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DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

(620 Posts)
Foxandthehound Sat 02-Feb-19 10:29:10

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

Willow1992 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:46:36

If she had done it, the haircut went wrong and she brought her back completely apologetic and upfront about it then it would be one thing. But hiding her under a hat for you to find later is like something a child would do. hmm It's what my 4 year old does if he has broken something.
What good is keeping the lock if hair when she has so badly damaged your trust in her to look after your DD? Has she had children of her own, because she doesn't seem to have much understanding of what is acceptable? Someone needs to have a word and she needs to come back with a big apology and offering to return the hair to you.

Fabaunt Sat 02-Feb-19 10:46:52

My mouth is swinging open as I read this. What the hell!! I would send DP around for the curl immediately, this is absolutely non negotiable. You are her mother. You are entitled to hold on to her first curls. She’s not even a relation. I would honestly be kicking off like nobodies business.

Secondly it goes without saying keep your daughter away from her and I’d have nothing more to do with her either

FlipperSocks Sat 02-Feb-19 10:46:52

She had no right to take your child for her first haircut. Those moments are precious.
I would be so upset and definitely not ever leave dd with her again.

And to keep the lock for herself is just weird.

Whisky2014 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:47:00

What the FUCK. I know people will say hair grows back but its not the point. And the fact she knew she had done wring but still said the lock if hair was for her to keep is outrageous! Actually I think she knew exactly what she was doing and took only 1 curl on purpose. Ring the hairdresser to ask what the instruction was. I bet it was "a good cut" not "a trim"

OnTheHop Sat 02-Feb-19 10:47:07

Let me count the ways....

1. Being ignorant enough to think that cutting the ends of hair, which is dead matter, has any effect whatsoever in tne growth from the follicles
2. Interfering in any way whatsoever with your child’s hair and ....
3. Especially when you had specifically said ‘no’.
4. Allowing the hairdresser to run amok with insufficient supervision
5. The dishonesty of bringing her home in a hat and not telling you what happened straight away
6. Keeping the lock of hair.

What does your DP make if all this?

I would tell her she offers a proper apology, swears never ever to disregard any of your instructions ever again and give you the whole lock of hair or I would never see her again.

PregnantSea Sat 02-Feb-19 10:49:56

Um... Wtf? YANBU and stop saying you're overeacting, I'd be bloody fuming!

Obviously it's not a go NC situation lol, bit what she's done is bang out of order. I'd probably avoid her having DD alone for the day again. She's a CF and went behind your back.

SummerGems Sat 02-Feb-19 10:49:56

It’s annoying but I would have harsh words and demand the curl back, although in retrospect I have a teenager now and things like baby locks of hair and so on are stuff I never kept and as a teenager now it wouldn’t even occur to me that I’d kept them iyswim.

Talking of going no contact over a haircut though and in one instance even involving the police and calling it assault are hysterical responses.

Your dp needs to talk to his dad about this rather than her as she’s his wife/partner etc. How long have they been married for instance? What is your dp’s relationship with her like generally?

She’s over-stepped the mark here but this is a potentially life-long relationship you are risking ending over a haircut. As she has previously had/looked after your dd the implication here that it has generally been a good/positive relationship, and those are still important even if there need to be changes to make them run smoothly.

Raspberry10 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:49:58

YANBU I would have gone nuts! She’d never be given unsupervised access to my child again. What else will she do without your consentor knowledge? What does your DP think?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon Sat 02-Feb-19 10:50:36

I don't think there is a lock of hair.

I think she panicked when asked about it, said there was one but it was 'hers'. Then OP wouldn't ask for it.

rainbowstardrops Sat 02-Feb-19 10:51:47

I would be absolutely livid and she'd bloody know it too!!!!!
How bloody dare she?!!!
Your partner needs to speak to her and his dad and at least demand the curl back.
Then I'd be NC with her for the time being at least. She'd certainly never look after my child again.
Just out of interest, how old is your DD? I'm surprised the hairdresser did it tbh.

longtompot Sat 02-Feb-19 10:51:59

I would also have been furious. If she was truly sorry, she would have given you the lock of hair, but as she has kept it, knowing your wishes with regards to your dd first haircut, then to me she doesn't care about your feelings on this matter.

Just a thought. Might she be planning to have something done with the hair, ie set in a frame or something? Possibly as a gift?

makingmammaries Sat 02-Feb-19 10:52:13

Her behaviour is OTT. But, as someone whose kids have no grandparents, I’ll have DP’s SM if you don’t want her.

Baconmaker Sat 02-Feb-19 10:52:39

I usually think the posters who complain that "in laws took my baby for first trip to santa without me" are being ridiculous but in this case I would be fuming. She really overstepped the mark.

NoParticularPattern Sat 02-Feb-19 10:52:59

Jesus. No way on this planet would she ever see me or my daughter again. She certainly would never have her alone at all. I’d be so furious. And as for keeping the lock for herself! How selfish to think of what she wanted and completely disregard what you might want. I mean the ship had sailed at that point but she could have at least mitigated this absolute fucking disaster that’s she’s orchestrated by a) being apologetic b) not trying to hide it and skulk off and c) at least offering you the curl or bloody well giving you one as well.

Who the actual fuck does she think she is? I’m struggling with words that aren’t profanity at the moment, and she’s not even my daughter. What has your DP said? If he’s not equally furious and marching round there right this second to retrieve that curl I’d be refusing to speak to him for a good long while too.

Baconmaker Sat 02-Feb-19 10:53:22

In terms of the actual hair it's annoying but not really a problem long term but I'd be annoyed at her just unilaterally over ruling your decision about your child.

moita Sat 02-Feb-19 10:53:42

Bizarre. Why would she do that? I'd be angry

Booboostwo Sat 02-Feb-19 10:53:53

Wow, controlling, manipulative and unpleasant. No unsupervised contact with your DD from now as a minimum.

jaseyraex Sat 02-Feb-19 10:55:26

The fact that she ignored your wishes, delibaeratly tried to hide it from you instead of coming clean, and then not even having the decency to give you the lock of hair is what would bother me more than the hair cut itself. Have a harsh conversation with her and demand that lock of hair, it's not hers to keep. I wouldn't be letting her have DD on her own for a while just to prove how seriously upset you are.

NoParticularPattern Sat 02-Feb-19 10:55:40

And I disagree with the posters who are saying think hard before ending this relationship. OP isn’t ending the relationship, her DPs SM shot it repeatedly in the face. It’s not the OPs fault if this relationship dies because of the actions of an absolute fucking moron.

TulipsInbloom1 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:55:44

She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me

This is bordering on psycho territory for me.

SilverBirchTree Sat 02-Feb-19 10:56:10

Oh my god. I would hit the roof. I would be furious. angryangryangry

I'm so sorry OP. What a bonkers thing for her to do. She absolutely should give you the lock of hair and then should stay the fuck away from you for some times

Iloveautumnleaves Sat 02-Feb-19 10:56:40

That lock of hair had better be hand delivered to you, today.

She had NO right to go anywhere near DD’s hair. Let alone keep the only lock of it.

She wouldn’t be having DD again.

You haven’t over reacted. She’d be under my fucking patio already

NeedSomeTimeInTheSunshiiine Sat 02-Feb-19 10:57:30

"Let me count the ways....

1. Being ignorant enough to think that cutting the ends of hair, which is dead matter, has any effect whatsoever in tne growth from the follicles
2. Interfering in any way whatsoever with your child’s hair and ....
3. Especially when you had specifically said ‘no’.
4. Allowing the hairdresser to run amok with insufficient supervision
5. The dishonesty of bringing her home in a hat and not telling you what happened straight away
6. Keeping the lock of hair.

What does your DP make if all this?

I would tell her she offers a proper apology, swears never ever to disregard any of your instructions ever again and give you the whole lock of hair or I would never see her again."

This.

Kittykat93 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:57:36

I would be furious

Bluestitch Sat 02-Feb-19 10:57:40

I wouldn't be seeing her again and neither would my child. I'd also be asking the hairdresser what she thought she was playing at hacking my child's hair off without either parent there to give permission.

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