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CF parent demanding money

(708 Posts)
ChickenPieBumFace Sat 19-Jan-19 01:21:33

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.
Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain Sat 19-Jan-19 01:24:50

How did she get your number?

Did she already have it, or did she use her position at work to access your contact info?

ChickenPieBumFace Sat 19-Jan-19 01:30:00

No she had it already as the girls were friends at primary school. If she had used it to text me parent to parent and asked to discuss, okay then. But she started out with "heads up in case you haven't heard already, Mrs Teacher will be getting in touch". Then goes on to say that they have agreed the outcome with literally no input from my DD or me. She also said that the texts between the girls had upset her and her daughter. Well I just took my DD phone and read them and I am actually very proud of her mature approach. She has explained herself clearly and fairly and even offered to help the girl locate the item in lost property. The other girl in the other hand does not cover herself in any glory. Rude and obnoxious and demanding new skorts (I wonder where she gets that from).

SleepWarrior Sat 19-Jan-19 01:38:55

I'd say ignore it but I can understand your concern given she works at the school. Still, the fact that she has text you from her personal number suggests she is bluffing. Her and the school 'deciding' you need to pay could just be her moaning to a colleague and they mumbled in agreement.

Maybe call her bluff in return and email the school (bit not her)saying you're not quite sure why but understand that you are required to pay for another child's missing skort - could you please get an official invoice for that so that you can make the payment.. Also mention that you're pleased they have this new system in place and could you please begin the same process regarding your own daughters missing skirt? Our would that be a bit cheeky?!

ChickenPieBumFace Sat 19-Jan-19 01:47:36

I did reply to the text saying that I would deal with it. And that I am glad the school are willing to get involved and take a position on this as obviously there would be no favouritism and I look forward to my issue being dealt with in an identical manner (although I won't be texting the other parent and demanding it!). When I first responded I had honestly mixed up the two girls (the one who lent her the skirt and the one who offered some skorts) so I also said I would get new ones happily as obviously my dd is getting her new skirt. 😁 Once I looked at the messages I twigged that it was skorts and that add had borrowed a skirt. So I sent another text and said it would seem there is more to this than initially thought and that dd hadn't actually borrowed anything. And that I would sort it through the school on Monday. I would imagine the school would not take kindly to a member of their staff texting a parent at midnight demanding money for uniform and using teachers names as conclusive evidence of anything. She either does it officially through school or as parent to parent. And now it has forced the school to either not back her or do the same with the girl who has DD skirt. It a great position she has put them in.

ChickenPieBumFace Sat 19-Jan-19 01:49:01

Not a great position I mean

multivac Sat 19-Jan-19 02:00:24

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ChickenPieBumFace Sat 19-Jan-19 02:08:37

I did say it's a bit first world problem @multivac. If you don't like it you can always move on and read another thread. I've been on Mumsnet for years and not once have I ever posted on a thread just to be a bitch about something. I see it a lot and wonder about the people that do though.

multivac Sat 19-Jan-19 02:12:16

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ChickenPieBumFace Sat 19-Jan-19 02:20:27

I pity you. I really do. Imagine just being a bitch for the sake of it. Yeah I wonder a lot about keyboard warriors and the nastiness in people
On social media. But then I think they must have many more problems than I have so I just feel pity. I'll go back to my first world problem of some overpriced skorts. I hope you can work through whatever your issues are and find some kindness in you. If not then maybe just learn to keep your nastiness to yourself.

multivac Sat 19-Jan-19 02:21:15

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sparklesocks Sat 19-Jan-19 02:26:59

Just say no.
Uniform goes missing sometimes, it’s a bit rubbish but it happens. Normally you have to eat the cost.

multivac Sat 19-Jan-19 02:28:38

(I've never called another human being a 'bitch', by the way. Each to their own.)

ChickenPieBumFace Sat 19-Jan-19 02:37:47

@multivac you wonder about people who post specific problems on an Internet forum? You know you are on Mumsnet AIBU don't you? A place where people come to post specific problems and get advice/opinions! confused

Antigonads Sat 19-Jan-19 02:42:45

Having a bad night multivac?

Reccy2018 Sat 19-Jan-19 02:44:15

Just do one, multivac. What do you want out of your snide responses? A medal for finding a poster whose problem isn't important enough for you to consider worthy of posting?

BoomBoomsCousin Sat 19-Jan-19 02:46:22

Good god multivac. What's the point of AIBU if you can't post first world problems. Anyone who posts something that's actually serious should be elsewhere. Fuck off and read something else instead of coming on to snipe at posters.

watt36 Sat 19-Jan-19 02:46:37

Why are you on a forum then multivac? Just to tell people not to be on forums?

BoomBoomsCousin Sat 19-Jan-19 02:54:57

OP I like the turning it into a "Great the school is going to sort out my skirt issue" angle. I suspect she's trying to pull a fast one and when she says "they" have decided you should pay what she actually means is she's bitched and moaned to the teacher about it over a cup of tea in the staff room.

Obviously, nothing to be done until Monday. At that point, I would email whoever is in charge of the office the woman works in and ask what the formal process is, how decisions are made and how you can have your claim assessed (don't copy office woman). I wouldn't worry about the scholarship position - scholarship kids are normally ones they want in the school to make their stats look good. They aren't going to support one parent doing you over because of the scholarship - especially not a run of the mill staff member. If you'd said she was the bursar or something I think it would be wiser to tread a little more carefully, but even then - no school really wants a bursar who tries to use the school to bully money out of other parents, and if they do, that's not a school you want your DD at.

Vixxxy Sat 19-Jan-19 02:56:12

Maybe call her bluff in return and email the school (bit not her)saying you're not quite sure why but understand that you are required to pay for another child's missing skort - could you please get an official invoice for that so that you can make the payment.. Also mention that you're pleased they have this new system in place and could you please begin the same process regarding your own daughters missing skirt? Our would that be a bit cheeky?!

This is what I would do in this situation definitely. I have a feeling that its no way an 'official position' and this person is just trying their luck.

See, I wonder about the people who have a very specific problem, and instead of dealing with it with the actual people involved, write about it on an internet forum.

You must surely take issue with the vast majority of AIBU threads then? Given this describes most I have read in my few years here hmm

Ethel36 Sat 19-Jan-19 03:48:38

I don't understand. Your daughter's friend offered to lend her skorts to your daughter but your daughter did not borrow them. This friend lost them and now her mum's asked for the money for replacing them?! If I've got that right, that's awful. Talk to school on Monday.

MrsBosh Sat 19-Jan-19 03:56:25

Sorry it's late but I'm not quite following exactly who lent/lost/offered etc. Who did she borrow from?
You need to ignore the mum and deal with someone else at school.
Why were the girls texting about it?

Petalflowers Sat 19-Jan-19 04:32:19

I’m not quite following who borrowed which skirt/skort either, but from what I can gather, cf mum is effectively saying your daughter lost the skirt/skort so as to pay for it, even she never actually had it?

You are not responsible for this skirt/skort.

PenelopeFlintstone Sat 19-Jan-19 04:32:44

Multivac (I've never called another human being a 'bitch', by the way. Each to their own.)
You're being a bit of one, though. Give the OP a break.

Nunya Sat 19-Jan-19 05:01:56

How did this other girl decide that your daughter is responsible for her lost skort though? Your dd never borrowed it, correct? That makes no sense. Why would the school back her up on this? I agree with others that she’s exaggerating that part, and she’s very rude to text you so late at night.

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