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To be revolted by husband swearing at 9 week old baby

(129 Posts)
Fate32 Mon 04-Feb-19 23:45:19

I heard my husband swearing at our nine week old baby because she had a bit of reflux, AIBU to be revolted by this?

Dyrne Tue 05-Feb-19 09:06:04

I hate this idea that parents need to be perfectly poised and calm, never get overwhelmed etc.

I think it’s actually quite damaging - it stops parents from seeking help if they need it and makes people feel ashamed when they’re actually perfectly normal.

There is a world of difference between an “oh for fucks sake” brief outburst; and handling them roughly and screaming obscenities. Equating one with the other really is not helpful.

I won’t stick the boot in, OP, as you’re still in ultra-protective mode, so hearing someone swear at your darling little baby is shocking, but as PP said, at some point it will probably be you wanting to swear!

SoyDora Tue 05-Feb-19 09:11:35

I told my 4 week old to ‘go the fuck to sleep’ at 5am this morning when he’d been wide awake since 3am.

SoyDora Tue 05-Feb-19 09:14:18

Oops posted too soon! I also bf him repeatedly, stroked his head, cuddled him and eventually allowed him to sleep on my chest, foregoing any further sleep myself. A muttered expletive does not make you a bad person.

SherlockSays Tue 05-Feb-19 09:15:00

This thread has made me so happy - I'm not the only one who swears several time a day around the 6 month old!

TabbyCat44 Tue 05-Feb-19 09:21:48

Go the fuck to sleep is a great book for parents grin

whatsthepointthen Tue 05-Feb-19 09:48:14

I said for fuck sake this morning as I frantically ran around getting 4 children ready for school, running late and one going on a school trip. Hope they're not too traumatised!

Grumpbum123 Tue 05-Feb-19 09:51:37

I love Tim Minchins song Lullaby, when my children were small it made me really laugh as of course I don’t wish any of it on my kids but I could see the humour as could my H, however my MIL was disgusted with me.

PyongyangKipperbang Tue 05-Feb-19 09:52:57

I love Lullaby too! Perfectly describes that middle of the night horror of a non sleeper!

ethelfleda Tue 05-Feb-19 09:53:37

Overreaction. I’ve sworn at mine before in the middle of the night after months of sleep deprivation and said similar.

Birdsgottafly Tue 05-Feb-19 10:00:56

"oh for f* sake (then her name)"

My children are now Adults and I've done similar. Didn't swear around them once they could talk, or in their earshot.

I can remember swearing during painful breastfeeding times.

I didn't go on to be neglectful, lack attachment etc.

My Female rabbit, I call bitch face and the kittens are often, twit and twat and worse.

Some of us swear to releave stress. No, I don't do it in work, but I don't give a fuck about anyone in work. I only swear around those I love grin.

Sashkin Tue 05-Feb-19 10:16:17

As long as he stops before your child starts talking I can’t see the problem (currently trying to train 2yo DS out of saying “oh sheet!”)

TheLostTargaryen Tue 05-Feb-19 10:18:12

I never swore UNTIL I had kids.

Fock it. They make me fucking crazy but I love the adorable yet rage inducing little shitebags.

MyBreadIsEggy Tue 05-Feb-19 10:22:34

Yes it’s an overreaction.

I swear, not directly at my DCs out of anger, but about a situation multiple times a day.
For example:
Yesterday, DH walks in from work, DD is screaming her head off in time out. DH says: “what’s wrong with E?”
Me: “She’s being a knob because I asked her not to throw things at her brother”

Frustration about a situation is acceptable, direct verbally abusing a child is not.

Scubalubs87 Tue 05-Feb-19 10:26:58

I’ve definitely asked my 4 month old why he’s being an arsehole in the middle of the night before and pleaded with him to go the fuck to sleep. Got to love the 4 month sleep regression. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him. It’s just a coping strategy. When he starts speaking, I’ll swear in my head.

CoodleMoodle Tue 05-Feb-19 10:36:15

I told my seven month old to stop being a twat last night. He woke up just as I was about to take the first bite of my dinner, and then he wouldn't settle again. So I told him to stop being a twat.

A couple of weeks ago DD(4) asked me if I remember the time "you called my brother an awful baby?" blush Yes I do... and I'm sure I called her the same when she wouldn't sleep as well. (She had reflux too. DS doesn't. He's just a little git sometimes.)

ethelfleda Tue 05-Feb-19 10:38:23

Coodle that really made me laugh!

Did anyone ever read that thread about the woman who callled her child a ‘tiny wanker’ when she meant to say ‘whiny tinker’ and they were in a doctors waiting room or something? Priceless.

NutElla5x Tue 05-Feb-19 10:39:39

You are massively overreacting hmm

Queenofthestress Tue 05-Feb-19 10:53:46

@IncrediblySadToo I felt like picking her up and putting her in the bin! Honestly could have cried

AdobeWanKenobi Tue 05-Feb-19 11:03:16

Back in the days of single motherhood and the very early nineties I had a HV that was bloody amazing.
Her advice to put DS down safely then retreat to the back garden, drink coffee, have a cigarette and swear at the wall was sage advice indeed. He was still a little shit bag on occasion, but to be fair he still is now.

Don't imagine HV's are offering such advice these days.

Andtheskyisgrey Tue 05-Feb-19 11:10:54

I never swore round mine as a baby. I did on the other hand tell my 13 year old to fucking grow up and stop acting like a 3 year old yesterday. I am not proud of this, and have apologised. In my defence, a teenager throwing a (literal screaming, foot stamping, lying on the floor) temper tantrum about not being able to find his school tie which was hanging in the same place that it does every weekend needs to be told to grow up. Just without the swearing. But, his behaviour was making his younger brother scared and we were late for school.

IncrediblySadToo Tue 05-Feb-19 11:28:56

QueenOfTheStress. I know 💐. Lots & lots of days where I eyed up the bin! 😖

Fortunately only one day that I truly scared myself. Thank god the travel cot was set up in the sitting room (had a friend visit the day before) because if it hadn’t been she may well have ended up on the front step with a ‘free to ANY home’ sign on her. Honest to fucking god that child was a nightmare (9 months, weighed a ton, screamed like she was being tortured if you even thought about putting her down and whinged relentlessly even when being held. (Teething/separation anxiety - just the usual). Toddler playing up to get her share of attention too...

They’re made cute for a very good reason!!

NoWayNoHow Tue 05-Feb-19 12:37:32

DH and I used to sing "Shut your face up" to the tune of Missy Elliot's "Get your freak on" when DS screamed every time he came out the bath. He lived to tell us to shut up now that he's a ranty moody pre-teen

Firestars Tue 05-Feb-19 12:44:50

You're being very unreasonable op.

Notsurprisedatall Tue 05-Feb-19 12:45:51

Sometimes you just have to let out the frustration.
If he had been at work, then sat down with LO who then started with reflux as soon as he sat down I would be saying the same thing.
He didn't swear at the LO, he swore in frustration while chatting to himself.

My previous next door neighbour used to shout awful things at their tiny baby I heard him once scream, "shut the f*ck you c*nting alien b@stard or I am going to feed you to the dog!"
And for that, I reported him to SS.

Jellyfloodagain Tue 05-Feb-19 13:04:09

I think you're over reacting too.

Pk37 Tue 05-Feb-19 13:07:31

Fucking hell,OP. Get a grip . Revolted?

notfromstepford Tue 05-Feb-19 13:13:05

Massive overreaction OP - absolutely massive.

Queenofthestress Tue 05-Feb-19 13:32:10

@IncrediblySadToo I've only scared myself the once as well, not anything bad particularly, I shouted my DS(5)'s name because he was ignoring me about getting in jammies and the poor kid jumped a bloody mile, I've raised my voice at him but never actually shouted at him because I get very loud, pretty sure even the neighbours jumped a mile

GreatDuckCookery6211 Tue 05-Feb-19 14:02:58

What’s he usually like? If he’s normally decent I would just put it down to him being tired.

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