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AIBU?

To take the day off?

74 replies

PlsPlsPls · 22/01/2019 04:57

Posting here for traffic rather than on MH board.

My mental health has been in steady decline for a while now. I've felt like I'm losing it on a fair few occasions, been feeling suicidal and been self-harming (not the cutting kind, but there are other ways).

I started a new job a few months ago and I'm still in the probationary period. If I take the day off it would be my third period of illness (the others lasted 1-2 days each as I was conscious about getting into work again asap) and it could trigger all sorts of things; my attendance has previously been raised as a concern, even though otherwise my boss is very happy with my work.

Yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back and I realised upon waking up this morning that I really need help. I am even ready to take medication - something I have always refused - just to get some clarity back in my life. I have a family and mortgage. I want to phone my GP first thing and try to get help through a crisis team if necessary.

I worry about taking the day off and if SS get involved if I actually talk about how I feel openly with someone. I worry I will lose my job, but feel like I cannot go through another day and wait; I would have to work late tonight as well and I have an important deadline tomorrow.

WIBU to take the day off? I really cannot tell.

OP posts:
TheLittleDogLaughed · 22/01/2019 05:04

Is there anything about being at work that might make you feel better? I know that when I have a sleepless night due to anxiety etc. if I stay off work I just feel so depressed that I’ve “given in” to it so I usually try to keep going.

Do you like the job? Can you manage financially without it?

Claudia1980 · 22/01/2019 05:11

I feel for you OP. Depression and Anxiety is not fun. It’s tricky being in the probationary period. Do you have a really good relationship with tour manager? I’d try to sort your mental health out first, go to the doctor for meds, go to counselling etc. and then (if you feel comfortable) tell them what is going on. Or wait until after the probationary period then tell them. However if the job is causing you stress and that’s why you are having sick days, then leave.

PlsPlsPls · 22/01/2019 05:12

Work is high-pressured and relentless; I work long hours and at the moment it really isn't enjoyable. I often have imposter-syndrome with it, too. I know I will regret not going in, but at the same time I am at a point now where if I do go in I may have a breakdown anyway.

Financially, I am screwed without the job.

OP posts:
Fortunatelymine · 22/01/2019 05:15

I feel you would make things more difficult for yourself if you took the day off without explaining things, as you have already had a lot of time off. Taking action in that regard would be more positive than just avoiding it by taking the day off, knowing you might get pulled up on disciplinary.

BlueWonder · 22/01/2019 05:16

Can you go into work mowing that you will phone the GP as soon as they open? If you are offered an appointment today, then tell your employer that you have a Dr's appt that you couldn't get put of hours, and leave work to attend it. At least you will have been in first and that will be seen more positively than not turning up for work. It must be tough when you feel like this but if you are questioned over absence or lose your job over it, you will feel an awful lot worse. Try and think of it as protecting yourself.

eyesbiggerthanstomach · 22/01/2019 05:17

I really feel for you but a third absence could put your job at risk. Especially if it has already been mentioned. If you really need the job could you just try to get through today faking it? I think the risk is if you lose your job or are called in for a meeting with your boss you could end up feeling worse. Only you know though and I appreciate how hard it is to fake it and motivate yourself when you are feeling this way x

whiteroseredrose · 22/01/2019 05:17

Very tricky. I've never had mental health problems so I can't imagine how it feels. Were the other two absences for mental health problems too?

If it was any other illness I'd say try to push on through if you can particularly as you mentioned the important deadline. If I was an employer I'd be very disappointed if someone was off sick at a crucial time. Then go off after the deadline if you still feel unwell.

Making the assumption that this is your 3rd mental health crisis in what, 6 months?, I'd be wondering if this is the right job for you. Maybe you'd be better in a less stressful role.

BlueWonder · 22/01/2019 05:17

knowing, not mowing, sorry!

Gina2012 · 22/01/2019 05:18

I'd go into work and get the docs appointment in work time.

Cover yourself both ways

PlsPlsPls · 22/01/2019 05:20

Work is contributing to how I feel, but it is not the cause. My life is currently a mess from nearly every angle.

Work always demand to know the reason for any time off, so they would know and also any steps I will have taken during any period of absence, but there is such a stigma around mental ill-health that I don't know how it would be seen if I told them honestly what is going on with me. On the other hand, there is a big push at work around MH that I don't know if they would not be more supportive.

OP posts:
PlsPlsPls · 22/01/2019 05:22

The other two illnesses were not MH-related.

I am in a customer-facing management role and if I were to go in I could not phone my doctor; my hours don't allow for this. I'd be working flat out 7am-5.30pm.

OP posts:
BlueWonder · 22/01/2019 05:23

Make making that call to the GP your focus to get you into work, just think a couple of hours ahead - getting up and dressed snd out, not about the whole day. Take it one step at a time can really help when you're feeling overwhelmed.

BlueWonder · 22/01/2019 05:24

Sorry,saw your last message too late, do you not even get a loo break to call?

Heratnumber7 · 22/01/2019 05:25

Given that you've said you have an important deadline tomorrow I think you ought to at least make a show of trying to work.
I'd book a meeting with your manager to explain everything and phone the GP from work to get an appt asap.
I think the more open and honest you are with your employer the more supportive they will be. There's a big push at the moment re MH support in the workplace which should help your case.
I know you're I'll, but leaving your colleagues pick up your deadline wouldn't go down well.

PlsPlsPls · 22/01/2019 05:25

No, on a day like today I would not have a break at all.

The deadline I mentioned would only affect me, not anyone else.

OP posts:
Heratnumber7 · 22/01/2019 05:27

if I were to go in I could not phone my doctor; my hours don't allow for this. I'd be working flat out 7am-5.30pm

Surely you go to the toilet occasionally, and have lunch at some point?

Fortunatelymine · 22/01/2019 05:28

No, on a day like today I would not have a break at all.
Isn't that illegal?

BlueWonder · 22/01/2019 05:30

Can you politely ask for 15 mins to call the GP, if they have MH policies etc they must also have them on working hours and work/life balance. There must be an entitlement to some breaks and while the culture might be to work flat out and not take them, most employers would be reasonable about a request for a few mins to call the doctor.

Heratnumber7 · 22/01/2019 05:43

A 10.5hr day with no break IS illegal. You must need to eat and wee in all that time!

Heratnumber7 · 22/01/2019 05:47

I you are working 10.5 hrs with no break every day, it's no wonder you have MH issues. That must be terribly stressful.

PlsPlsPls · 22/01/2019 05:55

It may be illegal and we may have stated break times, but realistically, no, I would not have a break. I do not eat or drink at work and thus usually avoid needing the loo as well.

Phoning my GP usually takes 20min by the time I get through. It's not feasible, especially given my official contact times, which mean I would not get an emergency appointment today.

I've spoken to my husband; he agreed I need to get myself sorted and if work are being difficult then so be it. The last time I nearly had an accident driving into work I was upset I didn't crash and get killed. So I guess that's where my priorities need to lie now.

OP posts:
BlitheringIdiots · 22/01/2019 06:11

I would take the day off and risk losing job after probation because that job sounds like it's not good for you. Working somewhere where you don't eat or drink for 10.5 hours so you don't need the loo. No breaks allowed.

Get yourself to the doctors. Get help with your MH. Then when you are ready then look for another job.

whiteroseredrose · 22/01/2019 06:17

From your updates I'd say take the day then. They clearly don't have employees' welfare at heart.

4point2fleet · 22/01/2019 06:20

Perhaps go into work and while there book a meeting with your line manager.

You need to take your breaks. You are choosing not to take them (because your management will know that it would be illegal if they pressured you not to) so you need to talk to them about having too much work/ not enough cover and the issues it is causing.

Force yourself to take your breaks today and use them to book a GP appointment and a line management meeting.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 22/01/2019 06:24

Your mental health is more important than any job. It sounds like a shit job anyway, I'm not surprised you are unwell. Its tough that you are in probation, and yes you might end up losing your job, but better that than losing your marbles. I'm saying this from personal experience, I tried pushing through with a job I really needed once and ended up getting very ill. I ended up having to quit the job anyway, which ended up being the best thing that could have happened to me. Good luck and look after yourself.

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