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Being made to feel like an awful friend for not going to hen party abroad?

(79 Posts)
UhAreWeThereYet Mon 21-Jan-19 15:52:44

(long story short) One of my oldest friends is getting married and is having her hen party abroad. I've said I can't go to 1)seriously can't afford £370 plus spending money 2)its school term time so would have to pay for breakfast club (dd already dies afterschool due to me and DH working).
Was told it was optional to come as she's having a (very posh) 'hen shower' (I'm clueless) in a (very expensive) restaurant 3 weeks before the wedding. I told her I couldn't afford to go but will come to the 'hen shower'. All seemed fine but I've had comments made when we've met up and her fiance actually say 'only her real friends are the ones going away'.ve also noticed I've not been invited to alot of other meet ups since. So really isn't optional is it? At this point Im feeling really uncomfortable and don't want to go to the wedding.

Ownerofalittlechimp Mon 21-Jan-19 19:59:33

I second what the majority are saying here, head up, ignore, you aren't the problem here op.

FWIW I've been in a similar situation except if was the CB that caused the issues. What started off as a reasonably priced night away quickly spiralled to a mega bucks weekend in a city we live 20 minutes from. I had to save hard for the original planned cost but when that went from £120 - £600 without any food/drinks or taxis i had to decline. The guilt texts, emails & PA Facebook comments were ridiculous & i was ignored by both bride & CB at the wedding even when congratulating etc. Funnily enough i don't see either of them anymore

Aeroflotgirl Mon 21-Jan-19 22:06:47

I got married in 2004, and my hen was a night out at the local chinese buffet and a day out at Alton Towers, with friend staying at mine instead of a hotel.

balletclassonfriday Tue 22-Jan-19 14:00:15

You sound quite defensive Bluntness. Are you by any chance a bride who got a bit sulky when some of your friends couldn't attend your expensive hen do?

Piffle11 Tue 22-Jan-19 14:46:02

Thank your lucky stars that you've been given an insight into her true character. She can choose the hen party of her dreams - but she cannot force people to go. If you choose to stage a hen party or wedding abroad, you have to be prepared for people to decline to attend: money, holidays, childcare … it all needs factoring in. Your friend should be disappointed but understanding of your situation - the fact that she and her OH are making mean comments, and that you've been left out of coffee mornings etc for your own financial good shows that she is determined to deliberately punish you. I'd walk away from this 'friendship' and I wouldn't be attending the wedding.

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