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To think this is a bonkers opinion about childbirth

(344 Posts)
Reallyreallyreally1 Tue 12-Feb-19 08:05:44

So I had a baby boy 5 months ago and recently met up with some friends whose children are older. Haven’t seen them since the baby.

I generally don’t talk about the birth because no one really wants to know about someone else’s experience, but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs)

One of them said ‘so you’ve come away from that thinking that you know what it’s like to have a baby’. Wtf does that even mean? I said ‘I don’t get what you mean by that!’

She said ‘you’ve not given birth properly, you’ve not been in transition, you’ve only done the easy bit. So many women think they’ve given birth but they have no idea’.

I wasn’t sure what to say so we just changed the subject but it’s left a nasty taste in my mouth. Maybe she’s right and I’ve only had the easy bit (in which case I would hate to see the next bit!!) but surely no one really thinks like this about labour?
My other friend didn’t agree but didn’t necessarily disagree; she said that a section is the easy option but if your body can’t give birth properly then it’s not your fault grin

I’m not sure why I’m posting except to say- Aibu that this is not how normal people view childbirth?

cheeseypuff Mon 25-Feb-19 16:01:35

Your "friend" sounds a bit odd & not a very nice person sorry OP. It's not like it's a massive competition to see who had the most "birthy" birth confused. You grew a baby & when the time came you gave birth to it. It may not have come out of your vagina but you sure as hell sound like you went through quite a varied experience to put it mildly .
I had forceps for my first birth & for a while afterwards felt like I hadnt actually "given birth properly" whatever that means!
My second arrived a lot more easily via a conventional straightforward vaginal route - it felt a lot easier but neither was particularly a pleasant experience that I'd hurry back to! Ignore her.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 25-Feb-19 15:43:58

Oh I've had all that. "Oh you cheated". "Easy way out".
A lot of women don't realise. A csection is not a get out of jail free card. Its a major operation.
That said though. I wouldn't like to give birth vaginally. The thought of tearing makes me shudder.

Woolyheads Mon 25-Feb-19 15:36:56

Buy the poor love some flowers and tell her to get some counselling; she has a chip on her shoulder about the type of giving birth she had and should get help for it.

MiniMum97 Sat 16-Feb-19 20:00:55

If you were fully dilated and pushing you would have gone through transition which is the worst part of a "normal" labour. So your "friend" is talking shit. And even if you hadn't gone through transition, back to back, forceps etc that you describe are pretty horrific in themselves and arguably worse than transition.

Having said that you can't compare one labour with another. Everyone is different and everyone's experience of it is different.

I had a "normal" straightforward labour but f found the whole experience horrific and traumatising. Other people have an awful labour on paper but somehow loved the experience.

But it's not a fucking competition anyway. It's just giving birth.

Your friend is not a friend. What a fucking horrible, ignorant and spiteful thing to say.

Applesandpears23 Sat 16-Feb-19 19:56:38

In addition to what everyone else is said if you plan to have another please don’t let her scare you. I have had one the way you did and one vaginal without assistance and the one with instruments was much harder to recover from physically and mentally. There is nothing ‘easy’ about the way you gave birth! Enjoy your baby and ditch the ‘friend’.

CSIblonde Sat 16-Feb-19 19:46:48

Eugh. Competitive childbirth Nazi. Vile woman. So much for sisterhood. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

dreamyflower Sat 16-Feb-19 19:43:41

They are not your friends. Having had an emergency c-section after 4 days of being in labour and an elective section for second birth, I don't think it's the easy option. My baby is 14 weeks and I've only just begun to be able to open up the double buggy as my muscles were so weak I couldn't before. It's scary as hell going into theatre knowing you're about to have complex surgery. Then the recovery, not being able to sit up properly, not being able to drive, not being able to lift up toddler. I would have slapped your friend. You gave birth to your child, you grew him and got him into the world. Your birth sounds very traumatic and I hope you are ok. Defo not the easy option.

harvey30 Sat 16-Feb-19 19:22:01

I agree icedgem85. Some people are such bitches. Hope she has to have a section now for future pregnancys the bitch lol . Then she will realise its not the easy way out!!!

harvey30 Sat 16-Feb-19 19:19:25

Take it shee never had a section. Its far from easy!!!! Its major surgery!!! What a horrible friend. Cant stand ppl like that. Shes not got a clue. Iv had 2 sections n its far from a walk in the park. Iv also had natural and natural is easy compared to c section. Xx

Mmmhmmm Thu 14-Feb-19 19:23:50

WOW your "friends" are proper cunts, OP. shock

twobambinos Thu 14-Feb-19 17:29:14

For me different parts of labour were worse each time. After 3 deliveries I couldnt say for definite that transition is the worst or contractions or pushing as it varied everytime. A section is never an easy way out and definitely not at the end of all that labouring.

twobambinos Thu 14-Feb-19 17:26:51

An episiotomy and a section sounds awful one or the other to be healing would be enough. Of course you have given birth what a silly thing for her to say. Some people always just need to have the worst war stories.

Bignosenobum Thu 14-Feb-19 17:03:52

What a total bitch

icedgem85 Thu 14-Feb-19 16:22:27

What? She’s not a friend, she’s a weirdo. My births were a bit like yours except luckily for me I managed to avoid the section. Not that it even matters, but the actual bit when the baby comes out is a massive release (I mean it stings, sure, but nothing compared to a c section recovery plus you had all the rest to deal with!

Vixxxy Thu 14-Feb-19 15:54:18

She sounds horrid. For me, the pushing was definitely the easy bit with both, only lasted a few mins. It was the 30 hours labour with DD that was the horrendous part, once the drip went in to speed things up it was unbearable. I took all the drugs they offered at that stage as I was knackered, I guess I did not 'fully have the experience' or whatever too hmm

Deadpoet Thu 14-Feb-19 15:20:33

Your friend is talking out of her arse. Transition is those last few contractions just before you start pushing so yes, as you were fully dilated and pushing, you do know what transition feels like. To be fair your labour and birth sound far more difficult than mine. X

ClaudiasWinkleMan Thu 14-Feb-19 13:53:04

Your “friend” is a grade A arsehole. A c-section is not an easy option, it is major abdominal surgery and takes much much longer to recover from. Your Labour sounds like it was really tough and both you and your child made it through safely.
Why do some women try to make motherhood a competition? It’s not. She is someone so wrecked with insecurities that she needs to try to make others feel like shit. She is best avoided.
Don’t listen to her poison. You did a great job!

outpinked Thu 14-Feb-19 12:37:36

Your friend is not a friend, ditch her.

What an odd opinion to have. She actually needs to look up the dictionary definition of birth, it doesn’t say ‘when a woman pushes a baby out of her vagina’ grin. Of course you gave birth, you have a baby! It sounds as though your birthing experience was a lot more traumatic than a regular straight forward vaginal birth as well.

She’s a dick.

Housemum Thu 14-Feb-19 12:34:19

With my three, between them I have had emergency section/induction/"natural" labour. Premature and full term. Breast fed and bottle fed. They were all "proper" childbirth! At best I hope it's a poor attempt at humour from your friend, you certainly did NOT have an easy option!

OMGafourth Thu 14-Feb-19 12:00:02

IMO section mums are even more amazing than vaginal birth mums... I've only had the former, but SIL and a close friend have both had sections. It's major surgery with recovery time, but you don't really get time to recover because you're responsible for a new life!

EugenesAxe Thu 14-Feb-19 10:43:35

No with bells on. I had a ‘normal’ delivery (I could do birth, not BFing) and in my opinion she is completely wrong. WTF! “You didn’t go through transition, you only did the easy bit.” Seriously she can fuck RIGHT off - the early dilation bit was hands down the worse part of my entire labour. I found that very painful and vomited with most contractions. The bit when I could suddenly push only came as a relief; it felt no different except I really couldn’t stop myself pushing; it didn’t hurt much at all by comparison. I’d just come out of a sleeplike state, after having pethidine, and I felt great and fresh. In any case, as someone said if you started to push then you did go into Stage 2 (if that’s what she means by transitioning) - you just physically couldn’t get your baby past your cervix or whatever. I don’t even know if that’s where babies get stuck, or if it’s in the birth canal.

I don’t think she’s much of a friend really - your labour sounds far more of an effort than many people’s. She must have some other hang up about her parent experience so far, to be trying to score points for herself in this way.

PeapodBurgundy Thu 14-Feb-19 10:28:16

I'd really like to know how hours of back to back labour, failed forceps delivery followed by major surgery is considered 'the easy bit' compared to the relatively small proportion of a vaginal birth which you didn't experience. Agree with PP, she's not a friend. Please don't let her take up any mor3e head space. Congratulations on your DS (my DD is the same age smile )

Limensoda Thu 14-Feb-19 10:25:46

I had a delivery similar to yours. Baby back to back, forceps etc. I was heavily drugged, 36 hour Labour and baby had breathing difficulties and in the special baby care unit for 5 days.
I have very little memory of the Labour and they messed up the delivery so I came away feeling I hadn't experienced delivering a baby properly.
I had PND too.
My second baby was a straightforward Labour, fully aware and involved and I remember all of it.
Both labours resulted in beautiful babies.
I have no idea why someone would belittle your experience. There's no fucking point apart from trying to make herself feel superior.

Ummaybenot Thu 14-Feb-19 10:12:55

With ds1 I had an emcs after 14 hours of active labour as the baby's heart was stopping. He was poorly at birth too.
Ds2 They wanted to do a planned csec due to complications first time round. All went well till he came out and also stopped breathing. He was in nicu for a while.

My "best friend" had 2 very textbook quick natural labours still now tells everyone openly infront of me how LUCKY I am to have had 2 cesereans and how I will never know what it's like to actually give birth and how LUCKY that makes me. I find it such a horrible selfish thing for her to say but for some reason I just never say anything!

I think people like this say things to make themselves feel better, just try and let it wash over you

Stayawayfromitsmouth Thu 14-Feb-19 10:03:12

She's no friend. She's a wierd bitch who is wrong.
My first labour sounds pretty similar to yours and it was fucking horrendous.
My second labour was almost textbook apart from my water didn't break. I didn't have time for pain relief either.
Both resulted in a baby.
What a strange not-friend.

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