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won't date a single mum?

(399 Posts)
shortlongterm Mon 11-Feb-19 15:16:33

Just had my head bitten off at work for saying that I wouldnt date a single mother! We were talking online dating (a hypothetical for me) and my coworker said she filters out short guys and people who smoke. Conversation flowed, I piped up and said I would filter out single mums and they turned on me, saying I shouldn't be so narrow minded! Surely I am not alone in saying I wouldn't want to date someone with children? Why is so much worse than not dating short/smoker etc?

Sparklesocks Mon 11-Feb-19 15:17:36

Well maybe because cigarettes are not kids?

MrsTerryPratcett Mon 11-Feb-19 15:19:36

You came on a parenting website to ask this question. Interesting.

I'd suggest listening to the people who were talking to you and ask why they were upset. Unless your aim was to get a bunch of single mums online riled up. Then carry on.

GlossyTaco Mon 11-Feb-19 15:20:18

It's not a bad thing to do at all.

A colleague of mine always turned down single dads on her dating app. She doesn't want kids in her life. It's fair enough.

NameChanger22 Mon 11-Feb-19 15:20:56

It sounds like you are doing all the single mums out there a favour. I wouldn't date you either.

DoneLikeAKipper Mon 11-Feb-19 15:21:19

It works both ways of course. So I’m sure you’d be happy for women to turn you down for having children, as it supposedly makes you unattractive (I’m sure you have more attractive qualities, somewhere).

Mmmhmmm Mon 11-Feb-19 15:23:52

I've always put both smokers and single Dad's on the no list. You only have to read a few SM threads on here to know it's best to avoid dating people with kids.

PinkHeart5914 Mon 11-Feb-19 15:24:20

I think it’s fine to not want to date someone for whatever reason you see fit.

If I was childless and single I wouldn’t date single dads or men with dc, I see it no different to the women that won’t date everyone under 6 foot or someone that doesn’t drink for example

TortoiseLettuce Mon 11-Feb-19 15:25:16

I have DC but I wouldn’t want to date a single dad. I can’t be bothered parenting (or financing) anyone’s kids except my own. I don’t see why it’s a problem to admit that.

Isadora2007 Mon 11-Feb-19 15:26:45

I think it’s fair enough. In saying that, when my husband first met me he thought there was no way we would ever be anything- I was a divorcee with two kids and am a lot younger than him. Yet here we are 2 kids of our own now and over 10 years married.
The thing about dating sites it’s a bit like a shopping list. Ideal when you are at the planning stage...But when you’re at the shop and you just suddenly fancy that item that isn’t on the list...that’s more like real life isn’t it. Attraction doesn’t always make sense...it just feels right.

Fraula Mon 11-Feb-19 15:26:51

I used to be a single mum and would have appreciated the honesty so I didn't waste my time. It's a big undertaking to have a long term relationship with a single parent.

lastqueenofscotland Mon 11-Feb-19 15:27:17

I wouldn’t date a single dad. The chance is eventually you will in some way be responsible for those children which is a huge undertaking.

BitchQueen90 Mon 11-Feb-19 15:28:28

I'm a single mum and I wouldn't be offended by that at all. Not everyone wants to take on someone else's kids, there's nothing wrong with that. I'd rather know upfront and then I don't need to waste my time!

AliyyaJann Mon 11-Feb-19 15:28:51

No issue with your preferences. Most women wouldn't date a single dad either with all the drama that can come along. Most single dad's are not resident parents or pay enough in child support so that shows his commitment to any children they may have- none.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Mon 11-Feb-19 15:29:50

I dont think its offensive- I do think though that past a certain age you are limiting yourself quite a bit with that 'rule'.

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 Mon 11-Feb-19 15:30:07

That's fair enough OP for you to not want to date single mothers.

I would not date any man who was on less than £50K, who doesn't have a car, who is not circumcised, who smokes, who doesn't own his own property, who is balding, who is less than 5 foot 10" tall, who is more than 20 pounds overweight, who doesn't have a passport, who has children, and refuses to ever get married.

So yeah YANBU. wink

MiraculousMarinette Mon 11-Feb-19 15:31:35

Well, as a single mum I wouldn't want to date in the first place! grin

I agree with @Fraula. It takes a certain kind of person to take in someone else's child. It's actually decent of you to not string women along for fun and games.

codenameduchess Mon 11-Feb-19 15:31:36

I think it's better to be honest and not waste anyone's time. Taking on someone else's kids and all the added/potential drama is a big ask and understandably not for everyone and there is nothing to be angry or offended about.

I'm a parent but wouldn't want to date a single dad (if I found myself single).

Kids is a much bigger deal than cigarettes! You can stop smoking but can ditch the kids.

Fabaunt Mon 11-Feb-19 15:31:47

You’re not being unreasonable. I get why men wouldn’t want to be inconvenienced or restricted by someone else’s kids. If you’re used to being spontaneous at weekends or like doing things without a strict schedule and don’t want to come second in the relationship then it’s perfectly fine not to want a single mother

Itsyersel Mon 11-Feb-19 15:35:00

*shortlongterm

Just had my head bitten off at work for saying that I wouldnt date a single mother! We were talking online dating (a hypothetical for me) and my coworker said she filters out short guys and people who smoke. Conversation flowed, I piped up and said I would filter out single mums and they turned on me, saying I shouldn't be so narrow minded! Surely I am not alone in saying I wouldn't want to date someone with children? Why is so much worse than not dating short/smoker etc?*

There is nothing wrong with what you have said at all... the woman in your office are shallow to not want to date a short guy, you not wanting to date a single mother is nothing similar, if you do not like kids you do not like kids...why should you have to plan around her kid all the time to go out, or have to wait on her putting a kid 1st when your dating. Well done for saying it how it is...dont listen to all the men haters on here

BitchQueen90 Mon 11-Feb-19 15:35:08

I actually only want to date men who DO have kids as I want someone who understands the responsibilities of parenthood but I don't want to have any more kids of my own.

They have to be a good involved father though, no deadbeat dads need apply! wink

Believability Mon 11-Feb-19 15:35:19

I get this. I wouldn’t date someone with children who are still at school. I have zero desire to get involved with parenting someone else’s children. I’ve been the step child in a relationship and wouldn’t want to a) take on that role or b) put my children in that situation. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

bibliomania Mon 11-Feb-19 15:35:55

As a single mother, I think that's fair enough. If anything, I'd be wary of anyone who was particularly keen to date single mothers.

Oysterbabe Mon 11-Feb-19 15:36:42

When I was online dating I didn't date men with kids 🤷‍♀️

NannyRed Mon 11-Feb-19 15:37:09

You date who you want to date, you avoid the ones you don’t deem suitable for you. Why are your colleagues struggling with that?

I wouldn’t date somebody scruffy or stupid, no matter how fantastically rich and handsome he was.

Yanbu.

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