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DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

(620 Posts)
Foxandthehound Sat 02-Feb-19 10:29:10

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Sat 02-Feb-19 10:37:03

She simply doesn't have your dc unsupervised again.
And tell everyone what she did.

mirren3 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:37:13

What is your DP saying? She is a CF of the highest order. I'd be demanding the lock of hair back for you and DP too.

ItsMEhooray Sat 02-Feb-19 10:37:37

Call 111 immediately!!

Not really. I would be livid though.

Elllicam Sat 02-Feb-19 10:37:46

Oh no I would be fuming. What is his dad saying?

meow1989 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:38:37

Out of it all I think the most upsetting bit is the curl, how dare she?! I'd be demanding it back.

What did her dad say?

Morgan12 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:39:25

Oh I'd be fucking furious. I wouldn't be speaking to her for a very long time. Maybe never at all.

Monny1 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:39:33

That is outrageous, l would be fuming! She at least, needs to give you her lock of hair. I am speechless.l would struggle to talk to her, after that.

DrWhoLovesMe Sat 02-Feb-19 10:40:01

I’m livid for you. How dare she. The insult to injury is keeping that curl though. To me that suggests she isn’t actually sorry, least not in the way she should be. She should be apologising for bad judgement, and offering up that curl.

KC225 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:40:03

Posted too soon. I would insist that your DP collects the 'first curl' and then I would blank her for a good long while. She cannot be trusted.

EhlanaOfElenia Sat 02-Feb-19 10:40:13

Tell her that the next time you see her she WILL give you YOUR daughter's curl, otherwise she won't be seeing her again.

She is well out of order!!!

Oh and she has just given up any chance of having your DD on her own again.

Ljlsmum Sat 02-Feb-19 10:41:10

That would be the end of the relationship if I was in your position. The CF after everything is going to also keep the curl! Well that would be the last thing she see's of my child. What a bitch. Also cutting hair yas no effect on growing faster- it grows from the roots so how could it have any influence on hair growth!

FlibbertyGiblets Sat 02-Feb-19 10:41:11

I would be so upset too, how awful.

Step Mum won't be seeing your daughter unsupervised again.

Take a pic and tell everyone.

TidyDancer Sat 02-Feb-19 10:41:16

Definitely no unsupervised contact again. And very little contact anyway. She's awful. As for not giving you the hair, what planet is she on??

What has DP said?

Dreamingofkfc Sat 02-Feb-19 10:41:52

I would be so cross! Use this now to make sure all boundaries are covered. And she absolutely needs to give you that lock

Confusedbeetle Sat 02-Feb-19 10:42:38

She should never ever have done this, and should have owned up when she brought her back, Your OH should ask for for the keepsake curl, it is not hers to keep.
Make it clear that this decision was not hers to make and that she must not do anything like this without discussing it with you first. THEN, move on. The hair will grow. Mend the relationship. There are far worse things going on. Just have the discussu=ion and then draw a line

Peridot1 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:42:59

You are NOT overreacting! shock. How bloody dare she?

storynanny Sat 02-Feb-19 10:44:08

Absolutely completely wrong and I understand how furious you should be.
Im a grandmother and stepgrandparent and it wouldnt enter my head to make decisions like that. Its your baby not hers.

Nanny0gg Sat 02-Feb-19 10:44:24

* I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while*

A while? That would be forever if that were me. Unforgivable
Has your DP spoken to her?

CupoBlood Sat 02-Feb-19 10:44:38

What does your dp and his father say out of interest?

FairyAnn Sat 02-Feb-19 10:44:55

I don't have kids but I would be raging! How dare she do something like that, behind your back, when you'd explicitly said not to.

Her behaviour when she dropped your daughter off says it all - she knew she'd done wrong and you would be upset with her.

She is selfish and the thing with the curl confirms that. I'd be giving her a wide berth from now on. She needs to know there are consequences for her actions.

So sorry this has marred your experience for your daughter's first haircut. If you can, try and focus on all the other lovely firsts you have to come

elvis86 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:44:57


I can't even comprehend the thought process that would lead her to do that? And to stake a claim on the hair on top of it?! I actually think she must be seriously unhinged. Like, to a degree where I wouldn't let my kid near her.

I honestly don't think I could speak to her again. And anyone (DP / FIL) who wanted to try and defend or reasonably explain what she'd done could do one as well.

One of the craziest things I've read on here!

MyFootHurts Sat 02-Feb-19 10:45:02

Well, that would be a no unsupervised contact from me, I'm afraid. She's down a complete disregard for your feelings and that will continue throughout your dd's childhood.

MyFootHurts Sat 02-Feb-19 10:45:15


VampirateQueen Sat 02-Feb-19 10:45:29

YANBU at all, I would be fuming and then to keep the lock of hair for herself WTAF!! I would tell her that she is giving the lock of hair to you, seeing as she has robbed you from your DD's first haircut and had it done terribly. I'm not usually petty, but as you said she is your DP's step mum so, this normally wouldn't bother me, but in the circumstances I would point out that she doesn't have any right to the hair as she isn't even related, let alone after what she has done. I would never trust her with my DC again either, if she goes behind your back with this what else will she go behind your back with. angry

MyFootHurts Sat 02-Feb-19 10:45:49

Cold fingers, bad typing.

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