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To not want her there?!

(58 Posts)
RZNW Sat 16-Feb-19 18:00:06

DP and I have set the wedding date and all is running far.

Only hiccup is the guest list. He wants to invite one specific person I truly don't want there because she brings a dark cloud.

She's a colleague of ours (we work at the same place) and she is absolutely no threat to our relationship - she's happily in a relationship with a woman. But she's just downright fucking rude to me.

No matter how many times I try and engage in conversation or say hi to her, she blanks me. To DP though she's "hilarious and so friendly" 🙄

The girl even claimed at one point we'd never met. Whereas in reality she spent 2 hours in a meeting with me and only one other person so it's not like I got lost in a crowd.

Anyway, I've made peace with the fact you can't please them all and she simply doesn't like me for whatever reason. I don't particularly want her at my wedding though.

Thoughts please? I'm a bridezilla and should just chill the fuck out?

comedycentral Sat 16-Feb-19 18:00:55

No way would I have her at my wedding. She sounds toxic.

Spotsmum Sat 16-Feb-19 18:02:24

Put your foot down. She sounds awful and if she can't respect you, she doesn't get to taint your big day. This is a partnership and your partner has to have your back.

woodwaj Sat 16-Feb-19 18:05:19

Nope. Not even a night invite!

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 16-Feb-19 18:06:50

Just no. She sounds horrible. Your dp is struggling to understand the reality that some women can be total bitches to other women and soooo charming to men.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Sat 16-Feb-19 18:08:02

Since "she's never met you ", don't invite her!

RZNW Sat 16-Feb-19 18:08:34

Thanks ladies thanks

I should point out that DP isn't pushing really hard for her invite. But he's forever the optimist so when I explain what she's like with me he seems to believe I truly caught her on a bad day - 😂 I laugh because he says it like he really believes it's true.

You know how sometimes you just come across a bad seed. That's what I think she is 🤷🏻‍♀️

GottenGottenGotten Sat 16-Feb-19 18:10:04

It's one thing your oh inviting a colleague you've never met, that's ok.

Is another thing inviting someone who is downright rude to you.


Yougotdis Sat 16-Feb-19 18:10:52

Tell your dp she’s your veto and he gets one too if there’s any of your friends on the list he doesn’t want there

CFerdotcom Sat 16-Feb-19 18:15:00

Don't invite her. She'll just blank you at your wedding too! Life's too short for that kind of drama.

Limensoda Sat 16-Feb-19 18:23:26

If your DP considers her a friend then invite her but you've said he isn't pushing it too hard so just tell him you don't like her so no invite.
Do people invite work colleagues to their wedding? I had some people I worked with at mine but they had become close friends who I socialised with. I wouldn't have invited colleagues.

buckeejit Sat 16-Feb-19 18:25:06

No thank you to her

Wauden Sat 16-Feb-19 18:28:13

No way should she be allowed to go to the wedding. She is trouble

Aridane Sat 16-Feb-19 18:29:13


KingIrving Sat 16-Feb-19 18:31:40

A weeding is about people who care for you and makes you feel good. Go for a drink with her after work at some point before or after the wedding, but is about celebrating a life together, a commitment, and why ruin the atmosphere with someone who makes you feel like shit.

user1493413286 Sat 16-Feb-19 18:34:03

Nope I wouldn’t have her there

LazyLizzy Sat 16-Feb-19 18:34:35

Would I fuck invite her.

Whatsnewpussyhat Sat 16-Feb-19 18:34:48

Why would you even consider inviting someone who clearly hates you to your wedding?confused

RZNW Sat 16-Feb-19 18:35:35

Thanks guys.

@BreakfastAtSquiffanys your comment made me laugh! X

Somebody asked about inviting work colleagues...DP and I are emergency services and work horrendous shifts so the majority of our clique are colleagues - aside from family and small group of friends.

I really appreciate the general consensus of veto-ing her. She's got an outstanding resting bitch face and it'd darken my day seeing it in photos.

Such a shame because he says she can be so funny and I'd appreciate some hilarity in my life. Her loss.

GreyGardens88 Sat 16-Feb-19 18:39:13

Maybe she secretly has a big crush on you? And is acting so distant because she knows you're unattainable

RZNW Sat 16-Feb-19 18:39:35

@Whatsnewpussyhat DP has a very small family in comparison to mine and so the list of people he wants to invite is significantly smaller. I didn't want to piss on his parade buy refusing to invite this girl x

RZNW Sat 16-Feb-19 18:41:47

@GreyGardens88 that seriously never occurred to me! I feel bad now 😂 Seen as I can't figure out why she doesn't like me, I'm taking your theory as gospel - it's far better for my self esteem lol x

Gruzinkerbell1 Sat 16-Feb-19 18:44:56

Nope. No invite for cunty chops.

dustarr73 Sat 16-Feb-19 18:48:22

Nope. No invite for cunty chops.
That made me laugh

AlwaysSomethingThere Sat 16-Feb-19 18:49:20

Nope. Off she fucks.

Whatsnewpussyhat Sat 16-Feb-19 18:50:00

He should understand what a dick she is to you and why she shouldn't be at your bloody wedding!

deadliftgirl Sat 16-Feb-19 18:50:58

I would compromise and suggest you invite her as an evening guest!

Asta19 Sat 16-Feb-19 18:52:29

I had this on a way smaller scale when me and my ex were planning a bbq! I’d been on a couple of nights out with him and his workmates. Most of them were fine but this one girl was really rude towards me. She had a bf so I don’t think anything untoward was going on, she just didn’t like me. Anyway, I told him from the get go he wasn’t to invite her to the bbq. The morning of said bbq she texted him saying her and her bf were coming at whatever time. I went mad and said i’m not having someone who has been so rude to me coming into my home. Me and the ex had a row about it. He said it would be rude to uninvite her. I said “tough, I told you she wasn’t welcome in the first place”. I don’t know what he told her in the end but she didn’t come!

Sorry that was a bit of saga! Point being, YANBU. It’s your wedding day. Why should you have someone there who has been so rude to you?

RZNW Sat 16-Feb-19 18:55:35

*Nope. Off she fucks.

Nope. No invite for cunty chops.
These cracked me up! Xx

ReanimatedSGB Sat 16-Feb-19 19:03:49

Agree with PP who said, don't invite her but allow him one veto as well (though obviously he doesn't have to reject anyone if there's no one who annoys him.)

Teddysmum7 Sat 16-Feb-19 19:08:11

What about, let her come to the evening do and not the ceremony? U can lose her in the crowd then 🤷🏽‍♀️

HedgehogPoo Sat 16-Feb-19 19:10:51

In the spirit of fairness, you could toss a coin. Heads you win, tails she loses.

Windgate Sat 16-Feb-19 19:11:43

It's not quite a simple as not inviting her. You and your DF are in the same emergency service and if I've read correctly this woman and other colleagues all work on the same relief/shift/team. If she (& her partner) are the only two not invited you might open a nasty can of worms. Cunty Chops only has to go to Professional Standards and mention bullying or homophobia and you have a real problem. Sorry it stinks but ...........

2rach Sat 16-Feb-19 19:21:21

@Windgate agree with this - we had a similar experience with our guest list as my husband wanted to invite his colleagues apart from one and it was tricky (he was senior to them). We didn't invite him in the end but it was something we had to consider that he'd use it as an example of bullying.

RZNW Sat 16-Feb-19 22:21:34

It has now just turned into a full on row because I've said definitively I don't want her there. He thinks I'm being unreasonable.

Maelstrop Sat 16-Feb-19 22:30:37

@windgate I’m not sure not inviting her to your wedding could be construed as bullying etc, especially as she ignores you completely.

@RZNW I’m appalled at your fiancé. What is he thinking? Who is more important, her or you?

Sweetpea55 Sat 16-Feb-19 22:55:39

Send her an a different address.

Windgate Sat 16-Feb-19 23:10:55

@Maelsrop it can be, sorry

oldsewandsew Sat 16-Feb-19 23:21:13

Oh no, that’s rubbish OP. My DH has a similar ‘friend ‘ before we got married, and he struggled to see her behaviour towards me. Luckily, she let her mask slip being an absolutely blatant bitch to me on a night out, not realising he saw the whole thing. So there was no question of her coming to our wedding luckily. But if there was, I would absolutely have put my foot down, and literally would have cancelled the wedding had he insisted someone be there who would make me feel so shit about myself on my wedding day. (Disclaimer: I genuinely wasn’t a bridezilla!)

justilou1 Sat 16-Feb-19 23:29:11

Invite her and when you see her on the day, introduce yourself.... “Oh I don’t believe we’ve met... I’m X’s wife, Brideziilla. How lovely to meet you. How do you know X?”

WanderingTrolley1 Sat 16-Feb-19 23:32:46

I wouldn’t want to have to think about her and her crap on my wedding day, so no, she wouldn’t be coming!

ChakiraChakra Sat 16-Feb-19 23:33:33

Sorry to hear he argued with your about it.

You're a partnership. a veto is a veto. Stand your ground.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 16-Feb-19 23:38:18

Your dh to be is a bit of tit.

You told him that shes a cow to you and he still wants to invite her.

Nope. Lady bitch face can bugger off in the ambulance she rode in on. He did like it, he can bloody join her.

RomanyQueen1 Sat 16-Feb-19 23:42:10

No, don't invite her, it's normal not to invite work colleagues and cheaper.

Sureyouwill Sat 16-Feb-19 23:43:06

I honestly think that this is partly the reason why I've never got married. I couldn't be coping with the politics.

RomanyQueen1 Sat 16-Feb-19 23:44:33

Ask him wtf he's inviting colleagues anyway, let alone a bitch.
Simple, tell him he can invite her if he wants, but you won't be there.
What knob, does he fancy her?

lellowdinolaur Sat 16-Feb-19 23:45:45

Nah fuck that. Don't invite her.

I didn't want one of DH's (not close) friends there because he bullied me mercilessly as a child. blush

He'd grown out of it and wasn't so bad as an adult but I had a facial disfigurement which he made my life a living hell for and although it had been fixed, I still didn't want to be reminded of that on my wedding day.

He didn't question the lack of invite so I'm guessing he knew why!!

Skittlesandbeer Sat 16-Feb-19 23:56:07

I would be very clear she wasn’t coming, but equally I wouldn’t be drawn into any drama or arguments. I’d flat out refuse to talk about it. Send out the invitations fast and go with ‘it’s done & dusted’.

If pressed say ‘she doesn’t get to poison my wedding day, or the lead up. I’m not excluding her, I’m just not including her. Her and most of the people on the planet are not coming to the wedding. Case closed’

Shut it down, and distract him with the enormous task list.

AnyOldPrion Sat 16-Feb-19 23:58:17

Is anyone else concerned about the fact that the fiance seems unwilling to take the OPs word for it?

OP, is he dismissive of your experiences in other areas of your life? Has he given any valid reason for his suggestion you are unreasonable?

Will this woman be the only colleague you don’t invite out of a small group of close colleagues? Is there a special reason he feels the need to invite her? Or is it simply that he likes her so much he really wants her there, despite the fact his wife-to-be will be upset?

My husband had a close friend to our wedding I didn’t much like, but they were childhood friends. Is it something like that?

Or is it simply that he considers you’re the one being the bitch here and is overruling you on the grounds “he knows better”. Because if it’s that, put your foot down now. If he doubles down, it’s a massive red flag.

ThreeAnkleBiters Sun 17-Feb-19 00:04:34

I was all ready to say just invite her , it's the nice thing to do but no she sounds like she goes out of her way to be awful to you so no I wouldn't want her there either.

Italiangreyhound Sun 17-Feb-19 00:04:48

Is there an expectation you will invite staff etc?

It's bad news that your dh appears to be valuing her option over your opinion, in a way.

Italiangreyhound Sun 17-Feb-19 00:06:04

opinion not option!

AnyOldPrion Sun 17-Feb-19 00:12:19

It's bad news that your dh appears to be valuing her option over your opinion, in a way.

If I’ve understood correctly, he’s valuing HIS opinion over the OPs. Which shows a distinct lack of respect for her judgement.

If my DH told me someone I liked had been a bit of an ass to him, I’d never have insisted on inviting them. It suggests he is putting his colleague’s feelings over those of his wife. Not a good look.

fargo123 Sun 17-Feb-19 06:18:41

I'd be more concerned over why he thinks her feelings are more important than yours.

I'd even go so far as saying ''it's her or me'', just to show how serious I am over this. If he hesitated for even one second, I'd be calling a halt to the wedding for now.

RZNW Sun 17-Feb-19 06:30:05

@Skittlesandbeer thank you, I think that's really sensible advice.

To further update my update;
I very casually brought this up as we were getting in bed last night. We're both overtired and sleep deprived so probably not my wisest move.
His argument was that she's a good friend to him and each time I've told him how rude she's been to me, he's actually questioned her directly about it. Of course she plays ignorant but he's trying to reassure me that he doesn't condone her cattiness towards me.

@Windgate She isn't the only colleague not invited (our rotations are huge numbers) and definitely isn't the only LGBTQ person on/off the guest list so I don't feel worried about being accused of bullying or homophobia, but I totally appreciate your point.

There was a turning point in last nights drama where the penny seemed to drop and he suddenly understood the gravity of asking me to invite this resting bitch face to such a monumental day. I pray that's the end of it now because truthfully I'm bored of her already x

TildaTurnip Sun 17-Feb-19 06:30:27

I would not invite someone who had been deliberately rude to me or my husband. They also wouldn’t be someone I socialised with (at work or not) or someone that I considered a friend if they did that.

JenniferJareau Sun 17-Feb-19 06:37:39

Heck no. If my soon to be DH insisted on inviting her there wouldn't be a wedding. I've been bullied enough in my lifetime, don't want that at my wedding to.

Springwalk Sun 17-Feb-19 07:09:54

No chance! This is the easiet guest list dilemma ever! It is an easy no
way from me.

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