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To hate people asking what I'm doing for the weekend

(113 Posts)
Ditto66 Fri 15-Feb-19 20:24:06

I go swimming on a Friday afternoon with a fellow mum, who always asks - always - doing anything nice at the weekend? When I drop her off. No I'm a widowed single parent, of teens, generally my weekends are a bit boring. Tbh I'm ok with that, mostly. I just hate the pressure and what feels like judgement.
Couple of weeks ago she told me she'd heard some old guy say 'oh you know, living the dream' when someone asked him how he was. I laughed and said I love that, think I'll use it. She said oh I suppose you could but I couldn't possibly because my life is great and you can only say that ironically. I think she realised how crass it was and regretted saying it. She's not a bad person, generally kind but also sometimes insensitive. But I think I've had enough of the ' any plans for the weekend' question and feel like giving up the swim buddying as a result. We block book a small pool for 6 months at s time. AIBU and overly sensitive? What would you say to that question when you've rarely got anything special happening but you're content enough?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Fri 15-Feb-19 20:26:24

It's just a polite question I guess. What sort of thing does SHE do at the week-end?

dudsville Fri 15-Feb-19 20:26:33

I think the question is boring even without your context op. Who wants to talk about what they are going to do or did? Why is this a common topic?

Invisimamma Fri 15-Feb-19 20:27:40

I know what you mean! I have a partner who works shifts, often weekends, we have no money and no babysitterers. We very, very rarely have plans at the weekend.

I drive boys to football practice and occasionally might go for a walk but that about the extent of it. It's just so awkward when people at work ask how my weekend was or if we have anything planned...emmm nope! My life just isn't that exciting.

But I'm happy enough with my lot ☺️.

formerbabe Fri 15-Feb-19 20:31:02

It's just something people say to fill silence. Just respond with 'oh the usual, how about you?'

impostersyndrome Fri 15-Feb-19 20:31:34

I know that feeling as if you need to prove how busy and/or popular you are. I had a friend who’d always ask this, only to launch into a long description of her busy social life, leaving me feel very inadequate even though I’d find it exhausting. Can you prepare some sort of bland response that shuts it down? Something like “oh you know, lots of chores, but hopefully I’ll get some time to just put my feet up” or “read my new library book” or whatever.

origamiunicorn Fri 15-Feb-19 20:34:21

I'm quite happy telling people I'm doing nothing, if I am. I think if more people admitted they had no plans more people wouldn't feel they had to have some amazing itinerary lined up.

SoyDora Fri 15-Feb-19 20:34:52

I have 3 DC under 6 and our weekends are usually ballet classes/scootering in the park/walking round a NT place. Every weekend. I’m not bothered though, if anyone asks what we’re doing I just say ‘the usual’ or ‘nothing much’. I don’t feel any shame in it. I used to do exciting things pre DC!

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours Fri 15-Feb-19 20:35:13

you could make something up? Obscure hobby, tiling the bathroom, jetting off to Acapulco

or get in first and ask her...maybe she has something she'd like to tell you and never gets the chance?

LellyMcKelly Fri 15-Feb-19 20:36:07

It’s just conversation. I’d say ‘The usual - being a taxi service, laundry, shout at people on Mumsnet’.

Ditto66 Fri 15-Feb-19 20:36:31

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 I rarely ask as it is a bloody boring question, but when I do it's ... oh you know dinner parties, theatre etc. Living the dream without the irony!!! Except I still wouldn't swap. I just don't want to have to justify my boring life, relentlessly!

VictoriaBun Fri 15-Feb-19 20:38:42

What are you doing this weekend ?
Answer :
I'm off to Venice to meet my lover.
I'm going whitewater rafting near Snowdon
I'm an extra in the next J.R Rowling film.I

I think you get the picture 😉

elQuintoConyo Fri 15-Feb-19 20:39:04

Not this weekend, no.

Not really, think we'll just go with the flow.

No, but I'm sure it'll be relaxing.

Cleaning, homework, then Netflix in our pyjamas.

Helping DC with homework/projects/uni applications/GCSE study guides.

Just the usual: food shop, long walk, Sunday roast, put my feet up.

No, you?

It's a random chatty question. I have asked it and been asked, whether or not we have any plans or if we're broke. We would like to go away for Easter so we're being pretty thrifty at the moment. This weekend is: take ds to rugby practice, hit Lidl and Aldi on the way home (they're next to each other), checking out their Treasure Aislands in case there's a drill bit or acutebun case I don't have! Sunday is help ds with his Lego project and hibernate in our pyjamas!

BlueJag Fri 15-Feb-19 20:40:40

We don't do much over the weekends. Rarely we have plans and it's not about money or time. We just don't do much.
It wouldn't bother me if my friends ask what I'm doing. I'll just say not much what about you?
Why does the question bothers you?

specsavers Fri 15-Feb-19 20:40:57

I hate being asked this by random work colleagues.... just say 'I've heard there's a new dogging site so going for a look'... she won't ask again

Lifeisabeach09 Fri 15-Feb-19 20:41:32

I get asked this every so often. I just say 'nothing' and that's how I like it.

Oysterbabe Fri 15-Feb-19 20:42:26

It's just small talk, she doesn't care about the answer. Just shrug and say nothing special then ask what she's doing.

Hiddenaspie1973 Fri 15-Feb-19 20:48:44

Me too OP.
I just say I'm chilling, I'm so lazy in the Winter, we dont do much.
Both the ladies i work with are so busy at the weekends. The young one enjoys spa breaks or weekend jetaways and the older one is always meeting with mates for cocktails or pop concerts.
But I'm tired, my dds legs and feet always hurt so we can't do nothing anyway. I used to be more exciting before child so I'm ok with it.

Jackyjill6 Fri 15-Feb-19 20:49:32

I think you possibly are being a bit sensitive if it's bothering you so much you are thinking of stopping swimming. It's just people making Friday evening conversation.
Having said that it would irritate me too.

You need to either 1) Tell her to stop asking you, you are quite content with your quiet weekends
2) Decide yourself if you want to change your weekends if what she is asking is making you prickly.
3) Go to a different pool.

fluffiphlox Fri 15-Feb-19 20:51:41

I usually just say the truth: ‘not much’. Who cares really it’s just a bit of chit-chat.

Huntawaymama Fri 15-Feb-19 20:52:26

This reminded me of when I was younger, a contractor used to come into our office every other Friday and always do his paperwork in my reception area. I'm generally a pretty friendly chatty person and he'd always ask what I was up to at the weekend, and at that time (aged 22/23) I'd always have something going on so used to talk about it. Months later another colleague who often overheard the conversation was like "ffs huntawaymama he's desperate to ask you out but you tell him your weekend plans so he thinks you've got no time for him, hes not just making small talk". Was very awkward after that particularly as I had a boyfriend and was just making small talk

easyandy101 Fri 15-Feb-19 20:53:49

Small talk innit

I work weekends and the same people ask me week in week out what I'm doing at the weekend

And this week I'm gonna be able to say "going to Paris with my friends!"

But then it will go back to "working" for ages

DelurkingAJ Fri 15-Feb-19 20:54:39

I normally ask because I’m interested (particularly at work...it’s amazing some of the things you’d never guess and then you have something more interesting to ask on a dull Monday in the lift). Could she just be thoughtless (seeing as she knows you well?) but genuinely think it’ll be something you’ll want to talk about?

OhTheRoses Fri 15-Feb-19 20:57:09

Oh but there are so many responses.

I shall look at the stars if it's clear, they are sublime
Watch snowdrops unfurl
Have a walk and look at the progress of the newbuilds
Take the train to the next town
Walk by the village pond where the ducks are starting to nest
Spend some nectar points
Buy a magazine and bunch of daffs
Go for a posh coffee and read
Go to the library and look at the show of the local artists pictures
Watch casualty and Call the Midwife

......so many enjoyable things to do.

Dippypippy1980 Fri 15-Feb-19 21:01:08

I used to work with a girls who walked what are you doing tonight every. Single. Day.

There is only so many time you can say watching tv😁 so I started making shit up. I went to the theatre, bungee jumped, flew to Paris, learned the accordion. She stopped asking.

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