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AIBU?

DS had no choice to punch him

105 replies

carrywatermelons · 11/02/2019 21:48

DS8 is a very gentle and peaceful child. He is never in trouble at school and rarely at home.
Dh collected him from school to be told there was an incident and DS lost his break.
Turns out 2 boys - one being the biggest in the school - were trapping DS in the playground and then in a shed in a alley next to the playground. Both blocked one exit each, The bigger one threatened to punch him. DS tried to push his way out where the smaller boy was - DS was very scared - but it didn't work so panicked and he punched the smaller boy (not hard).
DS got a red card and sent to the school office to do work - which is basically isolation - and neither of the other 2 even got told off. DS came home in floods of tears, being trapped and threatened has really shook him up.
Tried to call the school but received an email back saying how they were glad DS showed remorse and to talk to him about positive behaviour choices.

OP posts:

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SilverDoe · 11/02/2019 21:51

I think the school have dealt with your sons behaviour rightly - recognising remorse for violence and exploring positive behaviour responses sounds exactly appropriate.

With all due respect you only have your son’s word that the other children weren’t punished, surely?

FrogsLegs33 · 11/02/2019 21:52

Well not much to offer except to say that at least the smaller boy might think twice next time!!!

for having a crappy response from school

Bestseller · 11/02/2019 21:54

I think the school's response is probably correct but disappointing that they've tried to deal with it by email rather than speaking to you.

Racecardriver · 11/02/2019 21:54

Well of course he had other choices but he is a child. One can’t expect him to always do the right thing when panicked. He miscalculated, he learned the consequences. It is what it is. Next time he may find a better solution.

Wolfiefan · 11/02/2019 21:55

How do you know nothing happened to the others? Has he told the school what happened?

carrywatermelons · 11/02/2019 21:56

So, what was DS supposed to do? He was trapped, threatened and scared. And no teachers responded.

OP posts:

Merryoldgoat · 11/02/2019 21:56

Turns out 2 boys - one being the biggest in the school - were trapping DS in the playground and then in a shed in a alley next to the playground.

I’d want to speak to the school and find out how this was allowed to happen.

I’d be livid frankly. Assuming your son’s account is accurate, your son was cornered, frightened, didn’t know what they were going to do to him so escaped the only way he could.

carrywatermelons · 11/02/2019 21:56

The school said the others weren't told off.

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TeenTimesTwo · 11/02/2019 21:57

The problem is he threw the first punch.
Self defence would be considered OK, but 'attack as a form of defence' is generally considered less acceptable.

Was he somewhere isolated? Could he instead have shouted/screamed for help?

I feel sorry for the situation your son was in, but don't necessarily think the school was wrong in their reaction. It's tricky.

Blueuggboots · 11/02/2019 21:58

I'd be finding out more from the school!!!

Wolfiefan · 11/02/2019 21:58

Has your child explained to the school exactly what happened? He shouldn’t punch people but neither should the other kids behave as they did.

ShawshanksRedemption · 11/02/2019 22:01

What led up to your DS being trapped by the other two? What had happened directly beforehand? Was there a reason why they trapped him?

Was it break or lunch when it happened? Did any adult deal with it on the playground at the time?

I find it hard to believe the other two were not punished, and I'm not sure if you're getting the whole story here from your DS.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/02/2019 22:01

How on earth did they get access to an alley and she did beside the playground that they were able to trap him in? are there no playground supervisors? I would be wanting some answers about that.

SilverDoe · 11/02/2019 22:02

I would maybe reach out to the school regarding the fact this happened with no teachers around, and it sounds like your DS, if his account is accurate, is being bullied by these kids :(

The more pressing matter is definitely what the boys did, not the fact that your son was punished for punching someone.

How come the teachers were able to tell your DS off for punching but not able to see that DS was cornered twice? Is it worth asking for a neutral account and asking a teacher to speak to your DS about what happened to him?

carrywatermelons · 11/02/2019 22:02

It was pretty isolated, he was asking them to let him go as well.
He explained as well as he could but has anxiety at school so probably didn't explain fully.
I've honestly never seen him cry like it.

OP posts:

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/02/2019 22:03

The problem is he threw the first punch.
Self defence would be considered OK,

It was self defence. He was already being physically held against his will.

TortoiseLettuce · 11/02/2019 22:03

I don’t see how, if I’m cornered and threatened with violence, I’m at fault for hurting my aggressor in order to escape before the threat can be enacted? Complain to the school - your DS should not have been put in that position and definitely shouldn’t have been blamed for trying to escape.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/02/2019 22:04

He is being bullied OP. No wonder he is anxious. Meeting with the school. Stamp on this now. Do not let your DS take the blame for this.

ShawshanksRedemption · 11/02/2019 22:04

"The school said the others weren't told off."

I'm surprised at that - school's do not generally tell parents what happens with regards to consequences for other people's children! Did they say this in the email?

So, if no teacher responded, how do the school know what happened? Did your DS tell an adult? Did the other boys?

I would recommend you ask to meet with the school to get the full story as things do not seem to be adding up.

nancy75 · 11/02/2019 22:05

I’m interested to know what his other choices were? Stand there and let the other kids hit him?
I would want to know what the school was going to do about the behaviour of the other children

TildaTurnip · 11/02/2019 22:05

If I would do it as an adult (which of course I would; I wouldn’t wait to be injured, the threat would be enough for me to do what I needed to get out) then I wouldn’t expect my child to get punished for it.

ComeMonday · 11/02/2019 22:06

@racecardriver — would you mind explaining what choices a small child has when he is trapped in a shed alone with both exits blocked? I would honestly like to know what you would suggest he should have done differently.

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2019 22:07

The school said the others weren't told off

What was their reasoning?

SilverDoe · 11/02/2019 22:09

Um, it’s not acceptable because it’s school. The other kids were in the wrong but it’s not okay to punch.

If the teachers involved punished the DS but not the other kids, clearly they have a different and likely inaccurate account of what has happened, so if I were the OP I’d be asking a teacher to speak to me to share DS’s side of events and clarify if anyone saw what was happening or why they were left alone.

woodhill · 11/02/2019 22:10

Your poor ds. Definitely speak to school about this incident.

Your son was trapped, 2 against 1. I don't blame him

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