To issue toilet tickets

[pineapplebryanbrown]

We have one toilet, which is inside the bathroom.

Every time I walk upstairs to use the loo some fucker is in the toilet. I am much quicker at using the loo than the rest of the family.

I'm sick of it and I'm going to start issuing time slots and punch cards. Or have the toilet electrified and anyone who goes over their 5 minutes gets a nasty shock.

[snitzelvoncrumb]

My kids do get a time limit on occasion, if they are more than five minutes they can come back and try again later.

[Returning2thesceneofthecrime]

Electrify it. If nothing else, you will generate a Pavlovian response to solve the problem.

[Fizzyhedgehog]

Or you could move house.
We're moving in a few weeks and will suddenly have 5 toilets...and an extra one in the guest shed in the garden. There are currently only three people in our family and the small one is still wearing nappies.

[FevertreeLight]

Never heard of anything so stupid.

I think it was a joke!

[juneau]

I'd put in another one downstairs, if I were you. One toilet in a house? It's positively Victorian.

[BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty]

We've just moved and theres an en suite now. There's four of us. I can really recommend a second loo! Or maybe a bucket.

[FinallyHere]

A loo each was on my list of must haves when we moved in together. Essential.

[Dotty1970]

Lizzzeaus you need to get a sense of humour

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Remove the lock that might focus the mind more!!

[newnameforthis7]

Doorman/cloakroom attendant. The only solution.

Or possibly a clock card.

Electrocution is a bit severe....... for 5 minutes.

Wait til 10 at least.

[wanderings]

Problem solved.

[YoureAllABunchOfBastards]

Oh, I so need this. DH and both DSs apparently need an hour of toilet time each day as a minimum. I wish we could find space for a downstairs loo

[wanderings]

Remove the lock that might focus the mind more!
Absolutely this.

Does Adrian Mole live in your house? "I lie in my bath and ignore rattlings at the door and demands for entry. I insist on a period of quiet before I start my day. It's not my fault the only lavatory is in the bathroom, is it?" He also lovingly told the Radio 4 listeners about his toilet habits ("toilet" with its traditional meaning).

A particularly awful character in one of the Adrian Mole books (Cassandra) announces that she has taken the locks off the bathroom and lavatory doors, saying that inhibitions about nakedness are the reason the British are no good at sex.

[arranbubonicplague]

Nothing but empathy, OP. I remember the days of 9 people and one lavatory but at least it was in a separate room to the bath (also the handbasin - no basin with the lavatory).

When people have very intrusive IBS or similar it becomes unmanageable if there isn't more than one lavatory available.

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

I love having a downstairs convenience as well as an upstairs bathroom. There's only 4 of us, but it makes a difference.

My dad is someone who will spend easily an hour on the loo. When you're a teenager trying to get to school and there are two other teenagers living in the same house and your dad takes pretty much all of the bathroom time, it's horrible and embarrassing.
My mum used to lecture me about not washing properly in the morning. Between my dad and my two older siblings I was lucky if I got five minutes to even clean my teeth!
Yanbu op. Electrify the loo seat or fit it with retractable spikes. Better yet, a timer that deposits the toilet hogger out the window. That'll speed them up.

[BlackCatSleeping]

Our toilet is really cold so nobody lingers in there.

[Daisiesinavase]

You need Sheldon to write you a Bathroom Schedule!

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

There were 6 of us, and one loo, when I was a kid.
There was an outside loo too, but we never used it - usually too cold and there were always spiders.

I have an abiding memory of younger sister at about 3, jumping up and down outside the locked loo door, squealing, 'It's comin', it's comin', it's comin'!'
Don't know whether it was my father in there - he used to like to go and 'sit' as my mother put it, for a good 20 minutes. And stink it out, of course.
I still haven't fathomed why men need to 'sit' for so long. Why can't they wait until they need to go, and then just do it?

[LakieLady]

We only have one toilet, but thankfully there are only 2 of us (the dog is smart, but never learned how to use the lav, unfortunately).

We also have a motorhome, with an onboard toilet. It's not unknown for DP to pop out to the van for an emergency shit if I'm in the bath or something. The van is parked on the road outside our house, though. I'm not sure that I could have a enjoyable dump in the knowledge that my neighbours might be walking past just inches away, but DP finds it amusing.

But then I suspect I have better control of my guts than him. I don't find it necessary (or amusing) to fart in public places, for example.

[Jackshouse]

You need to block WiFi in the loo.

[Mermaidkisses]

I live in a little terraced cottage with only 1 toilet and sometimes (when all gfs and bfs are in the house) there are 5 of us sharing 1 toilet! There is no room to add another toilet so I guess we will just have to be Victorian ... and know we can't move!

[Waspnest]

I could do with a scanner around the door that can detect books (yes I'm looking at you DD )

[SheSaidNoFuckThat]

We have an upstairs and downstairs loo - between 2 teenage boys and my Husband it's still a mission to get in one of them 😂