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Invitations to MY house and I'm not invited...

(157 Posts)
cantbearsed007 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:16:39

He just moved in. To my house. I love him dearly.

Invite through the post - to him. Only him. He's clarified with them - I'm not invited.

Christening / bah-mitzvah / wedding breakfast / funeral wake type invite.

"We're restricted on numbers. Oh there's simply no room for HER."

AIBU to be a little peeved?

Dogsmellssobadbob Fri 18-Jan-19 21:17:59

Is it from His ex wife?!

YANBU that is incredibly rude of them

TidyDancer Fri 18-Jan-19 21:18:11

How long have you been together and do you know the people sending the invitations?

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Fri 18-Jan-19 21:19:23

Housewarming party for just the 2 of you it is then. Fuck the guests.
Nasty lot.

Bluntness100 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:19:53

I'm guessing it's from his ex and parent of his child?

NotTheFordType Fri 18-Jan-19 21:21:15

"He just moved in. To my house. I love him dearly."

So this is your clueless dad, yeah?

BejamNostalgia Fri 18-Jan-19 21:21:26

I think it’s just a mate’s do and they’ve not invited her because they don’t know her. Not exactly the crime of the century if that is the case.

TheBigFatMermaid Fri 18-Jan-19 21:21:27

A little more info is needed here.

FuckOffMeadowSoprano Fri 18-Jan-19 21:21:54

How long have you been together?

Mikesh909 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:21:56

The two things seem unrelated?

If he lives at yours now, where else is his mail supposed to go?

Whether or not it's unreasonable for this person to not include you on the invite depends on entirely different things.

Do you know them? Do you get on? What actually is the event? How long have you been with this partner? What's the nature of his relationship with the other party? Nothing to do with his living in 'your' house.

RussellSprout Fri 18-Jan-19 21:23:58

And the post with the least background info award goes to...

Holidayshopping Fri 18-Jan-19 21:24:32

Who is he? Are you the OW? Do you know the person who is doing the inviting? Do they not like you?

LordVoldetort Fri 18-Jan-19 21:25:17

More info needed to decide. How long have you been together? If I was getting married then I wouldn’t want someone who I didn’t know because they had only been on the scene 5 minutes to come, be in photos and then never to be seen again

Bluestitch Fri 18-Jan-19 21:25:41

I don't see the issue? I've lived with my partner for years and wouldn't expect to be invited to everything he was, and vice versa.

LordVoldetort Fri 18-Jan-19 21:26:11

I don’t think it’s rude though just because its been sent to your house

adaline Fri 18-Jan-19 21:26:27

Eh, what's wrong with his mail being sent to your house if he lives with you?

And not all invites have to be for both of you - he's entitled to socialise on his own too!

kaytee87 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:27:52

I'm not sure why you can't just say what the situation actually is.
Who moved in? What's the invitation for? Who's it from?

pictish Fri 18-Jan-19 21:30:02

Well he lives there doesn’t it makes sense that his mail, including that which is unrelated to your relationship, would end up at your house.
Do the people who sent the invite know you/about you/normally include you?

SilverySurfer Fri 18-Jan-19 21:31:47

I'm not seeing the problem. Of course he will receive mail, he's living there. Unless you're Siamese twins, why should he not receive an invitation which doesn't include you?

SoyDora Fri 18-Jan-19 21:32:03

If he lives with you, where else could they send the invitation?

FascinatingCarrot Fri 18-Jan-19 21:32:47

Who is the them he has actually clarified with? Im lost already

HoneysuckIejasmine Fri 18-Jan-19 21:33:16

What's the problem? Who is he? Who is inviting him?

ApolloandDaphne Fri 18-Jan-19 21:34:39

I think we need to know more info OP. Is it his family? Do you know them?

WinnieFosterTether Fri 18-Jan-19 21:34:51

It depends who is inviting him and how long you've been together surely?

beansontoastfortea Fri 18-Jan-19 21:34:56

Hate drip feeding!! Come on op we need more info

halfwitpicker Fri 18-Jan-19 21:35:58


ILoveMaxiBondi Fri 18-Jan-19 21:39:01

So you object to your partner having invitations that don’t include you because you think that them being sent to your (his now) address should mean you are automatically invited?

donquixotedelamancha Fri 18-Jan-19 21:39:16

If he lives at yours now, where else is his mail supposed to go?

I did wonder this.

AIBU to be a little peeved?

Since you've never met them, you've only been dating 2 weeks and the party is on a barge, so they really are short on space, I thing YAB a little bit U.

<When these no-info OPs periodically appear I like to just answer random scenarios>

OrdinarySnowflake Fri 18-Jan-19 21:39:45

So you have only just moved in together? I would normally say if you were tight on numbers, then 'dating, not living together' would be an ok to not invite, it could be the invite list was drawn up before he moved, and just has been posted to his new address

FascinatingCarrot Fri 18-Jan-19 21:39:56

@don grin

ElevenSmiles Fri 18-Jan-19 21:40:24

Part 2...tomorrow next week ?

Holidayshopping Fri 18-Jan-19 21:40:34

Your post title reads like you received an invitation to a do at your HOUSE that you weren’t invited to!

DanielRicciardosSmile Fri 18-Jan-19 21:40:41

I thought this was going to be about someone inviting people to your house and telling you to go out.

PastaCake Fri 18-Jan-19 21:40:51

Christening / bah-mitzvah / wedding breakfast / funeral wake type invite.

It possibly depends which one of these it is, how big the even is and who it is from. Also who you are in relation to him. And if whoever sent it knows of your existence. Couples don't have to do everything together.

EverlyNow Fri 18-Jan-19 21:42:24

So you’ve just moved in together and you now expect to be invited to all the same events??

It doesn’t work like that. This issue isn’t what his post address is. Impossible to comment properly without knowing more about your relationship with the host of the event!

Namechangeforthiscancershit Fri 18-Jan-19 21:42:41

Your post title reads like you received an invitation to a do at your HOUSE that you weren’t invited to!

YES this is what I thought too and I was outraged! Anyway I’ve calmed down now.

I don’t think posting the invite to your house is relevant given that’s where he lives.

Whether or not it’s reasonable for you not to be invited depends on a million factors.

ISmellBabies Fri 18-Jan-19 21:43:20

From the title I thought they were inviting people to your house for a party you weren't invited to. Now that would be cheeky. As for this situation, I've no idea as you haven't put what your situation is (Are you the ow? How long you've been together? Kids? Who's inviting him? Do you know them? What's the event, who for? etc etc). I'm not sure you could've provided any less information tbh, is it a guessing game?!

Crunchymum Fri 18-Jan-19 21:43:45

How long are you going to leave us all frothing before you drip feed?

Sigh, MN is getting so formulaic these days.

cantbearsed007 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:44:14

I love the fact the party is on a barge! I now understand the reasons for the non-invite....

Sorry. We are just discussing why I'm so peeved. Been together 24 months, he moved in 1 Jan. Predominantly his friends, (although I've known them 3 years...) we've not seen since May (they had a baby...) and it's a church christening - party after in a memorial hall.

Holidayshopping Fri 18-Jan-19 21:45:56

Been together 24 months

24 months grin.

cantbearsed007 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:46:43

Just realised that makes 2 years. I've got baby-month-brain.

Jamiefraserskilt Fri 18-Jan-19 21:46:51

Restricted numbers in a hall? Hmmmmm.
Church is usually open to everyone,

AcrossthePond55 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:47:03

Your post title reads like you received an invitation to a do at your HOUSE that you weren’t invited to!

That's what I thought too!

@cantbearsed007 If you 'can't be arsed' to give enough backstory to make a judgement call on, then I'm going to say YABU simply on principle.

ElevenSmiles Fri 18-Jan-19 21:49:19

I can see why you haven't been invited.

beansontoastfortea Fri 18-Jan-19 21:50:19

Tbh op, this would annoy me if my DP went without me but that's just me... as they are friends I wouldn't worry/take it to heart... if it were family I definitely would

You've been together 2 years and living together, it's not a stag do ffs it's a christening and therefore can't see why you wouldn't be invited.. some people are rude and like to cause trouble.. forget them but if I were in your shoes I would feel much better if DP stood by me and said he's not going

beansontoastfortea Fri 18-Jan-19 21:50:53

Have you got dc together op?

cantbearsed007 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:53:51

I don't mean to drip feed - we have a baby on the way and I have DC (2) from a previous relationship. Just a bit put out about a hand delivered invite from his (I thought now our...) mates just to him.

If I'm being precious that's fine, just feel a little peeved is all!

AcrossthePond55 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:54:57

OOPs!! X-posted!

Together two years, living together around 2 weeks but if you have 'baby brain' it's obviously a serious relationship then as you have a child together. I think it's rather rude to exclude you, especially since you've known them three years.

Have you been excluded from other friends' parties? Is this couple a friend of one of his exes or something? Did they really refer to you as "HER" in the way one does when trying to make a point? Because if questions 1 and 2 are 'no', and question 3 is 'yes', then IMO they simply don't like you for some reason.

What does your DP think?

AcrossthePond55 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:58:02

Just saw your most recent......Is there any way the baby's mum thinks you 'stole her glory' by getting pregnant when all the attention should be on her and her new baby?

FYI, I had one of my DH's (former) friend's wife 'take against me' for some reason known only to her. I never did figure it out but from day one she was snippy to me and excluded me from their get togethers.

beansontoastfortea Fri 18-Jan-19 21:58:27

The fact you have a baby on the way changed everything... you come as a team.. honestly fuck em

My DP has a friend and both him and his partner ignore me even in my own house... We had a party for DP and his friends a year ago... they came 2 hours late,didn't speak to me, they didn't say thanks when leaving... they did mention how much effort dp had put in even though my back was broken having to keep everything fresh and hot for them and serving the friends that arrived on time... waiting and then doing it all again for those two who were late... I thought Fuck me they were rude... then we bumped into them out trick and treating on Halloween and they totally blanked me again... some people are just ignorant

londonrach Fri 18-Jan-19 21:58:45

Whats the problem. He lives there invites will come there. Sounds new relationship. You taking this too personal op

ExFury Fri 18-Jan-19 21:59:14

You’re not going to be invited to everything he is, just as he’s not going to be invited to everything you are.

user139328237 Fri 18-Jan-19 22:00:24

Was he the OM and is your ex invited or something?

Leeds2 Fri 18-Jan-19 22:00:27

Is DP going to go?

ShatnersBassoon Fri 18-Jan-19 22:00:42

How are they supposed to invite him? Text with instructions not to mention it to you?

These people are obviously not your biggest fans, and it seems that you're not bothered about them either. You're missing a Christening for a baby you've never clapped eyes on and a buffet in a community centre. It's not worth getting cross about.

decemberfrost Fri 18-Jan-19 22:02:42


You and your DP have been together 24 months? Surely you mean 104 weeks OP? grin

Seriously, YANBU. It's awful when you are excluded from the life of your partner's friends and family. Especially when you have kids together...

Is HE going? If he loves you, then surely he shouldn't go. If it was me, and my partner was being left out, I would be declining any invitations, (and I would be saying why... )

70isaLimitNotaTarget Fri 18-Jan-19 22:04:35

Oh there's simply no room for HER

To be fair though, when I was pg with DC2 there wouldn't have been room for me in a barn, let alone a barge .

Wherever you stood in the room, you were next to me .........wink ."

decemberfrost Fri 18-Jan-19 22:10:15

hmm The OP has every right to be upset at being left out, and as she has been with her DP 2 years and they have DC together, he should be defending her more, fighting in her corner, and not allowing his 'friends' to treat his partner like shit.

Holy fuck, I was invited to family occasions of my boyfriend (now my DH) when I had been with him for less than a year. A Christening after 5 months of being with him, a wedding after 9 months of being with him, and his parents 30th wedding anniversary party when we had been together 11 months.

I was also invited on holiday with his best friend since they were 7, (and his best friend's girlfriend,) just after we had been together a year. We had no DC and were not living together.

The OP's partner's friends/family excluding the OP are arseholes.

CosmicComet Fri 18-Jan-19 22:11:00

YANBU. It’s extremely rude to only invite half of a serious couple. DH’s friends only invited him to their wedding. They got bitten by karma and ended up divorced grin

PinkAvocado Fri 18-Jan-19 22:14:15

Sounds new relationship

No it doesn’t! 2 years and a baby on the way is not new relationship territory.

HerRoyalNotness Fri 18-Jan-19 22:14:21

You know who you can leave off the christening/naming ceremony list when your baby arrives now

Pinkprincess1978 Fri 18-Jan-19 22:16:16

I think with the additional info I would be less than impressed too and I would hope my dp wouldn't go if I'm honest. This isn't like a wedding where each guest costs a fortune it's likely a buffet (possibly a family made buffet?£ so one more surely won't break the bank.

PastaCake Fri 18-Jan-19 22:19:13

Now you've explained a bit more I would say I'd be annoyed in your situation. If it was a wedding with a £60+ per head situation I could just about understand why you might not be invited.

MercedesDeMonteChristo Fri 18-Jan-19 22:20:10

I was invited to a wedding last year addressed only to me. DH of 15 years not invited. DH didn’t know the bride or want to come and I didn’t mind, but I thought it was the done thing to invite a plus one or a spouse at least. My background is different and they would have invited my grandad too.

ballsdeep Fri 18-Jan-19 22:22:13

Are the friends friends with the ex?

Fraying Fri 18-Jan-19 22:23:03

In light of the drip feed, YANBU. Is he planning on going? I'd expect him to turn it down. You're a family now and they actually have to make room for you or not invite your DP.

Drum2018 Fri 18-Jan-19 22:23:50

Main question is - is he going to go? I'd be peeved too. Maybe they think you'll want to bring the kids and don't want that.

buckeejit Fri 18-Jan-19 22:26:39

So you're pissed off you've decided to share a home with someone that you're in a relationship with, and they've received an invite that doesn't include you?

I'd be a bit pissed off probably but also I don't think you should automatically assume that you're suddenly entitled to go to everything just because you live together. It's not the host's fault he moved into your house.

Ariela Fri 18-Jan-19 22:34:53

Do you actually WANT to go to a Christening? Can assure you they're pretty boring.

minipie Fri 18-Jan-19 22:41:31

You have a baby on the way but he only moved in on 1 January?

Were you the OW (I realise this is massive leaping to conclusions... but would explain why you’re NFI’d if his ex is invited)

sizzledrizz Fri 18-Jan-19 22:47:04

This happened with my ex, he had been spreading shit about me, and telling people lies about me. What does your dp think of it?

Boysandbuses Fri 18-Jan-19 22:51:00

Do they think If they invite you they must invite your kids and there is no room for all of you?

Witchend Fri 18-Jan-19 22:55:29

You've a 2yo and have been with him 24months-do they know your ex and think you treated him badly?

incywincybitofa Fri 18-Jan-19 23:02:23

I would be peeved, how you came together may or may not rankle some people there, but you are together now. TBH if either ex is there I am fairly sure they would want to see neither of you rather than just not see one of you.
I had a friend whose DW thought our adoption placement was designed to eclipse her pregnancy and we haven't seen them since. Strange but true.

cantbearsed007 Fri 18-Jan-19 23:07:46

Again, apologise - we are still discussing.

My 2 original DC are not his. He moved in recently - I have wanted another DC for ages, didn't realise I would fall in love again. Pregnancy was a bit of a surprise.

cantbearsed007 Fri 18-Jan-19 23:08:48

They do not know my ex.

cantbearsed007 Fri 18-Jan-19 23:10:06

I'm not the OW, he has said he is as upset as I am about having received such a strange (he said divisive) invite.

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag Fri 18-Jan-19 23:11:05

To be honest if my husband was invited to a christening and I was left off I'd be fucking thrilled.

WellBHouse Fri 18-Jan-19 23:13:19

It’s c christening, not a sit down wedding reception. It’s so bizarre to not invite you, and specifically say there’s no room, there must be a reason they don’t want to there. So fuck them!

showmethegin Fri 18-Jan-19 23:19:12

I think the "invitation coming to my house" thing is a red herring. You're upset that your DP's mates didn't invite you to a party.

After 2 years and a baby on the way I agree that is very odd. They don't sound like people I would be itching to get to know to be honest!

PinaColada1 Fri 18-Jan-19 23:30:20

Yanbu as far as I can tell.

How is your DP with introducing you to his friends etc? My DP was invited to a wedding from his ‘best mate’ at work, a woman. Not me. Every wedding of my friends had invited him too. We were living together and also had a baby.

I said to DP I was upset. He had a word with her and I got invited. She was not friendly to me at the wedding at all. He had excused it as being a work colleague only invite. I had said then why is she your ‘best friend’ and not invite me.

Some people have compartmentalised and excluding friendships. It’s usually not healthy. My DP ended up having a family that also excluded me. DP was not presenting us as a partnership.

Is yours?

Fraying Fri 18-Jan-19 23:34:03

It's strange but it shouldn't be divisive or cause problems between you. He just politely declines.

TheMaddHugger Fri 18-Jan-19 23:35:42

Anyone else think there was going to be a party at OP's home and she wasn't invited ?

(((Hugs))) OP🌸🌼🌺

PinaColada1 Fri 18-Jan-19 23:36:57

I think if he’s upset too that’s a good sign.

My DP didn’t care if his friends or family excluded me. Which is why we are separating.

garethsouthgatesmrs Fri 18-Jan-19 23:40:18

You should have shared it all in the OP I was thinking YABU based on your OP.

I think this is rude yes, I would never invite a person to christening without their family because they are family events. Also christenings are rarely catered in a way which means you have to limit numbers. It's usually a buffet or tea and cakes so not including you and your DC is a blatant snub.

I would not be happy OP. Hopefully your partner isn't happy either and will be declining.

Returning2thesceneofthecrime Fri 18-Jan-19 23:44:38

You are allowed to be peeved. Bad form on their part. But get over it. They are obviously not as good friends to him or to you as you thought.

I think your DP should skip the event and say why. But if he doesn’t, don’t bother reminding him to buy a card and christening present and under no circumstances do it for him.

And I think I get the ‘invitation to my house’ thing as well - it shows that they know he has moved in with you and you are not ‘just’ a random girlfriend but a serious significant other.

Maelstrop Fri 18-Jan-19 23:46:42

Odd and I’d want my DP to speak to his mates and say he isn’t going because you’re not invited. You’ve been together 2 years, ridiculous not to include you.

TheBigBangRocks Sat 19-Jan-19 07:49:06

So he's not allowed post unless it's fir both of you? He's allowed to have his own friends and do things alone.

He's barely moved in, his friends likely still see him in the early stages of a relationship and invited him alone on that basis.

AJPTaylor Sat 19-Jan-19 07:55:02

Well that's easily dealt with. I assume he doesn't wish to spend a Sunday afternoon sitting in a church hall without you. Put them down as weird. Esp if you are clearly a family. Put them in the "odd box" firmly close the lid and move on. Life is too short to be peeved by other people's behaviour.

Veterinari Sat 19-Jan-19 08:00:01

This could be anything from an OP with an unrequited crush on her lodger to an OP with a long term partner. Which is it?

Who did the inviting? That’s pretty relevant! Ex-wife inviting your new lodger to their child’s bar mitzvah. Of course it’s reasonable you aren’t invited

Sister of your long term partner not inviting you to her wedding - that’s a bit more nuanced

HomeMadeMadness Sat 19-Jan-19 08:01:06

I agree that the house thing is irrelevant. If course they would send it to your house because it's his house too. The only issue is why you weren't invited.

Veterinari Sat 19-Jan-19 08:04:12

Sorry - issues with thread loading - I see OP’s been back!

cloudtree Sat 19-Jan-19 08:04:59

Easy - he doesn't go confused

Shoxfordian Sat 19-Jan-19 08:07:26

Yes, I thought you meant a party at your house and you weren't invited

It's rude of them, what does your partner think? Is he still going?

ninja Sat 19-Jan-19 08:07:33

I'm guessing the issue will be that including you also includes 2 young (I'm
assuming) kids - so it goes from 1 to 4.

I'm not excusing it just wondering if this is the case

thecatsthecats Sat 19-Jan-19 08:10:16

If your partner is upset about it, then he doesn't have to go. But I couldn't get worked up about this.

Christenings are boring. I would be thrilled not to have to go and pretend to renounce Satan etc (who even though I don't believe he exists is just doing his job).

I am only two months married, and I loathe the expectation that my husband and I are joined at the hip now. We managed joint and independent routines for 11 years before marriage, and I can't imagine anything more claustrophobic than going to every single occasion together for life.

mirialis Sat 19-Jan-19 08:32:55

Ninja has a point - if they invite you then it's also your two dc. Some church things actually do have restrictions on numbers - depends on the size of the church! My DH was recently invited to something that was limited numbers due to limited space meaning I was not invited - none of the partners from that friendship group were invited (would have added 8 people).

If you want to know the truth then your partner needs to call up/meet with his friend and ask them outright if it is just you who is not invited and, if so, please spit it out why.

Otherwise he now has convenient excuse to skip christening if he doesn't want to go (agree with pp, they are boring).

DaisyYellow Sat 19-Jan-19 17:34:18

Relax, in a few months you can invite only one of them to your own baby’s christening.

niknac1 Sat 19-Jan-19 17:47:40

Daisy Yellow that is funny. I would be upset as well.

Jeepy Sat 19-Jan-19 17:54:47

Oooops, best he doesn't go then....

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