My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To make it clear I am not rich

172 replies

chatnicknameyousuggested · 08/02/2019 06:28

I live in a poorish country in Europe. I have a very good job, but I only work part time and am not allowed to take on any other work. I am quite highly paid for here, but I am also a widow (no widow's pension as I never married), have two children and am a single parent. I am not complaining at all, I am comfortable, but just one trip back to the UK is a drain on finances. I go back quite a bit as it's important for my children to have a close relationship with their cousins.
I have a friend who has a decentish salary for this country, also a single mother, but who works very part time as she is big into political activism. That's fine, that's not the issue.
What is the issue is that I am sick and tired of her little comments about how rich I must be. Constant little digs about she's too poor to X, while it's OK for me, I am her rich friend etc.
I was at a restaurant last week and she passed by, came in and I invited her to sit down and eat something. She spent the entire meal saying how lucky she is to have such a rich friend (I am NOT), who was paying. It was so embarassing. Each time she ordered something she'd ask me if it was OK, as she was too poor to pay. It sounds bizarre, but it was awful.
Anyway, these comments have been going on for a few years now, and I have so far been able to ignore them.
She has written a book, which I simply don't want to buy. I would, but I am sick of texts about how her rich friend (me) won't buy it. It's really only a few quid, and otherwise I would have bought it, but at this dinner she made a lot of comments about how rich middle class civil servants refuse to support their working class friends of old.
After 3 days of "jokey" texts about my lack of solidarity buying this book, I finally snapped and told her to put a sock in it about my financial situation which she knows nothing about. She has spent the last two days crying and leaving me tearful messages about how she didn't mean to upset me.
Well done if you got to the end of this! I don't know what my AIBU is. I am just sick of snarky comments about my life which she really knows nothing about.

OP posts:
Report
certainlymerry · 08/02/2019 06:33

Just drop her. She sounds like she has major issues. I don’t know why you spend time with her. Toxic and a bit of a user by the sounds of it.

Report
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/02/2019 06:34

She definitely sounds odd. I’d keep her at arms length for now, drop her if it continues. Very wearing friend.

Report
BigBairyHollocks · 08/02/2019 06:36

Tell her to leave you alone and not contact you again,then block her.Weird person,you don’t need this nonsense.

Report
Heronymous · 08/02/2019 06:38

She doesn’t sound worth the hassle! I would phase her out.

Report
chatnicknameyousuggested · 08/02/2019 06:45

The book has sold 11 copies. It costs about 2 pounds. I was going to buy a few copies and give them as presents to people back in the UK, but now I'm not. Am I being petty?

OP posts:
Report
QuaterMiss · 08/02/2019 06:46

What's the book about, please?

(Might make a difference to my response ...)

Report
chatnicknameyousuggested · 08/02/2019 06:47

It's about political struggle. Kind of philosophy.

OP posts:
Report
Springwalk · 08/02/2019 06:51

Neither of you have any idea of the meaning of friendship.

If you cared at all for her, you would but the book to support her

If she cared at all for you, she would stop going on about money and sounding so resentful

It is a toxic friendship and needs to end for both of your sakes. You are just hurting each other.

Report
stayathomer · 08/02/2019 06:52

She will never think of you as equal so it will be really hard to have a friendship. We have the same thing with in laws but they're family. I'd never wish it on anyone, having to listen to the 'you're lucky, well it's fine for you thing and never ever believing you're short on cash or can't help out the second you're asked. You bought her dinner that cost way more than her book! Saying that if you have a history or outside of this stuff she's the one, then obviously it's a different scenario

Report
MRex · 08/02/2019 06:54

She sounds really irritating, thoughtless and rude. If you want to drop her anyway then maybe let her know that.

"You've babbled thoughtlessly about me being your "rich friend" for years when I don't have much and work hard for what I have. I've been variously annoyed or bored by your behaviour and simply don't want to talk to you again. Your number is blocked to prevent future contact."

Report
chatnicknameyousuggested · 08/02/2019 06:55

Like I said, I would have bought the book but I am just so tired of all the little cracks about my apparent wealth (even before the book was published).
I paid for the dinner by credit card: oh look, a credit card, I have a rich friend with a credit card, people like you are so lucky, etc.
I disagree that I don't know the meaning of friendship.

OP posts:
Report
dimdarkashian · 08/02/2019 06:55

Why on earth are you friends with her?!?!

Report
chatnicknameyousuggested · 08/02/2019 06:58

She would do anything for me if I was in a crisis, I think. She would look after the DC in an instant, when they were young
I think part of it may be that she sees me as a reactionary tool of the state. I don't know.
It's just the constant commentary on my apparent wealth is irritating.

OP posts:
Report
chatnicknameyousuggested · 08/02/2019 07:00

BTW she wrote another book before and I bought 5 copies.

OP posts:
Report
Holidayshopping · 08/02/2019 07:03

She is not your friend.

Report
Myimaginarycathasfleas · 08/02/2019 07:08

Accept her tearful apology but tell her you are sick of this “rich” stuff. Remind her that her financial situation is as a direct result of the choice she made to work part time. You resent being expected to subsidise her and it has to stop.

Your friendship will survive this if it has a genuine foundation. Probably a good thing for both of you that you snapped.

Buy one copy of the book and leave a good review somewhere.

Report
Ragnarthe · 08/02/2019 07:13

Reactionary tool of the state?
She sounds tedious.

Report
chatnicknameyousuggested · 08/02/2019 07:16

TBH she doesn't expect me to subsidise her. For example, she'll see me in a café, come in, sit down and when the waiter comes, say "I have no money." I always invite her to something.
Then she'll say how lucky she is to have a rich friend.

OP posts:
Report
chatnicknameyousuggested · 08/02/2019 07:19

It's just a constant sniping. I wouldn't mind if I was loaded!

OP posts:
Report
dustyfan · 08/02/2019 07:23

This is one of the weirdest things.

Report
ZenNudist · 08/02/2019 07:26

Just drop her

Report
BanginChoons · 08/02/2019 07:26

Can you say something to her?

"I help you out because I'm your friend, not because I'm rich. I may have a bit more spare cash than you but I'm not rich, I'm a single parent the same as you".

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

UnleashTheBulsara · 08/02/2019 07:26

She does expect you to subsidise her. If I felt I didn't have money to spare for cafes, and I went past and saw you in a cafe, I would simply wave to you from outside. I wouldn't walk in and sit down at your table! If you invited me to through gestures, I would come in but I'd turn down any offer, especially if you had paid for me before. But I'd be embarrassed that I couldn't pay for you in return.

Her going on about your being rich is immensely annoying and I would have asked her to stop saying it before now, and then tried to dodge her when she didn't comply (as I imagine you did, and she ignored it). It's so tedious. Who needs that?!

Report
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 08/02/2019 07:29

She’s a scrounger by the sound of it. I‘d drop her and her crocodile tears.

Report
chatnicknameyousuggested · 08/02/2019 07:31

At the restaurant the other night, we were sitting near the window. She didn't press her nose up to the window, but she came in because I waved. It honestly isn't about the money, it's saying to the waiter: " I don't know if I can have a big portion or not, it depends on my rich friend"". The DC were really embarassed as were my guests.

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.