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AIBU?

To not want mil to make another doll

100 replies

Itssosunnyout · 21/01/2019 23:31

My dd (4 months) has been gifted my dhs stuffed toys from when he was a baby in addition to 7 other knitted dolls by my mil. In a way its nice about DHs toys but at the same time I find it so odd.

She now says she be making another doll with my daughter's skin tone. My dd is dual heritage.

I feel harsh as mil has put in time and effort but I feel she is taking away a first from me. All of DHs toys are ones she made herself when he was a baby.

I've been looking for an ethnic doll that I can give my daughter and want to say to mil that she has made enough. She's not really one to listen.
She knows that I've been learning to craft and sew to make my DD something but she just keeps arriving with yet more knitted toys.

I find it so annoying when she pulls out all of DH toys trying to get my DD to favour them.

Aibu??

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 21/01/2019 23:37

Um, I think you are being a bit unreasonable. However I remember how annoying I found family members when my daughter was a baby (felt like they were stepping on my toes etc), to a lesser degree it still happens and she’s 3. I know myself that I’m being a bit mean, they love her very much so carefully pick my battles.

I would let your MIL make her the doll. You can’t force a child to like any particular toy, they like what they like and there is no persuading them.

timetoriseandshine · 21/01/2019 23:37

You find the perfect doll and you keep any more from MIL back until YOUR child gets their first from YOU

SemperIdem · 21/01/2019 23:38

Re her arriving with toys - could you perhaps suggest they are kept at her house, for when you visit with your DD so she always has something “different” to what she has at home, to play with?

Peepingsnowdrops · 21/01/2019 23:40

Thank her, say nothing but put them in the attic. She will tire of making them eventually.

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 21/01/2019 23:40

Yes YABU, but understandably so.

Your MIL is trying to do everything right- pass on your DH’s loved handmade toys and also respect your DD’s ethnicity.
You sound like your core worry is that she’ll make hers fastest and beat you to the punch. “First doll” is not a first you’re going to look back on and attach importance to. The doll you give your DD will be precious and special regardless of what your MIL does and in what order your DD gets the gifts.

The trying to get your DD to favour MIL’s dolls does sound irritating, but unless she’s actively denigrating your gifts, I’d try and ignore it. Your DD will make her own preferences clear as she gets older.

First grandchild by any chance? Hopefully if any more are forthcoming if your DH has siblings then that may distract MIL a bit!

Omzlas · 21/01/2019 23:41

I totally loaded this thread, expecting you to say she was making shudder reborn dolls

Itssosunnyout · 21/01/2019 23:42

That's exactly it. I feel mean as I understand her excitement but I told my mil in the beginning how much I was looking forward to buying her first doll and that she could make other things just not a doll. But she's made these in the last 2 months.

OP posts:
Sindragosan · 21/01/2019 23:43

Let her entertain herself. I spent ages making dd a doll, clothes etc and she's shown little to no interest in it over the years, where the cheap doll Mil gave her from a supermarket was carried everywhere.

PeaQiwiComHequo · 21/01/2019 23:43

I think you're being a bit oversensitive.

At 4 months your baby is a bit too young to adopt an attachment object. however when the time comes, no one is in control of what that is. it could be a doll, but it could equally be a muslin square, or a bath book, or something else random. and there is no reason at all why your baby can't gave eleventy billion knitted dolls from grandma as well as the ones you get her.

you are her mummy. you will always be first. you are not in competition with your mil. there is no contest. smile and nod and have a crate in for the eleventy billion dolls and don't let thus worry you a moment longer.

CosmicCanary · 21/01/2019 23:43

Sorry but I could not get my knickers in a twist about this.

Children can gave more than 1 toy. They have zero idea about the thought or history that can go in to a toy. She us 4 months old!!
Take mil toys thank her then shove them on the dresser. DD wont be interested for at least another year.

Alienspaceship · 21/01/2019 23:45

YABU. She is clearly putting in time and effort - this is her way of showing love for her granddaughter. For heavens sake, let her enjoy her too.

Thistles24 · 21/01/2019 23:51

I was about to say exactly the same as Semperlderm. For example, my MIL was determined that she would be the one to teach DS1 how to clap his hands, and from 3 months would just sit with him on her knee for the entire visit forcing him to clap his hands and saying “clappy clappy handies” over and over again. Such a small thing looking back, but it really wound me up! And I’m usually the most laid back person. She was similar with soft toys, bought them each one when they were born and always pointed out how it was a nice easy one for them to hold, and would try get them to grasp it. DC all picked their own favourites, and they weren’t the big blue “baby’s first bear” ones that MIL picked, or the overpriced jellycat ones that we bought, much to my disappointment.Grin
At the end of the day, she’s doing it out of love and with the best intentions. You could put the toys away and bring them out when she comes, or say you’re doing a rotation system with toys, so DC doesn’t get bored of all his toys and thank you so much, you’ll bring these out in a few months when he’s older and he’s going to love them.... then give your toy so he might get attatched to it before he sees hersWink

Itssosunnyout · 21/01/2019 23:53

Its the 1st grandchild yes.
I have accepted and wouldn't stop her at all but how many knitted toys are enough. My mum has made 3 and mil has made 7. Then there's all of DHs stuffed toys.

I think ill ask her not to make anymore for now.

I understand that DD will have her own preference but where mil made something special for DH I would like my DD to have that connection too. Mil didn't get anything made by her parents or in laws so she goes a little overboard at times.

I do love the things she's made but I'd rather if she was to make something she would ask me.

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 21/01/2019 23:54

Yabu. Your dd will have many toys and you have no idea which ones she'll actually like! I can't see that it's a thing buying a baby its first doll. As pp have said, it's not a competition. I'd let mil make what she likes. When she's older your dd can choose what toys she likes.

SecretWitch · 21/01/2019 23:56

YABU and a bit precious about the entire thing.

Chloemol · 22/01/2019 00:02

YABU. Let the mil make the knitted toys. You buy her an actual doll which is what you say you want to do. They are two different things. Then ask mil not to make any more other than for birthday/ christsms

Itssosunnyout · 22/01/2019 00:02

This thread has given me a bit of perspective.

I think I have been a bit precious

OP posts:
PenelopeFlintstone · 22/01/2019 00:05

I agree with Chloemol. Your MIL might not think of the knitted toys as an actual doll. Just smile and say thank you.
I think you'll regret it in time if you don't. It will all seem so inconsequential in the future.

Bluelady · 22/01/2019 00:06

OP, you can't control people the way you seem to want to. You absolutely can't stop her doing something that gives her pleasure. At least she's not presenting you with a load of nasty plastic.

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 22/01/2019 00:08

I’d say there’s value in the quantity. They’ve made it unrealistic for you to keep them all.
Find a shelf for the dolls now while your Dd is tiny and doesn’t have many toys. When that’s no longer convenient, store them in a loft/garage or even give them all back to their creators, saying that you just don’t have room for so many dolls but you can’t bear to part with such lovely handmade gifts so could your DM and MIL please keep them at their own houses.

Also your MIL has eroded the specialness of the whole thing. Your DD now has, what, about 20 of her hand knitted toys? Hard to value all of them.

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 22/01/2019 00:11

I think I have been a bit precious

If it helps it would piss me off too Grin but pick your battles OP!

Aridane · 22/01/2019 00:21

Bless you for,acknloweding that you're being no somewhat precious

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Lalliella · 22/01/2019 00:29

YABU. Why shouldn’t your MIL make dolls and give them to DD? Sounds like a nice gesture to me. But I suspect this is about more than the dolls.......

KellyW88 · 22/01/2019 00:35

I understand your pain OP, but it’s coming from a good place with your MIL even if it’s somewhat stubborn on her part. I say this as when I was pregnant my MIL had inundated me with so many clothes, toys, equipment etc. for my twins I never got to buy or make their first ANYTHING but I knew she was just so excited and it was extremely helpful because we have a tight budget, but I just wanted one special thing that was from me, that was something they could maybe hold onto until they become adults and pass to their kid, mainly because I have nothing like this (family didn’t even save any baby photos of me, but that’s another story) but their favourites were quickly established, DD can’t go anywhere without her pink comfort blanket with a knitted bear attached made by MIL and DS will always play with his blue stuffed dog (one of DH’s teddies from when he was a baby).

But after this first year of parenting I feel less blue about it all as I knew I was being a bit over the top and I dislike unnecessary conflict... and I realised that whilst MIL got them a lot of their firsts, I am privy to their firsts, the first attempts at babble conversation came recently and only I was with them and I’m keeping a diary of major milestones (and some little silly ones) for them so they can maybe read it one day and that will be a gift only I can give them :)

FortunesFave · 22/01/2019 00:42

I know exactly the feeling you describe. I remember getting annoyed when my MIL took my first DD on a certain ride before I'd had a chance.

I remember thinking 'she's not YOUR baby!"

Stuff like this fades away though OP. Let MIL make the dolls, just hide the buggers....or some of them.

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