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To think this is a bonkers opinion about childbirth

(344 Posts)
Reallyreallyreally1 Tue 12-Feb-19 08:05:44

So I had a baby boy 5 months ago and recently met up with some friends whose children are older. Haven’t seen them since the baby.

I generally don’t talk about the birth because no one really wants to know about someone else’s experience, but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs)

One of them said ‘so you’ve come away from that thinking that you know what it’s like to have a baby’. Wtf does that even mean? I said ‘I don’t get what you mean by that!’

She said ‘you’ve not given birth properly, you’ve not been in transition, you’ve only done the easy bit. So many women think they’ve given birth but they have no idea’.

I wasn’t sure what to say so we just changed the subject but it’s left a nasty taste in my mouth. Maybe she’s right and I’ve only had the easy bit (in which case I would hate to see the next bit!!) but surely no one really thinks like this about labour?
My other friend didn’t agree but didn’t necessarily disagree; she said that a section is the easy option but if your body can’t give birth properly then it’s not your fault grin

I’m not sure why I’m posting except to say- Aibu that this is not how normal people view childbirth?

SchnitzelVonCrum Wed 13-Feb-19 20:11:22

I think you got the shittiest end of the shitty stick to be fair. I've no idea what ’transition’ is. And I only did NCT about 9 months ago! Not something I remember. I had a planned section but even that turned into a nightmare when I had a haemorrhage and they couldn't stop the bleeding and I nearly had to have a hysterectomy!!!!

As my friend said once you get to actual coming out bit its like a sausage factory and its much worse in the lead-up!!!

They're not the greatest friends if you're only just seeing them at 5 months post. How do you know them? Why are people so horrible flowers

csigeek Wed 13-Feb-19 20:09:07

They are both idiots!
#1 your baby was born ergo you gave birth
#2 they didn't have an exact same birth to you so they are unable to know what you went through.
#3 sections are not "the easy way" they have clearly not had to have one as they'd know the recovery is not easy!!

I was induced, episiotomy and forceps so very similar, didn't result in an emcs though. It was not a pleasant experience and the contractions from the hormone drip were horrendous!

So you didn't push baby out of your lady bits, so ducking what! Cannot believe that anyone's "friends" would birth shame them!

BenjiB Wed 13-Feb-19 20:08:15

Nasty woman. Sounds like my first birth except for the section. The Labour was the hardest and most painful part. Getting the baby out was the easy bit after that.

happydays00 Wed 13-Feb-19 20:06:28

Your friend doesn't have a clue and what a horrible, insensitive bloody thing to say. To go through everything you did - a long labour, back to back, pushing, forceps and then a c section is surely to experience the worst parts of every possible labour option.

I echo others, she doesn't sound like a friend at all!!!!

malificent7 Wed 13-Feb-19 20:01:57

Ahhhhhhh...competetive birthing. I've experienced this...not nice!

Thishatisnotmine Wed 13-Feb-19 19:59:21

Your friends are idiots.

MrsCplus Wed 13-Feb-19 19:57:21

I've had 3 natural births with big children and a elective c section. The only bit that was easier about the section was the fact I wasn't in labour before it happened. Holy christ I'd choose a vaginal birth over a section any day. The recovery was flipping awful. I must admit was quite nice not having stitches in my bits tho 😁

canadianbanana Wed 13-Feb-19 19:54:18

I had an emergency c-section with my first and a VBAC with my second, and found the c-section more difficult - your ‘friend’ is an idiot. Both qualify as giving birth and both have their own challenges. I hope you’re doing well.

Sturmundcalm Wed 13-Feb-19 19:38:47

she's an idiot. as so many posters have said you will have gone through transition if you hit the point they were trying forceps.

my second birth was similar to that - induction, failed forceps, EMCS. and it was still better than the first, but actually the pushing stage was one of the most manageable bits of the first - it was the non-stop vomiting for 48hrs beforehand and then ending up with a general anaesthetic and 6 pints of blood loss that made it less pleasant wink

congratulations on not telling her to FOTTFSOFATFOSM... even if she was right that's still not an acceptable way to respond!

BrinkPink Wed 13-Feb-19 19:28:32

Bloody hell OP (and everyone else who's had this crap) - how incredibly rude and hurtful angry

I've given birth twice, both times by C-section, first an emergency, second one planned. The lovely NHS staff always talked about the "birth" and "giving birth" and I never for a second doubted that I'd given birth. The baby was born wasn't it?

Plus if you haven't given birth by CS you have no idea what THAT's like and it's a very long way from a walk in the park. Any type of giving birth is a challenge and a powerful experience and something you need to recover from. Ideally with support, not sniping and criticism.

No wonder so many women feel shit about having a CS or feel they should avoid one even if they really need it, with views like this around.

Busybusybust Wed 13-Feb-19 19:04:32

With the exception of the forceps, and the ems, I had the exact same prolonged, exhausting, excruciating labour.

You had the most awful birth. How dare she say that! Twat!

FWIW, my next one was a complete doddle, quick and relatively painless.

Fatasfook Wed 13-Feb-19 19:04:01

Nothing like a bit of competitive child birthing! Ridiculous woman, ignore her

Dormouselike Wed 13-Feb-19 19:01:18

Your friend seems like a arsehole. If competitive suffering is the name of the game it sounds like you're winning, and I'm not really sure why you'd have got extra points for the baby actually leaving via your vagina (I found that the easy bit as PP have also said). I don't think I'd be hanging out with her any more if I were you, especially after your update re breastfeeding. Friends are supposed to support you through this stuff.

Yb23487643 Wed 13-Feb-19 18:53:47

I had similar & 36 hrs back to back, lots interventions & emcs & subsequent reviver is worse than lots straightforward normal vaginal deliveries I’ve seen. But ultimately it’s not a competition & every experience is subjective, your “friend” sounds like a right knob!!

ToftyAC Wed 13-Feb-19 18:48:03

I’ve done an EMCS and text book birth. It is so much bloody harder to have a section. That woman is no friend. In fact I’d have called her a cheeky bitch right to her cheeky bitch face.

Middersweekly Wed 13-Feb-19 18:38:57

As a midwife what OP’s friend said is absolutely shocking! What a rediculous thing to say to someone who has not only had to have an episiotomy with suturing but a section wound to heal from! Not to mention the back to back labour! The so called “friend” hasn’t got a clue!

Galvantula Wed 13-Feb-19 18:33:42


Out of 3 births the one with the long labour ending in emcs was definitely the 'hardest'

The recovery was also way worse than for the vbac s, even the one with episiotomy/ forceps.

wildchild554 Wed 13-Feb-19 18:31:10

Think i prefered the 3 day labour with my second tbh lol :P

powershowerforanhour Wed 13-Feb-19 18:30:44

The perfect opportunity to give her a Mrs Brown's Boys style "That's nice" if she says anything like that again. (Look up the clip on Youtube if you don't know what I'm on about).

wildchild554 Wed 13-Feb-19 18:29:36

No method is easy. Must admit even c-section isn't easy, had to have one with my first son due to complications, the epidural didn't working so i felt everything. Refused to go under general as i knew there were risks to him with it and there were already potential problems but as soon as he was out safe they put under general. Then few 4 weeks recovery from memory.

MrsTWH Wed 13-Feb-19 18:29:10

Honestly, I’d have laughed my head off at her and said, “you’re right, YOU WIN! Here’s your Best Mummy Medal!”

And never spoken to the stupid cow ever again....

She is clearly batshit. You’ve had a baby - you’ve given birth, end of.

Ruperbear Wed 13-Feb-19 18:25:52

What a nasty thing to say. I am sorry but I no longer would be in her Company. Every bodies child birth is unique to them. I remember being so upset after one of my DC when somebody said. “ oh a c section, how easy”. What they didn’t know was I had full labour and had problems while giving birth. So it was anything but easy. I never spoke to the woman again.
Don’t dwell. Move on with you baby.

Mabellavender Wed 13-Feb-19 18:25:19

I thought transition was the bit in between contractions and pushing where there’s no gap between contractions anymore? In which case you have been if you got to the pushing stage.

Anyhow, your friend sounds like a nob.

Hippiechick162 Wed 13-Feb-19 18:24:58

I've had both cs and natural birth. Also had forceps. I can honestly say I'd rather have natural than cs any day. No knocking anyone's opinions but the healing time after and the impact of cs was far worse than my natural deliveries even the delivery with zero pain relief was preferable. YADNBU...totally bonkers. Birth is birth and everyone's experience is their own

LuckyPaws88 Wed 13-Feb-19 18:23:21

I am so angry for you.
I too had a pretty painful almost got a c section then ended with forceps and episiotomy.
How f****ing dare she undermine your experience.
I was in tears due to tiredness and ‘shame’ when my dad came to visit me in the hospital because I thought I had ‘failed’ because I had to get forceps. My baby was facing sideways which is why was almost c section.
My family and health visitor were adamant I was wrong and too hard on myself.
You’re friend is cow.

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