me that I couldn’t control. I spent the first 3 weeks of my new job with the shits and having panic attacks every single day. Breathing helps so much and I know it sounds hard but just pretending to be carefree like I used to be, sort of fake it til you make it. Seemed to work. I do have my own desk though so I take home comforts to keep there, not sure of this is something you can do

SandunesAndRainclouds Tue 19-Feb-19 10:43:12

I’m here, I’m going it and everyone is still alive... thanks for all the support

NeverHadANickname Tue 19-Feb-19 11:08:05

Well done. I hope your day goes well. I'll be thinking about you too.

FadedRed Tue 19-Feb-19 13:27:17

We’re all here rooting for you!
Change your username to ‘Goldensandsandsandsunshine’ ? grin

FadedRed Tue 19-Feb-19 13:28:31

Oops - one too many sands in there!

MzHz Tue 19-Feb-19 14:16:11

Yay!! Well done you!! Let us know how you get on?

SandunesAndRainclouds Tue 19-Feb-19 14:42:35

Ok so I’ve survived the first day. Phew. Wobbled most of the day, trembling inside but faked a big smile all day.

I’ve spoke to my line manager and told her how hard it’s been to get back and she was so supportive - has had a similar experience to me so knew what it was like.

I’m knackered now!!

ememem84 Tue 19-Feb-19 14:44:27

Yay! Well done. Day one done. Just do today again. That’s all you have to do. One day at a time. It’ll get easier xx

NeverHadANickname Tue 19-Feb-19 17:41:53

Well done. You deserve a rest. Keep posting if you have any more wobbles.

PeterPiperPickedWrong Tue 19-Feb-19 18:42:04

Yay! You did it! smile
When I started my new job -total career change-I hardly slept for the whole first week. Several years on it’s just a distant memory. I hope you sleep well tonight. Little tip. Someone once told me that when your mind is racing and won’t switch off just say the word THE over and over in your head and just focus on saying that. I don’t know why but it does work.

SandunesAndRainclouds Tue 19-Feb-19 20:16:10

Thank you again for the support.

I can still feel the anxiety, almost a threat but coping ok so far this evening. Feeling guilty for not being around during half term - I’ve only been home for the DCs every single day for the last 6 years so I’m an utter failure, right?!

mummmy2017 Tue 19-Feb-19 20:19:18

List the worse things you can think of happening .
Getting kidnapped by aliens.
Sink hole... Ect
Then cross them all out tomorrow night when you get home.

BuckBuckMcFate Tue 19-Feb-19 20:21:14

I'd say you've earned some half term time off from the kids 😉

DorotheaHomeAlone Tue 19-Feb-19 20:27:35

On the surface I appear very calm and confident but I HATE starting new things and become a ball of terror and first doubt. I always convince myself that I’m terribly suited to whatever I’ve just begun and should just quit before they realise. I get through it by focusing on the short term (you just need to go this week then we’ll reevaluate), by reminding myself that everyone gets anxious at first, by remembering that everything I’ve loved doing I hated and felt anxious at first, and by aggressively shooting down any negative self talk in my head (I say ‘this is just your anxiety ‘ either in my head or out loud). You’ve done the hardest day. You can do the rest of this week and next week will be easier.

SandunesAndRainclouds Wed 20-Feb-19 07:08:10

So day 2 is better than day 1. I’ve slept (hooray!!) and I’ve managed to eat this morning. Two very big positives there.

mogtheexcellent Wed 20-Feb-19 08:38:53

Wow. That's fabulous. Well done you.

Sounds weird but I always do an ally mc Beale style inner song when I need a bit of oomf in my confidence. Currently its Happy by pharrell Williams

notapizzaeater Wed 20-Feb-19 09:19:30

Fantastic, I'd write down in a note how you are feeling now and when you get home to look at it on bad days to see how you survived and conquered it.

SandunesAndRainclouds Wed 20-Feb-19 15:18:24

Day 2 ✔️

I’ve survived! Feeling loads better. Thanks again all!

flumpybear Wed 20-Feb-19 15:24:12

Well done you 👍👍👍🍾

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