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My mother and birthday card gate

(408 Posts)
Whatdoesitmatteranyway Mon 21-Jan-19 10:30:09

Just wondering who is being unreasonable here.

Today is my mums 75th. For her birthday she got an iPAD and I ordered a large bunch of roses with a card which are due to be delivered today.

I'm staying at hers monday-thursday for work reasons and got up this morning and wished her happy birthday.

She's going out for lunch with an uncle of mine which I didnt know about so I mentioned to her that flowers were going to be arriving and I hoped they arrived before she went out if not hopefully the neighbours would take them in.

First thing she said was "where's my card?"

I explained that there was a card on the flowers and I thought flowers were a nice gesture and that anyway in view cards are for when you can't give best wishes in person or if the recipient doesnt qualify for a present.

"Flowers are nice but a card would also be nice"

I phone her to warn her about road works she might get affected by and got "well I wouldn't normally go that way but I might today looking for my card".

I had planned not to bother sending cards anymore because they are a pain in the back side and end up in the bin - text messages/phone calls are better in my view.

Anyway looks like I'm going to have to continue at least as far as mothers concerned.

So AIBU for thinking flowers with a card is enough or is she for behaving like a petty toddler?

Sexnotgender Mon 21-Jan-19 10:31:31

She’s being a bit petty but equally I’d have got her a card.

KM99 Mon 21-Jan-19 10:33:40

She's behaving like a brat. Has she shown any appreciation for the things you did get her? Does she have form for being ungrateful?

Next year I'd be tempted just to buy her a card and nothing else. Given its so important to her.

Whisky2014 Mon 21-Jan-19 10:33:51


Cleffa Mon 21-Jan-19 10:33:51

I think she's being petty - especially as there's a card arriving later with the flowers.

Id let it slide for the sake of keeping the peace though.

seastargirl Mon 21-Jan-19 10:34:05

I think unless you've had the conversation about not sending cards you should have sent one. I can understand her feeling a little upset.

Whatdoesitmatteranyway Mon 21-Jan-19 10:39:16

She does have form for being a PITA.

When I lived in the states in the early 90s (pre internet) she cut me off for three months because I "forgot mothers day".

No concept that mothers day in the US is in May not March and therefore if wasn't possible to get her a mothers day card in March! When I did send her one in May she threw it in the bin as it was an "after thought"

I should have learned she hadn't changed in 20 years.

Mabumssare Mon 21-Jan-19 10:39:26

I would have definitely gotten a card. It's your mum and it's her 75th birthday.

Text and Facebook messages etc are fine for friends or young family members but for older relatives espically your mum the card is probably what she see as the most thoughtful part. Flowers are a nice touch too. Some people like to keep their cards espically for special birthdays.

I like to celebrate birthdays, Valentine's, Halloween etc and always get cards decorations etc I feel like what's the harm in making life a bit more colourful and interesting grin

Whatdoesitmatteranyway Mon 21-Jan-19 10:42:31

I think the thing is - the cars I always get are from moonpig/funky pigeon so I didn't see the difference between an electronically generated card from moonpig and one attached to a bunch of flowers.

GabriellaMontez Mon 21-Jan-19 10:42:33

I can't believe you didn't bother to buy your Mum a birthday card especially when you're staying with her.

MaMaMaMySharona Mon 21-Jan-19 10:42:45

Have people read the post? She HAS got her a card, it's coming with the flowers!

Your mum is being pathetic.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone Mon 21-Jan-19 10:42:51

OP you did get her card and it's coming with the flowers so ignore the people saying "I'd have got her a card"

She's just being a child and will get over it.

DitheringDan Mon 21-Jan-19 10:44:16

She did, you dope, it’s on the flowers.

Mabumssare Mon 21-Jan-19 10:44:35

See I know my mum would probably be happy with a nice thoughtful card without the presents as it's personal.

Also as a mum I would be a bit hurt not to get a mother's day card more so with you being far away and unable to visit. You could have bought a plain card and written a mothers day message or made your own card that would have been very thoughtful and even nicer.

Waitrosenkavelier Mon 21-Jan-19 10:45:22

I sympathise!

She’s going to be a pain about this so tell her her card is being delivered with her flowers, and then give her another card when you see her.

Mabumssare Mon 21-Jan-19 10:45:57

I am guessing the card on the flowers is just one of the florist cards rather than a greetings card ? Maybe I'm wrong.

Anotherdayanotherdollar Mon 21-Jan-19 10:46:49

I've have gotten a card. Have you sent cards in previous years? You mention that cards are only if you don't see the person, and later say that a phone call/message is better than a card. Presumably you send those when not seeing the person. So what does she actually have to do to get a card??

Oysterbabe Mon 21-Jan-19 10:48:09

I think you should have got her a card. I know a lot of people really like them. DH's mum in particular gets a lot of pleasure from a thoughtfully chosen card.

Fabellini Mon 21-Jan-19 10:50:01

Is the card that’s coming with the flowers one of the little ones you get from the florist that are about the size of a matchbox, or is it a “proper” card?
If it’s the latter, then I don’t see a problem....if however, it’s just the standard wee thing you get with any flower delivery, then I think you should have got another card for her.
With regard to Mothers Day - if you always use Funky Pigeon or Moonpig, I’d have thought you could print whatever you want in their cards, so providing one on the correct date shouldn’t be an issue.
Your mum was totally overreacting to not getting one though!

NoSquirrels Mon 21-Jan-19 10:50:38

Your mum is 75 - you must know her opinion on the importance of a card? It doesn't matter if YOU think they're a waste of time - she doesn't. So you please the recipient.

If I was with my mother in person on the morning of her birthday, I would absolutely have a card ready so I can see why your mum doesn't think the one attached to the card is good enough.

My (late) GM used to proudly display all her cards and everyone who visited had to admire them and she'd show off the ones that she felt were really special - some people do get great pleasure from them.

Your mum's being a bit annoying about it, but I think YWBU not to have a card ready this morning.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Mon 21-Jan-19 10:50:42

If you always normally buy her a card then a significant birthday is probably not the right time to start a no card polucg

Yes she is being childish but she's your Mum and if you know she likes to receive a card on her birthday it's really not that big a PITA to buy her one

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Mon 21-Jan-19 10:51:08


Whatdoesitmatteranyway Mon 21-Jan-19 10:51:41

Yes it is a florists card but it has the same text I would but on a bloody card from moon pig!

mayathebeealldaylong Mon 21-Jan-19 10:53:39

She is 75, people get weirder with their bdays as their get to different ages.
She maybe feel extra sensitive. You did acted in a kind way but things like bdays have to be what the person wants.

Consolidatedyourloins Mon 21-Jan-19 10:53:43

I wouldn't be buying a brat an iPad, even if she is 75.

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