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(128 Posts)
LellowYedbetter Sat 16-Feb-19 23:27:14

DS got a cake for his 18th. He’s not been home to see it cut (he does live here). He’s coming back tomorrow. DSS2 is here this weekend and wants some. I have said to DS to come home tomorrow morning so that DSS can get some cake before he goes home. I then said to DH that DSS2 can take some home for DSS1 (and his mum if he wants to) as it will get wasted otherwise. DH immediately said “no it’s ok”. I said “it will only go to waste that’s all ...” to which DH said “I don’t understand why you create so much drama around cake? It’s like as soon as a cake appears, you go into military mode ... it’s all stress and precision ... it’s weird ... “

So am I being a weird cunt or what? I don’t get what I did wrong?

BartonHollow Sat 16-Feb-19 23:32:50

I can appreciate why you would want your 18 year old to see his cake and maybe take a photo before it is distributed among siblings.

I don't think YABU unless you have regular form for stressing about minor things, though an 18th is important to mark

Doobydoobeedoo Sat 16-Feb-19 23:33:48

"DSS2 is here this weekend and wants some."

Tough. It's not his cake.

" I then said to DH that DSS2 can take some home for DSS1 (and his mum if he wants to) as it will get wasted otherwise."

It's not your cake to give away.

I'm with your DH. Just leave it be.

Somethingsmellsnice Sat 16-Feb-19 23:34:26

It is DS's cake. Surely you aren't going to cut it up before he gets back.

I see where your DH is coming from. Why all the discussion about it? DS will have it when he gets back. Not sure why you are giving it away to others when it is his.

ivykaty44 Sat 16-Feb-19 23:35:19

I’d think it odd for the 18 year old to get a birthday cake that already had three portions taken out of. So make them wait

Fatasfook Sat 16-Feb-19 23:36:02

Step away from the cake

ivykaty44 Sat 16-Feb-19 23:36:22

How old is DSS2 because it’s really irrelevant?

CheddarAndCrackers Sat 16-Feb-19 23:38:25

What sort of cake? wink

LLOE7 Sat 16-Feb-19 23:38:31

Just because you paid for it doesn't mean you get to dictate who gets some. Wait for your ds to come home to cut it and he can decide if he wants to share with his dsb and their mum.

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 16-Feb-19 23:38:37

It’s DS cake. He gets to decide what happens to it. No one gets any before he does.

Also, life is too short to fight over cake.

ChakiraChakra Sat 16-Feb-19 23:38:55

You definitely can't cut the cake at all before he's there.

And it IS his cake to share or not as he sees fit.

dinkydolphin Sat 16-Feb-19 23:40:45

Don't be so weird about it. The cakes belongs to the birthday boy. No matter who wants a piece of it it's not yours to give away. Tough for whoever wants a bit.

Just leave it. It doesn't need to be organised in such a panicky manner.

SneakyGremlins Sat 16-Feb-19 23:41:41

I hope you're fine with your birthday cake being given away before you get any.

SleepingStandingUp Sat 16-Feb-19 23:43:05

Why has DS got a cake at home for his birthday when he's not home to even see it? Surely it'll be stale by the time he gets some

WhenISnappedAndFarted Sat 16-Feb-19 23:43:43

Leave the cake alone, it's his cake.

YourSarcasmIsDripping Sat 16-Feb-19 23:44:17

She just asked her son to come in the morning rather than later so DSS2 could have some before he goes home i presume.(no intention of cutting it without son)
I also expect that after 18 years of bdays and cakes she'll know how big the cake is and if there would be more than enough to give away.

Is your DH miffed you didn't agree to give some to DSS some straight away? Otherwise his reaction is werd.

Lovewineandchocs Sat 16-Feb-19 23:46:10

DS got a cake for his 18th. He’s not been home to see it cut (he does live here). He’s coming back tomorrow. DSS2 is here this weekend and wants some. I have said to DS to come home tomorrow morning so that DSS can get some cake before he goes home

I don’t think the OP is trying to give away cake before her DS gets some, she’s just trying to make sure he cuts it, gets a photo etc before DSS goes home, so he can have some. I’d expect a cake to be shared with family when cut, and DSS1 should probably get some as well, but maybe see what your DS says/how much is left over, don’t stress about it right now. In our extended family, people are always given cake to take home with them, it’s clearly not the same for everyone though?

Tigger001 Sat 16-Feb-19 23:46:52

Surely it's your sons cake for him to decide what to do with. An no DSD2 should keep their mitts off until your son returns. You just don't mess around when it comes to something as important as cake, if anyone took a slice of mine they would know about it 😉😉

MardyMavis Sat 16-Feb-19 23:47:01

So he's obviously out partying or whatever celebrating his 18th...and you have told him to be back in the morning just so he can give some to his sb...cos I'm sure he will be up bright and early for that one!

LellowYedbetter Sat 16-Feb-19 23:48:18

Well I didn’t know that DS would bugger off on his birthday for 3 days ... I assumed he would want to cut his cake before disappearing.

DSS2 is 20 but autistic so mentally about 12.

Anyway I take on board the replies, I’m being weird. I’ll accept that and just wait for DS to come home, I just know the cake is going to be wasted that’s all. It serves 12 people and there are only 3 of us living here. Never mind.

WorraLiberty Sat 16-Feb-19 23:49:57

to which DH said “I don’t understand why you create so much drama around cake? It’s like as soon as a cake appears, you go into military mode ... it’s all stress and precision ... it’s weird ... “

I think you need to explain the 'as soon as a cake appears' bit.

What's happened in the past to make him think this?

MardyMavis Sat 16-Feb-19 23:50:05

Ahh so it's sat there for 3 days?... fuck him then if you paid for it.

LellowYedbetter Sat 16-Feb-19 23:51:11

His birthday was on the 14th. It’s not the morning after I’m asking him to come home early! He’s been gone for days! I just don’t like wasting food, that’s all.

amilosingitor Sat 16-Feb-19 23:51:13

I don't actually think you're being weird - I think the replies on here are weird! Tbh I wouldn't mind betting DS doesn't give a toss about the cake (I get the impression he's already been presented with the cake? Just buggered off before cutting it/having any?) none issue, I whip the kids cakes away as soon as we've done happy birthday and all that jazz to cut up and give out so what's the difference (I say this as a cake maker - nothing more painful than throwing it in the bin!!)

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Sat 16-Feb-19 23:51:36

I really want some cake now

YourSarcasmIsDripping Sat 16-Feb-19 23:51:39

You're not weird , if at all possible try and make sure everyone gets some , and give some away rather than throwing it in the bin.
When it was DD's bday we gave some to her friends, I took dome into work, she took some into school, gave some to the neighbours abd still had loads left.
But don't stress too much about it either,it's just cake.

SleepingStandingUp Sat 16-Feb-19 23:58:34

Well I'd be pretty pissed off if he'd just gone AWOL over his entire birthday and I'd spent God knows how much on cake for it to sit there and go stale whilst he gives no indication of if he'll ever return home! I'd def have eaten it

ThreeAnkleBiters Sat 16-Feb-19 23:59:02

Depends - if someone randomly just picked up a cake for DS who at 18 may well really not care one way or another about it then why not give a few slices to DSS's if they want some? If DS is looking forward to cutting up his lovely cake he got for his 18th birthday and will be upset to find it already hacked up then obviously DSS's will have to do without cake until it's one of their birthdays.

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 17-Feb-19 00:03:04

You're fine, DH is being weird!

Aridane Sun 17-Feb-19 00:03:30

Your DP has it spot on!

PodgeBod Sun 17-Feb-19 00:05:22

I agree with you, I would shoot a text to DS "X really wants to take some cake home, so I'll cut off some for him, Y and Z" but he clearly isn't bothered about the cake so I don't see the problem. I expect he had been having too much fun over his birthday to give it a second thought.

Oswin Sun 17-Feb-19 00:09:50

I think people have misread. Op isn't cutting the cake. She's waiting for her ds to come home.
It's perfectly normal to suggest dss take some home. Your dh is being well fucking weird.

Oswin Sun 17-Feb-19 00:11:23

Adriane can I ask why you agree with the dh? She has suggested the dss takes some cake back to other dss. What is wrong with that?

LagunaBubbles Sun 17-Feb-19 00:11:30

Where is your DS?

YourSarcasmIsDripping Sun 17-Feb-19 00:12:13

What 18 yo seriously cares that much about cake?

CustardySergeant Sun 17-Feb-19 00:15:52

I'm with your DH 100%. The cake is for your DS's 18th birthday. That's it. Anyone else desperate for cake can have some other cake, so bake it or buy it, but just leave your DS's cake alone.

WarpedGalaxy Sun 17-Feb-19 00:16:52

This is the third thread I’ve read today about some angsty situation surrounding cake. I mean it’s cake. Cake is nice, why all this ill-feeling over cake? Who knew cake could be the catalyst for so much trouble in the lives of so many mners?

Anyway I think I might go and find some cake now, hope you sort it out, OP.

YourSarcasmIsDripping Sun 17-Feb-19 00:20:18

@CustardySergeant it's already been left alone for 3 days. Anymore and it's straight in the bin anyways.

Fabaunt Sun 17-Feb-19 00:20:21

You’re not being weird, I think you sound lovely, you sound like a really nice step mum.

MiniMum97 Sun 17-Feb-19 00:20:38

I thought you were being weird. Then it's become clear that DS has seen the cake, had it for his birthday, not had any and then has buggered off while it's just set on the side. It will go off soon. I'd just distribute and leave some for DS.

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 17-Feb-19 00:21:05

The box always lies about portion sizes. Teenage boys eat loads so I’m sure it won’t go to waste. If you have any left over I have a fork ready and I could currently eat a medium sized horse.

SneakyGremlins Sun 17-Feb-19 00:22:15

Surely it won't go stale if it hasn't been taken out of the box or cut into?

Oswin Sun 17-Feb-19 00:27:55

It's absolutely normal to suggest sending cake back to a sibling who isn't there. This threads so confusing.
The ds will come home cut his cake eat a slice then probably not give it another thought. Then the op will say I'm gonna send a few slices with dss. And the ds will say yeah great. I'm so confused. How can people think op is wrong. confused

sleepylittlebunnies Sun 17-Feb-19 00:41:37

Doesn’t sound like too much of a problem. I’d just text him and ask would he like to come home early to cut it or shall you just cut it and give some to his DSB’s. If he’s seen it and left it at home I doubt he’s bothered either way.

I have frozen birthday cakes if we have loads left and none of us have come to any harm eating it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 17-Feb-19 00:43:07

Why does the cake go off after a couple of days? Unless it's got a real cream filling, of course.

We manage to keep cakes going for a week at least, depending on size, but keep them in the fridge (covered of course), which stops them from going mouldy. Doesn't go stale because the cakes are kept in sealed containers, like tupperware.

I can see your point - why let the thing go to waste? - and your DS obvs isn't that bothered about his cake since he hasn't been home for 3 days.

I hope he manages to get home in time for your DSS2 to both have some cake and take some for DSS1 - but if he doesn't, then just give DSS2 some cake for them both anyway, and tell DS that it's the consequence of him not coming home in a reasonable timeframe.

Chainormous Sun 17-Feb-19 01:09:37

If DS has seen the cake, I don't see why he needs to be there for the ceremonial cutting. Either text him and ask if he minds whoever having a slice, or leave it until he comes back.

Most cakes keep for a week or so, so I'm not sure there's any urgency to get rid of some of it, but if there is I think it's daft to require DS to be physically present in order to divide it up.

Di11y Sun 17-Feb-19 07:19:18

if he's seen the cake I'd text and ask him if he minds.

Hairyporker Sun 17-Feb-19 07:25:42

I doubt a newly 18 year old gives a shite about a cake.

LilaJude Sun 17-Feb-19 07:25:53

I don’t think you’re being weird. I think the people bellowing that it’s not your cake and you Have No Right To Touch It are being weird.

Most people clearly haven’t understood your post, which makes clear that you have told your so to come home before DSS leaves so he can see the cake before it’s cut.

I also think most 18yos would be mature enough to understand why the cake was cut before their return if that’s what ends up happening.

As far as I can see you’re taking a pragmatic approach to what really isn’t a serious issue, and your DH (and others on this thread) are blowing it out of proportion.

Chocomousse Sun 17-Feb-19 07:37:51

I would take photos of the cake and ask ds if it was ok to share it out or would he rather I waited until he got there. If he wanted me to wait I'd probably freeze about half of it later, after I'd cut it into portions. Almost all cake freezes well.

I'd do this because I love to make my life complicated hate rows and not because I'm a cake warrior. grin

BlackCatSleeping Sun 17-Feb-19 07:39:38

I don't think you're being weird. Cake is for sharing. smile

sparklefarts Sun 17-Feb-19 07:42:31

I completely disagree with everyone else. What 18 year old boy would care if their mum kindly offered out a couple of slices of cake!
And she clearly isn't cutting it before he has seen it.

Genuinely just think your being normal and nice OP

RhiWrites Sun 17-Feb-19 07:48:28

OP’s not being weird. She wants to see a cake that serves 12 cut and served instead of binned. It’s been three days!

OP, ask your husband why he doesn’t care about it being wasted.

45andahalf Sun 17-Feb-19 07:52:05

I don’t think you’re weird. Maybe a little bit keen on organising things, but with kind motives - you just want to make sure your stepsons get cake.

idontknowwhattosay Sun 17-Feb-19 07:55:40

Where has the 18yr old been for that time?

YeahYeahYeahFineWhatever Sun 17-Feb-19 07:59:08

I think you’re being nice. You want Ds20 to be able to do the “ happy birthday” bit with his Bro then cut the cake and hand some over for him to take, given his mental age is around 12, he’d probably enjoy that and be glad to be taking some cake.
DS18 has gone awol now he’ officially an adult, is enjoying life (probably on the lash) which is fair enough. But you are left trying to be the grown up and keep everyone happy, make sure all interested parties get a piece of cake and aren’t left out...
Also, I think DH IBU and abit of an ass to you. It’s about the experience, not the cake distribution.

caughtinanet Sun 17-Feb-19 08:04:02

I don't think you're being wierd at all, since when did a cake become the property of the birthday person? And where are you all buying your cakes from that they go stale after 3 days when they haven't been cut into?

I do think it's a little odd to buy a cake for 12 when there are only 4 of you there but that's done now so cut the cake and let the DSSs have some to take home.

EvaHarknessRose Sun 17-Feb-19 08:18:50

What dh seems to be missing is that you have thought about the cake, budgeted for the cake, bought the cake, messaged about the cake, and are now thinking of others who may enjoy partaking in the cake. He has not had to think about any of that (maybe he will for dss birthday if you guys share the mental load?) You don’t sound preoccupied about the cake, in fact you sound very laid back (I hope you get to celebrate the 18th with ds at some point!) and your dh could be less snappy about a simple suggestion (but maybe it touched a nerve that you asked him but didn’t accept his ‘no its ok’). And fwiw I wouldn’t make or buy a small cake for an 18th either, I would go big too.

FrannySalinger Sun 17-Feb-19 08:22:44

Hold on - has your son seen his birthday cake, he's just not there to see it being cut? Because if so, and unless when you cut it it will explode with fireworks and chorus girls, I'd just cut the cake and not ware it.

FrannySalinger Sun 17-Feb-19 08:23:07

*waste it

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours Sun 17-Feb-19 08:30:47

If he's seen it and not been arsed to cut it, then he's missed his chance to be precious about it, imo

Send dss off with a nice chunk and treat the rest of it like communal property.

and don't let dh have any.....that'll teach him.

spinabifidamom Sun 17-Feb-19 08:32:21

Its his birthday right? Maybe you should use pictures of the cake to help him understand. I understand you hate wasting money. I feel the same way. And no you are not being unreasonable here. Whenever we celebrate a birthday we always take home slices of the birthday cake to eat as a snack the next day if we find we’re feeling peckish. As a last ditch option you might have to stop buying cake if he does not want to eat it.

Hairyporker Sun 17-Feb-19 08:35:37

I suspect the issue for the Ops husband is her making a mountain out of a molehill on many different issues.

GottenGottenGotten Sun 17-Feb-19 08:36:56

Op, I think it's lovely that you are being so considerate of your step children.

Your dh's reaction is odd to me, it's not like you are trying to feed half the neighbourhood - you want his son, - not your son- to get some before he goes home.

In what world is that unreasonable?

ChesterGreySideboard Sun 17-Feb-19 08:37:35

It kind of depends.

If it’s a standard shop bought boxed up cake, then cut it.
If it’s a home made but plain type cake, like a Victoria sponge, then cut it.
If it’s a fancy made to order celebration type cake with beautiful decorations and sparklers and shit, then leave it.

feska5 Sun 17-Feb-19 08:37:58

I don’t think you are being weird at all. You are being a normal mum who wants to keep everyone happy and share a cake you bought. Cut it and share it. DS will enjoy it what’s left when he returns home from his celebrations. Wouldn’t bother with a 21st cake though ☺️

Loseitandkeepitlost Sun 17-Feb-19 08:45:21

Just portion & freeze the leftover cake, it doesn’t have to be wasted!

I would have just text son to see if it was okay to cut a bit off to give to DSS. I can’t imagine an 18 year old enjoying being sumonsed home to cut a cake!

DointItForTheKids Sun 17-Feb-19 08:49:28

Did 18 yo DS want a cake? I think the fact that he's been absent (with his same-age friends / significant other) shows that he's not very interested in the cake at all and is an adult (technically!) now and just probably not at all interested being in an entirely different phase of life where going out with his mates is a far far higher priority than coming home to his mum and dad's to eat birthday cake!

On that basis I'd text him and say "Hey DS, I don't want to cut into your cake but DSS is leaving tomorrow afternoon and I wanted to send some cake home with him - would you be upset if I cut three slices for him and his family that he can take back with him??" Job done, no drama.

And next year I'd completely review my cake-buying plans for his 19th because I can't imagine his interest will have increased next year, probably quite the opposite.

You said "DS got a cake for his 18th" - what, that was his present? Not "About DS birthday cake for his 18th". And "He's not been home to see it cut" - it does seem that the cake - the cutting and eating of it seems to have considerable significance to you - that's how it's coming across, rightly or wrongly, when I read your OP.

Whilst I totally get where you're coming from OP re not wasting it and you're obviously kindly trying to accommodate autistic DSS's needs, your husband's comment seems to indicate you have prior form for this with respect to cakes specifically which has clearly influenced your DHs comment.

Whereareyouspot Sun 17-Feb-19 08:51:55

I’m with you!
I don’t think you are being weird you are just trying to make sure a cake actually gets eaten rather than sits and goes stale!

Besides DS isn’t being a bit rude not bothering to even cut it on his bday!
Get him home to have happy bday sung by DSS and then cut cake then just distribute it out as per your idea so it at least gets enjoyed.

Next year don’t bother getting or making one!

Imperfectsusan Sun 17-Feb-19 08:54:19

Leave the cake untouched. It's weird to cut it when he isn't here and hasn't even seen it.

He can always freeze leftovers, and DSS should be the one to wait. I'm sure DS will give cake to whoever he wants.

diddl Sun 17-Feb-19 09:01:08

I can see where you're coming from, Op.

As for wanting to send some to your husband's other son & ex-why would he say no to that & why would the cake go to waste if you didn't do that?

sighrollseyes Sun 17-Feb-19 09:09:11

I can't imagine I was at home on my 18th for a birthday cake cutting! If I was it would have been arranged by my parents for a time that suited me lol!

TheJobNeverEnded Sun 17-Feb-19 09:09:42

Where is this place where a "12" serving cake gets wasted by 3 people.?

Who the hell doesn't have cake for breakfast following the birthday?

Why are there no willing cake eaters in work or on the street? Where is this hell?

bridgetreilly Sun 17-Feb-19 09:18:37

Three days after his birthday and he can't be bothered to come home for ten minutes to have some cake? Yeah, I'd have been eating that all weekend. He's not interested in it.

OP, did you even ask your son if he wanted a cake and when he'd like to have it? Has he been home to open cards and presents and things?

HeyArthur Sun 17-Feb-19 10:17:45

Your son is clearly not bothered about the cake. I would have been eating the cake since Thursday personally and my DC wouldn't mind me giving some away. I cannot stand to see wasted food. (Cake is a special treat in our house though so would not be wasted)

Birdsgottafly Sun 17-Feb-19 10:28:22

"DSS2 is 20 but autistic so mentally about 12."

So you think that because someone is Autistic they are mentally a child?

My 21 year old, studying and working DD, who also happens to have Autism, certainly isn't. Neither are her peers who she went to a SEN School with.

LellowYedbetter Sun 17-Feb-19 10:41:55

Birdsgottafly ... I wasn’t talking about all autistic people, I’m talking specifically about DSS who has a mental age of around 12. Don’t look for shit to be offended by.

DointItForTheKids Sun 17-Feb-19 10:48:45

I thought the intention of your comment re your autistic DSS OP was perfectly clear (that it was about him, his autism, not autistic people in general).

ErictheGuineaPig Sun 17-Feb-19 10:49:47

This thread is bonkers. I don't think you have done anything wrong op. You haven't made a big fuss or suggested anything out of the ordinary. Birthday cakes aren't normally cut without the birthday person being present and are usually shared. This is standard in my world.

Pinkyyy Sun 17-Feb-19 10:55:48

I'd just cut it, he's been gone 3 days and the cake will be off before there's chance to eat it. If he is so bothered he should have cut it before he went.

RosemarysBush Sun 17-Feb-19 11:04:14

Good grief. Is he home yet? Where did he go?! That’s one hell of an 18th! I agree that he probably doesn’t care who you give a bit of cake to as long as he gets a bit eventually. Text him a photo and that you’re going to cut it. If he’s anything like my DS, he probably won’t reply but expect you to crack on.

NunoGoncalves Sun 17-Feb-19 11:14:45

If I bought a cake for a family member it would be with the expectation that the whole family eats it! So if that family member then buggered off for 3 days I'd just let everyone get started on it! It's gonna go stale otherwise!

altiara Sun 17-Feb-19 11:19:19

Cut the cake, eat the cake, share the cake - DS won’t even notice.

altiara Sun 17-Feb-19 11:19:43

And ENJOY the cake cake

NunoGoncalves Sun 17-Feb-19 11:20:05

Cut the cake, eat the cake, share the cake - DS won’t even notice

Right? Why get precious about it? He's clearly not, since he disappeared for the whole weekend! It's just a cake.

itssoooofluffy Sun 17-Feb-19 11:27:05

This is a lot of fuss over a cake!

Cut it, eat it, share it with whoever wants it. I doubt an 18yo cares about a cake, but you could always send him a photo and text him first if you’re worried.

It does sound a little like you’re spending too much time planning the cutting of this cake and who is going to get a slice, so I’m with your DH on that one.

MrsPMT Sun 17-Feb-19 11:29:53

You'll know your DS, most 18yr olds (IMO) really don't care about cake. Has he seen the cake? Maybe text him to say you'll be cutting it at x time if he wants to be there, and just do it and share it.

pineappletower Sun 17-Feb-19 11:49:33

The difference in opinion is because in some people's worlds, birthday cake is gifted and owned by the birthday boy/girl. Other people see birthday cake as a communal item in the household that can be eaten as and when.

I don't see anything wrong with your suggestion OP, but maybe he's more lax about cake etiquette or more strict.

Either way 18 year old has communicated 'cut the cake' by his action. Pile in, guilt free.

Crunchymum Sun 17-Feb-19 12:00:39

So you and your DH have had discussions about cake before??? Your last sentence of your first post suggests so.

LellowYedbetter Sun 17-Feb-19 12:01:56

I don’t actually know where he is. He initially told me he was staying at his girlfriends on Thursday night and would be back the next day. I’ve not seen him since. I know he’s ok as he’s been in touch via Facebook but he has form for being a bit of a wrong un (drugs/police etc) so god knows. I happen to know he got a tattoo done on his 18th. He doesn’t know that I’m aware and might be staying away as he thinks I’ll go mad.

LellowYedbetter Sun 17-Feb-19 12:03:46

There may have been other cake-gates. I have Aspergers so don’t always realising when I’m obsessing over something. Nothing too extreme, just wanting to make sure everyone gets their share and not wanting stuff wasting.

TinselAngel Sun 17-Feb-19 12:08:53

There isn't such a thing as fair "shares" of a birthday cake. It belongs to the person whose birthday it is. It's up to them if they share it.

LellowYedbetter Sun 17-Feb-19 12:11:53

I disagree. I think for one person to sit there gorging on a whole cake to themselves is greedy beyond belief and I wouldn’t allow it

NunoGoncalves Sun 17-Feb-19 12:15:29

There isn't such a thing as fair "shares" of a birthday cake. It belongs to the person whose birthday it is. It's up to them if they share it.

See response by PP:

The difference in opinion is because in some people's worlds, birthday cake is gifted and owned by the birthday boy/girl. Other people see birthday cake as a communal item in the household that can be eaten as and when

In our house nobody "owns" a birthday cake! It's just bought for the family to celebrate that person's birthday! If they were away, we'd definitely cut and eat the cake without them! No sense it going to waste.

EssentialHummus Sun 17-Feb-19 12:21:45

On the day/the next day, I'd say wait. As it goes now, I think I'd be cutting it up, putting some in the fridge for when DS surfaces, some in the freezer, and distributing to the DSSs.

findingmyfeet12 Sun 17-Feb-19 12:22:40

Not sure why everyone is criticising the op?

If he doesn't come home in time, I'd cut it and ensure dss had some to take home.

He's 18. He knows that birthday cakes are for sharing. It's a family thing! Surely an 18 year old boy won't throw a tantrum at not being there to cut a cake hmm

Tucobenedicto Sun 17-Feb-19 12:26:19

FFS get a's a bloody cake not a Porsche who somebody wants a shot of before him..he won't care about cake..only when his next big night out is.

Shinyletsbebadguys Sun 17-Feb-19 12:26:30

You mention repeatedly about not wasting food and then you wouldn't allow someone to sit and eat a whole cake ,it does sound like this is a thing for you and that possibly you do get obsessive about other people's food or food in general (to be fair lots of people do)

I would take a deep breath and step back and recognise it's a thing for you and leave well enough alone

I really do get it I have a couple of things I am like this about and DP has to point out kindly that I perhaps can't see that I am being controlling ...i find it helpful when he does tell me as I genuinely just don't see it

I sort of end up in a feedback loop where all I can see is my own view on repeat ...i need someone to break into my reverie so to speak

BaronessBomburst Sun 17-Feb-19 12:28:47

Cut it up.
Eat it.
Buy/ make a fresh cake when DS eventually reappears.

Hairyporker Sun 17-Feb-19 12:29:27

All this drama over a cake. No wonder he stays away.

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