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To think this is a bonkers opinion about childbirth

(344 Posts)
Reallyreallyreally1 Tue 12-Feb-19 08:05:44

So I had a baby boy 5 months ago and recently met up with some friends whose children are older. Haven’t seen them since the baby.

I generally don’t talk about the birth because no one really wants to know about someone else’s experience, but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs)

One of them said ‘so you’ve come away from that thinking that you know what it’s like to have a baby’. Wtf does that even mean? I said ‘I don’t get what you mean by that!’

She said ‘you’ve not given birth properly, you’ve not been in transition, you’ve only done the easy bit. So many women think they’ve given birth but they have no idea’.

I wasn’t sure what to say so we just changed the subject but it’s left a nasty taste in my mouth. Maybe she’s right and I’ve only had the easy bit (in which case I would hate to see the next bit!!) but surely no one really thinks like this about labour?
My other friend didn’t agree but didn’t necessarily disagree; she said that a section is the easy option but if your body can’t give birth properly then it’s not your fault grin

I’m not sure why I’m posting except to say- Aibu that this is not how normal people view childbirth?

Rockmysocks Thu 14-Feb-19 09:54:49

Jeez, some fucking women are bitches! Why the competition? All everybody wants at the end of the day is healthy mother and baby.

Labour is a means to an end. Once it's over, it becomes a memory and the pain and indignity (ies!) fade but becoming a mother starting with a living, breathing, tiny little baby is a lifetime's job and makes it all worth while.

That cow can go take a flying fuck.

winniestone37 Thu 14-Feb-19 08:51:10

She's an idiot and how horrible for you to have to listen to her sad wittering that involves putting down and trumping other women. You don't need her approval tbough, she doesn't qualify your value and self worth. Keep her at arms length.

Humboles Thu 14-Feb-19 00:23:57

I knew a mum who had identical twins by caesarean section and she had an absolutely horrendous time as the babies were badly positioned. A friend had two separate 'caesars' and each time the elcs decision was made very late after she had undergone long and unsuccessful labours, one of which almost killed her — it was later discovered she had an undiagnosed 'vaginal anomaly'. Meanwhile, other women bring babies into the world unassisted! These are all defined as deliveries and no group should feel they have the monopoly on authentic birthing.

manicmij Wed 13-Feb-19 22:55:10

I had difficult births but no way would I say you didn't experience what giving birth is like. Ignore the twat.

aariah08 Wed 13-Feb-19 22:54:03

Both your ‘friends’ sound ignorant, but the first one is just a massive bitch!
I despise the whole ‘my labour was harder than your labour’ it’s the equivalent of a dick measuring contest for guys!!!
There is no ‘easy’ way to give birth. However yours seemed particularly difficult. Entire first stage, into the second stage and then major emergency surgery!!!!
I would ditch the friends and focus on the beautiful baby that your body made AND birthed!!

stayathomer Wed 13-Feb-19 22:45:23

I hate that rubbish!!! SIL avoids even talking about birth as she had three CS and thinks it means she isn't qualified to talk about it all. If there is a baby then the person gave birth, why is it all such a competition?!

UnicornRainbowsRain Wed 13-Feb-19 22:40:47

I had a vaginal birth. Birth fine but issues after with baby and me. I'm quite proud I managed a long birth with no pain relief... because it showed me that I can do that level of pain when I've practically been fainting at paper cuts in the past.

However, my friends that have had the most complex, difficult births and had c/sections are the women that I look up to. They've fought and fought for their babies and they've had tough deliveries and recoveries. They've shown me what strength in motherhood is, and I'm in awe of what they've gone through and recovered physically from.

caringcarer Wed 13-Feb-19 22:37:14

I had one induced birth and put on drip, one perfectly normal vaginal birth, and one c section whilst awake. I can honestly say not much difference between them. Contractions for me harder than pushing baby out. Your friend is a CF. Don't take any notice of her.

EllenMP Wed 13-Feb-19 21:56:02

Friends don't let friends EVER think they did childbirth wrong. Healthy mother/healthy baby, mission accomplished. It sounds like your birth experience was about as painful, frightening and lengthy as it's possible to be. You have been through the wars and you deserve a medal, not a bitchy comment. Episiotomy AND c-section? After back labour?!?! You're a brave girl and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I hope any additional births in your future come off more easily for you, and if you choose a section next time after this nightmare, don't let any mean girls make you feel one iota of guilt or insecurity over it. Healthy mother + healthy baby = gold star, no matter what how you got the job done.

MrsPeel Wed 13-Feb-19 21:54:25

What is the big deal? You got a baby out of your body - does the method really matter/ Its a very odd and unhealthy fixation if you ask me.

flowergrrl77 Wed 13-Feb-19 21:51:56

hugs I am sorry that these people treated you this way..

I’ve had 3 babies, first was an Emergency C.S. (no labour, baby in danger) and I can hands down state that overall (recovery included) the Caesar was the hardest! You had most of a freakin labour with your C.S.! You totally birthed your baby, ok so with help! But you did it!

biscuit

Catsinthecupboard Wed 13-Feb-19 21:19:06

Ugh! This is asinine. Competition over giving birth? Such an annoying thing that we do.

For one thing, it sounds like you've had a traumatic experience. Anytime forceps are mentioned, it's time to be kind.

I think that this is one of stupidest things to feel smug about bc while some people give birth easily, it's a life threatening event.

Bc of previous surgery, i had to have 2 c-sections. Thankfully!!
Ds was butt first breach and dd had cord around her neck and also abdomen. I am so grateful that i was not able to even try to have natural birth. My children wouldn't have survived. Nor me.

Also. I could barely walk after first one. It took weeks healing. Second was fairly easy. They were so far apart in difficulty that it didn't seem like same operation. My point: even on same person you can't compare bc it's different.

She's a selfish, selfcentered jerk. Drop her bc she'll want to compare dc and your feelings will continually be hurt.

Ignore her, forget her.flowers
Love your baby and never think of her again.

staceyflack Wed 13-Feb-19 21:18:11

Congratulations! Hope you are enjoying motherhood. And recovering well from your challenging birth.
As a mother and a midwife i can honestly say that that woman is talking absolute rubbish. Tell her to fuck right off.

StrawberrySquash Wed 13-Feb-19 21:17:12

The friend who hasnt has a caesarean doesn't know what it's like recovering from that while looking after a tiny baby. Births differ. Nobody should judge each other for that, it's just the way it happens.

Loreleigh Wed 13-Feb-19 21:13:20

Your so-called-friend sounds a little deranged! Ignore the bitchiness and just enjoy the baby you gave birth to smile

SleeplessInc Wed 13-Feb-19 21:11:55

Every birth is different, there are no prizes (apart from a healthy baby) and each one has its difficulties,

I had an emergency c section with no.1, long drawn out vbac with no.2 both entirely different and both difficult in their own ways. Despite the spiraling interventions with no.2 over 4 days in hospital it was still ‘easier’ than having a c section.

Any woman that tells another woman they are inferior because of the way their baby was delivered is, well, let’s just say, it’s the same as the place a baby often comes out of you, but I don’t like to swear! grin

Supergrassyknoll Wed 13-Feb-19 20:59:09

What a bitch, don’t worry about her pathetic attempt at one upmanship, rise above and know that she’s not a friend, steer clear or just ignore and don’t engage in conversation if you’re unlucky enough to be in her company again x

IAteTheLastOne Wed 13-Feb-19 20:57:21

Chocwocdooda

I’m guessing your friend had a drug free, natural labour and thinks she deserves a fucking medal for it.

This!

Leapfrog44 Wed 13-Feb-19 20:42:21

WTF? She sounds bitter and crazy

ethelfleda Wed 13-Feb-19 20:39:00

P.s. one vaginal birth for me too and I agree - pushing was the easy part (for me) plus - no stitches! Hurray!

ethelfleda Wed 13-Feb-19 20:35:35

She is a twat. You had to go through all of that and then major abdominal surgery! Of course you birthed your child!

FrameyMcFrame Wed 13-Feb-19 20:28:59

She's wrong about transition.

If you got to forceps and pushing you went through transition.

Anyway she sounds like a dick

thanks

NotStressedOut Wed 13-Feb-19 20:22:36

Everyone’s birth is different. I had 3 children. The first and third I had 25hour labours. The 2nd I was induced but took 4 hours for him to be born. I was torn each time and had sutures to repair. My 2nd and 3rd boys were 9lbs 3oz and 9lbs 14oz. You should be proud you gave birth because it sounds like you had a difficult time. Rather mean of your friend to say what she did.

BigBumandMumTum Wed 13-Feb-19 20:21:59

I've had a baby on my own because the labour was fast. Yours sounds more real and harder than mine

NottonightJosepheen Wed 13-Feb-19 20:17:38

WTF?

Fucking bizarre. confused

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