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To allow dd12 to attend my smear test?

(780 Posts)
Toomanychefs Thu 24-Jan-19 00:39:34

I have my smear test tomorrow. Mentioned it to dd and she asked if she could come with me. I said yes, of course, but dp thinks I'm totally out of order.
So not to drip feed, my dm is a cervical cancer survivor, my smears are always clear, dd has just had her hpv jab at school.
Dps ex wife has never had a smear test as she's 'too private and doesn't want to be violated'
My thoughts are, 'get her to realise its not a big deal so she has no problem going for hers'
Dp says I'm going to scar her for life.
She's not going to be standing at the end of the bed watching the intricate detail (although I'd happily allow her to if it meant she'd realise the importance)
Aibu?

Mamabear4180 Thu 24-Jan-19 00:42:31

Why does she want to come? Is it just to be with you and have an outing? Can she wait in the waiting room?

User758172 Thu 24-Jan-19 00:42:53

There’s just no need. She knows you’re going, that’s enough to encourage her to do the same in future. She’s only 12, she doesn’t need to be physically present confused

CrispbuttyNo1 Thu 24-Jan-19 00:43:55

Let her wait outside. There’s really no need for her to go in as a chaperone, and it may be off putting to the nurse too.

User758172 Thu 24-Jan-19 00:44:45

She's not going to be standing at the end of the bed watching the intricate detail (although I'd happily allow her to if it meant she'd realise the importance)

That’s really not on. She’s a child! She’s not even your daughter, is she?

Toomanychefs Thu 24-Jan-19 00:45:04

It's outside of school hours and just at the end of our street.
After seeing my mother go through treatment she is very interested in the process, prevention, treatment etc

gluteustothemaximus Thu 24-Jan-19 00:46:16

I think it’s great. I’m wondering about if/when to take my DD too but she’s just 8. We chat openly about periods, smear tests, checking your body for lumps etc. She’s the one who asked, you’re not making her go. I’d say a good idea.

User758172 Thu 24-Jan-19 00:46:35

YABVU.

Toomanychefs Thu 24-Jan-19 00:46:43

@mrsariad what?? Of course she's my daughter. I have the scars to prove it!

M3lon Thu 24-Jan-19 00:46:54

If she wants to be there and you are happy for her to be there then why not?

There's a hell of a lot of women's stuff I wish my Mum had exposed me too before I had to find out on my own in a fearful reactive way.

Sparklingbrook Thu 24-Jan-19 00:47:57

IMO smears aren't a spectator event.

User758172 Thu 24-Jan-19 00:48:26

@Toomanychefs

Then how the hell is your DP’s ex relevant?

M3lon Thu 24-Jan-19 00:49:12

well someones certainly got some victorian style body issues....

Toomanychefs Thu 24-Jan-19 00:49:25

@gluteus thank you. My thoughts exactly. I've always believed 'if you're old enough to ask you're old enough to know'

Bouledeneige Thu 24-Jan-19 00:49:36

Weird. Have you ever wanted to go to anyone elses' smear test? Your best friend, sister, Mums? Ever wanted someone to come with?

Does she come to the dentist or eye test? If not, I'd say, get a life...

Toomanychefs Thu 24-Jan-19 00:50:59

@mrsariad it gives an incite into his opinion. Pretty obvious to sensible people....

User758172 Thu 24-Jan-19 00:51:54

It’s not obvious at all. Why does he give a fuck what his ex thinks? It’s utterly irrelevant.

user1471468296 Thu 24-Jan-19 00:52:04

What strange responses! I think it's fine OP, and really no big deal.

BurningGubbins Thu 24-Jan-19 00:52:35

I think it’s a great idea too. She’s showing an interest, she’ll see that it’s not a big deal. If the nurse is worth her salt explain what’s happening. I can’t see any problem.
Silly to think a 12 year old quietly observing would put off the nurse - I’ve had one while my baby was screaming in the room. They are professionals!

User758172 Thu 24-Jan-19 00:52:40

insight

M3lon Thu 24-Jan-19 00:53:44

If my DD wanted to go to an eye test and see what happened, I'd take her....in fact that's not a bad idea as she is nervous about such tests.

SonicVersusGynaephobia Thu 24-Jan-19 00:54:24

I don't see why not, OP.

Sparklingbrook Thu 24-Jan-19 00:55:09

I think the HCP wuld be hmm and suggest the child sat outside the curtain bit at least.

IdleBetty Thu 24-Jan-19 00:55:40

No way would I take a 12yr old with me to a smear test. Let kids be kids FFS!

M3lon Thu 24-Jan-19 00:58:51

is childhood somehow threatened by having knowledge of the human body and how to look after it?

Let kids be kids is a good argument to stop a 12 year old playing fortnite...not a good argument for stopping a 12 year old learn about routine tests that help keep women healthy.

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