In not wanting to sell flowers?

[pinkgloves]

Nc'ed for this as it's obviously very outing. I'm a long standing Mumsnetter though. (Although if MN check I look fairly new as I had to get a new account due to getting locked out of the other one in the data breach issue .)

My child is in the local preschool and tomorrow we're doing a valentine's flower sale. We buy lots of flowers wholesale and then bunch them and sell them locally in the cafe and at the local shop. The proceeds go to the preschool.

I've done it for the last three years (even though dc wasn't even at the school one of these years) and am doing it again this year. I help to trim, bunch and price the flowers the night before.

Every year I'm asked to sell them the day of and every year I make up an excuse for why I can't.

I'm dyscalculic. I can't even add 7 to 4 without using my fingers. I have a complete mental block when it comes to even the most simple maths.

So for the first time this year I've told them this. Most of them have been very sympathetic but a couple of them have said I'm being ridiculous.

I've explained that I suffer HUGE social anxiety around buying and selling, even going on a bus (years ago) or to a shop. Restaurants and tipping before tip calculators were awful. Obviously I've forced myself to do these things because, well it's life.

One of them has said I just use a calculator and they don't see the problem. A: I'll feel like a fucking idiot using a calculator for a simple sum, I don't want the whole community to know, I know I shouldn't but I feel ashamed.

B: Using a calculator is still hard for me. If there are a few people waiting I'll get very flustered and upset.

The other one has said I need to 'suck it up and just do it. When will I even learn maths if I don't try?' I HAVE bloody tried. I do every day and have for 40 years! I've had many people (some of whom were specialists) try to 'teach' me or help me find different ways of thinking about it.

She also laughed and said 'that's ridiculous, it's a bit of a weird get out'.

Dh is going to sell in my place and so as a couple we're actually helping more than anyone else bar the organiser so it's not like we aren't pulling our weight.

Am I being unreasonable in not selling?

Am I being unreasonable in feeling upset by their reactions? I know they'll tell other people and I feel really embarrassed now (even though I know I shouldn't.)

I feel like I've always tried to hide it and now I've finally been honest to some people it's being ridiculed.

[Iamclearlyamug]

of course YABNU, they most definitely are!

frankly I wouldn't be assisting with any more of their stuff! how bloody rude!

[MrsTerryPratcett]

She also laughed and said 'that's ridiculous, it's a bit of a weird get out'.

I'd rather not be able to add 7 and 4 than be an unsympathetic git.

You do need to learn one skill, and it isn't maths. It's not giving a shit what horrible people think. Once they're horrible, you don't have to care what they think. Try it, it's liberating!

[Mookatron]

Anyone who hears this and thinks anything other than 'aw, poor her,' 'good on her for being honest' or 'God me too' is an utter twat and not worth knowing. Seriously. Hold your head up. It can't be an uncommon problem.

[mamaslave18]

I'm the same! I avoid helping at any school events where I will have to take money and work out change etc.

I once spent an excruciating evening playing Darts with colleagues. I could not add up my score at all as my mind just went blank under the pressure.

[Veronicat]

YANBU. People are very cruel when it comes to dyscalcus. I don't think that they understand it and just label you thick. I have it too. My DP gets really annoyed at me with it which stresses me out even more. Stick to your guns and don't let them put you down.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

There sound like a bunch of rude, cheeky fuckers!!!!

You're already doing more work than them by prepping the flowers and they should thank their lucky stars your DH is offering to help as well.

I hope he points this out to them quite plainly.

Honestly, that's made me really cross on your behalf. It takes guts to admit something like that and a couple of them openly made fun of you!?!?!?! I hope your DH mentions that too.

I think you should tell them to organise it themselves next year.

Sorry they made you feel like this.

[FlyingMonkeys]

Would they all stand around mocking you if you'd said you are dyslexic? Hold your head up and tell them to piss off!

[TheInvestigator]

You know you can just say no, right? Having a kid in nursery or pre-school does not automatically enroll you in their activities. I'm sure most parents aren't helping. Why are you making excuses? Just don't do it. And don't send your husband.

[MargotLovedTom1]

A weird get out of what, exactly? Are they trying to say you aren't pulling your weight?! I'd want to tell them to shove their flowers up their bloody arses. Nobbers.

[bigbluebus]

As this is clearly a voluntary activity I would just be telling them to fc off you won't be doing it - end of. You've done your bit and that was within your comfort zone they should be grateful for that.

[gamerwidow]

What a bunch of arseholes. The correct response would be ‘not a problem but thanks for everything you’ve done to get the flowers ready’
This sort of thing really stops people from wanting to volunteer. I used to chair the PTA and was always very aware that anytime anyone gives has to be freely given and if you don’t allow people to say no when it doesnt work for them then you risk them never coming back. It’s not a job and the organisers are forgetting that you do not have to do any of this.

[HowlsMovingBungalow]

I have this too OP. Numbers do not compute in my brain.

Don't let those judgmental pricks get to you.

[pinkgloves]

I'm normally pretty confident and outgoing. I've just always stupidly been very embarrassed and ashamed of being dyscalculic. It took SO much for me to admit it to people.

@mamaslave18 @Veronicat it's bloody awful isn't it? It impacts your life SO much day to day. And it seems to have much more of a stigma than dyslexia. Or maybe it's just more misunderstood.

The irony is, one of them, the one who's been the most unkind, actually has an older child in school who's having an OT come in to school once a week to help with a few issues. Not crossing their midline a quite a late age, fine and gross motor skills and possibly being on the spectrum due to very delayed learning (sorry if any of the wording seems odd, I'm in the States).

I've been so supportive (as anyone should be, not blowing my own trumpet) and offered advice (I've got close family with similar issues and have worked in childcare for years) I'd have thought she'd have been the last person to take the piss out of a learning issue!

[Parthenope]

You know you can just say no, right? Having a kid in nursery or pre-school does not automatically enroll you in their activities

This. You've helped out a lot down the years. Let someone else pick up the slack.

And I hear you on the maths. I have four degrees, and I'm virtually mathematically illiterate -- my six year old has a stronger grasp on basic arithmetic than me.

[Miljah]

I'm a bit like this. I tend to freeze if 'put on the spot' with mental maths! I'm okay at maths, but not mental!

I still recall going completely blank, in '78, on a Safeway till, a bloke buying 11p cans of coke, 25 of them. Could I do that calculation in my head? Nope. I had to pretend to be fixing up a new till roll while hiding the fact I was working it out on paper!! 🙄

So if I see someone struggle, like with giving change, I'll politely help, as I'm okay under no pressure.

[RedTartanLass]

Jeezus what a bunch of horrid women, I'm guessing it's women! Walk away don't help with the fundraising anymore! Why would you?
You sound lovely, don't waste anymore time with them. Avoid them and their fundraisers!!

[pinkgloves]

Sorry I should have said, it's not really optional to help. It's a weird situation, it's a very remote preschool which gets funding from the town every year, if we're not seen to do community events and our own fundraising we could get town funding removed or lessened.

We have unbelievably low tuition fees because of this. (£11.55 a day for 8.30-3.30).

It's only just changed from being a co-op preschool (where all parents have to help) to not being but after 40 years the ethos is still there.

There's very low numbers too so one person not helping is quite frowned upon.

Although I'd gladly pay more in fees than have to do the ridiculous amount of fundraising we do!

[Namechangedbecauseiwantto]

Yadnbu! Next time, just say, no, sorry, I can't help, and then don't!
Let someone else help for once.

[Guineapiglet345]

Just for future reference you don’t need to give them an excuse, just say no. It’s really none of their business.

[Singlenotsingle]

You do your bit. You do what you can, which is more than a lot of people do. If you don't want to sell the flowers, its nobody's business except yours!

"This is what I've got to offer, take it or leave it". And don't feel bad about it!

[pinkgloves]

The trouble is, we're all such a small (and nosy) community that if you don't help you need a good excuse. Everyone knows if you're in the area or not. You can't fart without someone knowing about it here!

So I'd male dentists appointments and the like. But then this year I thought, I shouldn't be ashamed, I'm over 40 for fucks sake. This is me being over anxious about it and I should just tell people. Yeah. Great.

[BalloonDinosaur]

YANBU at all OP. I'm also dyscalculic, and have struggled my whole life with maths (and similarly I really struggle with knowing left and right, which can also be incredibly embarrassing as a 34yo).

Sounds like you are doing your fair share in bunching etc beforehand.

If they really won't accept them then can you 'pull a sickie' invent an excuse/meeting etc that you can't miss?

[SnowyAlpsandPeaks]

Would they say the same if someone said they dyslexic? Someone people have little understanding on what types of learning needs there are. Sorry they were so unsympathetic to you OP, I only hope their dc don’t grow up to have an additional learning needs if this is how they react to them.

[BalloonDinosaur]

Sorry, cross post with your update.

I am also dreading DS starting school and needing help with maths etc, if DP isn't around I'll be screwed.

[AmbitiousHalibut]

I can't believe people were so rude about it! I'm so sorry. I'd agree with what pp have said; you are offering your time and energy, just in a different way from someone selling on the day. Since it's something that has to be done, everyone needs to play to their strengths and make it happen.