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To feel completely lost now over my teen son

(238 Posts)
cricketmum84 Mon 11-Feb-19 12:14:00

DS(14) is under CAMHS for depression and entirety. We've had a really rough year with him drinking, running away once, constant moodiness and attitude, missing school because he is refusing to go, swearing at us, breaking his phone in a temper.... lots more.

I'm at home today as I've had a meeting with school about his absences where we have been threatened with a fine and prosecution if he doesn't start going every day.

When I got home I checked my Instagram and noticed he was active about 3am.

I did something bad. I signed into his Instagram account and checked his messages. I know some will think this is wrong but I did it and am not about to get into a debate over whether I should be reading his messages.

He was messaging friends in the early hours of this morning saying he was drinking alcohol (no alcohol missing in the house so I don't know if this is true), taking my prescription drugs (I know this is true as I've checked my packs), sending pictures of our big kitchen knife saying he would hurt himself and talking about how it would feel to stab someone with it. There's also messages from the past few days about meeting up with friends and asking them to sneak vodka out of their houses in water bottles. There's explicit messages and images between him and some Instagram "star" who must be about 18?!?!

I feel like this is the last straw. I've fought and fought for the CAMHS referral but he won't engage with them so they keep telling me there isn't much they can do. I've talked to him, I've shouted, I've punished, I've cried, I've sat on the floor and sobbed. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make this right, I don't know how to talk to him, I don't know how to fix him. I want to scoop him up and kiss him better whilst slapping him for being so.... I don't even know what the right word is.

Please please can someone help us??

MatildaTheCat Mon 11-Feb-19 12:18:52

Oh dear that sounds dreadful for both of you. Do you have support?

My friend had very good advice from Young Minds- someone called her back and talked for a good hour, if you haven’t tried them I do recommend that.

The stealing of prescription drugs and talking about using a knife is deeply disturbing. I would actually call CAMHs today to ask for urgent advice.

I do wish you strength and hope things improve.

cricketmum84 Mon 11-Feb-19 12:49:36

I've tried the young minds parent helpline a few times today but haven't got through yet.

I'm scared that if I tell CAMHS he has stolen medication that social services will start to get involved.

Chloemol Mon 11-Feb-19 22:44:13

Maybe social services need to be involved. You have done everything you can, you need support and they may just be able to provide it

GreenTulips Mon 11-Feb-19 22:51:01

CAMHS will take an urgent referral if you badger them

Nothing wrong with telling the truth to get your son the help he needs

Does he say why he doesn’t want to go to school etc? Bad crowd?

funnylittlefloozie Mon 11-Feb-19 22:57:55

Would it be a bad thing if Social Services did get involved? It sounds like you genuinely need all the help you can get.

My DD has been under CAMHS for some years and they have generally been amazing, but sometimes you need to kick and cry and stamp your feet to get the right help.

I am so sorry you're going through this. You must be terrified. For a number of reasons that i really can't go into publically, i completely understand how you feel - please feel free to PM me if you like.

jade19 Mon 11-Feb-19 23:00:55

As hard as this is to read if you have read and have proof he wants to harm himself and others maybe it is worth looking into having him sectioned. It's not a nice thing to do but it means he is safe and he will getting the right care.
Because of his age I'm you can consent to him being taken in.
You seem to have done everything you truly can.

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 06:28:11

So I sat down with him and tried to talk through some of the stuff I had seen on his Instagram last night. He completely lost his temper, I have a bruised arm, a hole in my kitchen wall and then he ran away and we had to get the police out.

He ended up at a friends so went out and got him and the police came back to speak to him. He wouldn't engage with them at all which really annoyed the older policeman. They ended up physically removing from the house and speaking to him in the car. When they brought him back in they both said it's anxiety, I could see that myself from how much he was shaking to be honest. I had been sobbing in the kitchen after seeing them physically manhandle him out of the house.

We had planned to take him over to GP to give him some space but he wouldn't go. Our 9yo daughter then wouldn't sleep Cos she was scared of him after how physical he was when I tried to talk to him. DH took her down to his parents to spend the night there as she is on a training day today.

Let's see if he gets up for school. I need to ring CAMHS when I get a break from school today and see if we can bring his next appt forward as soon as possible.

anniehm Fri 15-Feb-19 06:33:52

Just go to a&e - better still call 999 and say it's a mental health crisis as most areas have a specific team and they can bypass a&e. It sounds like he needs to be sectioned for his own safety. My friend went through the process before Christmas and it's horrible but it's for their own good (my own dd has got as far as a&e but wasn't sectioned)

why100000 Fri 15-Feb-19 06:42:21

I agree that you need to take more urgent action.

I wish you all the best and to your son.

My 14 year old has OCD and possible ASD, and has so far refused to engage with CAMHS so I know a little of how hard it is when you can’t help someone. Not the same as your situation I know - I am not comparing it, but it is very very hard to watch someone damaging themselves. In my case my daughter spends hours and hours cocooned in her bedroom.

I am thinking of you and your son.

I would also ring 999 and tell them he is at risk of committing suicide.

Helmetbymidnight Fri 15-Feb-19 06:49:20

poor you and poor him.

the fact hes behaving like an utter sod can sometimes obscure the fact that inside he is probably feeling like a very frightened child.

hard as it is - i know!- try to keep that in mind. forget school for now, he needs urgent mental health help. cahms should see you as an emergency - he can always be taken to a and e too.

make sure medicines, alcohol etc are hidden away.

if its possible, could you afford a private counsellor who specialises in teens?

take care of yourself- its horrendous for you.

DaedricLordSlayer Fri 15-Feb-19 07:01:10

you need a crisis team to intervene. here's link to what to do in a mental health crisis.
What you have described is an emergency. You need outside help flowers

www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/nhs-services/mental-health-services/dealing-with-a-mental-health-crisis-or-emergency/

TitchyP Fri 15-Feb-19 07:02:24

Poor you and poor him, it sounds awful. Agree that a&e is a good place to start (if you can get him there) as you can often access services much more quickly than through the usual channels.

I'm not sure I'd be sending him to school, or leaving him alone today, are you expected at work?

TheJobNeverEnded Fri 15-Feb-19 07:02:41

I have no experience but definitely let social services get involved, take all the help you can get because this isn't parenting, this is specialised help.

I do have teen boys and I tell them constantly that I love them and "stop" their fun because they are the most important people to me along with Dh and I will protect them from themselves.

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 07:10:03

He won't get out of bed this morning at all. I'm going to ring CAMHS and social services as soon as things start opening.

I'm expected at work but going to have to ring in and take holiday.

I asked him last night if he wanted to live somewhere else and he said yes. He's been telling friends that we aren't feeding him (?!?!?!) the kid eats more than a grown man!! This has got back to another parent who had informed school that he is sending extra lunches in with his kid for the poor underfed friend.

Helmetbymidnight Fri 15-Feb-19 07:15:47

thats ok, dont worry about school.

try to keep your temper- keep with the same phrases: we love you and we're going to get you some support to feel better... try to ignore minor provocations.

hopefully cahms will help (i found them overwhelmed) - this might be a long process but he can get better. flowers

RickOShay Fri 15-Feb-19 07:31:26

If you would like one have a big hug from me. It’s so hard to have an unhappy teenager, it turns you inside out and affects your whole world.
Dd is 16 and very similar. I broke down on the phone to the school about a year ago and they sent an Early Help practioner, she saved me, dd, of course, refused to engage, but the support she gave me was invsluable,she made me feel safe and the safer I was made it easier to cope with dd.
I hope you find the support you need. This is not your fault and you will come through this. flowers

Ruperbear Fri 15-Feb-19 07:34:59

I a so so sorry you are going though this hard time. You need to get as much help as possible. Do not be scared of getting SS involved. You need help as does your son. You cannot be the subject of violence. It has to stop. He needs help. And needs it quick. Call gp. Do not accept an appointment in a week tell them this is urgent. It is urgent. Your son is crying out for help and well not just change back to the boy you knew.
Good luck today.

0ccamsRazor Fri 15-Feb-19 07:49:55

Op it would be prudent tovhave copies photos of the messages that he is sending.

Social services are not to be feared, they will help your son and you however they can. They are not evil child snatchers, they will work hard to keep him and you safe and together.

You have probably tried everything, but have you tried re-parenting? So supporting him as if he were much younger, not babying him, but keeping him physically close, every now and again making gentle physical communication, a kiss on his head, a soft pat on his back. Using calm and loving tone saying things like 'i am here for you', 'i love you little one' nothing long, just create lots of little moments of sharing his space, supporting his space and putting love for him in his space. He will start to internalise those moments, adding them to how he feels about himself.

I hope that he gets good mental health support with medication, counselling and i would add to this and recommend art therapy.

Are you getting any support? Friends? Counselling for yourself?

I hope that things will get easier for your son and you.

flowers

0ccamsRazor Fri 15-Feb-19 07:53:48

Ps does he do any sport? Play the guitar? Watch comedy? These type of hobbies help to keep all of the happy chemicals and hormones topped up.

billybagpuss Fri 15-Feb-19 07:53:48

First of all flowers I know how hard this can be the late teens can be awful and you seem to have hit it so early and you need to have all the hugs you can can get. It broke me and I can only imagine how you are feeling now.

I know he's not thinking straight right now, but where does he want to live? does he want you all to up sticks and move away? he's too young to move out if thats what he has in mind.

How are things at school? Its a bit extreme but would a change of school environment help?

I agree don't be afraid of SS they could be your saviour here and give you access to the help you need.

Rhinosaurus Fri 15-Feb-19 07:56:11

Very similar to my son (22 now and fine) at that age - I would try to check if he is smoking cannabis or using any other substances which could be exacerbating his mental health issues.

NotMyUsualTopBilling Fri 15-Feb-19 08:00:37

Oh cricket, sounds like you're doing the best you can but please contact social services. They will help you!

I'm in a similar situation with my 13yo DS minus the drink and drugs. He has Autism. Depression and Anxiety and threatens suicide regularly also refusing school and displays challenging behaviours. Having social services on our side has helped as they have fast tracked referrals to education services and mental health services plus giving me support and information for people in similar situations here so I know I'm not alone. They really do help!

If he's taken medication I'd take him to A&E or call 999, it could cause him serious harm (depending on what/how much he's taken obviously). You're not alone.

OnTheHop Fri 15-Feb-19 08:04:29

OP, this sounds awful for both of you.

You are working hard to get support for him, I think you need support you YOU too.

Is it possible that your own reactions are part of the cycle? Shouting, punishing, sobbing.... If he has anxiety his fear about your own reactions could fuel the next round. ( even though he had fuelled your reactions, of course)

Be totally calm. Tell him this is his home and you are there for him whatever.

whitehorsesdonotlie Fri 15-Feb-19 08:14:35

Take his phone away over night. That means he can't message then, and will mean he should get more sleep and will be more reasonable.

Apart from that, keep trying the Young Minds helpline. I'd also tell your GP.

OnTheHop Fri 15-Feb-19 08:17:18

I wonder whether SS could refer you to family therapy so that you get support to support him, iyswim.

He sounds vulnerable rather than bad. Taking your tablets and drink as self medication.

I would feel very lost in your situation OP, I am in no way meaning to blame you.

Springwalk Fri 15-Feb-19 08:35:46

I have direct experience of this too op.

Today you need to:
Lock away all medication in a locked robust box or cupboard - keep they key on you and safe

Through out all alcohol - everything

Hide every single knife/scissors/ sharp instruments in a place he def won’t find them. Replace your knives for now with plastic

Walk around the house and make sure it is safe.
Ropes/ string bin them.

Lock up razors and check for nail scissors etc

You need to do a thorough check of his room - under bed/mattress. Every single corner and make sure he has nothing in there to hurt himself.

This may seem extreme, but given his behaviour your house needs to be safe. Whilst you are accessing SS and CAHMS, an urgent app with your GP is also a good idea.

If you have a dp or dh they need to also take time off. He needs all the support he can get, and it sounds like he might be hitting rock bottom if he can’t get out of bed.

If he does manage it, take him out for breakfast, a run, whatever he wants to do - something anything that will take his mind off what is happening.

He has every chance of getting better, he has you, and you are doing a great job, and you are doing all the right thing.

Don’t worry about prosecution, keep all letters and should it come to it, you can show the court what is happened. He is not well enough to go to school, so don’t worry. Call the school and tell them what has happened. Once all the agencies are involved, the school should be much more understanding.

Thinking of you op. Get some support yourself 💐 you are not alone

Papergirl1968 Fri 15-Feb-19 08:37:42

cricketmum, I'm going through very similar with dd, 14.
She's had anxiety and depression for almost a year, which has developed into hearing voices, cutting and overdosing. The last time she was in hospital a couple of weeks ago there were two other kids on the ward with similar problems which shows how common it is. In fact I'd go so far as to say there's an epidemic of mental health problems among teens at the moment.
We already go to cahms three times a week but she's not really engaging and has asked to be admitted to a psychiatric unit. That's not certain though and there's talk of therapeutic foster care instead.
One thing I have learned from cahms is the need to keep all medication, sharp objects such as razors, scissors and even cleaning products and belts - anthing that could be used as a ligature - locked away and to be extremely vigilant.
I don't let her have her phone at night. I monitor it, and make no apologies for doing so.
I know the aggression is horrible but underneath is probably a terrified little boy.
flowers for you because it's so hard for us parents.

Papergirl1968 Fri 15-Feb-19 08:38:58

Cross post with springwalk on the safety precautions...

BoringPerson Fri 15-Feb-19 08:42:28

No advice really but loads of sympathy. The only thing I thought of was would you be able to get him drug tested?

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 08:42:43

We are on it with the safety precautions. All alcohol, medications, sharp objects, pretty much anything he could harm himself with are locked in the garage overnight and I take the key to bed with me. I don't sleep so there's no chance of him sneaking in. We've started taking his phone and tablet away. He had one of those gradual wake up alarms on his phone which was actually helping with the getting up in time on a morning but it's more important that he isn't messaging on the middle of the night!

CAMHS opens at 9. Just off to ring SS now.

Thank you so much for all the support x

pallasathena Fri 15-Feb-19 08:45:13

Do you have anyone you could turn to for help? Maybe a grandparent, aunt or uncle that he has a good relationship with?

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 08:47:19

He's ruined his relationship with pretty much everyone. Even my mum (who has always been totally blind to any bad behaviour) has said she won't have him.

Springwalk Fri 15-Feb-19 08:53:53

Those people can there for you though even if they can’t be there for him directly, they can give you strength and support indirectly supporting all of you. Some people simply don’t understand at all.

You only really know how bad things can be if you have experienced it.

Soon you will lots of support, once you have the right agencies on board. Good luck with the calls 💐💐

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 15-Feb-19 08:54:59

How awful for all of you. I also think reparenting sounds like a good tool to use. I’ve read about it but have no direct experience and understand it can be very powerful.

ChiaraRimini Fri 15-Feb-19 09:03:18

OP my DS attempted suicide at 15 and was admitted to an inpatient unit as the psychs didn't think we could keep him safe at home. You need an emergency assessment for him today. Take him to A&E and tell them he is an immediate risk to himself and you, if CAMHS won't sort this for you. I'm so sorry you are in this position.

MumW Fri 15-Feb-19 09:04:52

I agree with PP that you've reached a crisis point.

I think calling CAHMS and SS is a courageous decision and definitely the right one. You need to consider not only the support and needs of your DS but also of your DD, DH and yourself.

I would also contact the pastoral care team at the school and tell them everything you've told us. Everyone working together is the best way forward.

Bawdrip Fri 15-Feb-19 09:10:07

Have you considered pulling him out of school and homeschooling him? This sounds like a clear case of school is torture for this poor boy. No exams are worth more than his mental health. Have a look at the home ed UK fb site. It's full of people with children who suffered and reacted exactly like this and their kids have changed completely once they leave school. He needs a break and then he can take control of his own learning again. It's not an easy decision because school qualifications are so ingrained in our society but I promise you there can be success without attending school and GCSE can still be taken. His school refusal speaks volumes and you should really listen to him and what he's saying through this. I really hope you get through this and he is ok.

Lalliella Fri 15-Feb-19 09:10:24

So sorry OP I don’t have any advice other than what PPs have said but flowers for you. It’s shocking the number of MH issues in teens, what sort of world are we creating for ourselves and our kids? 😢

endofthelinefinally Fri 15-Feb-19 09:10:26

You have had some really good advice on this thread OP.
I agree that getting other agencies involved is good. You can't shoulder all of this alone.
The only thing I would add would be that if there is any chance at all of getting him away, far away, from his current environment, somewhere close to nature and away from social media, that could make a difference.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 15-Feb-19 09:13:22

@jade19 you cant just have people sectioned on a whim, It is a complex process

Mishappening Fri 15-Feb-19 09:17:09

We are going through this at present with a family member - much loved teenager.

All the same problems of getting help and support hold good for us too.

I have no magic wand, but just wanted to say hang on in there and receive a hug from me. x

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 09:27:16

Social services were a bit useless. They said that they would just refer me back to CAMHS and that there is no additional support they can offer but "they hope it gets better soon".

CAMHS are getting their duty counsellor to call me back in the next hour, am hoping and pushing for a home visit as I still can't get him out of bed. I've taken him a sandwich and some cake up but he wouldn't speak to me.

Helmetbymidnight Fri 15-Feb-19 09:29:48

Really emotionally well-adjusted mature adults, struggle to express themselves when they are low - so being a hormone-filled bewildered 14 yr old boy must be a zillion times harder.
It does sound like the bad behaviour is him 'acting out' - so try to see it as a symptom for now.

I hope you are getting some support -
People may ask if there was a trigger for his down-turn, there may or may not be. Let him know that he can tell you anything - he might prefer to text or email than speak face to face. Assure him he's not alone, he's loved and he'll get better.

If Cahms aren't satisfactory, look up private counselling if pos.

Gatehouse77 Fri 15-Feb-19 09:30:15

Whilst it's thoroughly frustrating when your teen won't/can't/doesn't appear to engage with the help and support offered to them I would still take the path of being truthful with any agency involved. The best chance of being offered the right help is by being totally honest with what you're dealing with. It can feel like a betrayal of trust with your son but, ultimately, it's you being the parent and advocate for someone is simply isn't capable at this time.

endofthelinefinally Fri 15-Feb-19 09:30:21

Keep shouting OP.
At least you can shout on his behalf because he is under 18.
My son was over 18 so nobody would listen or talk to me.

bullyingadvice2017 Fri 15-Feb-19 09:32:27

Why are you apologetic for checking your CHILDS phone? Don't be, hows about no phone for a while!

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame Fri 15-Feb-19 09:33:30

Echoing the poster who said take him to A and E. Whatever the issue is, he’s now a danger to everyone in your house and you need urgent help.

Helmetbymidnight Fri 15-Feb-19 09:33:35

Sorry, x-posted. I feel for you. Take care of yourself, I remember days like these, and it is quite devastating. Lean on your friends too. They will want to support you.

SchadenfreudePersonified Fri 15-Feb-19 09:56:29

My heart aches for you, and for him. As others have said, inside this raging, aggressive almost-man is a tiny, frightened child.

I can' offer any suggestion to help, but I didn't want to read and run. Is there anyone giving you support? You must be spiritually, mentally and physically exhausted.

Do you have any other children? They will need a lot of live and reassurance if you do, but this may make your son feel even more isolated - I think he may be behaving like this to test the depth of your love for him Perhaps he's trying to force you into a situation where you wash your hands of him and then he can justify his behaviour to himself ("See - I knew you didn't care!")

It's a truly awful situation to be in. Do you know if anything concrete happened to precipitate this? Or has it been gradual and insidious?

Transpeaked Fri 15-Feb-19 10:01:26

I’m sorry OP but I am not on the least bit surprised about SS and they would be the last people I would ever, ever turn to again (needless to say I’m about to receive a full formal apology from them but not until they caused irreversible, life-changing and lasting damage to myself and my children)

I second calling 999 or your area will have AMHP teams available (you may need to call your local council to find the right department).

I’m really sorry you’re going through this - it’s incredibly hard to be tenacious when you’re constantly turned away/ignored. I’m hoping A&E or phoning AMHP directly will get him in a place of safety where they can start to sort him out.

OnTheHop Fri 15-Feb-19 10:07:50

Sorry to hear SS were useless.

At least you know that YOU as his Mum have not left any avenue unexplored.

I agree: he is not well enough for school. Punishments and pressure and cajoling will just add to the anxiety.

No one would berate you for looking at his phone: that is how you protect him.

Transpeaked Fri 15-Feb-19 10:09:11

Here you go OP - either yourself of your son’s father will be the nearest relative (depending on a couple of factors) - whichever one of you is the NR can request a MHA. There will be two Drs and an AMHP (usually a social worker with the relevant MH training) - the AMHP is the person who actually decides whether or not the application under a section two or three is appropriate.

www.rethink.org/carers-family-friends/what-you-need-to-know/nearest-relative

LunaTheCat Fri 15-Feb-19 10:14:16

Oh poor you. Keep persisting with phoning mental health services. They have to see him if you are persistent. 💐
Ona practical note can you change The wi fi password every day - give him new password only if he goes to school at end school day. Switch off wifi at midnight.

Oblomov19 Fri 15-Feb-19 10:18:51

I totally understand.
When they don't engage, it's so frustrating and you feel powerless.
It's a lonely journey,as a parent.
I can offer nothing but understanding. You seem not alone. If that helps. thanks

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 11:54:58

CAMHS have called back. Just advised to take him to a&e which he won't do. He's now backtracked and said he only took 2 paracetamol???

CAMHS said hospital will keep him in overnight and then they will do an emergency MH assessment tomorrow.

I feel that a hospital, away from family is about the worst place for him at the moment?? He has calmed and is talking to me (and has eaten the food I took him up earlier).

endofthelinefinally Fri 15-Feb-19 12:07:08

Take him.
He may have calmed down temporarily but it won't last.
This is your small window of opportunity.

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 12:09:17

He's refusing to go. And he's too big for me to bundle in the car myself.

What now??

lmusic87 Fri 15-Feb-19 12:13:09

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think a hospital is the best thing for him and you/

Springwalk Fri 15-Feb-19 12:22:25

Is there any way they can do the assessment at home? This would seem the most logical to me, but I am not sure what is available in your area. My friend called out the crash team. They come to the house. Ask them for the MH crash team if you can op.

endofthelinefinally Fri 15-Feb-19 12:25:15

Call them back and tell them.
Ask for home assessment.

WhatNow40 Fri 15-Feb-19 12:26:14

I've no advice but want to know you're not alone. thanks

I have quite strong prescription meds, a DS7, and as a safety precaution I keep it all in a metal box that locks. It's a make up storage box. Perhaps you should consider one of those. It could also be your pop up drinks cabinet?! I know you're under lots of pressure right now, not your priority but you might find you need a better solution than the garage.

pallisers Fri 15-Feb-19 12:31:52

I know that in these circumstances I would call an ambulance and tell them he is suicidal and may have harmed himself. He would be assessed and probably held in a youth mental health facility for 5-10 days. (I do have experience in this) but I am not in the UK so not sure if this is good advice for you.

Sorry you are going through this OP. It really sucks trying to deal with mh issues in a teen.

btw I would say every parent of teens should have their prescription meds under lock and key - if not for your own teens, for their friends who might be in the house. Actually they should just be locked up for everyone.

LagunaBubbles Fri 15-Feb-19 12:42:19

If he is refusing to go then the possibility of him being sectioned is increasing. It also sounds as if its unclear if he has overdosed or not, you can't take any chances with paracetamol and his blood levels need checked ASAP on case he needs antidote treatment.

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 12:50:04

He has just spoken to the duty worker at CAMHS. It's gone from 6 paracetamol, to 0 to 3 or 4 so literally have no idea.

He's agreed to go to hospital now x

skybluee Fri 15-Feb-19 12:57:59

I'm so sorry, I hope you get some help.

Helmetbymidnight Fri 15-Feb-19 12:59:52

If you and he feel he is safe, then I might cautiously suggest that you don't force him if he refuses but only on condition that he has to engage with you/somebody to start getting help.

I feel if he's already been with Cahms for a year, then it isn't working - he needs better help. Again, and sorry if its impossible, I would engage a private counsellor who specialises in teens. (£50-70 an hour?). Insist he goes and engages.

In my area, sectioning of young people is an absolute last resort. Not only is there hardly any facilities available - and they could end up hundreds of miles away - but they felt kids could learn new tricks together and simply become more adept at hiding, cutting, etc etc.

Helmetbymidnight Fri 15-Feb-19 13:00:37

ah x-posted. Good, I'm glad he's agreed to go.

Skyejuly Fri 15-Feb-19 13:05:45

Thinking of you xxx

sillym00h Fri 15-Feb-19 13:26:09

Hi Cricketmum.

Another one her who has been through this. Someone advised a list of safety precautions. These were the precautions we had to take as well. Your experience of social services seems to have been pitiful. However, in our case, my son's behaviour raised Child Protection issues for his sibling, so I am surprised at the attitude of CSC.

In your son's case, school refusal is almost certainly not school refusal. He is probably unable to attend school due to his anxiety and other problems. You could get a doctor's note so that he is absent from school on medical grounds.

I am glad your son has agreed to go to hospital. Our hospital has a triage system which works with mental health services, so he may get some help.

Again, I will echo the comments made by other posters. Your son's behaviour is almost certainly a direct result of his mental ill health. The situation at home where your son is taking pills, threatening to self harm or hurt people, being violent and destructive and is unable to attend school is untenable. The only reason that services are not responding as they should is because the mental health services for children and young people are abysmally overstretched.

My thoughts go out to you.

billybagpuss Fri 15-Feb-19 13:37:00

He's saying what he thinks you want to hear regarding the paracetamol. It could be any number that he's taken but from experience they know what to say to 'get you off their back'

Glad he's agreed to hospital

EvenLess Fri 15-Feb-19 13:48:37

So sorry you're going through this OP. Have direct experience of this with a close family member and it fucking sucks. You're doing your best and you are a good mum. I'm glad he's agreed to go to the hospital- be aware you need to shout loudest and dig your heels in to get anything done x

ChiaraRimini Fri 15-Feb-19 13:54:01

That's great that he's agreed Togo to hospital.
I know it may seem like he would be best at home but home may seem like a place associated with all his problems at the moment. He may be better off in a safe place away from all the negative associations.

MumW Fri 15-Feb-19 14:11:42

Great that he's agreed to go to hospital.
I really hope that they don't fob you off.
flowerscakebrew best avoid the wine/gin for now.

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 14:22:57

@MumW can't even tell you how much I could do with a gin right now!!

Just in the waiting room. Cried at the nurse when I was explaining why we were there. Really need to learn how to hold it together better. They've just stuck his numbing cream on ready for blood tests x

MumW Fri 15-Feb-19 14:28:39

can't even tell you how much I could do with a gin right now!!
Believe you me, @cricketmum84, I absolutely know but you need tokeep a clear head.

I don't think you need to stress about a few tears. It shows how much you care and how genuinely you are worried.
More flowersbrewcake and maybe some chocolate too.

Georgiemcgeorgeface Fri 15-Feb-19 14:33:48

My heart is breaking for you both. You're absolutely doing the right thing and don't worry one jot about crying I'd be a hysterical mess in your shoes. I really hope he gets some help x

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 14:43:27

@0ccamsRazor yes he is an amazing bass guitarist and seems permanently glued to it. He also plays cricket (bet you wouldn't have guessed that) but it's the off season so no training for at least another month x

Thatsalotofblood Fri 15-Feb-19 14:48:16

I hope everything is ok. X

Springwalk Fri 15-Feb-19 14:54:52

Handhold for you whilst you are waiting. Don't worry about crying, they see it every day. Be strong for ds though, you need him to be calm for the blood test. So focus entirely on his feelings now.

Don't leave without a full assessment.

A massive glass of gin is coming for you later with ice and lemon. Stay strong, you can do this gin

Love51 Fri 15-Feb-19 14:57:45

You were concerned about him staying overnight. I just want to share what I know through working with children and families, cahms nurses have said to me that having the child overnight can be a really positive thing as it allows everyone to 'regroup' after a traumatic time, not just the event but in the lead up. I don't know if it helps you, but think of it as a support from services, to allow you to prepare for his return (emotionally, mentally etc).

lmusic87 Fri 15-Feb-19 15:03:52

No, you cry. You are doing the right thing. x

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 15:21:49

He's told the doctor that he is still thinking about suicide x

DorisDances Fri 15-Feb-19 15:32:51

Thinking of you OP and hoping you also get support and love. Hang on in there

Imperfectsusan Fri 15-Feb-19 15:35:24

I think that although it may be a bone of contention initially, it will help a lot if you remove access to the internet after what you consider an appropriate bedtime. Overnight everything seems worse, and they stay online and exhaust themselves, not to mention say things they shouldn't in order to impress.

Taking all that away will allow him the space to return to a more stable period.

Gatehouse77 Fri 15-Feb-19 15:43:07

You may be allowed to stay overnight with him. DH did with our 15 year old.

BlueSuffragette Fri 15-Feb-19 16:56:52

Oh OP I feel so sorry for you and your son. Just wanted to send you hugs and best wishes. I really hope he can begin to open up and talk to you and/or the professionals. It must be terrifying for him and for you. Hugs to you both. Xx flowers

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 15-Feb-19 17:08:22

OP, another one just saying I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

You are doing your absolute bloody best to do what's right for him and I'm so relived he agreed to go to hospital. I hope they can help and start to give him (and you) the support you both (well, all of you) so obviously need.

Hugs and flowers from me.

UnilakTea Fri 15-Feb-19 17:09:07

Watching with interest as I used to be exactly the same as your son X

Gina2012 Fri 15-Feb-19 17:26:31

Oh my goodness. I'm in tears reading some of these posts. I have no answers but I want to send you ALL my love and a huge hug thanksthanks

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 17:28:57

Blood tests are clear but they are admitting him until he has had a mental health assessment, tomorrow at the earliest x

RickOShay Fri 15-Feb-19 17:32:06

You are doing the right thing. My heart goes out to you sweetheart flowers

cricketmum84 Fri 15-Feb-19 17:37:15

I just want to say just how much comfort and support this thread has given me during such a hard time.

You are all angels. Thank you so much xx

Gina2012 Fri 15-Feb-19 17:38:48

Blood tests are clear but they are admitting him until he has had a mental health assessment, tomorrow at the earliest x

This seems to me to be a very positive move forward for you all xxx

endofthelinefinally Fri 15-Feb-19 17:45:05

You have done so well. You got him to the right place and got help for him.
Keep telling him how much you all love him. He needs to hear it.

HollowTalk Fri 15-Feb-19 17:46:59

So sorry you're having such a terrible time. flowers

endofthelinefinally Fri 15-Feb-19 17:54:10

Music is a wonderful comfort and therapy. Does he compose or write?
There are lots of groups for young musicians. Maybe the nurses or therapists could suggest something.

Transpeaked Fri 15-Feb-19 18:10:19

Glad they have listened. Hang tight. You’re a great mum

Gina2012 Fri 15-Feb-19 18:33:48

Glad they have listened. Hang tight. You’re a great mum

Absolutely! You are thanks

Papergirl1968 Fri 15-Feb-19 18:47:17

Don't let them send him out if you feel you can't keep him safe. I made that mistake a fortnight ago after DD's last overdose, despite her saying she'd do it again. I wish I'd just refused to leave until they found her specialist care.
I have cried so many times in exhaustion and frustration, and because I hate to see her in so much pain.
There was a child with peritonitis in the bed opposite and I envied his mother because although he had been very poorly, he was recovering, and his body was so easily fixed compared to DD's mind.

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