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To think this is really shitty of this lad.

(274 Posts)
HarrySnotter Thu 14-Feb-19 17:09:04

DS (15) and his friend (will call him Ben) been pals since nursery school. Done lots of things over the years together, sleepovers, scouts, days out etc. Ben is a very bright lad and can come across as a little 'superior' sometimes but DS always ignored this. His mum and I are good friends and she is absolutely lovely. Ben has been going to a private school since the beginning of Y9, DS is at the local comp so they don't see each other as often now and both boys have always had lots of other friends independently of each other. They chat on Xbox and hang around when they can, though Ben has been rarely available over the last year or so.

His mum and he were due to come round this afternoon and the boys were going into town for a wander, something to eat or whatever 15 year olds do, while I caught up with his mum. My friend arrived on her own full of apologies and said that Ben suddenly felt unwell as he was leaving so has stayed at home. DS a bit disappointed but went off to meet another mate etc and I had a nice afternoon with Ben's mum.

DS has just come home and showed me this message from Ben. 'Hey just to say I prob won't be round anymore, I spend my time with my mates from private school now and you can't really keep up so ...' DS is gutted and said that if he didn't want to hang out anymore then fair enough, he should have just left it rather than making him feel like he's not good enough as a mate anymore.

What a shit thing to do.

GreenTulips Thu 14-Feb-19 17:12:32

I’d forward the message on to his mother and let her deal with it - job done

NoPlaced Thu 14-Feb-19 17:12:40

I'm sorry, that sounds awful. Your DS seems to have responded wonderfully though- you've done a good job there.

DoingMyBest2010 Thu 14-Feb-19 17:15:37

I can't really advise, other than tell your son to rise above it. His friend is not a genuine friend, he is better off without him.

outpinked Thu 14-Feb-19 17:16:12

Yeah it is pretty shitty but he’s a 15 year old boy, they’re not renowned for being the most thoughtful. Your DS will be fine.

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends Thu 14-Feb-19 17:16:44

That's really shitty and nasty. Your poor boy.

NoPlaced Thu 14-Feb-19 17:19:11

As an aside, DS1 is also 15 and whenever he has falling outs with friends, I'm always reminded as to how overlooked it is in older boys. You get a lot of "teenage girls can be really bitchy" but people seem to forget that boys can be exactly the same.

Arnoldthecat Thu 14-Feb-19 17:19:15


treenu Thu 14-Feb-19 17:20:23

Wow! I hope your son realises that it's his friend that can't keep up with being a good person. No need to be so unpleasant.

Hope your son is ok and can see that he is fab without 'friends' like him.

Bowchicawowow Thu 14-Feb-19 17:21:27

That’s awful. Your poor DS. I hope he doesn’t let this affect his self-esteem in the long term.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Thu 14-Feb-19 17:22:37

Keep up with what? Being a massive snob!? I'd be very interested to see what his mum had to say about that

AryaStarkWolf Thu 14-Feb-19 17:23:20

You get a lot of "teenage girls can be really bitchy" but people seem to forget that boys can be exactly the same.

This this this!! I point it out everytime and it comes from women just as much as men, drives me insane! Still when I point that out, you get "ah but girls are worse" AAARRRRGGGHHHH

Re the OP - What a nasty thing to do and say. Are you going to mention it to his mom or just forget about it?

AryaStarkWolf Thu 14-Feb-19 17:25:52

Oh did your son reply or not OP?

Birdsgottafly Thu 14-Feb-19 17:26:03

I agree it's bad what he has said.

But you and his Mum need to stop forcing the friendship. If he's rarely seen Ben in a year, they aren't friends anymore.

Whereareyouspot Thu 14-Feb-19 17:27:23

I would send it to giant mum and let her handle him.
And tell your DS he has had a lucky escape. He doesn’t need friends like that

AryaStarkWolf Thu 14-Feb-19 17:27:34

But you and his Mum need to stop forcing the friendship

It didn't sound like they were?

eponine8 Thu 14-Feb-19 17:28:48

Sounds like your DS has it all sorted. Off to meet another friend instead and knows exactly how Ben should have behaved. You should be proud OP. Ben’s mum less so!
And I would be tempted to show Ben’s mum the message or at least paraphrase it.

AnnaComnena Thu 14-Feb-19 17:29:43

Well, that was not a nice thing for Ben to say. But I wonder if he feels the friendship has run its course, and he's trying to let it die a natural death, but his mother won't let it go, and he feels backed into a corner? The last minute illness suggests that Ben didn't really want to come over, that it was all his mum's doing.

AryaStarkWolf Thu 14-Feb-19 17:30:08

giant mum haha

Ericthesnake Thu 14-Feb-19 17:30:26

That's interesting that boys can be just as bad as girls. Feel like girls get a bad rap for this.

Yes obviously shitty behaviour. Not taking away from this, do you think you and his Mum might be putting pressure on this friendship. I've noticed some talk with massive pride about their dc staying close friends with a nursery friend (they are inevitably friends with the parents) when very often changing friends a bit is more healthy.

Just an observation though which doesn't take away from this being a snobby nasty thing to do.

Somethingsmellsnice Thu 14-Feb-19 17:31:47

Do you think it was Ben or maybe one of his friends nicked his phone and sent the message being a nob.

zzzzz Thu 14-Feb-19 17:32:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wearywithteens Thu 14-Feb-19 17:35:40

Wow! What a snobby little shit. As someone else has suggested I would forward the text to Bellend’s (sorry ‘Ben’) mother and say that you are glad his private education has endowed him with such lovely qualities and values.

recrudescence Thu 14-Feb-19 17:36:31

Advice to your son, reply: “Cheerio, Ben!”

And then do not think of again.

niccyb Thu 14-Feb-19 17:37:22

I would send this to his mum!

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