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AIBU?

To allow dd12 to attend my smear test?

779 replies

Toomanychefs · 24/01/2019 00:39

I have my smear test tomorrow. Mentioned it to dd and she asked if she could come with me. I said yes, of course, but dp thinks I'm totally out of order.
So not to drip feed, my dm is a cervical cancer survivor, my smears are always clear, dd has just had her hpv jab at school.
Dps ex wife has never had a smear test as she's 'too private and doesn't want to be violated'
My thoughts are, 'get her to realise its not a big deal so she has no problem going for hers'
Dp says I'm going to scar her for life.
She's not going to be standing at the end of the bed watching the intricate detail (although I'd happily allow her to if it meant she'd realise the importance)
Aibu?

OP posts:
Mamabear4180 · 24/01/2019 00:42

Why does she want to come? Is it just to be with you and have an outing? Can she wait in the waiting room?

User758172 · 24/01/2019 00:42

There’s just no need. She knows you’re going, that’s enough to encourage her to do the same in future. She’s only 12, she doesn’t need to be physically present Confused

CrispbuttyNo1 · 24/01/2019 00:43

Let her wait outside. There’s really no need for her to go in as a chaperone, and it may be off putting to the nurse too.

User758172 · 24/01/2019 00:44

She's not going to be standing at the end of the bed watching the intricate detail (although I'd happily allow her to if it meant she'd realise the importance)

That’s really not on. She’s a child! She’s not even your daughter, is she?

Toomanychefs · 24/01/2019 00:45

It's outside of school hours and just at the end of our street.
After seeing my mother go through treatment she is very interested in the process, prevention, treatment etc

OP posts:
gluteustothemaximus · 24/01/2019 00:46

I think it’s great. I’m wondering about if/when to take my DD too but she’s just 8. We chat openly about periods, smear tests, checking your body for lumps etc. She’s the one who asked, you’re not making her go. I’d say a good idea.

User758172 · 24/01/2019 00:46

YABVU.

Toomanychefs · 24/01/2019 00:46

@mrsariad what?? Of course she's my daughter. I have the scars to prove it!

OP posts:
M3lon · 24/01/2019 00:46

If she wants to be there and you are happy for her to be there then why not?

There's a hell of a lot of women's stuff I wish my Mum had exposed me too before I had to find out on my own in a fearful reactive way.

Sparklingbrook · 24/01/2019 00:47

IMO smears aren't a spectator event.

User758172 · 24/01/2019 00:48

@Toomanychefs

Then how the hell is your DP’s ex relevant?

M3lon · 24/01/2019 00:49

well someones certainly got some victorian style body issues....

Toomanychefs · 24/01/2019 00:49

@gluteus thank you. My thoughts exactly. I've always believed 'if you're old enough to ask you're old enough to know'

OP posts:
Bouledeneige · 24/01/2019 00:49

Weird. Have you ever wanted to go to anyone elses' smear test? Your best friend, sister, Mums? Ever wanted someone to come with?

Does she come to the dentist or eye test? If not, I'd say, get a life...

Toomanychefs · 24/01/2019 00:50

@mrsariad it gives an incite into his opinion. Pretty obvious to sensible people....

OP posts:
User758172 · 24/01/2019 00:51

It’s not obvious at all. Why does he give a fuck what his ex thinks? It’s utterly irrelevant.

user1471468296 · 24/01/2019 00:52

What strange responses! I think it's fine OP, and really no big deal.

BurningGubbins · 24/01/2019 00:52

I think it’s a great idea too. She’s showing an interest, she’ll see that it’s not a big deal. If the nurse is worth her salt explain what’s happening. I can’t see any problem.
Silly to think a 12 year old quietly observing would put off the nurse - I’ve had one while my baby was screaming in the room. They are professionals!

User758172 · 24/01/2019 00:52

insight

M3lon · 24/01/2019 00:53

If my DD wanted to go to an eye test and see what happened, I'd take her....in fact that's not a bad idea as she is nervous about such tests.

SonicVersusGynaephobia · 24/01/2019 00:54

I don't see why not, OP.

Sparklingbrook · 24/01/2019 00:55

I think the HCP wuld be Hmm and suggest the child sat outside the curtain bit at least.

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IdleBetty · 24/01/2019 00:55

No way would I take a 12yr old with me to a smear test. Let kids be kids FFS!

M3lon · 24/01/2019 00:58

is childhood somehow threatened by having knowledge of the human body and how to look after it?

Let kids be kids is a good argument to stop a 12 year old playing fortnite...not a good argument for stopping a 12 year old learn about routine tests that help keep women healthy.

Stillamum3 · 24/01/2019 00:59

She's 12, plenty old enough to get an insight into what happens and that there's nothing to worry about!

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