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AIBU to complain when my husband types memos into his phone at 1:22 in bed

(27 Posts)
MaOverall Tue 12-Feb-19 19:19:00

My husband of 20 years thinks it's acceptable to light up the bedroom in the early hours of the morning and type memos into his phone, waking me up. I say he is awake and should go elsewhere to do it.

AnyaMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 13-Feb-19 09:54:12

Hi there OP,

We hope you don't mind, we're going to move this thread to AIBU for you now - it looks like you meant to post it there.

NutElla5x Wed 13-Feb-19 10:25:36

You're obviously quite a light sleeper if the light from a phone will wake you. But that's not your fault,so of course he is being unreasonable and selfish if he's disturbing your sleep.Make him sleep in the spare room or on the couch if he continues.

RestingBitchFaced Wed 13-Feb-19 10:39:27

Very unreasonable - he knows it wakes you up, and disturbes you,but doesn't give a shit and does it anyway. Selfish

UbbesPonytail Wed 13-Feb-19 10:44:49

I’m a really heavy sleeper, DH will wake up if he hears a mouse sneeze. As the heavy sleeper, and a weird night owl-morning lark hybrid, it’s down to me to be considerate and not disturb his sleep.

ToniHargis Wed 13-Feb-19 10:50:34

I'm a very light sleeper and this would wake me up. Either suggest
1. he gets up and leaves the room
2. he sleeps in another room
3. you sleep in another room
or - wear a sleep mask. I often do this when the sun rises really early. You can buy really soft ones and you do get used to it.
However, if he doesn't care that this is a problem for you, you need to have a different kind of chat.

HollowTalk Wed 13-Feb-19 10:51:25

Does he wake up with something on his mind or is he unable to sleep and is trying to offload things?

Bambamber Wed 13-Feb-19 10:51:54

If you are a light enough sleeper that a phone light wakes you, surely him leaving the room will also wake you?

StopMakingAFoolOutofMe Wed 13-Feb-19 10:52:07

I couldn't be with someone who didn't let me use my phone at night when I wake with various pains or complaints. Get a sleep mask if a tiny 6" phone light wakes you.

Sirzy Wed 13-Feb-19 10:52:45

Can he dim the background light on his phone.

If he had woken with a thought I can understand wanting to note it down quickly and without getting up so he can hopefully get back to sleep quickly.

ChakiraChakra Wed 13-Feb-19 10:54:40

Have your told him?

"Oh hey, when you do that you wake me up and I get a disturbed nights sleep. Is it something that's important enough (to give me a disturbed nights sleep) to need to make a note of right now or could you trust that you'll remember it in the morning? If you DO need to write it down, can you find a way to do it without disturbing me?"

LaurieMarlow Wed 13-Feb-19 10:58:33

Ask him to turn the brightness way down and put the phone on night mode. That shouldn’t disturb you.

PutyourtoponTrevor Wed 13-Feb-19 11:27:41

I'd be furious if my DP did this, I'm a very light sleeper and he isn't but it takes him ages to get to sleep and he wakes really early. He'll opt to sleep in another bedroom a few times a week so I get a decent kip and he can dick around on his phone, or whatever without annoying me

Froggyface Wed 13-Feb-19 11:29:56

Is he really stressed? I do it when I am worried about things and not remembering them for work.

BeanTownNancy Wed 13-Feb-19 11:41:01

If I woke up and remembered something I needed to do, I wouldn't be able to sleep properly for the whole night if I didn't note it down. If I got out of bed and walked to another room to do it I'd be 1) more likely to wake my husband and 2) considerably more awake than after just the 20 seconds of phone usage so it would take me much longer to go back to sleep.

I don't think either of you is unreasonable in your preferences at this point, but you need to talk through it reasonably and reach a compromise. Maybe he could do it under a pillow or turn the brightness down - maybe you could wear an eye mask if you are that sensitive to light?

bingoitsadingo Wed 13-Feb-19 11:46:38

He needs to turn the brightness right down. Surely that would be less disturbing than him getting up and going elsewhere, then coming back?

If I need to use my phone in bed to set a reminder I generally find myself hanging off the edge of the bed to do it, so the light is pointing down at the floor not into my partners face. Because I'm not an inconsiderate twat.

DoJo Wed 13-Feb-19 12:01:19

I would have thought that getting up would be more disturbing than writing a note, but there must be some compromise between him not being allowed to note down his thoughts and you having a disturbed night's sleep.

MaOverall Fri 22-Feb-19 06:59:32

Loads of replies. Thanks ! We have fallen out about it before. He knows it wakes me up and last time he even had the clicking on. I did ask him to go elsewhere as he was already awake. He shouted "bloody marvellous". I slept in my sons bed to avoid an argument and to get some sleep as after the initial "words" he had another pop at it under the covers.

MaOverall Fri 22-Feb-19 07:05:28

Sorry for my delayed response in this. New to mumsnet esp chats. But replies have been really useful and interesting ....

burritofan Fri 22-Feb-19 07:16:06

The fact he even leaves the keyboard clicks on is unbelievable!

I disagree that you have to be a light sleeper for this to wake you, or that leaving the room is more disturbing. Different things wake different people. I wouldn't notice DP getting up to wee; I would notice him flashing his phone around like a torch. (Phones aren't tiny lights! They brighten up the whole room!)

For now, get a sleep mask. But have a proper conversation about his arseholeness – just not in the middle of the night. Ideally no one should have their phone in their bedroom, it's awful for sleep – but I think that Pandora's box has sailed.

EvaHarknessRose Fri 22-Feb-19 07:58:19

He is Very unreasonable.

CoolJule43 Fri 22-Feb-19 09:07:40

I think you would be being unreasonable if this was a one-off or if it was occasional due to him suddenly remembering something that he really needed to write. However, this sounds like a regular occurrence so I don't think you are being unreasonable. He is.

I would be worried about his not getting enough sleep, his stress levels over work and his inconsideration towards you. Is he really worried about his job or just a workaholic?

I'd go and sleep on the sofa every time and hope he missed me being in bed with him.

PatrickMerricksGoshawk Fri 22-Feb-19 09:18:13

Can't he write his notes using pen and paper instead of his phone?

R3ALLY Fri 22-Feb-19 10:56:23

I’m a really light sleeper, especially since having kids and this would ruin my night. Actually I’d rather separate bedrooms but that’s a whole other thread ...

DontCallMeCharlotte Fri 22-Feb-19 11:02:48

Is he really really really important?

Are these work notes or is he a "creative" and has just dreamt the lyrics to the next Bohemian Rhapsody?

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