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Was I overreacting ?

(17 Posts)
MissKittyBeaudelais Mon 11-Feb-19 13:06:10

I took my 18 yr old son to college this morning. He has asd and raging OCD. He gets dropped off each day by me and picked up at the same spot (give or take a couple of feet). Today, at the “Drop Zone Only” spot a large car was parked up with the engine running so, I assumed the person in the passenger seat would hop out. I sat a bit, no one got out so I flashed him. Nothing. DS had gotten out already but, by this time, I had another car right behind me, dropping off and could neither go forward non backward. So, I bibbed him to either drop his passenger and move on or at least move forward a little so I could manoeuvre around him. Nothing. When the car behind me moved, I had to reverse into the campus traffic behind me and was then able to pull out. As I passed, I saw the young passenger and driver having a laugh. I turned around at the mini roundabout within the campus and came back around and they were still there (passenger now texting on phone) so, I put my window down and said “that area is really a “Drop” point ....there’s plenty of parking if you’re early and not ready to go in”. He told me to mind my own business and he’d do what he wanted. In no uncertain terms.

I don’t know why this “nothing” incident has rattled me so much. I wanted to thump him. Why are people so shitty that they just do what they want and sod everyone else? My son had to step onto the grass to make the pavement when he got out and I know that he’ll be overwrought all day and want his shoes in the washing machine as soon as he gets home. And all because the bloke in front wouldn’t move forward or drop and go.

Was I unreasonable (or just stressed to fuck) to want to get out and wallop him?

minmooch Mon 11-Feb-19 13:13:34

Unfortunately others have no idea what you and your son have to go through every day.

Car in front should have moved but it's not their fault your son has issues (I'm sorry if that is harsh).

Had it been a disabled parking spot I would feel a lot different - my child was disabled - but for a drop off zone I think you may be expecting a little too much of people. Hopefully most people would have moved quickly.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 11-Feb-19 13:15:34

Yanbu. Some people are self centred arseholes.

onlyk Mon 11-Feb-19 13:25:18

It’s a drop off point so yes he should have moved to a parking space if he was going to take longer than 1-2 minutes.

Yes it’s irritating when highlighted to the person they shouldn’t be parked in a drop zone they are not only not apologetic or a little shamed faced about their own behaviour.

It’s probably bugging you more than the average person as the impact to you and your son is more than an average person.

But to be honest their attitude would have pissed me off more than the parking in a drop zone inconsiderate vs aggressively rude.

If it’s something that will bug you for ages then if you remember the reg (or have a dash cam) report the space hogging and the behaviour to the school.

ForgivenessIsDivine Mon 11-Feb-19 13:33:29

Oh dear lady. Have a big hug and a cup of tea. Sometimes it's all just too much. And then some f***er gets in the way.

MissKittyBeaudelais Mon 11-Feb-19 14:39:13

Thanks for the replies.

I did call the college as I had his number plate. They said people are asked to drop and go but they’ve no way of making sure that happens. Fair enough. Receptionist advised me to park in the Disabled bay but we don’t have a blue badge and it makes me as bad as the original driver if I’m stopping someone who needs the disabled spot from parking.

We used to have a Blue Badge. We used to have transport. We’ve lost both due to cutbacks. Recently, I’m starting get DS anywhere to be honest. It’s easier to stay home 😐

MissKittyBeaudelais Mon 11-Feb-19 14:41:10

Sorry for typos

Meant to say I’m struggling to get DS anywhere

Also, we used to get transport to college. That’s been stopped.

IncrediblySadToo Mon 11-Feb-19 14:45:26


Some people are inconsiderate assholes.

I’d consider reporting it to the police. Hopefully it’s a slow day and they’ll go around and have a word about their intimidating behaviour and abiding by ‘Drop
Off’ rules.

If your DS isn’t slow getting out, I’d use the disabled space for 2 mins to drop him off. Any chance of getting his BB back?!

I hope he’s getting some help and you’re getting some support. It’s HARD when they legally become adults.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Mon 11-Feb-19 14:48:21

IMHO by returning to 'tell him off' you did overact

YANBU to be annoyed but since it was a one off then in your shoes I would have let it go

You know nothing about the family in the car so perhaps give them the benefit of the doubt

Sparklesocks Mon 11-Feb-19 14:52:22

Some people are inconsiderate and don’t think about how their actions affect others (or don’t care anyway). It’s very irritating, but sadly they live amongst us.

BlankTimes Mon 11-Feb-19 14:57:24

We used to have a Blue Badge

Approach your council for an assessment. How long ago did it expire?
Why was it not renewed?
If you need the enhanced rate of the Mobility part of PIP to qualify, apply.

If your DS isn’t slow getting out, I’d use the disabled space for 2 mins to drop him off.

Don't, BB spaces are for people who have a BB, not anyone else, no matter what the reason.

WhenTheSkyFalls Mon 11-Feb-19 15:00:48

Is your son receiving any kind of help for his ocd? He really needs it.
Unfortunately the world is full of arseholes so he's likely to have to deal with more than that in his future.

MissKittyBeaudelais Mon 11-Feb-19 16:35:02

Yes, I know now that what happened this morning was pretty insignificant really. I’d never use the BB area without a badge. Just doesn’t sit right. I lived with someone who became tetraplegic following an accident at work. As I was the person lifting the wheelchair in/out of our car all the time (even though he drove using hand controls) it was so bloody frustrating when all disabled bays were taken and we had to wait to park whilst someone came out of the store all apologies, as they’d only “nipped in quickly” for this or that. That was years ago when there were fewer BB bays.

We have recently been assessed for PIP and yes, were DS was awarded the high rate mobility component but still, OUR council DOES NOT give BB for asd. We used to live elsewhere and yes, had a BB without even DLA. Each council is different.

As for his OCD, we have exhausted treatment available in our area and been referred to The Maudsley in London. They said (when he was 16) that they only do post 18 treatment so, if he hadn’t improved in 18 months, they could offer inpatient treatment in London. Thank God, he is every so slightly better (ie. not suicidal anymore).

I agree, I know nothing of the people in the car this Mir in. I recognised the boy because he’s a nice looking young man with great hair! (Funny the things that stick in your mind) and I’ve slowed down many a time for him and others to cross in front of me at drop off times. I genuinely think they were just early and he was waiting to go in. However, the drop off zone isn’t the place to do that. Ultimately, no one really cares.

BlankTimes Mon 11-Feb-19 17:32:50

We have recently been assessed for PIP and yes, were DS was awarded the high rate mobility component but still, OUR council DOES NOT give BB for asd. We used to live elsewhere and yes, had a BB without even DLA. Each council is different

Do you know exactly what your Council's criteria are for the BB?
I don't know whether the changes have yet gone through, but last year there was quite a lot of publicity about BBs now being awarded for anxiety and other MH conditions in certain circumstances when someone also has enhanced Mobility PIP

I can understand someone at your Council making those rules whilst only looking at the textbook diagnosis criteria and thinking oh, no mobility problems there, they can walk, then we'll exclude ASD as a condition.
But, considering all of the co-morbids that exist with ASD, perhaps it's time the council's criteria was reviewed.

Do you have a Benefits Advisory Agency in your area who could advise you about the Council's rules for a BB? There are none in mine but I understand that a lot of FB groups are very active on this sort of thing, so if you have FB, then that may provide an opportunity for the Council to review your son's case.

The PIP Atos or Capita assessor or DWP at MR or Judge at Tribunal has awarded your son enhanced rate of mobility PIP presumably despite your son being able to walk more than the required distance.
They don't give that award for no reason, so I'd definitely get advice from an aid agency to see if you can appeal to the Council.

MissKittyBeaudelais Mon 11-Feb-19 20:04:17

BlankTimes, I will reapproach them. To be honest, because it’s so tough getting DS to go out of the house, I don’t think we’d use it much but there are occasions when it’s be very very useful rather than the stress of what we have to do now.

BlankTimes Tue 12-Feb-19 00:01:32

I'll keep everything crossed for you and your son that he is approved for a BB, firstly because he had one or more previously so you can contact the previous authority and find out their assessment of his needs because they did grant it and secondly there's all the PIP evidence and the Enhanced Mobility award from them.

He really must be in with a very good chance. Good Luck flowers

lyralalala Tue 12-Feb-19 02:56:07

Please do recheck with your council. The one I'm under doesn't give a discretionary BB for asd, but if someone has enhanced mobility they don't even see the reasons - just the PIP award (the bit of the letter that just says what part you've been awarded it for - not the breakdown).

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