To be annoyed with DH

[AliceRR]

DH and I are sharing a car at the moment.

I am 38 weeks pregnant and have just started mat leave. Before then DH and I were travelling to work together in another city as I had managed to get a parking space there so could park for free under the building. I have PGP so it’s difficult for me to walk far and stand on the train etc.

Anyway I’m now on mat leave and DH is still working so we have different needs for the car. I don’t need the car every day but there are things I need it for eg shopping and midwife appointment and just getting around. DH needs it to get to work although he’ll be driving to the train station now that he’s going alone and won’t be able to park for free...

I’m annoyed with DH as I feel he wants everything his way regarding the car. He thinks that he should take the car to the station every day and if I want the car that day I should either get up at 7:30 and drive him to the station and then pick him up in the evening (so then would have car all day) OR get a taxi to the station to pick up the car. I’d then need to pick him up after work.

I suggested that wasn’t fair as it means for me to use the car I have to either get up early and go out in the cold when I’m on leave or get a taxi to our car. It’s less than 10 mins in the car so a taxi would cost maybe £4 around here.

He doesn’t have to change anything - he just gets to take the car or be dropped off and picked up.

Part of why it annoys me is I just feel new not thinking of me. I almost always give him a lift to the station on days when I’m not working as I don’t want him walking in the cold, especially as cold as it is now, but he doesn’t think twice about getting me up early.

Today he woke me up at 7:30 to take him to the station and I just didn’t want to get up. It didn’t help that he comes to bed late and so he disturbed me and I ended up having less sleep anyway. I told him I’m not getting up so just take the car. But then I was annoyed as he’d woken me up and I was left without a car!

I suggested (we spoke after he left) we needed another way as I just feel like I’m compromising and he’s doing nothing.

Also he can’t discuss it. I just want a solution we’re both happy with, bearing in mind i plan to take maternity leave for a year, and thinks will change again when I have a newborn baby. He just says fine I’ll buy a car at the weekend and you can have your own way. But he won’t. It’s just his way out of the discussion!

AIBU?

I think I’m not. I think he’s being selfish.

But I know some of you may think I’m probably making something of nothing. I’m grumpy at the moment! And I woke up in a bad mood because I was woken up and I can’t really go back to sleep...

[Fabpinky]

If you’re up anyway I don’t see it unreasonable to give him a quick lift but I wouldn’t want to be doing it everyday.

Why doesn’t he just get a taxi to the station in the morning? It doesn’t make any sense for him to take the car and then you get a taxi to retrieve it.

[Gazelda]

I think a fair compromise (for the moment) is that he gets a taxi in the morning and you pick him up in the evening.
Once the baby's arrived, I think it depends on your location. Do you need a car to get to doc appointments? To HV weigh ins? To baby groups? To the town or coffee shops?
You need to get out of the house regularly (at least daily if possible) for your own sanity
He's being very U in not discussing it properly, but maybe a mix between him having the car all day, taxi and lifts should be workable.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I hope he gets less selfish when the baby is born. I don't understand why he would want his very pregnant wife to get up when she should be resting.

Could you have set days when you have the car and he takes a taxi on the morning, picking up on an evening wouldn't bother me most of the time.

[AliceRR]

Well no if I’m up anyway it’s fine really and I’ve often given him a lift on that basis but it’s not really nice to be woken up / have to get up

It’s not every day either. I was suggesting I’d try to plan so I only need the car, say, two days out of five eg this Thursday when I have a midwife appointment and the other day was going to be today so I could go to the shops (I don’t want to be in all week really, I’d like the option to go out)

He was saying he thinks it’s easier for me to get a taxi when I don’t have anywhere to be by a specific time whereas he’s got to be at work. But it doesn’t take much longer to call a taxi ten mins before setting off... and then I’d pick him up after work

[swingofthings]

7:30 is not early. What is he supposed to do, walk a few miles in the cold and so leave much earlier just because you won't get up at 7:30?

[Huntawaymama]

Tbh I think yabu. If just ask him to wake you at very last minute and grab your dressing gown and a hat and drop him off in your pj's. Be kind, your world is about to be rocked big time so help each other out

However I'm an early bird and there's no way if ever sleep in until 730 even when pregnant I'd be awake by 7.

[rainbowstardrops]

I think you are being a little bit BU. Sorry!
He's not saying you can't have the car, just that you'll need to give him a lift to the station or get a taxi when you're ready. He's not insisting he takes his 30 miles away or something.
Having said that, why can't he just walk to the station or get a taxi?
You won't want to be tied down to taking him and picking him up once the baby is here, so if you can afford it then maybe two cars is the way to go.

[AliceRR]

We are actually moving house and of March as well so I don’t reallh know how close everything is like doctors surgery and baby groups. I think there’s a lot close by but imagine it will be similar to now where I can say I might need the car on a couple of days a week and he can have it the rest

[yikesanotherbooboo]

I think YABU; why not take him to the station. You say yourself it's only a ten minute drive and 7.30 isn't particularly early.

[AliceRR]

The station is about a mile away

I’m not saying every day but I think it’s fair enough that he walk or get a taxi for two mornings a week if I need the car that day and if I’m not awake, which I often am

It annoyed me today because he woke me up

Yet last night he wouldn’t drive to an Indian take away because he “wouldn’t want to go out once I’m home”. We both wanted take away but once I suggested he pick it up he wouldn’t go! Yet he thinks getting out of bed to drive to the station is no big deal. It’s jusy the double standards. He’s quite lazy and I have at least three examples from this weekend of where he’s had to spend money because he’s been lazy and yet he won’t spend £3 on a taxi. He’s happy for me to though

[rainflowerstar]

The station is a mile away why the hell can't he walk there?

[AliceRR]

7:30 is early if you’re not sleeping well. I’m at the stage where I can barely get comfortable.

Plus everyone’s routine is different and we go to be eat different times

It’s hard to be woken up when you go to bed, wake up through the night because your back / legs/ hips hurt and then be woken up at 7.30

I’m surprised you all think I’m being unreasonable to be honest but fair enough!

I am pretty grumpy at the moment 🙄

[MoggEatMoggWorld]

A mile?! He can walk that.

[Fabellini]

YABU in my opinion. It really isn’t any great hardship to roll out of bed, stick a coat over your pjs and give your dh a lift to the station. Then, if you’re still tired, go back to bed for an hour or so once you’ve dropped him off - while your car sits on your driveway ready for you whenever you feel like going out that day.

[Gazelda]

I think you're allowed and entitled to be grumpy at 38weeks pregnant!
His refusal to discuss a compromise would make me grumpy too.

[AliceRR]

It just seems like he wants to have full use of the car doe what he wants without doing or spending anything extra but I’m left without a car unless I get up or get a taxi to pick up the car

I must say it’s a slightly sensitive issue as we used to have two cars and he was the one who wanted to share after his broke down and I always feel like I’m the one who ends up without a car!

[MoggEatMoggWorld]

Also, if you can afford another car, get one.

[Holidayshopping]

Why doesn’t he get a taxi in the morning?! He can book it in advance for the time he needs.

He is being selfish!

[Shoxfordian]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Why can't he get a cab if he doesn't want to walk? Agree with pp, maybe have set days when you want the car if he wants to share it.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

I'm a firm believer that you can't be that unreasonable at 38 weeks pregnant but I don't think he's being unreasonable either.

It's not every day. You basically just have to get up a 7:30 on the days you want the car. That's not that early, it's only a mile away, and it saves you both money. Taxis to work are stressful incase they don't turn up or are late.

There will only be certain days when you HAVE to have the car, so need to be up at 7:30, and you may well be up at that time when the baby is here anyway...

The only real alternative is to buy a second car, but that could put extra financial pressure on if you don't really need one. I'd check out the new house and whether you'll likely need two cars then, if you will, just get it earlier if it's causing a lot of tension.

[Shoxfordian]

If you can afford another car then get one

[Houseonahill]

I think your solution sounds good and YANBU to want to be left the car 2 days a week, he can book a taxi in advance to come at the same time 2 days a week for say the next month and then he doesn't even have to ring one every morning and you can pick him up from the station after work

[AliceRR]

His refusal to discuss a compromise would make me grumpy too.

TBH that’s what it is really. Like i said, for the most part I do take him to the station in the morning. I’ve historically often woken up before 7 eve on days I’m not working (I didn’t today!) so when he’s getting ready for work I hear him and I get up.

I think what annoys me is that he just seems to be thinking of himself and not me. He could walk a mile but it’s cold so not ideal. It’s not ideal for me either. But he doesn’t care.

On Sunday he was going to drive me to my baby shower (he said he would so I turned down lifts from other people) and then he couldn’t be bothered as he was comfy in bed. And that was at abour 12:30-1pm!! So I ended up driving myself...

Sorry I’m probably a bit ranty

[CarolDanvers]

I had this exact same issue with my ex H when we had our first child. I got up and took him to the station and didn’t really think it was a problem tbh and it was six am not 7.30 am. I didn’t feel put upon. I just felt a bit bad for him because without me doing that he’d have to get the bus or a taxi; which we couldn’t really afford, to the station, which was a massive pain at that time of the day and the bus took about thirty minutes. I didn’t do it our ds was born though and he didn’t expect me to. For now though, yes I would and did go it without quibbling.

[Holidayshopping]

then he couldn’t be bothered as he was comfy in bed. And that was at abour 12:30-1pm!! So I ended up driving myself

Did you say that’s what it feels like at 7.30am for me?!