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To say mum needs to stay with this child- but allergy

(73 Posts)
DitzyPrints Mon 21-Jan-19 15:46:06

Dc invites new Friend for tea tomo both aged 6. Mums just msg me to let me know he has but allergy but will leave Epi pen with me just in case.
I feel uncomfortable with the responsibility to be honest would it be unreasonable if I say we need to postpone until mum can stay for the play date?

DitzyPrints Mon 21-Jan-19 15:46:51

Nut allergy damn autocorrect!

GalacticChickenShit Mon 21-Jan-19 15:48:00

Just keep your butt away from him wink

user1473878824 Mon 21-Jan-19 15:48:11

You’re being ridiculous. Don’t give him nuts. Imagine if you were told your child couldn’t have a play date over something pretty normal.

Jackshouse Mon 21-Jan-19 15:48:53

How old is the child?

Fevertree Mon 21-Jan-19 15:49:15

Nope that's way ott. Just don't give any nuts to your dc or their friend

Peppapogstillonaloop Mon 21-Jan-19 15:49:24

Loads of people have nut allergies- just don’t give him nuts! You are over reacting

icannotremember Mon 21-Jan-19 15:50:00

I don't know whether you'd BU, but I'd feel damn sorry for that child if all their friend's parents take your view. Get the mum to explain to you exactly how to use the epi pen, how soon it would take effect (so that you'd know to get further help if it wasn't working), be careful about what you provide as food and drink...

Elfinablender Mon 21-Jan-19 15:50:43

Toughen up.

potatoscone Mon 21-Jan-19 15:50:53

I don't think you are being ridiculous. I wouldn't want the responsibility either. But at the same time I would hate my child to be excluded from things. Actually I probably wouldn't trust anyone with my DC if they have a life threatening allergy.

I think it's a tough one, how far away does the child live? Is it close enough that of something happened the mum could be back super fast?

Taxidrive Mon 21-Jan-19 15:53:51

Yabu. Just don’t serve any nut products (check all labels, even unsuspecting items may contain nuts). If you don’t serve anything with nuts it won’t be a problem.

dontknowwhattodo80 Mon 21-Jan-19 15:56:21

DS1 has a nut allergy and carries Epipens

I'd like to think if someone was anxious about it that they'd say something and I'd either reassure them ( help with choosing suitable foods etc) or Id offer to change the date to a day I can be there.

TheLostTargaryen Mon 21-Jan-19 15:56:24

That's is a pretty frightening responsibility.
But I say just go for it. Give the place a clean and make sure there are no residual nuts anywhere (like a Celebrations tub where the kids can get into it. Mine keep theirs in their bedroom and can get them out when friends visit) and get on with hosting the play date. Just make sure the kid's parents are easily contactable just in case.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Mon 21-Jan-19 16:01:35

Mums just msg me to let me know he has but allergy but will leave Epi pen with me just in case

And Mum is going to give you a crash course in how to use an epipen is she? Or are you going to YouTube it first ?

Nut oils, especially ground nuts, are in a lot of foods, foods you dont think have nuts. Eg merangues have ground nut oil

As the after school tea is happening tomorrow, you have plenty of time to ask mum for a definitive list of what the child would like for tea tomorrow.

LIZS Mon 21-Jan-19 16:02:15

Can child administer own epipen if needs be?

BlueKarou Mon 21-Jan-19 16:06:41

Can you just ask the mum to review whatever food you were planning on giving the kids?

I get why you're concerned, but postponing and expecting her to stay seems a little extreme. Maybe tonight look up how to use an epipen, and what sort of things to look out for to familiarise yourself with it.

Lydiaatthebarre Mon 21-Jan-19 16:10:14

It's not as simple as 'don't give him nuts'. If he's so seriously allergic that he needs an epipen then even eating a product that's been prepared using implements that have also been used in food containing nuts could be fatal. Nuts also find their way into foods where you wouldn't expect them to be.

I wouldn't like that responsibility either and would, at the very least, want the mum to check the food I'm planning to serve and to warn me of any other issues I need to watch for.

Casually saying she'll leave his epipen is not very responsible or fair, in my opinion.

WhoNose88 Mon 21-Jan-19 16:11:37

We had nut allergic children over - their parents would deliver them plus epipen and just let us know they couldn't have whatever it was. Nothing ever happened. Might be an idea to go over what to do with an epipen just in case anything ever did, they're really easy to use, and honestly nothing to be scared of.

theconstantinoplegardener Mon 21-Jan-19 16:15:47

I understand your concern - it is a big responsibility. But children with allergies must be given the chance to attend parties and play dates like anyone else. As PP suggested, ask the child's mum to show you exactly how to use the Epipen. You will also need to know what symptoms the child is likely to display if he is having a reaction (eg itching, hives, swollen lips). Ask if he needs anything else apart from the Epipen, eg Piriton. AFAIK, if you use an Epipen, then you also need to call an ambulance because the person will still need specialist treatment (IV fluids etc), but paramedics can start these.

You will need to check if the child should avoid foods that say "may contain nuts", "produced in a factory that also handles nuts" etc, or just food where nuts are an ingredient. Check the labels of whatever you buy carefully. Remember also to check the accompaniments to your meal, so if you serve fish fingers, check the ketchup ingredients too!

You can minimise risk still further by ensuring the food preparation area and utensils are completely clean, reminding the child to wash his hands before eating, and wiping down the table and chair where he'll be eating very thoroughly beforehand. This helps to prevent accidental cross-contamination from nut traces that are around most people's homes. But he's probably not that sensitive, or else he would be having frequent allergic symptoms at school from fellow pupils who have peanut butter for breakfast and leave traces of it on door handles, books etc.

It sounds a lot but these extra preparations only take a few minutes and might help you feel more confident in hosting your DC's friend. And once you've done it once, you'll feel more relaxed about it in the future.

Confusedbeetle Mon 21-Jan-19 16:15:52

An epipen is not at all frightening. Just ensure you dont give known allergens, and ask her to show you how it works, is very simple. The child is old enough to tell you anyway. My daughter is diabetic and I frequently felt un supported by other mothers. Some hysteria here. Do mothers not think everyone should know basic first aid skills?

missperegrinespeculiar Mon 21-Jan-19 16:16:57

Can child administer own epipen if needs be?

seriously? as a competent adult you would allow a 6 year old to administer his own life saving medicine while dizzy and sick?

OP, my child has a serious nut allergy, all his fiends' parents are comfortable with this and very careful with foods, it has never been an issue, but, if you are unsure, tell her, I wouldn't want my child in the care of somebody who might panic and fail to help him when needed because of feeling nervous, it is not offensive, well, at least I wouldn't be offended in the slightest! it's understandable, better to be honest!

TheOrigFV45 Mon 21-Jan-19 16:17:39

In your position I would have a word with the Mum, say you've never administered an epi pen and have no direct experience with nut allergies. She can clarify the degree of the allergy (ie OK to just ensure child doesn't eat any, or mustn't touch anything that's got nuts in, or mustn't breathe the air that's had nuts in).

I'd be anxious if a child with a severe allergy came into my home as we have lots of nut products and I can't guarantee there aren't traces on the work tops or things a child might touch.

TheOrigFV45 Mon 21-Jan-19 16:19:26

Also, if it was my child I'd MUCH rather someone asked me questions (as daft as they might seem). To me, that's far, far better than people breezily saying "It'll all be fine, don't worry".

Lydiaatthebarre Mon 21-Jan-19 16:20:59

The child will be in anaphalactic shock and will not be able to tell the OP how to use the epipen.

Also, it's not just a matter of jabbing him with the pen and then everything's okay. The pen just buys some time. You still have to get him to hospital asap or he will not survive.

ginnybag Mon 21-Jan-19 16:22:55

I can see both points of view, and will say it's easy to forget how stressful something is when you live with it day to day. Other people's children and being responsible for them can be very scary, particularly with a big unknown like an epi-pen in the mix.

How many of you genuinely would want a child's life hinging on your 'you-tubing'?

Yes, it incredibly unlikely to come to that, but.....

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