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Aibu if someone offers to take you out for a meal

(116 Posts)
lastqueenofscotland Mon 21-Jan-19 07:50:00

For a birthday as a treat, is the implication that they are paying and you are not going Dutch?

ShatnersWig Mon 21-Jan-19 07:51:20

Depends on the actual wording used

Biancadelriosback Mon 21-Jan-19 07:51:58

If they say "I'm going to take you out" or similar, then it's implied they are paying. If they say "shall we go out for a meal?" Then that would be going Dutch

MaisyPops Mon 21-Jan-19 07:52:08

Depends on the wording. Shall we grab lunch on your birthday vs I'm taking you out for tea for your birthday.

Sirzy Mon 21-Jan-19 07:53:04

Depends on wording and who it is really. But if in doubt I would always clarify the plan beforehand.

DippyDuck123 Mon 21-Jan-19 07:53:36

Yes agree with PP. If worded as your title suggest it's a gift to you.

BertrandRussell Mon 21-Jan-19 07:54:59

Whatever the wording be prepared to pay your way.

lastqueenofscotland Mon 21-Jan-19 07:57:25

Just to clarify worded as title suggests.

I paid my half but I’m skint and would never have agreed on the place suggested (by the person who invited not me!!) if going Dutch was the plan.

Hedgehogblues Mon 21-Jan-19 07:57:33

I always double check

planespotting Mon 21-Jan-19 08:08:38

I would have checked, if the place was too expensive for me I would have said oh no sorry that is a bit over my budget and then
A) they would confirm they were paying
B) they would have proposed another place hence confirming we were splitting

But if someone says "take you out to lunch" I would think they are paying yes

ShatnersWig Mon 21-Jan-19 08:12:53

If someone actually said "I'd like to take you out to lunch for your birthday as a treat" then yes, I don't think any normal person would construe that as you would need to be going Dutch.

MarthasGinYard Mon 21-Jan-19 08:16:17

Agree with Shatners


It's the 'treat' bit that's key

NameChangeNugget Mon 21-Jan-19 08:28:27

I would have double checked before accepting.

HollyGoLoudly1 Mon 21-Jan-19 08:30:36

Unless they specifically said 'my treat' or 'I'm buying' I would always assume it's Dutch.

Shoxfordian Mon 21-Jan-19 08:31:08

Yeah if someone said it was a treat then you'd be reasonable to expect them to pay

What happened when the bill came up?

Butchyrestingface Mon 21-Jan-19 08:34:39

Whatever the wording be prepared to pay your way.

This is sensible advice. I would particularly have double checked if it's not a place you would ordinarily patronise due to prices.

But yes, depends on wording.

VanGoghsDog Mon 21-Jan-19 08:36:13

It does also depend who it is - if it's my parents or my sister, yeah, I'd expect them to pay; if it was a work colleague, no.

If it's a friend and you usually treat each other, then yes, I'd expect them to, but if it's a new thing or a one-off I'd ask. If it was 'treat you instead of a present' or something like that, then yes, it's obvious they are paying.

And no matter who, I'd always offer to pay my share and hope they insisted it was their treat.

Itsnotme123 Mon 21-Jan-19 08:38:34

They went Dutch shox, and the op now feels skint.

Harrykanesrightsock Mon 21-Jan-19 08:40:08

If I can’t affird it I would always assume I was paying and say so when the invitation was given.

That gives the invitee the opportunity to clarify with either ‘don’t worry my treat’ or ‘ok we can go somewhere else’. I’ve been bitten by my DM a couple of times in the past but she expected me to pay the whole bill.

PlumpSyrianHamster Mon 21-Jan-19 08:45:57

Worded like that, I'd assume they're paying, especially if they chose the restaurant. Pretty cheeky of them otherwise.

Holidayshopping Mon 21-Jan-19 08:47:37

I would check when the invite happened.

Say-‘ooh, I think that’s a bit out of my price range’ and if they say, ‘oh, it’s my treat-I’m paying’ then you know.

Singlenotsingle Mon 21-Jan-19 08:49:34

If I want to go to lunch with DS and his family, I say "My treat" so that it's clear who's paying.

glamorousgrandmother Mon 21-Jan-19 08:49:51

I'd always assume we were going Dutch and offer to pay my half. If the other person then insists on paying then fine. If the OP would not have chosen to go to that place, she should have said at the beginning 'Oh that's too expensive for me' or whatever, leaving her friend to clarify the situation at that point.

londonrach Mon 21-Jan-19 08:51:51

Always assume you paying half.

Bigonesmallone3 Mon 21-Jan-19 08:54:18

I would never go out for a meal under the impression I wouldn't be paying for anything

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