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AIBU?

(Not so) newborn has no cards or gifts because MIL has them all and won’t send

145 replies

monkeymobile · 12/02/2019 20:51

DS was born seven weeks ago. I had an emergency section and MIL and FIL came down to visit (other end of the country) just for one night as they had not booked time off work, understandable.

While she was here MIL said as they had nothing for the baby she would go and get something before visiting (hospital) on the Sunday. She went with DH but because the tills werent open (browsing only in the shop for half an hour before tills opened as it was a Sunday) she put her gift down and walked out. Her choice.

When she went back home, all the relatives (live in same town) bought gifts for the baby and as MIL said she was coming down again to visit, she told them to give them to her and she would bring them, save postage. That was six weeks ago and she still has everything and won’t postanything. She has no plans to come again anytime soon.

I don’t want to be grabby but it’s unfair, I’d just like the cards. We have nothing from that side of the family at all and as I only have a sister, we have one card.

We have had to tell people thanks if you sent a gift but we haven’t got them yet. Embarrassing but I always send thank you cards and can’t do felt bad.

MIL has even said that the newborn clothes won’t even fit by the time she comes down (she must have opened the presents I suppose). I don’t know why she said that, just to be horrid?

DH thinks she didn’t want anyone else to give presents until she had and as she got annoyed and walked out of the shop when she was here, she’s now making sure nothing gets to us.

OP posts:
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LilaJude · 12/02/2019 20:54

What a bitch! Tell your DH he is to transfer her the money for postage then insist she sends them right away.

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Lou573 · 12/02/2019 20:54

Can you offer to pay the postage and make it clear you expect her to send them? Via your DH, he has to deal with this one.

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TheInvestigator · 12/02/2019 20:55

I'd send her the money for postage and say "I will be in all day for the postman over the next 2 days so get them posted since you took responsibility for them". Then I'd tell everyone "thanks for your gift; I actually had to give her the money to post them because she refused to send them up... can you believe it!?!?".

But I'm a dick.

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PinkGin24 · 12/02/2019 20:57

Has she refused to post them even after you have said you will pay postage? IF so YANBU.

However, more generally it isn't upto her to take thw responsibility or expense for posting them.

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monkeymobile · 12/02/2019 20:59

Thank you all. DH said he’d drive up (800 mile round trip) but I can’t do without him right now. Sending the money for postage is a good idea. I still don’t know if she would send them though.

OP posts:
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flumpybear · 12/02/2019 21:01

Send money for postage - they're crap!
Tell them it's rude not to send a thank you ... which you can't do if you haven't received anything yet

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monkeymobile · 12/02/2019 21:03

PinkGin24 no it isn’t responsibility, she just did it to stop people sending things.

She has form for this, when she fell out with her sister she told us her sister was moving so not to send Christmas presents to her old address.

We wanted to send something so gave her amazon tokens, no street address needed! We found out then she wasn’t moving at all.

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FiveRedBricks · 12/02/2019 21:04

Does DH have a sibling that lives near MIL? Also I'd be calling her fit to burn and hanging her out to dry the cheeky cow.

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MortyVicar · 12/02/2019 21:04

However, more generally it isn't upto her to take thw responsibility or expense for posting them

This IS her problem. She expressly told the other relatives to give them to her because she was coming again to visit. And not only has she not visited, she's made it very clear she won't be doing for a long time.

Basically she's being a cow both to the OP, her DH and the baby, and to the people who gave her their presents to deliver expecting that they would actually get there in a reasonable timeframe.

Does she always have to have things her way, be the one controlling everyone else?

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Waterlemon · 12/02/2019 21:05

Is there another family member that could collect the gifts and either drop them to you or post them?

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RandomMess · 12/02/2019 21:06

I'd be thankful I live 400 miles away from someone with a tendency to be so unpleasant.

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monkeymobile · 12/02/2019 21:06

FiveRedBricks yes but SIL is a mini-me MIL and won’t get involved.

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PlaymobilPirate · 12/02/2019 21:07

Does she have PayPal? I'd make it as non negotiable as possible.

Get Dh to message 'I've sent you xx amount to post the cards and gifts. Please post them by xx as we want to send thank yous by xx'

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PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 12/02/2019 21:08

This is a control thing- you can offer to send her the postage costs but it won’t make any difference. Your DH needs to put his foot down now, or this will play out every birthday and Christmas for the next decade.

Are there any relations near her who could have a word in her ear on your behalf?

Otherwise I’d be making it clear in my thank you cards/ texts that you haven’t actually received the gifts.

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DeRigueurMortis · 12/02/2019 21:09

Personally I'd make clear to the people who have the gifts that they are currently being held "hostage" by MIL.

Her actions are despicable, petty and rude.

If I'd given a gift I'd be bloody furious that the intended recipient hadn't received it as promised. What a waste of newborn clothes etc

Is she always this toxic?

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Veterinari · 12/02/2019 21:10

You need to be totally unapologetic and honest with relatives who have sent gifts

‘Dear X we understand that you’ve sent a card/gift. Thank you so much for your good wishes. Unfortunately ‘baby’ is unable to wear/use your gift at present as we’ve not received it from MIL and she’s refusing to send it down - I do hope it’s not time-sensitive? Thank you again and we look forward to receiving it when MIL does get around to posting it or visiting
Best
monkeymobile

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betterbeslytherin · 12/02/2019 21:11

@DeRigueurMortis
Totally agree. If I was one of the gift givers I would be so so angry that you hadn't received the gift I wanted you to have for your newborn!!

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Heyha · 12/02/2019 21:11

You've done well to say thanks for your gift we haven't had yet to all the 'normal' members of the family as well, it might be that one or two of them put a little pressure on at that end. I'd be well miffed if I bought an outfit (say) for someone that won't even fit by the time they receive it so you may get some comments being made to MIL from that direction. Sounds like she's better off 400 miles away though so posting is definitely best option!

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Mysterycat23 · 12/02/2019 21:14

Please tell the rest of the relatives what MIL has done. You have not done anything wrong!

Get DH to lay down the law, then be glad she is 400 miles away and you never have to see her again.

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thequeenoftarts · 12/02/2019 21:15

A very simple text to MIL, we are sending you postage to cover the cost of the items you are holding hostage from family and friends, I expect te delivery by return post or that is the end of any relationship with us and your grandchild, totally your choice how this now plays out

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allthegoodusernameshavegone · 12/02/2019 21:15

You have your greatest gift, enjoy your baby, what else matters

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Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 12/02/2019 21:15

Def send a message to every single gifter explaining the issue.
Blame your mil simply because it is her doing!!
And be very glad she is far far away!!
Maybe send the relatives a lovely picture of the baby.....
And tell mil hers wouldn't send...

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monkeymobile · 12/02/2019 21:15

Waterlemon Loads but I think they are scared of her.

OP posts:
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LionsHeart · 12/02/2019 21:18

Is she holding on to them to "force" you into visiting her?
As in, Oh, they'll get their gifts when they can be bothered to come and see me?

Veterinaris' (great name) message is to the point & truthful.
I'd be sending it, ASAP.

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theyellowjumper · 12/02/2019 21:19

If you know any of the people who've sent gifts well enough, could you ask them to go and get the gifts and post them to you? It might be easier for them if they are asking for their own gift back and offer to take the others and send those too?

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