Hosting - Is this CFery?

[ChampagneMamaBear]

Hi all NC’d this post as I know the women are on here.

Ok, so I have a group of 3 friends and we are all in a chat together. I like all the girls and we get on well. However this has been annoying me so much recently - whenever something is suggested it is just expected to be at my house? Even when they want to do something it’ll just be expected to be at my place - I won’t even have invited them.

So at Christmas we decided we would all get together and have a dinner together. I agreed saying it would be nice to have a meal all together. The day before one girl (let’s call her Helen) put a message in the chat asking what time I wanted everyone? I didn’t even know it was expected for me to have everyone round and cook ANOTHER Christmas dinner for them? It annoyed me, I said I wasn’t hosting and they all went into a strop about how we had to go out for a meal now and they were skint? No thought for me when they were expecting me to buy everything and cook for them all - it was actually cheaper for me to go out!!!

This stuck in my mind and then yesterday I checked the group chat after work to see a load of messages.
Helen again had suggested as the weather is getting nicer we should all have a BBQ. Everyone sending in messages agreeing and the last message was from another girl saying “champagne???? We need to know when we’re coming to yours for the BBQ so we can put it in the diary”

WHY THE FUCK WOULD IT BE AT MY HOUSE?!
Is it just me who thinks if you suggest an event, you’re offering to host? Not ‘I wanna do this, you host an event to facilitate that’

It’s really pissed me off and I haven’t replied as I feel like they take the piss all the time. They can see I’ve read the chat and now Helen has text me privately saying “you’ve seen the chat, so when’s the BBQ then?”

ARGH FUCK OFF

[ChampagneMamaBear]

Sorry that was long! Just need to vent! But would you be annoyed at this too?

[MrsJDornan]

I can definitely see why your annoyed, would be different if they actually asked if it could be at yours but to just assume and then hound you is wrong, can't you just tell them?

[MrsJDornan]

You're* sorry

[Thesnobbymiddleclassone]

That's beyond rude of them!

You need to tell thwm that it isn't on assuming that you can host and afford it each time.

[hairypaws]

That's really crap. Just message back that you have hosted every time so now it's time for the others to take a turn. They can't and shouldn't complain about it.

[DrMadelineMaxwell]

Sorry, someone else's turn to host this time. Whose turn is it? I think I've done my fair share.

Would be my reply. Or something along those lines.

[MrsTommyBanks]

I'd be really pissed off.
I'd be telling them we need to take it in turn to host.

[AlmostAJillSandwich]

I would be tempted to reply that since it was HER idea, she should host.

[Jackshouse]

Why don’t you just reply with yes a bbq sounds great but it’s someone else’s turn to host. You need to be an adult and deal with the issue.

[ChampagneMamaBear]

I have told them but when I say it’s not convenient they’ll either strip at having to spend money at going out OR be trying to change the date to seemingly fit with what suits me e.g “well what about next weekend?” “How about we come later?”

I’ve said before that they never host and they just brush it off?!

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I'd be annoyed too. Ha Ha, sod that for a game of soldiers would be my reply.

Just say I'll bring some burgers whose hosting as I did it last time and then ignore them all for a while. If it's not resolved you have a whole group of freeloading CFs.

[Gizlotsmum]

Reply BBQ would be fab which one of them is hosting?

[Gizlotsmum]

Tell them you are not hosting again until they have each hosted an event. If they strop at that then they are not friends

[Littlebluebird123]

Definitely cf ery!

I would be of the opinion that if you suggest you host or if it's a general let's do X, someone offers. Not they all assume it's at yours.

2 options though. (If you want to keep meeting up)

1. Host at yours but give them all specific things to bring to even out the cost/work
2. Say a day/time and how you're looking forward to going to Helen's house as she suggested it.

Obviously you could just sack them off. Lol

[misskatamari]

That is some serious cheeky fuckery! I would be so pissed off, and think i would feel quite hurt and used as well. Could you explain to them how it makes you feel? It really isn't on for them to behave this way, and honestly I don't quite understand why anyone would think it's okay to, but maybe they are just very thoughtless and don't realise (that's me trying to be generous as they must have some redeeming features if they're your friends..?).

I don't think i'd be able to stop myself bringing it up and explaining how out of order it is to them. Any actual real friend would feel mortified to have been so cheeky and apologise profusely for being so thoughtless. I fear that the reaction may be far from this though :(

[Oldraver]

Yes they are CF's..is there any reason why they think you should host ?

[Kazplus2]

I really don't know why you can't just say " would someone else like to volunteer this time as I did xxx last time and it would be good to take it in turns, also why don't we chip in £x each so it's not too expensive for the host".

[mckenzie]

What’s the back story champagne? Why has it always been at your house until now?
Is your house more central? Larger? Do you usually offer? Are you known to be the better cook?
I’m trying to see why it has got to this stage. Usually a group would take it in turns to host wouldn’t they?

[ChampagneMamaBear]

I’ve just replied to the chat saying “ooooh BBQ sounds lovely, how are we all getting to Helens?”

She’s text me saying “WTF why you suggesting a BBQ at my house?” (HAHAHA THE ABSOLUTE IRONY)

and the other girls are saying “it’s at yours, duhhh”

[RedHatsDoNotSuitMe]

Good suggestions made already. Mine would have been "great idea! Who's hosting?"

Or

"I'm hosting again??? Ok, I'll provide the venue, who's bringing what? We'll need: "

Is there an imbalance in your group? I.e. is your house bigger/more comfortable or are you wealthier (or perceived to be) or the only childless one? Or an amazing cook?

Let us know how they response is received.

[cornflakegirl]

Why do they assume it will be at your house?
I'm happy to host when it's the logical choice for reasons of space or practicality. But then my friends aren't CFs who would expect me to cover all the costs.

[RedHatsDoNotSuitMe]

sorry x posted with about 10 people!

[ChampagneMamaBear]

And now apparently I “make everything difficult and complicated”

They are CF’s I’ve decided and I’m done.

My house is no bigger/nicer than others, I actually have roommates so maybe they just see it as being able to trash it like when we had uni houses?
Actually saying that I haven’t seen two of the other girls houses because THEY NEVER HOST 😂

[Racecardriver]

are they actually your friends or just using you?

[Handsoffmysweets]

Argh champagne are you me?! Only this week I was moaning to one friend in our group about how another always does this. She invites herself to my house, expects social gatherings to be at mine, never invites anyone to hers - it’s so rude and I’ve started putting a stop to it by avoiding her a bit tbh. She has a lovely home so it’s not like she’d be embarrassed, she’s just rude. Take a stand with me and let’s put these CFs in their place!