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To look crazy and send this text to my mil

(182 Posts)
AllTheGoodUsernamesTaken Mon 11-Feb-19 08:40:30

To look crazy and send this by text to my c**t of a mil:
Who we send cards to, gifts to and what gifts we send is non of your business. Trying to micromanage our life's to this level is bonkers and I'm at the end of my tether with it. You don't get a say in how much we donate at our sons Christening, or a say in how much my engagement ring is or whether or not we have children (if dh had listened to you dc wouldn't be here would he) , what job dh has (you got fil to do that. Who thinks they get a say in what job there adult children have, very entitled and crazy, that and was crossing the line and the straw that broke the camels back with putting up with your controlling interfering behaviour for the past 10 years).
You don't get a say in when and where I give birth, and if I want to tell my parents I'm in labour and not you its my decision, so sending my parents a patents a passive aggressive text because didn't betray my trust is bang out of order. You don't get a say in if I breastfed my child, just creepy how opposed you where to it. You don't get to talk to me or dh like 5 year olds (surprisingly I know you give a sick child water) or micromanage us in front of our son! Stop throwing emotional blackmail tantrums when you don't get your way. I will no longer be putting up with it- who thinks they can micromanage there adult children's lives to this level is very entitled and crazy. Ps I know you stole my dress dh got me and gave it to sil

Really want to send to her or is it a stupid crazy idea

TheSmallAssassin Mon 11-Feb-19 08:42:27

I would just get it all out of your system here. No good will come of sending a message like that.

VictoriaBun Mon 11-Feb-19 08:43:00

Yes it is.
You'd be much better just to ignore her and the dramas she is involving you all in.

Kaboomba Mon 11-Feb-19 08:43:44

I’d say hold back sending it and speak with your DH. The message isn’t coherent and any valid points you are trying to make will be lost.

anatol Mon 11-Feb-19 08:45:17

Write it down to get it out your system but dont send it. Get your DH to speak to her about boundaries.

AllTheGoodUsernamesTaken Mon 11-Feb-19 08:46:57

Tried speaking to dh lots, he is fine with putting up with her behaviour and doesn't want to call her out on any of it

CuriousaboutSamphire Mon 11-Feb-19 08:47:06

Now you have that out of your system DO NOT SEND IT!

MN mnatra coming uo: yu don't have a MIL problem, you have a DH problem!

Unless of course he is trying veryhard to ut distance between himself and his mother and is telling her to stop interfering. If he is, support him, it will take time, but he will get there. 10 years is a lot, mine took about that long and has been far happier since he made his final 'sod you' decision!

If he is not then you need to sit down with him and have a conversation that includes everything you typed... he needs to be the one sorting it, she is is mother. But you can tell him that you will not be seeing her, not voisiting, not talking to, not texting, not even thinking about her. He can deal with her as he sees fit... you will be doing the same.

Nixee2231 Mon 11-Feb-19 08:48:13

Even if you were completely right in all the issues, your message will only make you look unhinged and let her feel justified. Any point you are trying to make will go completely over her head. If you are dead set on blowing up at her in writing, do it in an email and with proper paragraphs and spelling.

sweetmarie Mon 11-Feb-19 08:48:31

I wouldn't send that. Why have you let all of that build up for so long? You can call her out on an individual thing but you can't call her out on every single thing she's done for the last ten years just to validate your point this time.
If she's that bad then see her less.

CuriousaboutSamphire Mon 11-Feb-19 08:48:42

Sorry, cross posted.

Did that change your mind about him in any way? Can you put up with her forever? If you don't particulalry care about any fall out then I have changed my mind... send a less angry version of tha text and force the issue! But you really have to not give a damn about the consequences!

AllTheGoodUsernamesTaken Mon 11-Feb-19 08:50:00

I wrote it last night, and still woke up wanting to send it. Really can't stand this women anymore

nauticant Mon 11-Feb-19 08:53:30

send to her ✘
a stupid crazy idea ✔

Teaandcrisps Mon 11-Feb-19 08:53:37

This sounds intolerable and you sound like your at the end of your tether. What does your DH do - is he as annoyed as u?
If it's this bad can you go low or no contact? I would NOT send it to your MIL but defo show your DH. Sending the text won't change the situation - and that's what you've got configure out with DH. It's not emotionally or mentally healthy for you to have this interference and lack of boundaries in your life.

Bunbunbunny Mon 11-Feb-19 08:53:51

Do a burn letter, write it all down then burn it.

Your DH needs to be telling to his DM to back off. What has he said?

seven201 Mon 11-Feb-19 08:54:11

You can't send that without your dh's approval. It's also quite hard to read/understand so you'd need to re-word.

sparklytwinklyfairylights Mon 11-Feb-19 08:54:45

I wouldn't, I don't think a letter like that will make her change her ways.

Also the message doesn't make sense

Monty27 Mon 11-Feb-19 08:54:47

I think you and DH may fall out if you send it. Perhaps it's down to him to talk to her.
Also, valid points are lost amid the rage.

Justkeeprollingalong Mon 11-Feb-19 08:56:44

As said by others, the original post is not coherent, it is a jumbled, angry rant. Sending it will just give your MiL more ammunition. If you want to put something in writing to her, take time to do it properly with individual points clearly set out in a factual way.

ChasedByBees Mon 11-Feb-19 08:56:52

The situation sounds bad, but I agree with others, DO NOT SEND!

It reads as a rant (and it’s not written well) so it will come across as you being the unreasonable one. Deal with things one at a time as and when they come up.

SherlockHolmes Mon 11-Feb-19 08:57:06

Don't send it. Also, if you want to be taken seriously when writing messages like this, please check your spelling and grammar, and break it up into paragraphs.

Otherwise it will make you look lazy for not bothering.

Heronymous Mon 11-Feb-19 08:59:05

Definitely don’t send it, you will just cause yourself a world of stress and trouble. She sounds awful tho!

NCjustforthisthread Mon 11-Feb-19 08:59:06

she will use the text against you and make you look crazy.TRUST ME. I would ignore her and slowly go low contact. maybe se eher once every few months, limit calls/texts. If your husband is not onboard - then you have a DH problem. Deal with him, then you MIL.

Babdoc Mon 11-Feb-19 08:59:35

Would it be simpler to just go no contact with her, OP? Make it plain to DH that if he wants to see her he will be going on his own, that she is not welcome in your house and that you will hang up if she phones you.
That way you don’t get embroiled in any slanging matches or exchange of angry texts, you just pull the plug.

AllTheGoodUsernamesTaken Mon 11-Feb-19 09:01:10

Dh just wants to dig his head in the sand about her. She has a birthday long weekend soon and dh is going but that's not good enough. She is wanting me and dc to go. So she is bombarding him with emotionally manipulative calls and texts about it, telling him I'm unreasonable. No isn't a word she understands. And he is now asking why can't I just go for a day or two. I couldn't think of anything worse than being trapped in the middle of knowwhere with her (it's 3 miles from nearest shop or pub).

ChakiraChakra Mon 11-Feb-19 09:01:10

I would just get it all out of your system here. No good will come of sending a message like that'

THIS, but with bells on!

You'll look crazy sending any message of any sort like that, it's going to put her back right up, she won't take on board what your actual request is, and she'll have ammunition to show it to everybody to prove how "unhinged and nasty her DIL is". Oh, and she'll take it as evidence of you making bad decisions and double down her attempts to interfere.

Vent here by all means.

I would get in your head a short, to the point sentence that conveys a boundary. Something like "No thanks, this way is my/our considered choice" which can be trotted out on repeat whenever she interferes. If she doesn't back off on that, well, changing the subject, just ignoring her, giving her a look then repeating are all options.

Effective boundaries isn't about telling somebody off for what they've done wrong in the past, it's showing people with your behaviour what you won't tolerate now.

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